New Year's Tavern 2022

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Donuel
Date: 13 Feb 22 - 09:12 PM

Its been a real mystery. https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/scientists-have-solved-mystery-how-wombats-poop-cubes-180976898/

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 13 Feb 22 - 07:00 PM

Must be used to a good square meal!

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Donuel
Date: 13 Feb 22 - 02:30 PM

Threwn about the empty tavern is lots of shit but none so curious as the perfectly cubed shaped wombat crap.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 08 Feb 22 - 08:41 AM

Gigoté chic! cries a drunken bilingual ram, glad the tiger is gone.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 08 Feb 22 - 05:28 AM

nothing like a good jig to lift the spirits! more morris & a Mummer's play

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Senoufou
Date: 08 Feb 22 - 03:34 AM

The old lady has been jigging about to the Black Joak Morris video, and feels more cheerful.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 22 - 09:47 PM

No, he says, no glass with an ear or an eye or a nose for me, thanks.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 07 Feb 22 - 09:15 PM

Sharing a glass with an ear? Ooookkaaayyyy.....

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 07 Feb 22 - 08:53 PM

& it certainly is crumpet time (lunch time!) here in my part of the tavern

sandra

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 07 Feb 22 - 08:44 PM

Morris dancing - did someone say Morris dancing

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 07 Feb 22 - 10:44 AM

The bat squeaks Have a hot toddy! but the old lady doesn't hear anything that high-pitched any more, so the effort is not noticed. Nonetheless, hot Irish whiskey, hot tea, honey, and a lemon slice studded with cloves have appeared, sharing a tall glass glass with an ear-shaped handle, slightly to her left.

The smell of new crumpets wafts from the kitchen.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Senoufou
Date: 07 Feb 22 - 03:48 AM

The old lady sits sadly in the corner trying hard to smile. The Ivorian elephant is nowhere to be seen, as he's moved to another tavern in another place. No more crumpets are to be consumed, and the old lady hopes for the arrival of some Morris dancers to cheer her up.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 06 Feb 22 - 11:44 PM

The flamingo with the upside-down smile has been caught flat-footed, trying to dance while standing on one leg, and falls (with style!) gracefully, missing barstools, the jello pit and the old lady, landing softly on the guano-covered hairball which, to be fair, he'd mistaken for a cushion or beanbag chair, turning his smile upside down, which confuses the ghost of Stephen Jay Gould, who's been hovering anywhere the bats aren't flitting.

Our particular bat, trying to pretend not to be laughing hyenacally, runs like that last sentence and quickly flits back upright to avoid having guano run in some even worse way. The rapier wit flicks a clean (ish) bar towel to the flamingo, turning his frown back into an upside-down smile. Stephen Jay Gould leaves, thumbing a ride with a panda and Sissy Hankshaw.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 06 Feb 22 - 10:48 PM

This sounds like the creatures from the jigsaw puzzle in my sunroom are coming to life. Is there a flamingo in the bar? There's one in my puzzle.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 06 Feb 22 - 10:34 PM

Bewitched by a grigri, far far away

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Feb 22 - 09:11 PM

Now, where is the Ivorian,
now that the elephant shows up??

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 06 Feb 22 - 10:20 AM

Bun? roars the elephant, who is trying to be keto.

Not easy, for an herbivore. But it does make for an unpleasant pachyderm.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 22 - 01:23 PM

Quickly he loads his elephant bun with foliage and fruits and awaits the pleasant pachyderm.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 05 Feb 22 - 10:58 AM

The tiger spits a hairball in the corner and strolls back out of the Tavern. A concerned bat checks the hairball, not having seen the Squidlets in a while, but there were just some tiedyed fibers and a big toe hangnail.
The bat, relieved, releases some guano onto the hairball then flits up to a dark corner, to hang upside down and consider deep realities,

From somewhere in the distance come the destructive rumblings of an elephant in musth.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 Feb 22 - 08:59 AM

Whither has my warm-footed Ivorian meandered?

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Senoufou
Date: 03 Feb 22 - 05:32 AM

Old lady sadly looks at a buttered crumpet and wonders what the African man is doing in his new home.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 11:42 PM

Heads twirl around on bodies . . .

