BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!

Subject: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: GUEST,jOhn
Date: 14 Jul 05 - 09:52 AM

Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'

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Government want to ban religious jokes, what you think about this?

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 14 Jul 05 - 09:53 AM

next to impossible.

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: GUEST,jOhn
Date: 14 Jul 05 - 09:57 AM

Mr Bean is fed up, becase he likes making religous jokes.

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 14 Jul 05 - 10:19 AM

I suspect it is a futile effort. Better they should ban religion.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: GUEST,Wesley S
Date: 14 Jul 05 - 10:52 AM

Bull - neither one is going to happen. What is the source for your "information" ?

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: GUEST,jOhn
Date: 14 Jul 05 - 10:54 AM

BBC News.

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 14 Jul 05 - 10:54 AM

I suspect Sir J0hn is referring to this

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Jul 05 - 11:03 AM

It will not rule out criticism of religion, or outlaw the telling of religious jokes.

Paul Goggins
Home Office Minister

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 14 Jul 05 - 11:24 AM

It would be a gross infringement of human rights, because it would give an unfair advantage to atheists.

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 05 - 12:01 PM

"Religious jokes 'won't be crime'

David Blunkett has told MPs a new law targeting "incitement to religious hatred" will not curtail free speech.
He said the measure "will not criminalise material just because it stirs up ridicule, prejudice, dislike, contempt or anger".

The plans have come under fire from comedian Rowan Atkinson who is worried that the powers will stop him telling jokes and satirising people's beliefs.

The Tories oppose the plan and the Lib Dems have "serious doubts" over it.

Opposition


Mr Blunkett told MPs it was to protect people who "feel threatened ... and feel society is not embracing them".

He said: "We are trying to stop groups of people who are prepared verbally, in writing and through the internet, to incite others to hate because of someone's faith not because of the argument about their faith."

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 05 - 12:05 PM

Fools. That sort of thing never has stopped hatred. Hatred stops when people communicate and understand.

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: GUEST,Mrr
Date: 14 Jul 05 - 12:42 PM

Hey, about time SOMETHING gave an advantage to atheists!

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: frogprince
Date: 14 Jul 05 - 12:47 PM

"The road to Hell is paved with good intentions"; this sounds like very ill-advised legislation, which begs to be applied inconsistently and to waste a lot of the court system's time.

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: gnu
Date: 14 Jul 05 - 12:51 PM

... and make a bunch of money for the lawyers and judges.

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 14 Jul 05 - 12:54 PM

Only to be expected from this goverment.

If in doubt, ban it, preferably with a totally unworkable piece of legislation.

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: CarolC
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 01:19 AM

Why would Sikhs be protected under race hate laws instead of religious hate laws? In what way can Sikhism be considered a race? And I am surprised that Jewishness is regarded in England as a separate race as well.

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 01:47 AM

All anti discrimination laws by their nature discriminate against someone else and so are bound to fail in their intent.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: Kaleea
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 02:12 AM

religious jokes banned?
    sounds like a joke to me.

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: GUEST,freda
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 10:23 AM

we have a race hate act in Australia. The Racial Discrimination Act makes it unlawful to insult, humiliate, offend or intimidate another person or group in public on the basis of their race. Specifically, the Act states:

It is unlawful for a person to do an act, otherwise than in private, if:
(a) the act is reasonably likely in all the circumstances to offend, insult, humiliate or intimidate another person or group of people, and
(b) the act is done because of the race, colour or national or ethnic origin of the other person or some or all of the people in the group. [4]

A variety of acts can constitute racial hatred, including speaking, singing and making gestures in public, as well as drawings, images, and written publications such as newspapers, leaflets and websites.

There are three essential components of this unlawful conduct:

1) The act must be done in public;
2) It must be reasonably likely to offend, insult, humiliate or intimidate the people against whom it is directed; and
3) It must be done because of the race, colour or national or ethnic origin of the group against whom it is directed.

Despite all the hoo-hah and concern when it was brought in, it hasn't been used much.

more here

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: GUEST,freda
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 10:29 AM

ps

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do.

The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few minutes a woman comes in and says "Father forgive me for I have sinned. I committed adultery."

Priest says: "How many times?"

Woman: "Three times."

Priest says, "Say two Hail Marys, put $5.00 in the box, and sin no more."

A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."

Priest says, "What did you do?"

Man says, "I committed adultery."

Priest asks, "How many times?"

Man replys, "Three times."

Priest says, "Say two Hail Marys, put $5.00 in the box, and sin no more."

The Rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it so the priest leaves. A few minutes later another woman enters and says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."

Rabbi says, "What did you do?"

Woman replys, "I committed adultery."

Rabbi asks, "How many times?"

Woman says "Once."

Rabbi says, "Go do it two more times, we have a special this week, three for $5.00."

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: TheBigPinkLad
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 11:26 AM

Substitute 'Wiccan witch' for 'Rabbi' and see if it still works. Then ask why it does or does not.

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 11:30 AM

Zeus, Odin, and Cernunnos were out playing golf with Moses and Jesus....

