Obit: Kaelan Paton(Sandy&Caroline's grandson) 2009

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: MaineDog
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 10:42 PM

I am a poor, wayfaring stranger while trav'ling through this land of woe,
Yet, there's no sickness, toil, nor danger in that Fair Land to which I go.
Jim

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: GUEST,Sheryl Kennedy
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 09:48 PM

To the Paton Family

I continue to think of you morning and night, and in between. I send my love and condolences again, and always.

Sheryl Kennedy

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: katlaughing
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 05:44 PM

Barbara and Nathan - beautiful poems.

Norma, thanks so much for posting. I echo what Janie and the others have said. Cherish him and you will always honour Kaelan.

With gratitude,

kat

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: Cool Beans
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 04:54 PM

Gamble Rogers

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: Amergin
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 04:52 PM

The Final Note

It is a celebration of your life
And the mourning of what might have been
It is a joyous cry of your love
And the tearful anger of your death
It is the alleviating conclusion
Of a transitory moment of anguish
To find yourself galloping blissfully
Through the golden orchards of Tír na nÓg
It is a moment for those of us who linger
To gather the tokens of your life
In tear stained photographs
And the scattered recollections
Of the fleeting seconds
We depleted at each other's side
It is a occasion to weep at your departure
As the piper resonates his concluding note
Duplicating the banshee's dying requiem.

Nathan Tompkins

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: Sandy Mc Lean
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 04:07 PM

My deepest sympathy! As he died a hero may his memory shine in your hearts with pride after the initial grief has passed! Greater love hath none than he who lays down his life for a friend! God bless.....

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's gran
From: Stringsinger
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 03:51 PM

Sandy and Caroline, deep condolences. I am saddened by your loss.

Frank Hamilton

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: Barbara Shaw
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 03:46 PM

Dear Sandy & Caroline, I'm so sorry to hear about your grandson. If there's any comfort to be had in this poem/song I wrote, please read it with the love intended.

Not Mine For Long
Barbara Shaw, 2004

Not mine for long, I always knew
Those two bright cheeks and smiling eyes
So wise, so piercing to my soul
Would one day grow forever old
And move beyond my range of view.

In little steps in little ways
The days went by and I was sure
Those pure and joyful times would fly
And one day we would say goodbye
And move on to the coming phase.

Moving out to change the world
To learn and play and push the edge
To jump the hedge of home and heart
And find new routes and roads to start
To view the tapestry unfurled.

Becoming person of the earth
Whose worth is yet to be displayed
Who stayed not longer than a flash
With us whose memories are ash
That rose in triumph at the birth.

Moving out and quickly gone
Drawn to the ultimate design
Not mine for long, I always knew
Yet mine forever, always true
Moving out and moving on.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: Greg B
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 03:34 PM

The story puts me in mind of another hero's manner of leaving us...
Stan Rogers.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's gran
From: Sandy Paton
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 03:18 PM

Thank you so much, Norma. Your story of what happened is exactly as one of the other boys gave it to us, and, apparently, to Jim Moore, who wrote the fine articles in the Waterbury Republican-American. We're grieving, of course, but proudly, knowing that he did what he did to help Frankie, knowing the danger involved.
    He was a wonderful young man, and such a great grandson to Caroline and me. Thank you for sharing a little of his greatness with our friends on the Mudcat Forum. That was very thoughtful of you.
    Sandy Paton

Subject: Abrazos: Kaelan Paton Missing -
From: wysiwyg
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 10:55 AM

Norma,

My husband and I do a fair bit of pastoral counseling and crisis ministry, and it is from this context I share the following.

It sounds to me like Frankie is still in the shock phase of processing what occurred, and that right now he has not yet started the phase more commonly known as survivor's guilt. Processing and healing from that (through that) will almost certainly be an issue to address, thoguh just companioning him as he lives and addresses present-time is most important now.

In companioning, caring adults can help implant the knowledge that Kaelan, his good friend, gave his life not "in vain" but would, as a good friend, certainly want to celebrate all the wonderful things Frankie will experience as his life unfolds-- from what I have heard about Kaelan, and from what we know of youth in general, I would bet that he would want Frankie to embrace life and "make him proud."

Kids that age make huge use of "sideways" wisdom; wisdom offered in relaxed understatement provokes thought, as opposed to the type of insistent agree-with-me communication "middler" adults so often offer instead "for their own good." This is exactly the type of wisdom a grandparent is so often in a position to offer-- our maturity lends a bit of credibility to young people searching not for answers, but for promising clues they can investigate for themselves.

I celebrate all that Kaelan's grandparents gave to nourish that young man, and I celebrate how you will continue to nourish your young Frankie.


