Lyrics & Knowledge Personal Pages Record Shop Auction Links Radio & Media Kids Membership Help
The Mudcat Cafesj

User Name Thread Name Subject Posted
GUEST,Carol's Friend Don BS: Cat farts. (114* d) RE: BS: Cat farts. 02 Mar 01

You guys must have little cats in Europe. Genghis Khat weighed over 28 pounds and lived in the horse barn. He was all black and had a face like a gorilla, wide with large nostrils. My favorite picture of him is stretched over the seats of two ladderback chairs set side by side. I used to tell my neighbors to wrap their female kitties in duct tape, so they wouldn't explode when he boinked them.

He slept on the rear quarters of the Dartmoor pony and would drop off onto the grain rats as they tried to scarf up the sweet feed dropped by the horses. No rodent ever suffered, and was consumed immediately, with a shake that disloged the spleen and literally nothing else.

He used to leave rabbit heads still upright in the front yard, as though they were just emerging from the ground. In the morning I would have to police them up before my daughter went out to wait for the school bus.

Thee only time he ever farted at all was right after I would give him a pill, which was relatively easier than some of the above accounts. I simply tossed him into an old sea bag and tied off his head as it emerged. While holding the bag with padded gloves (no fool I!) I would stick a turkey baster, preloaded with the pill and some bacon grease to seal the calibre, into his mouth with one hand, and then stomp on the bulb. The recoil would stuff him back into the bag, which I would then quickly toss into the yard.

Sometimes he would stay in the bag and sulk for a couple of hours, though one time the neighbor's young son and his German Shepherd, "Panzer" tried to open the bag. The boy gave the best description of a cat and dog fight I've ever heard. He said "Mister, it looked like "Panzer" was wearing a dog suit, and the cat was trying to pull it off over his head". (Remember, the best way to stop a dog from chasing cats, is to let him catch one...)

My Irish Setters were much worst, though they would give clear warning of an impending toxic release into the atmosphere. Any time the "feathers"(long fur on the hindquarters of a sporting breed) straightened out and pointed to the rear of the dog, you needed to evacuate the room, slam the door, and then duct tape the keyhole. But, even that had some advantage. As long as only the dogs were left in the room, it killed all the flies.

Post to this Thread -

Back to the Main Forum Page

By clicking on the User Name, you will requery the forum for that user. You will see everything that he or she has posted with that Mudcat name.

By clicking on the Thread Name, you will be sent to the Forum on that thread as if you selected it from the main Mudcat Forum page.
   * Click on the linked number with * to view the thread split into pages (click "d" for chronologically descending).

By clicking on the Subject, you will also go to the thread as if you selected it from the original Forum page, but also go directly to that particular message.

By clicking on the Date (Posted), you will dig out every message posted that day.

Try it all, you will see.