BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Teresa
Date: 02 Feb 05 - 05:24 PM

Me, too. :)

Ok, what is all this 9 business? :) Reminds me of inflationary vocabulary, as thought up by Victor Borga (sp?)

Anyway, if you take any word that has a number in it, raise that number by one. Thus:

"I ate my tenderloin with my fork." becomes
"I nined my elevenderloin with my fivk."

Oh well, this has nothing to do with anything ... carry on! come back Sir jOhn!

Teresa

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Joe Offer
Date: 02 Feb 05 - 05:18 PM

Will somebody please go to John's house and re-communicate him?
I miss him.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: GUEST,Flamenco ted
Date: 02 Feb 05 - 05:25 AM

I have just sent a text to His Highness to the effect that he has not been ex communicated. I don't expect a reply because he never has any bloody phone credit. Don't forget you can meet His Gloriousness in person this thursday, at HULL FLOCK CLUB, NEWSTEAD STREET, HULL.

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 02 Feb 05 - 01:03 AM

heloo.jOhn

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Feb 05 - 12:43 AM

I 9fail to 9see what peo9ple are going on 9about here.

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Feb 05 - 12:39 AM

9 -- here's thinking of you, jOhn9!

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 09:13 PM

MOAB?

Miracle Of Anucleate Brevity?

Multiple Old Aztec Bananas?

Must Others Always Better? ( these suggestions, and if not why not?)

Bunnahabhain

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Teresa
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 08:51 PM

So wot this all about?

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 08:47 PM

This thread is rubbish.

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 08:44 PM

Just as useful and constructive as jOhns posts. In his continued abscence, we must do our best to fill in...

bunnahabhain

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Hand-Pulled Boy
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 08:24 PM

Come on you jOhn...........Come on you jOhn.............Come on you jOhn.............................

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: GUEST,jOhns fare whether friend
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 05:53 PM

Sir jOhn is ill even when he is OK.

Wheelcum bak whin youse get hear jOhn.

Hears jOhnny!!

(You are a funny guy jOhn, no madder what I say)

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: open mike
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 04:04 PM

perhaps it is Mother Of All BS
or perhaps it is a place in Utah
where there are tremendous arches...
http://www.discovermoab.com/
in either case i am afraid to enter
for fear of wandering aimlessly
thru gigantic formations
for eons
http://www.discovermoab.com/archesnationalpark.htm
Website: www.nps.gov/arch/

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: El Dano
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 03:35 PM

whats moab

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: GUEST,Layah
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 12:06 PM

Bunnahabhain: I know just what you mean. I stay away from MOAB, because I just know if I take a look at it I'll spend the next week reading all the old stuff. I think this forum is dangerous for my health.

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 11:15 AM

Thank you for you kind invitaition, but I don't feel I am ready for the top flight yet. Probably best left to the professionals, who can handle almost 6000 posts with a quiet dignity.
Besides, I would need to get past my compulsion to read all the previous posts on a thread, and I have something to do in the next two days....

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: JennyO
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 11:02 AM

Bunnahabhain, that was BS of the highest quality, and I certainly know my BS. I think it definitely belongs on the MOAB, which currently seems to be suffering from too much tech talk. I'm sure Mother would be honoured by a visit from you!!

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 09:07 AM

There we go, if you really needed to know...

When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they could form the basis of a high-speed monorail system.

........and then this mail got this reply from one of the recipients

I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while.
In the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast - and butter the cats. Also, should there be an imbalance between the effects of cat and butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for carpet.

Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple formula:

p = s * t(t)/t(c) where p is the probability of carpet impact.

    s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the carpet. Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while the s value of water is zero.

    t(c) and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and topping - the value of p being strongly related to the relationship between the colour of the carpet and topping, as even chicken Tikka Masala won't cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour. So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximized if you use chicken Tikka Masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its feet.

Therefore a cat with chicken Tikka Masala on its back will be certain to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting in nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting accident victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if their party was in power as there would have been more investment in cat-toast glue research.

Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken Tikka Masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet.

Bunnahabhain

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 09:03 AM

You can use the above assembly as a cheap alternative to magnets in a levitaiting monorail.
I'll find the full article....

Bunnahabhain.

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 08:44 AM

Ah Freda on the subject of cats in the landing on their feet context, I have a question for you.
If toast always falls butter side down, and a cat always lands on its' feet. What would happen if you strapped a bit of buttered toast to the cat's back?

I expect it's the reverse in Australia where you live!