Abrazos,

~Susan

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's gran
From: Big Mick
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 10:08 AM

Norma's post touches me deeply. We are but a week or so short of the one year anniversary of the accident that my daughter survived and her best friend did not. I know in an all too familiar way the awful pull of conflicting emotion. Frankie needs support and understanding so that he gets that this was simply an accident.

Mick

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: Naemanson
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 09:46 AM

In December we lost a student at school. He was one of my students, very personable with a great future. His loss tore out my heart.

About halfway through the next quarter one of his friends told me they had been together in the surf on kayaks and then he was gone. They never found him. The friend commented that he wanted to go into the surf to find him but that the other people on the beach wouldn't let him go. I told him that Jerod would not have wanted him to risk his life that way.

Then, in March, one of the members of my Academic Challenge Bowl team went on a church outing to Tarzan Falls. Apparently he slipped on the rocks, hit his head, and was gone before anyone saw anything. They did eventually find him but it was too late.

I will never forget this school year. It has been the most difficult, emotionally, that I can imagine. I have spoken with veteran teachers who tell me they have never experienced anything like this and hope they never will.

All this is the long way of saying that I hope someone remembers to comfort Kaelan's teachers, mentors, friends, and anyone else who him in their hearts. He sounds like he was a great kid, as special as those two were to me. I hope they can find their own peace.

And Sandy and Caroline, I am still thinking of you and hoping for the best for you and for Kaelan's parents.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: nutty
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 09:36 AM

Some years ago I wrote these words to be spoken at my funeral.
Others have asked to use them when speaking for their loved ones.
They seem to be relevant for both young and old.

If they give you comfort, please, feel free to use them.


When my life is done
And my spirit's at rest
And there's nothing on earth that can save me
Don't weep and don't mourn
Send me off with a song
And reflect on the pleasure that knowing you gave me

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: bbc
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 07:04 AM

Norma,
Thank you so much for writing! Most of us know little of what really happened that day & your post helped me to understand. I agree with everything that Janie wrote. There is & should be joy that Frankie was saved; may he savor a long, full life! I think that times like this serve to remind us to hold our loved ones near & to recognize that we just get one day at a time; life is precious!

Lisa,
I am sorry for your loss. Growing up, I lost a close friend to a motorcycle crash the weekend after school closed. As trite as it sounds, our best part is to just love each other through these times--making ourselves available to hug, to listen, to show that we are with those who grieve.

best,

Barbara

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: GUEST,Guest: Lisa Null
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 01:32 AM

Sandy:

As you know, I have spoken with Caroline and we will talk ourselves in time. It is not easy for me to put in words what I feel.

I remember a few minutes of stolen serenity on a bench outside in early May as people sang and plunked in the distance. You were the chauffeur bringing one of your grandchildren somewhere or other or perhaps picking him or her up...I took it for granted. I have watched your grandchildren grow, knowing they were enriched by not just one but two generations of love and care. This is so rare and so important. You and Caroline have given them the very best of yourselves. Kaelan's time was short, and it doesn't feel long enough, ripe enough... but he was the best he could be while it lasted, and you helped see to that. Take pride that you gave him so much and that he grew up as well as he did.

I lost my brother when he was just a few years older than Kaelan-- this is not something one ever gets over. All I can say is I love you like my own family and that some of the most beautiful flowers bloom but for a short time.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: Deckman
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 12:56 AM

MY GOD .... bob

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's gran
From: Janie
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 12:50 AM

Dear Norma,

I hope you (as well as Frankie and the rest of your family) know deep in your hearts that it is not only possible, it is absolutely OK to rejoice that one was spared, even while you grieve that one was lost. The relief that Frankie lives is a separate emotion from grief of the tragic loss of Kaelan. Frankie did not intend to put himself in danger, nor did Kaelan. This was an awful accident, but an accident, nonetheless. None of the boys would have gone into the water initially, or to rescue one another, if they had thought there was serious risk that any of them would be injured or would die.

My heart aches for all of you. I have a 15 year old son that I realize could be Frankie or Kaelan.

May all who love all of these children know they are surrounded by light and love, and find some measure of comfort in the midst of profound sorrow.

Janie

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: open mike
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 12:46 AM

Sincere condolences to his family, mother, father, grandparents, friends and especially for those who were with him on that day. treasure your memories.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: GUEST,Norma - Frankie's Grandma
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 12:25 AM

I am the Grandmother of Frankie, the friend whose life was saved by Kaelan. I can not really put into words how we feel. When my daughter called me from the Hospital, she was so hysterical, I could not understand her. However, I did hear her screaming "Frankie's all right! Frankie's all right!" I felt a cold chill roll over me, then relief..but then she screamed: "Kaelan is lost! Frankie is asking for Kaelan..he said he was there, and then he was gone!" The cold chill returned, and it remains with me.