Memes of wolves and cats eating groundhogs have appeared all day. Relatives of Mr G. had better stay indoors for a while.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 09:50 PM

The tiger is the tiger who walks by himself, and all places are alike to him. He will not come.

The mildly tipsy bat kipples in, having decided to camouflage their guano for the amusement of snowball fighters and -man builders, and orders up another Irish decaf mocha. Breaking off a piece of that chocolate bar, they start dipping an end in the hot beverage, sucking off the melty chocolate, and taking sips while said chocolate is still on their tongue, enjoying each mouthful till it cools to body temp before consuming.

Sensuously sucking, sipping, savoring, and swallowing, the dipping bat winks at the rapier wit with a snaggle-toothed grin.

The contortionist applauds again.

The tiger, curled by the fire, is trying to figure out who has the snaggle-toothed grin, the rapier wit or the now rather inebriated bat.

Ed McCurdy's ghost appears suddenly with a pig, who slowly walks away. Ed sits next to the bat and orders some booze -no blood, no bones. His baritone is so rich, it makes the bat's current mouthful seem thin and tasteless, freaking the bat out till Ed finishes ordering and lo, the taste came back, whew.

Meanwhile, somewhere 13 clocks are striking, and a parrot whupples "Geep" somewhere else...

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 09:03 PM

And the rapier man says pointedly, "Tigers go where they please."

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Donuel
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 05:22 PM

Services for the groundhog will be this Thurs. noon. He is survived by his wife Philipia and Phil Jr. Tigers are not invited.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: JennieG
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 04:16 PM

Estivationg suits a wombat nicely.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 10:56 AM

Room temp, I recall from chemistry classes. Made the math easy.

The tiger has devoured the groundhog. The estivating wombat is safe, though, the tiger likes all bats, even ones with wombs.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 09:00 AM

25C = approx 80F

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Donuel
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 08:01 AM

A cold groundhog came in just to warm by the fire.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 07:40 AM

It's about -23° Kelvin, I think, but the math was kinda tricky. Nevertheless, it's cool, man!

At 23 below absolute zero, it would be!

Jeannie's 25C btw is 298.15K, 77F

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 07:16 AM

Wombat, you are estivating, drones a pedant from a safe distance.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 12:29 AM

It's about -23° Kelvin, I think, but the math was kinda tricky. Nevertheless, it's cool, man!

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: JennieG
Date: 01 Feb 22 - 08:22 PM

The wombat is hibernating because the weather has been hot. Wombats do not like temperatures much over 25 deg C (you'll have to work out for yourselves what that is in old thinking).

The forecast indicates that cooler weather is on the way. This pleases the wombat a great deal.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 01 Feb 22 - 09:19 AM

A tiger strolls in and devours the ox.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 22 - 09:11 PM

Now, it appears, there's a world-wide shortage of tea. The British Commonwealth is in deep, deep trouble. This could be the final straw for the fall of the Empire!

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 23 Jan 22 - 04:39 AM

don't need a fire in my Little Bit of Paradise in the Tavern!

But I suppose i could wander thru to your Little Bit of Paradise as I like looking at crackling fires (from a distance!)

I'm no good at stoking fires, as we don't need them in my Little Bit of Paradise, tho I used to visit friend in colder climates in mid winter & watch my host drop wood into the stove. Gloves & tongs!

The wombat will probably know how as he lives in colder climates, but I dunno if he is still around.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 Jan 22 - 11:27 PM

Ok, it got cold. Witches' tits and well-diggers' asses are frozen. Brass monkeys' balls have all fallen off, as have Americans' asses. Hungarian asses are shut. French tits are curdling, and francophones are complaining that it is quailing. The sign language folks are mute or incoherent, depending on whether their hands are in their pockets or mittens.

Who is going to stoke up the fire?

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 Jan 22 - 02:51 PM

Who is brewing up whose virgins?

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 22 Jan 22 - 12:00 PM

I thought that Igor was brewing up his own version in one of the back rooms.

Robin

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 19 Jan 22 - 10:17 PM

Some kink or other sang It's just another full moooooooon...

