Lyrics & Knowledge Personal Pages Record Shop Auction Links Radio & Media Kids Membership Help
The Mudcat Cafesj

User Name Thread Name Subject Posted
GUEST,anon the uk folkscene and sex changes (173* d) RE: the uk folkscene and sex changes 10 May 10

It's a hard one to deal with for sure. I am not sure how I would have been affected had it troubled me to insanity before my daughter had grown up. I do kmow that, even now, I feel terrible over the effects I have had on her and my granddaughter's life. They deserved to have better things happen to them. So did my wife.

I always tried to drive a balance between my progress and seeing they were okay. That was made easy for me in them supporting and understanding my transition and the need to be who I was. THAT is why I cannot comment on someone who has been totally rejected by their family and friends, thrown on a heap and left to rot. That was not my experience.

Suicide is often a quick solution that comes into your head. "People would be better off with me and would be able to move forward". It was not a true option for me though as I knew what my forced death would do to others. I resented having to 'stick around' at times, for them, not being able to be me and not being able to be there for them. I have searched the depths of my own despondency to try and find compromise. But I always erred on the side of my own self interests, making me more selfish than I ever wanted to be, knowing that if I could where I needed to be then I would be able to care for those others better somehow.

Strange thing really. I would lie down and die for my daughter and granddaughter. I would sawp places with my wife if she could come back healthy and be happy. Yet I could not live as a man for them. I would sooner be dead than living as a man. I cannot explain it. It is so deep within my soma I gave up years ago trying to fight it. I don't really need to understand it it either.

All I ever need do is ask me who I am. I am me. End of story. I am sorry that me was such a selfish being though. All I can do now is try and make things better for others because I now have the energy, means and need to do that. I am one of the lucky ones.


Post to this Thread -

Back to the Main Forum Page

By clicking on the User Name, you will requery the forum for that user. You will see everything that he or she has posted with that Mudcat name.

By clicking on the Thread Name, you will be sent to the Forum on that thread as if you selected it from the main Mudcat Forum page.
   * Click on the linked number with * to view the thread split into pages (click "d" for chronologically descending).

By clicking on the Subject, you will also go to the thread as if you selected it from the original Forum page, but also go directly to that particular message.

By clicking on the Date (Posted), you will dig out every message posted that day.

Try it all, you will see.