As I understand it - and no one is exactly clear about it, Frankie was being swept by the current, and Kaelan ran ahead to some rocks, and extended his hand. Frankie grasped it, but the current was too strong for him to get out. Kaelan jumped in, and pushed Frankie to a rock, which he grabbed. He was losing his grip, and worked his way into a crevice by the rock, and turned around for Kaelan, but Kaelan was gone... The joy of having Frankie still with us is so strong, but at the same time, it is so painful to even try to imagine the anguish you all must be feeling...I have tried to do so, but the prospect of even trying to imagine it is more painful than I can bear to go to at this time. All I can say is that Kaelan is and always will be such a hero to Frankie and all of us - he is devastated by Kaelan's loss, and I know he thinks of it all the time - as do I. This is a loss of such magnitude; it brings a pall over everyone and everything. I have asked all my friends for their thoughts and prayers on behalf of Kaelan Paton, a hero to whom all of us owe such a great debt. God Bless him. We are still praying for a miracle... Kaelan gave one to us...His memory will be with us forever...

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: Skivee
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 07:17 PM

It's so sad to hear of this continueing tragedy; a cold echo of the Kendall, Jacqui, and Big Mick's recent devestating losses.
My heart goes out to you all.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's gran
From: Rowan
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 07:00 PM

As a member of the local Search & Rescue group I've been on two searches for people who were never found. Although I approached those situations with professional attitudes, the sadness was profound, and I wasn't a member of the family, for whom "excoriating" seems the most accurate, if inadequate, expression.

My thoughts are with you.

Rowan

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: Partridge
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 11:48 AM

So very very sorry to hear this. Words seem pathetic as they hit the page. I just dont know what to say.

Please know I'm thinking of you and yours
much love

Pat xxx

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 11:20 AM

Still holding you all in the Light-
Allison

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: GUEST,Glen Reid
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 09:43 AM

Such a terible tragedy. My most heartfelt condolances to Sandy Caroline and David.
Sincerly, Glen

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: open mike
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 12:33 AM

oh, no, another water tragedy for one of our young men.
If there is any chance that our two fellows are together
above, that is something, at least, to hope for.

hugs to all, and thank you for raising a son and grandson
to whom generosity and helping friends was such a powerful
priority. my sorrow joins yours....

oh, silly words.....

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's gran
From: GUEST,DADGBE sans cookie
Date: 20 Jun 09 - 11:32 PM

My God! Sandy, Caroline, David, Robin my heart aches with you and for you.

Ray Frank

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's gran
From: Michael S
Date: 20 Jun 09 - 05:39 PM

I had held back from adding to this thread. I didn't know Sandy and Caroline, and didn't know Kaelan and his parents. I talked to Sandy and Caroline once, many years ago. It was a formal context, an interview. They were very friendly, but I know it's not a very personal connection.

Then I found myself checking in here frequently to see if searchers had found Kaelan. I have two teenagers. My daughter is Kaelan's age, and also just completed the 9th grade. There's a kinship among everyone who loves someone else deeply, and eventually it seemed OK to me to express my sorrow.

So, finally, I came here, as so many others did. I am so sorry and I hope that there is peace and acceptance at the end of grieving. My thoughts are with this family, that has offered so much.

Michael Scully

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's gran
From: GUEST,Bob Tedrow
Date: 20 Jun 09 - 12:11 PM

I am very sorry to hear the news. My families deepest sympathy.

Bob Tedrow

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: GUEST,Lighter
Date: 20 Jun 09 - 10:00 AM

Sandy, we've met only in cyberspace, but I trust that you and Caroline will accept my sincere condolences anyway. I am so sorry to hear about this terrible tragedy.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: bbc
Date: 20 Jun 09 - 08:01 AM

Hi, folks,

Duane & I shared hugs, tears, & chat with Sandy & Caroline last evening. To date, Kaelan's body has not been found. Sandy & Caroline are bearing up, but this will be a long, long haul. Kaelan leaves a hole in the life of his loved ones that, although, over time, may hurt less intensely, will never be filled. He was such a special person. To die, at fifteen, with so much potential unfulfilled is a crushing blow. Your love, thoughts, prayers, & good wishes are deeply appreciated. The phone may not be answered, but Sandy is sitting at his computer, reading. To communicate with Caroline, letters might be more appropriate.

love,

Barbara

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: adventure
Date: 20 Jun 09 - 07:51 AM

David, Caroline, Sandy and Family,

We are thinking of you all......

Sincerely,

Peter and Joanne

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: Naemanson
Date: 20 Jun 09 - 03:40 AM

Did they ever find him? I lost a student this year in the ocean and they never found him. It adds to the sorrow and grief.

