Help: Retired bruised, but wants to come back

Subject: RE: Help: Retired bruised, but wants to come back
From: Big Mick
Date: 03 Nov 01 - 10:35 AM

I didn't make myself clear, so let me do it now. My opinion is that this thread is started by someone we know. That person enjoys adopting personna's and wathching "the puppets dance". Then this person shares email with others, gloating about how easy it is to get Mick or Sharon to dance. I am OK with that because I would rather be thought a sap than to ignore real need. My point in the post is that we not have 100 - 200 posts arguing over this and whether it is legitimate, and who is mean and who isn't, blah, blah, blah.

As far as Max's post, yeah, I am there. I am one of the friends he speaks of. I support this place in real ways. No one here has been graced with more friends. If you go back in my posts you will find plenty of requests for civility. But I am completely intolerant of those twisted people who use it to satisfy their need to take advantage of decent, civil, goodhearted folks and then openly deride those same folks and this place on other forums. When I see their "sign" I go after them. They are the ones that seek to ruin our beloved Mudcat.

GUEST undercover, if I am wrong about you PM me, or email me at [e-mail], and ID yourself. I will then openly and fully apologize here. If you are who I think you are, then I will not. Let this one end on this note.

Mick

Subject: RE: Help: Retired bruised, but wants to come back
From: catspaw49
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 10:00 PM

Well Sharon, all that into account and all, I said what I would say anytime and in almost any context. I gave up long ago on the "intrigue" aspects and as far as this Guest/Member is concerned, I have no idea who or what or anything else.

Some 35 years ago I tried being less than up front and simply ignoring or trying to look past a difficult relationship and it was within my own family. I should have confronted the situation and my culpability then. I blew it and now that one can never be resolved as the person is long dead....and I still feel those twitches of shame. I swore then and I tell you and anyone who asks now, that the only way to experience life is by being upfront......good or bad, wrong or right......for me, that's the only way it works.

So Guest, please don't be offended by what I said, I just don't see it many other ways.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Help: Retired bruised, but wants to come back
From: SharonA
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 06:51 PM

Norton, if you're referring to Max's "No BS: The Mudcat is Shutting Down" thread, his request was made at 12:28 pm EST, 15 minutes after "Former Bodyguard" 's post on this thread (the one immediately preceding yours). Max's point is well taken, however. Here is a reprint of his request:

----------------

Subject: No BS: The Mudcat Is Shutting Down
From: Max
Date: 02-Nov-01 - 12:28 PM

"Get your attention? Good.

"I am very displeased with our community of late. The GUESTS have a tone I'm all too familiar with... I am going through a divorce you know. The members are disappointing me too. Please everyone, show tolerance and patience, love and empathy. I strive to have no negative emotions in my life, especially hate. I don't even allow my daughter use the word, and can't remember the last time I have, even casually about a food I don't like. I must admit that something that I am so closely associated with (Mudcat) contains so much of it.

"....I've been through a lot in the last couple of weeks, taking extraordinary efforts to keep Mudcat alive. I have shown tolerance and respect for it and all of you. Do me the same and help me clean up our imaginary town here at Mudcat, and fill it with love. My life changes come Monday. Another chapter down, many more to go. When life deals me like this, I take it as an opportunity to make changes for the better. Perhaps you can all join me this time.

"Remember, this site is about Traditional Music. It is for musicians, educators and appreciaters to share stories, techniques, songs, etc. It also facilitates our real friendships and get-togethers. I've witnessed incredible acts of kindness, I've seen people cross an ocean and nary spend a dime besides the plane ticket, and I've met some of the finest people in the world, from 4 continents. These are our core principles and should be protected. If the spite in this forum inhibits the quest for knowledge or a real meeting of folks, we are defeating the very purpose.

"I do not want another thread of Thank You's like always happens when I post one of these updates and pep talks. Don't tell me, show me. I don't need cheered up, I don't need to feel appreciated, I need to look upon the Mudcat pages and see beautiful people being happy, because that is why I do this. It's not my work that makes this such a great place (though it don't hurt), its all of you. I feel like I am rising to a challenge right now, with this move, and now I challenge you. We are a group, a whole. We are together because we share at least some common interest. We may not all see eye to eye on everything, but the Mudcat IS the sum of all its parts. I challenge you to make it work.

