BS: The History of England part one.

Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: MMario
Date: 01 May 06 - 07:46 PM

Returning to the Chufle Chits - since they were holy offerings to the goddess SORCHA, they were frequently known a "holy chit"

Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 02 May 06 - 01:08 PM

Recent experiments with woad recipes taken from the long and winding woad have confirmed it's halucinogenic properties. The results of these experiments are rather puzzling. Approx. 33% report that they took fantastic journeys through space and time but woke up in exactly the same place (hence the claim that it is the "Woad to Nowhere"). another 33% all seem to have experienced an epiphany of sorts claiming a feeling of warmth, belonging, forgiveness and love. They claim that it is the "Woad to Redmeption". The remaining 34% claim to have experienced a little of both which has led them to say they are going "Down to the Crosswoads"

Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 06 - 08:53 PM

One of the early Pictish purveyors of woad was a Pict named Rik. Rik would travel from Pictish village to Pictish rath, ballyhooing the wonderful qualities of his woad. He would shout out its benefits at the top of his voice and that was saying a mouthful, for Rik had one of, if not the, loudest voice in all of Pictdom. Eventually he became known as "Bellowing Rik", which was eventually shortened to "The Bellow" or "Bellow Rik."

And his woad WAS good. It really was top quality stuff, and Rik sold it in quantities know as "lidds." He would shout out his wares, and someone would come up and ask if he could "get a lidd of good stuff".

One tragic day Rik was set upon by brigands and riffraff. They stole his pack of herb, the few cupronickel cupronickels he had in his pouch, and murdered poor Rik. The culprits were caught and suffered the traditional Pictish penalty for murder (they were tickled to death by being tossed in a pit of giant garden slugs), but Rik was gone and worse, the location of his secret woad garden was lost forever.

The Picts lovingly prepared Rik for burial, and carried him to his Final Resting Place singing a chant composed just for the occassion. Yes, it was the first performance -- sad though the occassion was -- of that great funeral song, "Goodbye, Bellow Rik's Woad."

Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 03 May 06 - 05:50 AM

Of course, when the Angles cottoned on to the benefits of woad, they noticed that its use was accompanied by an increase in casualties, at dawn and dusk, when the light was poor.

Woad, it seems, acted like camouflage in low light conditions.

Thanks to the abundance of chalk in the South of England, the solution was very simple, and it has ever since been standard procedure to have a white line down the middle of the Woad.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 03 May 06 - 11:05 AM

You're never going to believe this!
I've just received news that will turn the world on it's ear!

Archaeologists working in the vicinity of Loch Ness have uncovered several woad vats that are smaller and seem to have been deliberately placed in hidden areas not to far from known Pictish settlements. At first the scientists thought they might be hidden storage or places were Picts were experimenting with different woad recipes. But the discovery of several snake skeletons at the bottom of these vats seems to point in a different direction. It had long been fabled that young Picts, looking for a better "buzz" than their parents woad would deliver, would throw poisonous snakes into woad vats and let them stew. The parents would have probably objected to this, hence the small, hidden vats. There seems to be some evidence to support this conclusion as partial skeletons of giant chickens have also been found in the vicinity of these vats. This breed of giant chicken was known to have fed on both polecats and snakes. Because the giant chicken would have to dart in and grab the snake or polecat and then dart out before the picts could catch it, it earned the name of "Woad Runner". The partial skeletons with human teeth marks on the bones indicate what happened when the woad runner was caught by the Picts who were feeling quite peckish (they had the munchies) after their dunk in the woad. The most amazing discovery though would indicate that the known history of the discovery of the new world is false. The snake skeletons are distinctly that of a species of pit viper only found in North America named Copperheads. This means that the Picts must have discovered the new world first and brought the snakes back with them. Thus the legends of Copperhead Woad has been proven to be true.

Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 May 06 - 11:38 AM

Also, recent finds at Ballyfungus, Ireland -- the sole inroad that the Picts and Chufles ever made in the Emerald Isle -- definitivly demonstrates that caches of woad were hidden throughout the Celtic world. Usually hidden on the tops of high hills and mountains, these were considered the Picts and Chufles top secret woad.

Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 03 May 06 - 11:54 AM

P.S. - The archaeologists have also discovered a different recipe used by the Picts during the winter solstice. It was a bit stronger and included seasonal foliage. They are calling it "Holiday Woad"

Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 03 May 06 - 12:28 PM

Pictish Berserker = Woad Warrior