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 11:36 AM

thats because jews are an ethnic group carol

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 12:16 PM

It'll never work. A lot of the really good religious jokes orginate with St. Peter and his assistants at the pearly gates. How could a mere mortal government hope to overcome them?

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: Irish sergeant
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 12:37 PM

Not being a subject of her majesty. I won't comment on the intent. I don't have enough information. The article from BBC says it isn't targeting jokes. I suspect even if it were it would be impossible to enforce. Kndestregards, Neil

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: CarolC
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 07:36 PM

So they're not really "race" hate laws, they're actually "ethnic" hate laws?

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 12:24 PM

Outlawing religious jokes would kill off ninety percent of Jewish comedians, who IMHO are the best in the world at religious and ethnic jokes, almost exclusively aimed at themselves.

How could you legislate against that, and why would you want to?

Maybe some others should learn from them not to take themselves so seriously.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: Mooh
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 12:29 PM

...body of Christ...body of Christ...body of Christ...body of Christ...CHRIST, what a body!...body of Christ...

Peace, Mooh.

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 02:15 AM

And while we're having this discussion, please take your elbow off my altar.

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 04:52 PM

2 Muslims are in a outdoor acsessory shop, trying on rucksacks, one says to the other ="Does my bomb look big in this?".

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 04:58 PM

Let's ban government bans instead. Or just ban the government, period.

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: Donuel
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 05:02 PM

what about religious songs like

What a friend we have in cheeses
Chedder munster and Guryere
But what a hassle tis to carry
past security at US Air.

O what peace we often forfeit
O what needless pain we bear
All because we carried cheeses
on board a flight of US Air.

We were fondled and then X-rayed
Because of troubles in the air
The screener had trememdous courage
to plunge their hands in underwear.

Did we seem a fiend unfaithful
who would bomb without a care
Jesus is our cheese a weakness
in security at US Air.



Think of your fellow man
Cut off his thieving hand
Put a lil Allah in your heart
You see it's getting late
Oh please don't hesitate
Put a lil Allah in your heart
And the world will be a bitter place
And the world will be a bitter place
For you and me
You just wait and see

Another day goes by
Circumsized children cry
Put a lil Allah in you heart
If you want the world to know
Just let our jihad grow
Put a lil Allah in your heart
And the world will be a bitter place
And the world will be a bitter place
For you and me
You just wait and see
Wait and see
Take a good look around
And if you're lookin' down
Put a lil Allah in your heart


I hope when you decide
Islam will be your guide
Put a lil Allah in your heart
And the world will be a bitter place
And the world will be a bitter place
For you and me
You just wait and see
Put a lil Allah in your heart

==========



I'd like to build the world a mosque
And furnish it with faith
Bring Africans and Chinamen
And every other race


That's the call I hear
That's the call of Islam
That's the call of Iman
That's the word of God

I'd like to see the world for once
Without a single Jew
Hear an echo through the hills
"Islam Is pure and true"

That's the call I hear
That's the call of Islam
That's the call of Iman
That's the word of God

I'd like to teach the world the truth
And hear them praise their Lord
To work and pray all God dam day
And earn their just reward

That's the call I hear
That's the call of Islam
That's the call of Iman
That's the word of God

==========

Stand By Me
When the night has come
And the land is dark
And Islam
Is the only light we see

I won't cry, I won't cry
No, I won't shed a tear
Just as long
As I know
Allah's near

Chorus:
So sisters, brothers, kneel by me
O, pray with me and kneel by me
And believe that Islam
Sets us free

When the sky that we look upon
Shall tumble and fall
And the earth shall crumble
'Neath the sea

In that time, we shall fear
Only Allah
And our deeds of the past
Will be clear
ÞÏ ÊÍæá ÇáÇÍÊÝÇá Åáì ãæÇÌåÇÊ ÚäÏãÇ ÍÇæáÊ ÞæÇÊ ÇáÇÍÊáÇá ÇáÃãíÑßí ÅäÒÇá ÑÇíÉ ÇáÅãÇã ÇáãåÏí



Are we weak from ol bin Laden
cumbered with a load of care.
The guards ran to seek some refuge
from tin wrapped cheese we had to share.


Do the guards despise, forsake you?
at air ports everywhere
They are armed and may likely shoot you
if they find some cheese in there.


