I `ad that Vernon `awksworth-`arming in my cab the other day. `e`s the top sensor for the Auntie BBC.`e was scribbling away like tomorrow wasn`t coming.
I said, "Morning Vernie. You doing your Christmas list or something?"
`e said, "No Jim. We going to be playing that "Fairytale of New York" and we`ve got to be sure not to upset anybody".
I said, "Go on then. What `ave you got in mind?"
`e said, "`ere, let me read from this sheet for you. Whaddya think?"

"Title:- Fairytale". Derogatory term. Use `omosexualstory.
Verse 1:- Babe. remove contents re infants. Peedo interest.
          Old man. Use old person. More inclusive.
Verse 2:- "Got on" suggests possible copulation. Use bet.
          More reference to babies. Use sweetheart.
          Too much "coming". Sexual connotations. Use arriving.
Verse 3:- Wind . Suggest flatulence. Use cold, moving air.
          Broadway. Derogatory ref. to women. Use Personway.
Verse 4:- Remove Queen. Derogatory `omosexual connotation.
          Sinatra swinging. Family might object to referring to his
          private parts.
          Kissed. Definitely out. Could lead to future accusations
          of sexual assault. "Me Too" might `ave something to say.
Verse 5:- Boys of the Choir. The Pope might object in view of the
          latest revelations.
Verse 6:- Bum. remove ref. to sensitive physical areas.
          Slut on a junk. This may not go down well with Chinese
          listeners. Suggests waterborne prostitution.
          Remove faggot. Derogatory `omosexual term and it is not nice
          calling somebody a bundle of small branches, tied around
          the middle and intended for the fire.
          Arse. See line above re physical parts.
Verse 7:- `es referring to infants again. Delete it."
I said, "Blimey! It`ll never rhyme with all those changes".
`e said, "That don`t matter. It keeps the "snowflakes `appy!!"

Whaddam I Like??