Bare-Bottomed Carousers

Words: Calico
(Tune: Bell Bottom Trousers]

Once there was a barmaid worked in Cumbria
Couldn't stand to be confined by knickers, shirts, and bras.
She met a fellow nudist staying at the inn.
Who said, "One should be free, unfettered as the wind!"

Late in the evening, as snow began to fall,
Suddenly they got the urge to answer nature's call.
Up to the hilltop with assets waving free
They ran through the forests giggling with glee.

CHORUS:
Singing
"Bare-bottomed Carousers
Cold and turning blue
What the heck do we care?
Darlin', I love you!"

Now, unbeknownst to these two, th' Oasis had a plan
To film Mother Nature with their critter cam.
They've only got one channel in Cumbria, you see,
And tourists need diversion and some levity.

Just try to picture it-- the patrons in their beds,
Expecting a badger, get a beaver shot instead!
"Is this the nude Olympics or is it merely porn?--
Oh, no, it's just our waitress bare as she was born!"

Chorus:
"See the
Bare-bottomed Carousers
Cold and turning blue
On the badger cam tonight
Making their debut!"

Now the moral of the story as you can plainly see:
You never know what folks will do to get on the TV!
If you have a hotel, closed-circuit fills the bill
For very little overhead, your guests may get a thrill!

Chorus:
"See the
Bare-bottomed Carousers
Cold and turning blue
On the badger cam tonight
Making their debut!"