Sandy and Caroline, I only met you briefly, one face in thousands, yet your love and gentle hearts touched me and still ride with me. I wish you peace and relief from your grief.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: GUEST,ScuttleBob
Date: 19 Jun 09 - 09:39 PM

Oh, Dear Friends, My heart breaks for & with You All! And all these warm words from so many who have been touched by your Music, Your lives and sense of family. I wish I could be with you-but my thoughts & prayers are joined with this Greater Family that surrounds you...in love and careing.
Be strong, be well...
I Love You All
Bob Z

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: wysiwyg
Date: 19 Jun 09 - 09:37 PM

Still keeping watch with you.

~Susan

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: GUEST,Jan and Ken
Date: 19 Jun 09 - 06:01 PM

To the Paton family - we met so briefly but you are high in our thoughts so many times- and we often relate the story of your kindness, warmth and hospitality. No words can say how much we are thinking of you this has really touched our hearts - and today when our grandsons came to visit I gave them an even more special hug - because I was also thinking of you - and felt priviledged and humbled that I could hug them - please keep on hugging Kaelan in your hearts and remember all the joy he gave you in the years you had together.

I am weeping as I write this but send you all the love possible from here in England.

Very much in our thoughts

Jan and Ken

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: Burke
Date: 19 Jun 09 - 04:38 PM

I haven't been around much, but I was alerted to this thread. I'm so sorry to hear about this.

My prayers are with all of the Paton family.

Knowing a family that lost a father in very similar circumstances, I'll also hold the boy he was trying to save in my prayers.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: GUEST,Mark Ross on the MONDAK border
Date: 19 Jun 09 - 03:58 PM

I've been out of touch here on the Plains playing for a Buckskinner Rendezvous. My best to Sandy & Caroline, we never know when these things will happen do we? Cherish those around you for you know not when they will leave you.

Mark Ross

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's gran
From: M.Ted
Date: 19 Jun 09 - 01:43 PM

I am so sorry to hear about this--this is the worst fear of every parent, grandparent, uncle, aunt or caregiver. You have my greatest sympathies, and all my prayers.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: momnopp
Date: 19 Jun 09 - 11:06 AM

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Paton Family}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Holding you in love and light.

JudyO/momnopp

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: katlaughing
Date: 19 Jun 09 - 10:12 AM

Brave youth can bring such courage which brings such sorrow with never a thought for themselves. Many years ago, I knew a family who lost three sons in a matter of minutes as they went to rescue each other from the Colorado River. Somehow their family did carry on, for many years and they were well remembered and loved. I can just *see* Sandy and Caroline's spirits in those photos of Kaelan; there is a gleam in his eye and it looks as though a smile came easily and lit up his whole being when it did. Sometimes, those bright spirits burn out too quickly by our estimation.

SandyGramps, thank you for taking the time to post and please do not feel any onus to do so any time soon...take care of yourselves and just know we are here for you.

luvyaKat'leen

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: GUEST,Gloucesterman
Date: 19 Jun 09 - 09:23 AM

A quote from one of my father's sermons:
    The reality of grief is the solitude of pain, the feeling that your heart is in pieces, your mind's a blank, that "there is no joy the world can give like that it takes away." (Lord Byron).
No child should predecease a parent, let alone a grand-parent.
When you mourn him least, you'll remember him best. It will come, I promise.
Godspeed.
David Coffin

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: Uncle Phil
Date: 19 Jun 09 - 08:06 AM

Please add our sympathy and condolences, and add two more names to the circle gathered around you here.
Phil and Michelle

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: RoyH (Burl)
Date: 19 Jun 09 - 07:31 AM

Sandy and Caroline, our thoughts and prayers go out to you and all the Patons. We are grandparents too. We feel your loss almost as if it were our own. Loving thoughts to you. Roy & Elaine.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: Mooh
Date: 19 Jun 09 - 07:18 AM

Very, very sorry to hear of this.
Our hopes and prayers for you all.

Peace, Mooh.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: Zany Mouse
Date: 19 Jun 09 - 06:59 AM

There is nothing left to say - it's all be said. Positive thoughts winging their way across the pond.

Blessings
Rhiannon and Mick

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: Allan C.
Date: 19 Jun 09 - 06:02 AM

Others have said it as well or better. My thoughts are with you, Sandy and Caroline, and with the parents of that brave young man.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: KT
Date: 19 Jun 09 - 05:37 AM

Dear Sandy & Caroline, I'm so very sorry. Holding your family in my heart. KT in Alaska

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's gran
From: Big Mick
Date: 19 Jun 09 - 01:11 AM

It is incredible to me that you, in the middle of this, take time to honor us. This is a perfect example of why we all love you and your family so very much. Know, dear friends, that we weep with you.

Love,

Mick

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's gran
From: GUEST,Sandy Paton
Date: 19 Jun 09 - 12:39 AM

Dear friends:
    Please know that your thoughts and words do help. We will try to write more when the weeping stops.
    Sandy and Caroline