BS: Obirduary: Hurrah! It's bleedin' DEAD!

Subject: BS: Obirduary: Hurrah! It's bleedin' DEAD!
From: GUEST,Mrs Olive Whatnoll
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 08:32 PM

Me 'usband's stinkin' ex-parrot wot we sold on Ebay to the toff Wellington-Jones is DEAD!!!! I just read about it in the Independent!

HURRAH!!!! I'm so 'appy I could dance! I 'ated that bloody bird wif a passion and would 'ave killed it meself if Eddy 'ad let me, but 'e said 'e 'ad to get 'is money back wot 'e paid for it on Ebay in the first place, the stupid git! Our marriage was nearly destroyed by that wretched bird wot 'ad the foulest mouf I 'ave ever 'eard in all me born days. Now it's DEAD! Hah! I 'ope they burn it and scatter the bleedin' ashes to the four winds.

They say it died of alcohol, but I know wot it died of...sheer bleedin' nastiness, that's wot. It was a rotten bastard. It deserved to die.

I'm so 'appy I could bloody well burst! Set off the fireworks and declare a national 'oliday! 'Appy days are 'ere again!

- Olive Whatnoll

Subject: RE: BS: Obirduary: Hurrah! It's bleedin' DEAD!
From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 08:53 PM

You are a horrible, unfeeling woman and you're also completely stupid! I hope you choke on something and expire miserably.    I am so glad that poor Tony did not have to spend the last year of his little avian life in your revolting company. Your kind should be banished to the worst parts of Hull and not even allowed to come out on the street in daylight hours if I had my way. You're a degenerate.

And you can just forget about my usual "TTFN" sign-off too! Not for the likes of you. Just shut up and go away, you dreadful hag!

- Veronica Rutledge

Subject: RE: BS: Obirduary: Hurrah! It's bleedin' DEAD!
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 08:53 PM

It was bird flu and you may be a carrier. Now what?

Subject: RE: BS: Obirduary: Hurrah! It's bleedin' DEAD!
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 08:55 PM

It's done gone and flu the coop (so to speak).

Subject: RE: BS: Obirduary: Hurrah! It's bleedin' DEAD!
From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 09:07 PM

My God! It may have been bird flu! I am terrified! I must talk to Aunt Penelope and Uncle Winston at once! The bird must have a complete clinical autopsy. I won't feel safe until it's done.

Veronica

Subject: RE: BS: Obirduary: Hurrah! It's bleedin' DEAD!
From: GUEST,Mrs Olive Whatnoll
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 09:13 PM

There you go, you stupid lit'l rich girl. Ha! Ha! I am laughin' at you out of bof sides of me mouf. Ha! Ha! Ha! No danger of bird flu 'ere, coz the bloody fing's been gone for a year.

I don't care wot it died of. The main fing is, it's DEAD! The rotten, stinkin', foul-mouthed PARROT wot almost ruined me marriage IS DEAD!!!!!! RING THE BELLS AND START THE PARADES, SAYS I!

- Olive Whatnoll

Subject: RE: BS: Obirduary: Hurrah! It's bleedin' DEAD!
From: GUEST,Winston Wellington-Jones
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 09:23 PM

God give me strength...

Thank you for absolutely nothing, SINSULL. I can see where this is going. I know perfectly well what that bird died of. It died of too much strong drink and a hyperactive personality. But will anyone listen to me? I doubt that. No, I can see where this is going...straight to the highest priced veterinary lab in the region. That's after I extract the late Tony from his grave in the backyard of the Vicar's Inn.

Bloody hell.

- WW-J

p.s. Olive Whatnoll, I am going to give your husband another talking parrot, since you miss the first one so badly. One that can curse in 3 languages. Perhaps I'll give him 2 or 3 parrots that can talk. And a mynah bird too. Possibly a live warthog or a Canadian wolverine as well. Perhaps a large, vicious mandrill baboon. I'll have them all flown in and delivered straight to your door, free of charge. Just wait for it.