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Donuel
Date: 19 Jan 22 - 08:52 PM

aarrrgh

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jan 22 - 08:27 PM

And, he says, I had a friend in college who took a couple of small examinations and blew both his testes.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: keberoxu
Date: 19 Jan 22 - 05:14 PM

I believe we got through another full moon in one piece.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: keberoxu
Date: 19 Jan 22 - 11:56 AM

Ernesto Lacuna, that's a good one.
Me, I'm used to Ernesto Lecuona (Granada, Malagueña ... )

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 19 Jan 22 - 10:08 AM

Yes, and men are so *sensitive* about their tests...

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Jan 22 - 11:34 PM

There was a lull in activity when a few of the partiers discretely checked their cell phones, then pulling up a browser, visited http://www.covidtests.gov/ and ordered four free COVID test kits, to be delivered by the post office in 2 weeks. This is for latecomers to the home test party in the US; the rest of the the group has been testing all year.

These are the times that try men's tests.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 22 - 09:08 PM

The gentleman with the rapier gracefully salutes Loris, whom along with the Otterloops, Beni, Miss Bliss, Mr. Danders, Dill (and his brothers), Ernesto Lacuna, and the rest he has known for years.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 16 Jan 22 - 06:21 PM

Water bag icer gut! A nervous sausage bag ice! comes from the kitchen as the bat adds yet more hotroot to the yak soup. Turns out to be talking to Loris from Cul de Sac, who is zooming out of her hair ties as usual rustling up some meadowcream to cool les gueules de ceux qui craignent le pilipili.

Nothing like twice-hot (temp and spice) soup on a cold evening, eh?

The snow outside is turning to sleet, d'après the sounds against the windows. Hope the twigs on the branches on the boughs on the trees in the holes (and the holes in the ground) are ok for the gnats on the feathers on the wings of the birds in the nests thereupon!

One of Loris' hairtie rubber bands sproings towards the soup, but out of nowhere, a rapier flashes and deftly wings it back to Loris.

-Thanks! I am forever running -
-Yeah, we noticed, from the bat
- out of those, from Loris, with a sideeye upwards at the bat.

Faint applause is heard from the local contortionist.

The bat is now filling a row of bowls with fresh spinach, and setting out pistachios, almonds, and, with a grinning thankyou aside to Loris, the meadowcream, for the pilipili pityparty people. A couple of ladles of the soup just wilts the spinach and cools the soup from lava to still-hot-enough-at-the-end-if-you-eat-fast-enough-to-risk-innercineration.

An old woman grabs buttered crumpets and starts dipping.

An Ivorian, slightly ashamed of his Afcon keeper [allez, les zéléphants, du zèle !] and with one sock noticeably stretched out grabs some extra hotroot and doesn't even sneer at those running for extra meadowcream, eyes bleeding,

A tentacle snakes in, encircles a bowl, and slowly drags it out, without spillling anything. A rapier from somewhere flicks pistachios into the passing bowl, and another tentacle makes an elegant and grateful leg.

The bat sees that it is time to grab a bowl themself before it's all gone! Foregoing the meadowcream and scooping mostly broth, they grab the bowl with their feet and wing off to the table where the old lady had extra crumpets.

Just as well you didn't need the meadowcream, comments the Ivorian, it would have looked like-
-So! How about this storm? interrupts a squeamish Loris from the next table over.

-Whatcha guano doo? asks the rapier wit, foiling the attempt to keep the dinner conversation from dégringoler-ing into the gutter...

This *is* the Tavern, after all.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: keberoxu
Date: 15 Jan 22 - 10:56 PM

Actually I can think of a word that sort of rhymes with thesaurus
but you have to mispronounce it to make that happen.
And it's kind of raunchy. Never mind.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: GUEST,Ghost of Christmas passed
Date: 15 Jan 22 - 11:44 AM

With a swish of their under-powered wand, the squib transforms the thread from Christmas Tavern 2021 to New Year's Tavern 2022. They walk quietly away with a dribble of green jelly plopping from the wand's end. At the edge of the property, the wand is deployed one more time to fill the horse trough outside the Tavern with a green jello starter kit.