By the time this made the papers
the story was in total error,
"Guards ban fruit cake and dirty diapers
at security at US Air."



by Don Hakman -

Mid east songs

KUWAIT TILL YOU SEE HER

EMIR BIST DU SCHON

IT'S SAUDI DUTY TIME

THIS SCUD BE THE START OF SOMETHING NEW

BLAME IT ON THE BASRA NOVA

THE AMMAN I LOVE

PAPA'S GOT A BRAND NEW BAGHDAD

SADDAM OF THESE DAYS

YASSIR, THAT'S MY BABY

MOON OVER MY ARMY

ALLAH BE AROUND

TANKS FOR THE MEMORIES

DAHRAN THAT DREAM

RUYADBIRD SUITE

MUSCAT RAMBLE

OMAN THE RANGE

HERE'S THAT IRANI DAY

LONG AGO AND FAHD AWAY

FOR OIL WE KNOW

IN A MULLAH TONE

MARINE, (THE DAWN IS BREAKING)

I LOVE A BRIGADE

CAMEL-LOT

SHEIK TO SHEIK

P.L.O. YOUNG LOVERS WHEREVER YOU ARE

BEDOUIN THE BEGUINE

I'VE GROWN ACCUSTOMED TO HER FEZ

SADDAM, YOU'RE ROCKIN' THE BOAT

AS SADDAM GOES BY

THREE LITTLE KURDS

I WANT TO HOLD YOUR LAND

I CAN'T GET NO SAUDIS' FACTION

WHO PUT THE BOMB, IN THE BOMB, BOMB, BOMB

IT'S A SIN TO TEL AVIV

MOTHER OF ALL MACHREES

HUSSEIN, WE'VE STOOD AND TALKED LIKE THIS BEFORE

THESE FUELISH THINGS

IF YOU KNEW SAUDI LIKE I KNEW SAUDI

CAIRO MUBAREK TO OLD VIRGINNY

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: Peace
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 05:05 PM

When I saw this thread title I figured it was about Jerry Falwell.

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 07:48 PM

Religious jokes to be banned!! / Why / Me Foul-Mouthed Parrot makes News!!!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 08:35 AM

What's the connection?

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: Don Firth
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 12:58 PM

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walked into a bar.

The bartender sez, "What is this, some kind of joke!??"

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 02:13 PM

I'd rather see religion banned

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: GUEST,Paranoid Android
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 07:22 PM

You've seen what happened to THE RECORD LADY. This is your last chance to add your favourite religiouis joke to this thread before the cyberspace police get you !!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 07:27 PM

whose the record lady?

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: GUEST,Paranoid Android
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 07:34 PM

O K I have two jokes about the late JC, starting and finishing.

On the night he was born in the stable Joseph went for a few pints to celebrate. He returned late and when he was entering the stable he hit his head on a low beam. In pain he shouted, "Oh Jesus Christ".
Mary looked up and said, "Oh what a lovely name, I was going to call him Nigel".

On Easter Sunday he rose from the dead and returned to the Inn where
he had hosted the last supper. He had a prior arrangement to meet Peter and the lads there but it was empty. The bartender told him that they were barred for drunk behaviour and he might find them in Abduls Winery. He went there and met peter and the gang, all drunk.
He demanded an explanation fron Peter. "Oh, Jesus",he said, "I completely forgot, Judas came into some money and we've been on the piss since Friday"

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: GUEST,Paranoid Android
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 07:40 PM

John From Hull, The Record Lady hosted a web site of archived Country Music enabling download of thousands of songs. See thread above the line indicating that she has been axed. A sad sad loss!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 07:52 PM

oh.

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: GUEST,Frankham
Date: 05 Aug 05 - 06:05 PM

John sees Jesus on the cross. He climbs up to talk to him.
Jesus is gasping his last breath. "John", he whispers, "Come close.
I have something to tell you!" John dutifully climbs up to face Jesus on the cross. "What is it, Jesus? What do you want to tell me?"

"John", says Jesus, "I can see your house from here."

Frank Hamilton

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Aug 05 - 07:16 PM

no more religious jokes?

Is Tom Cruise going to abandon his religion?

And Mel Gibson?

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: Cluin
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 12:01 AM

A Rabbi, a Catholic priest, a Baptist Minister, a Sufi Mystic and an Innuit shaman walk into a bar.

They stop and look around at each other.

"Wait a minnit...."

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: dianavan
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 02:37 AM

:>)

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: GUEST,Crazyhorse
Date: 15 Mar 07 - 02:58 PM

Jesus came upon a small crowd who had surrounded a young woman they believed to be an adulteress. They were preparing to stone her to death.

To calm the situation, Jesus said: "Whoever is without sin among you, let them cast the first stone."

Suddenly, an old lady at the back of the crowd picked up a huge rock and lobbed it at the young woman, scoring a direct hit on her head. The unfortunate young lady collapsed dead on the spot.

Jesus looked over towards the old lady and said: "Do you know, Mother, sometimes you really piss me off."

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 Mar 07 - 03:06 PM

From our gospel band's senior and founding member:


Addie, to her clergyman: "Oh, Father, my husband's died."

"Poor dear! I'm so sorry! Was it sudden?"

"Oh yes, Father; quite sudden."

"Were you able to be with him at the end?"

"Yes, Father, thank the good Lord, I was."

"Oh, Addie-- I can't imagine how hard this was! He loved you so-- did he have a chance to say any last words, dear?"

"Yes, Father...."

"What did he say dear, that we can all remember him by?"

"He said, 'Addie, for the last time! Put away that damn gun!'

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Religious jokes to be banned!!
From: Don Firth
Date: 15 Mar 07 - 03:52 PM

"Religious jokes to be banned!!"

So Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson and that bunch aren't going to be on television anymore?

Don Firth