Giok¦¬]

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: GUEST,Cretinous yahoo
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 05:41 AM

Of all the people who should be booted out of here, John is surely the last.

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Blowzabella
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 07:53 PM

I miss you jOhn...please come back soooon

Blowz xx

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Mingulay
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 07:29 PM

Come back jOhn, everything's forgiven, nothing's forgotten. This is still the best spelin shite.

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Peace
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 04:21 PM

jOhn: 'alf yer threads are rubibsh. And I lvoe 'em. Get yer arse back here, not soon, but real soon, like now.

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Joe Offer
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 04:19 PM

Well, John hasn't been blocked. If he has trouble logging in, have him contact me. He's on WEBTV or some other television-based service, and sometimes it's tricky to log on with those things.

Thanks.
-Joe Offer-
[e-mail]

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: freda underhill
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 04:14 PM

the problem with being bumped from the cat, is that not everyone has four legs to make the landing easy.

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 03:00 PM

Best wishes jOhn!

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 02:33 PM

A perspicacious enquiry Perambulating Johnathan :~)
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Strollin' Johnny
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 11:45 AM

Bunnahabhainn pronounces Bunnahabhainn correctly. It is the Queen of Islay whiskies, and I have had the pleasure of visiting the distillery there on three occasions. Woooooooo-Hoo!

Getting back to the business of the thread, if Sir Edward de Beverleigh is correct and Sir jOhn has been banned from Mudcat, why is that dick (oops, sorry, only half a dick) Martian Gibbon still around?

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 11:25 AM

John spells just fine when the occasion calls for it.

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 11:15 AM

So long as he doesn't spill too much whiskey, we don't mind...

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 11:11 AM

jOhn cant spill consurned

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 11:05 AM

I think Joh9n might just have been the anonymous Guest (Concerned) who started this thread, you know what he's like :~)
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 11:02 AM

Correct you can spell it any way you like, but I wouldn't recommend spelling with an "e" in a Glasgow pub on a Saturday night

Whiskey is the Irish spelling and the Scots can be a touch temperamental about people spelling their WHISKY with an "e" in it

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: GUEST,wrrrishkshy
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 10:43 AM

you can spell it how the **** you like

as long as I can just drink it !!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 10:29 AM

I did. I'm sorry. I don't know where that e came from, but it can go back there.....
My spelling is only slightly better than that of the eponomous subject of the thread.

whisky
whisky
whisky
whisky
whisky
whisky

etc
Bunnahabhain

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 10:23 AM

Next time someone heads over to see him, tell him to try

http://207.103.108.99/threads.cfm
or
http://207.103.108.105/threads.cfm to get into Mudcat. He'll end up as a guest, but it might work as a temporary fix.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: GUEST,Schoolmaster
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 10:16 AM

Bunnahabhain,

Did ye say "whiskeys"?

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 10:10 AM

Boo na HA vin    is what I belive to be right. But as I only know a few words of Gaelic, excluding whiskeys, feel free to correct me if you know better.

Laphroaig:   laFROYG , leapfrog or "Bloody hell, that's really smokey"

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Once Famous
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 10:02 AM

He is suffering from a spelling and grammar disorder.

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: GUEST,Mrr
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 09:55 AM

And how is Laphroig (sp?) pronounced?

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 09:20 AM

Bunnahabhain is a fine Scottish single malt whisky, think it should be pronounce

boo na halve in

but I'm sure I'll be correctly shortly if I'm mistaken !

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: El Dano
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 09:16 AM

Dear Bunahabhabhabhab
Obviously you are a kindred spirit whe the hell did you get that name Was it a Boy named Sue scenario
Just Asking

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 07:12 AM

Accordians are quite solid, so walking, or jumping up and down repeatly in big boots, on them should work....

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: El Dano
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 05:31 AM

Flamingo ted
Are YOU well Accordians true path indeed

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Skipjack K8
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 05:31 AM

Congratulations on your Damascene experience, Edward, long may you thrill to the scurl of the aerophone.

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 05:04 AM

Ted ...... don't be daft ....... 'ull's favourite night is Friday

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 05:00 AM

I went round to see him yesterday at 3.32pm (approx) and woke him up! He was in something of a stupor, but he reckons Mudcat have blocked his access to this site, or deleted him or whatever it's called. I will see him again or thursday and hopefully get more details from Hull's favourite Knight.
       Accordians, the true path!

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: GUEST
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 04:09 AM

He's definitely sick

Subject: RE: BS: Is Sir jOhn OK or is he ill?
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 03:27 AM

Hello Sir jOhn - where ever you are