Subject: RE: BS: Obirduary: Hurrah! It's bleedin' DEAD!
From: GUEST,Mrs Olive Whatnoll
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 09:28 PM

You wouldn't bloody dare...

Subject: RE: BS: Obirduary: Hurrah! It's bleedin' DEAD!
From: GUEST,Winston Wellington-Jones
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 09:32 PM

You'd be surprised what I would dare, Mrs Whatnoll. In fact the only dare I would categorically refuse to take on is the one your husband Eddie faced on your marriage night. He is either a very brave or a VERY stupid man.

- WW-J

Subject: RE: BS: Obirduary: Hurrah! It's bleedin' DEAD!
From: Arne
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 09:37 PM

It's bleedin' DEAD!

*Cockney English accent* "No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting."

Here's the .... ummm .... "rest".

Cheers,

Subject: RE: BS: Obirduary: Hurrah! It's bleedin' DEAD!
From: Gurney
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 09:41 PM

Olive and Victoria: Dear charming ladies?, I urge you to obtain Firefox from somewhere, because the cookies on Firefox does not seem to communicate with other browsers, and you can become anyone you want to be as a member, one on Firefox and one on Opera. So much better than coming as a Guest.

Joe Offer will know who you are, though, 'cos he knows where you're coming from.....

The parrot probably died from Blue Cockatchoo Virus, which is fatal for humans and computers alike! Incubation period 18 months, like an elephant.

Subject: RE: BS: Obirduary: Hurrah! It's bleedin' DEAD!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 09:48 PM

Gurney, the portrayer of Olive, Veronica et al plays so many characters on this board that if he were to actually create a membership for each of his alter-egos Max would have to by an extra hard-drive just to handle the increased size of the mebership file.

Subject: RE: BS: Obirduary: Hurrah! It's bleedin' DEAD!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 09:53 PM

Flippin' right about that.

So...where can I bum a smoke on a Wensday night?

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Obirduary: Hurrah! It's bleedin' DEAD!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 09:54 PM

And the membership file too.

Subject: RE: BS: Obirduary: Hurrah! It's bleedin' DEAD!
From: Gurney
Date: 23 Feb 06 - 02:50 AM

BWL, I just thought, whe s/he's having a dialogue with theirselves, it would be so much more convincing.
I do like them, though. A small amount of harmless madness puts things in perspective, for me, as a relief from the seriousness that sometimes threatens to take over the news/Mudcat/world.

I wonder if it's Ivor Biggin/Hugh Jampton? I dont think so, though. More a goonish style of comedy.

Sorry, Shane. Gave that silly game up 25 years ago, which is probably why I'm still around 25 years later.

Subject: RE: BS: Obirduary: Hurrah! It's bleedin' DEAD!
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 23 Feb 06 - 04:56 AM

At least it was only a parrot. If it had been a pigeon, then it would have been a carrier pigeon...

Subject: RE: BS: Obirduary: Hurrah! It's bleedin' DEAD!
From: Pied Piper
Date: 23 Feb 06 - 05:36 AM

Gord an bennet, me old cock Spara, strike a light.


PP

Subject: RE: BS: Obirduary: Hurrah! It's bleedin' DEAD!
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Feb 06 - 08:57 AM

It's bird flu. We haven't forgotten the "Hoof and Mouth Disease" business. We know what you're up to.
BIRD FLU! BIRD FLU! BIRD FLU!
We're all going to die!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Obirduary: Hurrah! It's bleedin' DEAD!
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Feb 06 - 07:29 PM

Killed another thread too. Damn!

Subject: RE: BS: Obirduary: Hurrah! It's bleedin' DEAD!
From: gnomad
Date: 23 Feb 06 - 07:44 PM

Nah, nah...It's resting.....beautiful plumage....

WAKE UP! PRETTY THREAD!

Subject: RE: BS: Obirduary: Hurrah! It's bleedin' DEAD!
From: Dead Horse
Date: 23 Feb 06 - 08:01 PM

If it was alcohol that killed it, then at least it died in good spirits.
Talking of spirits, they say that viagra is good for raising the dead!
Might turn ya parrot into a Hornbill though :-)