BS: In Case You Need a Laugh

Subject: RE: BS: In Case You Need a Laugh
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 09:03 PM

Dracula: "Greetings, I am Vlad Dracul. I terrorise villagers and rule with an iron fist."

Spike: "Nice! I am known in both the human and vampire worlds for being a killer of Slayers."

Dracula: "Impressive! So, Edward... what do you do?"

Edward: "I... sparkle..."

Subject: RE: BS: In Case You Need a Laugh
From: Joe_F
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 08:47 PM

If I were a cassowary
On the sands of Timbuctoo,
I would eat a missionary,
Coat and bands and hymnbook, too.

I would also, it seems, be a long way from home.

*

Once a lady on a trip around the world bought a parrot, but all it would say was "How's your a**hole?", which became less & less amusing as time wore on, so she mostly kept its cage covered. Eventually, the ship they were on sank, and as she settled in her lifeboat, she saw her parrot perched on a bit of driftwood. It made its usual greeting, to which the lady, understandably, replied, "Oh, shut up!" to which it replied, "Mine too. Must be the salt water."

Subject: RE: BS: In Case You Need a Laugh
From: Neil D
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 07:56 PM

I love that joke Kat:) It was the first one I thought of when I read the first post. I was going to post it myself if no one else had!
                  
                                     Christina

Subject: RE: BS: In Case You Need a Laugh
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 07:43 PM

Couldn't resist - fell about at this in another thread...


"Foolestroupe, if you read the piece by the weapons expert I provided, you will see that those smoke munitions are made so as to minimise casualties. "

I agree, there are nowadays very few casualties in the MAKING of them...

Subject: RE: BS: In Case You Need a Laugh
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 07:39 PM

Cassowary... that is one big ass partridge... white meat or dark? When I used to hunt, I would take three or more grouse a day depending on the mouths to be fed. That there bird might do a week at the camp.

Subject: RE: BS: In Case You Need a Laugh
From: Bill D
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 05:26 PM

Heisenberg must have been contemplating his love life when he discovered the Uncertainty Principle: When he had the time, he didn't have the energy.

Subject: RE: BS: In Case You Need a Laugh
From: Bobert
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 04:37 PM

BTW, a 5 foot ball python wrapped around ya' has the same effect on them church womenz 'cept with the python ya' don't have to worry about even comin' in...

Subject: RE: BS: In Case You Need a Laugh
From: GUEST,Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 03:44 PM

This is why I love this place so much at times... :0)

Jean, thank you for your wonderful story...that vision will stay with me for a very long time.. LOL

Subject: RE: BS: In Case You Need a Laugh
From: Bill D
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 11:29 AM

Mike: "I know a guy who crossed a parrot with a Cassowary"

Joe: "What did he call it?"

Mike: "I dunno, but it's BIG, and when it talks, you listen!"

Subject: RE: BS: In Case You Need a Laugh
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 11:07 AM

Guy walks into the psychiatrists office and says, Doc, no one will talk to me..what will I do?"
Doc says, "Next."

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: In Case You Need a Laugh
From: katlaughing
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 10:57 AM

A robber breaks into a home and hears a voice say, "Jesus is watching you."

Startled, he asks, "Who said that?"

Again, the voice says, "Jesus is watching you."

The robber turns around to see a parrot. He asks the parrot what his name is. The parrot replies, "Cornelius."

The robber asks, "Who names a parrot 'Cornelius'?"

The parrot replies, "The same person who named that rottweiler behind you Jesus."

Subject: RE: BS: In Case You Need a Laugh
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 08:41 AM

Time for my poem to get another airing:-


The Power of Prayer.


Mrs Brown had a wayward parrot,
A pretty young thing called Flo.
Who was always swearing and talking,
In sexual innuendo.

Mrs Brown went for tea at the vicars,
One Sunday evening last year.
Where she saw his old parrot praying
And it gave her a clever idea.

She asked the vicar at tea time,
"Can I borrow your old parrot "Rex",
To try to influence my parrot Flo,
Who talks of nothing but sex.

She took Rex home the same evening,
He prayed all the way in the car.
She was really impressed by the old bird,
Whose manners outshone Flos by far.

But when she put him in Flos cage,
She realized her greatest fears.
Flo said "Do you want a bit Rex"? and Rex said
"I've been praying for this for years"!!!

Subject: RE: BS: In Case You Need a Laugh
From: kendall
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 07:59 AM

Man called his Doctor:
:Doctor, my wife thinks she's a chicken."
Doctor, "What do you want me to do"?
Man, "Nothing, we need the eggs."

Subject: RE: BS: In Case You Need a Laugh
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 03:29 AM

I used to think I was a parrot but I'm OK now,
I used to think I was a parrot but I'm OK now,
I used to................

Dave H

Subject: RE: BS: In Case You Need a Laugh
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 03:08 AM

Got what they deserved I say
Got what they deserved I say
Got what they.......

Subject: RE: BS: In Case You Need a Laugh
From: mousethief
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 01:57 AM

What rude women. Why would you come into somebody's home and immediately start flinging insults? Got what they deserved, I'd say.

Subject: BS: In Case You Need a Laugh
From: LadyJean
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 01:19 AM

I have a friend, I name no names, who has a heart of pure, solid gold, and an African Gray Parrot named Snuggles.

If you don't know, African grays are the Einsteins of the parrot world. The actually understand what they're saying.

Two missionary ladies, dressed in their nice church clothes, with hats, came to my friend's house, claiming to have been sent by God.

My friend introduced them to Snuggles. One of the ladies said, "Birds are dirty". Which didn't sit well with my friend or her bird.

As my friend was getting the ladies glasses of water, she heard them arguing with her parrot. She says the bird was winning, but she may have been biased.

When my friend returned with the water, one of the church ladies said, "Your parrot's posessed."
My friend said, "Yes, but we like her that way."

Just then the parrot said, "Get out!" in the best Amityville Horror style and laughed in an appropriately sinister fashion.

The church ladies left in something of a hurry. One of them climbed over the back of the sofa on her way out of the house, so as to avoid the demon parrot.