"Get your attention? Good."

----------------

For the purposes of this particular thread, let me repeat this excerpt: Remember, this site...also facilitates our real friendships and get-togethers.... If the spite in this forum inhibits...a real meeting of folks, we are defeating the very purpose.

Subject: RE: Help: Retired bruised, but wants to come back
From: Steve in Idaho
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 02:46 PM

And in spite of Max's request we continue to bite.

Last transmission on this subject -

Steve

Subject: RE: Help: Retired bruised, but wants to come back
From: GUEST,Former Bodyguard
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 12:13 PM

Dear Undercover

If you are a woman:

Forget all the other advise. Go to any gathering you want; just invite me. I will see to it that the guy in question treats you as the beautiful lady you are or he goes home in a bodybag.

If you are a guy:

Screw you - you're on your own.

Subject: RE: Help: Retired bruised, but wants to come back
From: SharonA
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 11:48 AM

Oops! In the first paragraph of my last post, it should read:"...dismissing his/her dilemma..."

Subject: RE: Help: Retired bruised, but wants to come back
From: SharonA
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 11:43 AM

Even if this person is who Ritchie and Mick and Susan think (s)he is, the person is still in the sort of quandary in which many of us have found ourselves at one time or another. Guessing at the person's identity is pointless, and dismissing his/he dilemma as a "load of shite" only worsens the problem by affirming the person's fear that (s)he will be hurt if (s)he shows up at a Gathering. Avoiding the soap-opera aspect of the situation, and offering supportive advice to whoever it is, would be more helpful... and more in the "spirit" that is supposed to exist here (so I've read, anyway).

I have a 3-D friend whose recently-ex-girlfriend attends the same monthly music-party that he and I do. He handles the hurt by arriving close to the time she usually leaves, and by joining a jam in a different room of the host's house, so contact is limited and usually only in passing. Certainly it's better than staying away completely and missing out on the fun with the people he does get along with! Hope this helps a bit.

Subject: RE: Help: Retired bruised, but wants to come back
From: Allan C.
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 11:23 AM

Mick may be right, but either way, my advice stands the same. At the end of the day each of us has to face up to whatever our troubles may be. If the troubles are of our own making, then we have to deal with that as well. If we have old debts we have negleted, then we must pay them or else be haunted for the rest of our lives with the knowledge that we have betrayed a sacred trust.

Guest, if this applies to you in any way, then you know damn well what you need to do.

end of final transmission on the subject

Subject: RE: Help: Retired bruised, but wants to come back
From: katlaughing
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 10:31 AM

Oh goodie, another mystery game of who's buggered who and who's not telling!

Subject: RE: Help: Retired bruised, but wants to come back
From: LR Mole
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 10:20 AM

What? Huh? Tune in next week for "As The Cat Muds".

Subject: RE: Help: Retired bruised, but wants to come back
From: catspaw49
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 10:18 AM

Oh me, oh my.....I'm at my wit's end. I think I have anthrax on my dick and I don't want my balls to find out.

Geeziz.........If you don't want to deal with whatever ta' hell it is in 3-D, then don't plague us with this "Oh what shall I do?" stuff here. Yeah, it's a net site and all that but really what's the difference? You either stand up or you run off.........If you elect to stand up, then do it here and do it in 3-D as well. If not, screw it.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Help: Retired bruised, but wants to come back
From: wysiwyg
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 09:49 AM

To clarify for anyone new to Mudcat who may see the erroneous Guest post above, my comments about memberships are straight Mudcat policy as reflected in the FAQ. Multiple memberships are generally against Mudcat policy.

~Susan

Subject: RE: Help: Retired bruised, but wants to come back
From: wysiwyg
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 09:44 AM

Mick... is it the person to whom I addressed my last comment?

~S~

Subject: RE: Help: Retired bruised, but wants to come back
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 09:43 AM

Don't listen to Susan's BULL either.

Many of us have many different charactors at the MC.

View it as a role playing game.

