BS: Paparazzi harass candidate - get finger!

Subject: RE: BS: Paparazzi harass candidate - get finger!
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 01:25 PM

That photo's been altered drastically with the intentions of minimizin' my importance and damagin' me politically. First off, I was wearin' a bathin' suit. Second, they either airbrushed my face to make me look really ugly or they photoshopped some other chimp's face onto my torso. Third, that ain't my torso, anyways, cos it's been shrunk by about 40% from my real dimensions. It looks more like this lunkhead chimp who useta work as a soda jerk in west Chicago. I ain't seen him in years, but it sure looks like him. I bet he has sold out to the Republicans or the Democrats and is tryin' to destroy my candidacy for a bit of the filthy lucre or some free drinks.

As for Renata, she looks the way she should in that photo, so at least they had some couth when it came to the lady.

Whatta buncha bums! The guy from Weekly World News is the worst. I should've made him eat his damn camera...a piece at a time...after I had busted it over his head.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Paparazzi harass candidate - get finger!
From: Will Fly
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 05:14 AM

Wow - love your hair! XXX

Subject: RE: BS: Paparazzi harass candidate - get finger!
From: GUEST,999
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 04:46 AM

Will Fly, it's you and me buddy.

Subject: RE: BS: Paparazzi harass candidate - get finger!
From: Will Fly
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 04:39 AM

I recognise Chongo but who's the guy?

Subject: RE: BS: Paparazzi harass candidate - get finger!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 03:02 AM

More evidence that the photos have been tampered with, Ebbie. Chongo is a pretty large chimpanzee, much larger than he appears in that photo.

Subject: RE: BS: Paparazzi harass candidate - get finger!
From: Ebbie
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 02:19 AM

Man, he is little. Not even a decent sized monkey.

Subject: RE: BS: Paparazzi harass candidate - get finger!
From: GUEST,999
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 07:38 PM

Is Chongo on the left or right from the viewer's perspective?

Subject: BS: Paparazzi harass candidate - get finger!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 05:57 PM

This photo tells it all (or does it?):

Snap THIS!!!

Paparazzi have long been pursuing and harassing famed APP candidate for president Chongo Chimp, seen here in the company of his campaign manager and "Gal Friday", Renata Carson. Chongo has been vacationing recently in Southern California after going on a fact-finding mission to observe local harbor tsunami damage from the recent Japanese earthquake. Chongo, accompanied by Ms Carson, tried to spend a few quiet hours alone on a California beach, but the two found themselves besieged by obnoxious paparazzi, one of whom asked Chongo, "How long have you two been sharing the tree house?"

That was when Chongo flashed the famous one-finger Chicago Salute at the reporter in question, while the unflappable Ms Carson smiled demurely.

The photographs which shortly surfaced in the popular press show Chongo nude from the waist down, although they stop short of showing shocking full frontal nudity since Chongo is standing slightly angled to one side. Chongo has vigorously denied their authenticity, saying that he was wearing a normal bathing suit at the time.

"You can see that them photos have been crudely photoshopped to make me look naked. This is the sorta low, seamy stuff my enemies are stoopin' to, to try to discredit my campaign, but all they are doin' is diggin' themselves a very deep hole to lay in, cos their allegations are nothin' but a buncha filthy lies!"

When queried as to the exact nature of his relationship with Ms Carson, Chongo said, "Number One: None of yer goddamn business! Number Two: We have a steady workin' professional relationship which everyone knows about, and its only purpose is to save this country by puttin' a real chimp in the White House, a chimp who will not knuckle under to lobbyists and bankers, and who will not send little apes and monkeys to die on foreign soil for the sake of corporate oil. When you work together with someone in the same office for years toward the same shinin' ideals, it is natural that you get emotionally close with yer co-workers. That is all I got to say about it. Now, dust!!!"

That last expression is an archaic one, seldom used by North Americans since the late 1940's, but this reporter looked it up in The Raymond Chandler Anthology of Classic Gumshoe Vernacular, and it apparently means the same thing as "Get lost!!!" or "Hit the f--king road!"