BS: catsPHiddle going into Hospital

Subject: RE: BS: catsPHiddle going into Hospital
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jan 05 - 01:44 PM

hi Catsphiddle

i hope it goes well for you, and that the recovery time is okay. Allmy best wishes

freda

ps

A young girl had been suffering from severe headaches and had tests run by her doctor. The doctor said, "I'm sorry miss, but you have a massive brain tumor."

The girl started crying and said to her mom, "I'm only 15 years old. I don't want to die."

The doctor said, "Well this is modern medicine. There is an experimental technique for a brain transplant, but it's expensive and not covered by insurance."

The girl's mother said, "Don't worry, dear. How much does it cost?"

The doctor replied, "Well, a male brain is $1,000,000 and the female brain is $25,000."

The mom said, "No problem. But why is the male brain more expensive then the female brain?" The doctor replied, "Because the female brain is USED!"

Subject: RE: BS: catsPHiddle going into Hospital
From: Polly Squeezebox
Date: 15 Jan 05 - 01:35 PM

Whilst you're in hospital watch out for the curry:

An indian was so happy because he felt certain he had won the lottery, when he checked it properly he found he had looked at the wrong week's ticket and had won nothing. He got so depressed he overdosed - injected himself with 100% curry powder. They did manage to resuscitate him - but he spent the next fortnight in hospital in a korma!

Hope everything goes well for you and you are soon out and recovered.
Love, light and laughter.

Polly

Subject: RE: BS: catsPHiddle going into Hospital
From: karen k
Date: 15 Jan 05 - 12:36 PM

I hope everything goes as planned. I'm sure it will. Relax and enjoy the justified loafing. Hello to Micca. Hope to see you at a Getaway sometine soon.

karen

Subject: RE: BS: catsPHiddle going into Hospital
From: Alaska Mike
Date: 15 Jan 05 - 12:31 PM

Murphy and O'Brian are sound asleep when the phone rings. Its the coroner asking them both to come down to the morgue and identify the body of their good friend Clancy.

They both go down and the coroner explains that Clancy was burned up in a fire and they need a close friend to identify the body. Murphy and O'Brian are taken in and see a blackened corpse lying on the table face up. They study the face but are unable to identify the body.

"Turn him over," says Murphy. "Yes," states O'Brian, "You must turn the body over." So the coroner rotates the body and places it face down on the platform. Immediately, Murphy and O'Brian take one look at the corpse's rear end and state emphatically, "Nope, thank the Lord, that is definitely not Clancy." They are quite elated.

So the coroner asks them how in the world they can tell for certain that the corpse is not Clancy? Murphy states simply that this body only has one arsehole, and everyone knows that Clancy has two. At this statement the coroner is quite baffled. "Two arseholes?" he asks, "Nobody has two arseholes."

Murphy and O'Brian say, "Why everyone in town knows that Clancy has two arseholes. Whenever the three of us are walking down the road, people all over town will say, 'There goes Clancy with them two arseholes."

I've always found death humor to be most appreciated in hospitals.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery, Khatt.

Mike.

Subject: RE: BS: catsPHiddle going into Hospital
From: freightdawg
Date: 15 Jan 05 - 12:23 PM

Break your leg??

Ouch.

Wishing you all the best.

Freightdawg

Subject: RE: BS: catsPHiddle going into Hospital
From: Leadfingers
Date: 15 Jan 05 - 12:16 PM

My Lady Catherine (Already in the mood for tonights Medieval) At least you ought to be fit for Portaferry NEXT year - We will have a Glass Of The Dark Stuff for you any way !! All The best with the Op and IF I can think of a suitable off colour joke I will post it later ! I can get a lot lower than Sian , thats for sure !!

Subject: RE: BS: catsPHiddle going into Hospital
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Jan 05 - 12:09 PM

Hope you kept you decorated walking stick from last time, or are walking sticks/elbow crutches 'handed'? A bed that goes up and down is no fun on your own is it?
Hope all goes swimmingly.
Giok (¦¬]>:::

Subject: RE: BS: catsPHiddle going into Hospital
From: MBSLynne
Date: 15 Jan 05 - 12:09 PM

Lol Sian!

I'll be thinking of you Khatt! Get better soon

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: catsPHiddle going into Hospital
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jan 05 - 12:04 PM

Dear Gawd, Phid!! What a strange adventure you and your loverly legs are having, eh? Just remember there are some things that should never be turned over to automatic devices, and "bed go up, bed go down" is surely one of them.

At least you will now be the proud possessor of a perfectly matched pair. Better let them know about this benefit in case they are too bunged up by the treatment to care why it was a good idea!! I have often found body parts get resentful if they are not properly communicated to about what is happening.

Why not get your phiddle delivered to the hospital and practice all day? It will guarantee you a private room!!

Much love,


Amos

Subject: RE: BS: catsPHiddle going into Hospital
From: sian, west wales
Date: 15 Jan 05 - 11:56 AM

It'll be over before you know it, and think of all that handfasting planning you can get done! (Do some hospitals have Internet access?)

So, if Micca's going to be printing stuff off I guess it's up to us to go forth and seek jokes ... Hmmmm. OK - this one got sent to me by a fairly senior civil servant yesterday afternoon, which goes to show that it ain't just us low-paid lowlifes that goof off at the end of the day:

On Saturday morning I got up early.

I put on my long johns. I dressed quietly. I got my lunch made, grabbed the dog and went to the garage to hook up the boat to the truck and down the driveway I went.

Coming out of the garage rain is pouring down; it is like a torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph. Straightaway, I returned to the garage.

I came back into the house and turned the TV to the weather channel. I find it's going to be bad weather all day long, so I put the boat back in the garage, quietly undressed and slipped back into bed.

There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit?"

*****************

I'll probably be able to do better by time you're in sick bay.

All the best

siân

Subject: RE: BS: catsPHiddle going into Hospital
From: artbrooks
Date: 15 Jan 05 - 11:49 AM

Take care, and remember that your MudCat buddies are all cheering for you. "See" you soon.

Subject: BS: catsPHiddle going into Hospital
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 15 Jan 05 - 11:45 AM

Well the NHS must be trying to clear their waiting lists in London with Liz having surgery last week and me this coming week. The hospital phoned me and gave me a date for the operation to break and re-set my left leg (I had the right leg done last year) which they are going to do on Wednesday so I am being admitted on Tuesday.

Im getting quite nervous because I know what's going to happen and what the recovery is like. I don't know what's worse...not knowing or knowing. Oh well! I won't be able log on to mudcat for about a week but Micca can print the thread off and bring it in to cheer me up.....it gets VERY boring in hospital when the only thing to amuse you is the control to make the bed go up, bed go down!