Subject: RE: Help: Retired bruised, but wants to come back
From: Big Mick
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 09:14 AM

I know exactly who this. Same old bullshit. Don't fall for it, folks. Allan...you know this person too. Ignore this load of shite.

Subject: RE: Help: Retired bruised, but wants to come back
From: wysiwyg
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 08:38 AM

If you rejoin under a new name, and do it by changing your existing membership name, all your old posts will show under the new name, so if you plan on laying low you can't do that.

Multiple memberships, tho, are a no-no, so you would need to ask Joe Offer or Pene Azul to label your old membership "inactive." It is still a "live" membership, and you can still check PM's and send PM's from there. But someone wanting to PM you, who does not know that you are checking the box, will try to PM you and see the "inactive" label and, presumably, know you are not likely to respond.

Trust around here is a funny thing. I would hope you have a pile of saved PMs so you can PM people wioth whom you have been friends, and let them know your new ID. So they don't feel weird about you when it all comes out.

And that brings me to the last part I want to say about this--

It WILL come out. Mudcat is too small for anything to stay quiet for long. So the question becomes, I think-- do you want it to come out as YOU want it to be known, or do you want others to tell your story, their way? Is this person you want to avoid someone you actually have cause to fear-- in which case any invovlement here will be a bad idea? Or is it a mess you have not yet been able to clear up, due to your lack of ability or theirs-- in which case involvement here will probably lead to clearing it up eventually? If that is the case then a PM to that person, outlining your preferences about communication, might be in order and might forestall any nasty surprises all around.

~Susan

PS-- In the unlikely event that this thread was started by one person in particular, whose situation (as they know) I am aware of, I will close with a personal word. If you are that person, then you know that I know the matter you are referring to. That ball is in YOUR court. Clear that problem up.

Subject: RE: Help: Retired bruised, but wants to come back
From: Allan C.
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 08:11 AM

quandary

Subject: RE: Help: Retired bruised, but wants to come back
From: Allan C.
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 08:02 AM

Ritchie is certainly right about your ability to have a different identity here in the cyberworld. However, it seems that your main quandry had to do with an eventual 3-D meeting with this person as a result of your involvement with the Mudcat. It is because of that, I advise retaining your old identity and dealing with your feelings as outlined above.

Subject: RE: Help: Retired bruised, but wants to come back
From: Ritchie
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 07:48 AM

Nah, I think you should have a 'secret life'. Come back to the Mudcat as someone else ... this is your chance to be born again ! Certainly, as Allan C has said in real life deal with it, but here your among friends even those that you may not like. a rose will smell as sweet by another name.

all the best and regards

Ritchie, the one you are trying to avoid

Subject: RE: Help: Retired bruised, but wants to come back
From: Allan C.
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 07:12 AM

its more a case of a deep hurt that I am scared of resurfacing

I believe that the only way you will ever be able to deal effectively with those feelings is to bring them out into the daylight. I think you will ultimately be amazed at yourself and your ability to overcome this problem if you face it head-on. I won't claim that all of your former feelings will vanish. That isn't realistic. What will change is how you react to those feelings. Those of us who have ex-wives and ex-husbands whom, for various reasons, we still must see from time to time have had to learn how to deal with this. So I know it can be done.

In the end you must ask yourself why you are allowing this person to dictate how you conduct your life. Who is in charge here?

Good luck! And I hope that welcoming you back is not too premature.

Subject: Retired bruised, but wants to come back
From: GUEST,under cover
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 06:31 AM

I have been on mudcat for about 2/3 years now and have met some fantastic people. My circle of friends has multiplied and so has my capacity to love. I have a bit of a problem, someone I am aquainted with has joined the mudcat and to be honest I do not want to bump into him at gatherings etc. I have sort of forced myself into a retirement as I was not sure how proceed. I now find I miss you all so much that I want to come back. It was me who told this person about mudcat - I could kick myself. Its not a case of "there's not room for the two of us" but its more a case of a deep hurt that I am scared of resurfacing. I should grow a thicker coat. Anyway I expect I'll get lots of useful comment, so thanks in advance.

I am not able to get back to you for a day or two, so I hope I don't get called too many names!