BS: Word-play

Subject: RE: BS: Word-play
From: masato sakurai
Date: 18 Oct 03 - 08:41 PM

Other sites:

      New English

      UrbanDictionary

Subject: RE: BS: Word-play
From: Amergin
Date: 18 Oct 03 - 06:44 PM

my favourite is from the devil's dictionary:

ABORIGINIES, n.
Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.

ABSTAINER, n.
A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others

ABSURDITY, n.
A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

AIR, n.
A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.

ALLIANCE, n.
In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.

BORE, n.
A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

CABBAGE, n.
A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

CHRISTIAN, n.
One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

FIDDLE, n.
An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.

HARANGUE, n.
A speech by an opponent, who is known as an harrangue- outang.

HAPPINESS, n.
An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

HEMP, n.
A plant from whose fibrous bark is made an article of neckwear which is frequently put on after public speaking in the open air and prevents the wearer from taking cold.

and the list goes on....

Subject: RE: BS: Word-play
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 18 Oct 03 - 05:58 PM

Here are a few political ones:

Tony Bliar
President Vladimir Rasputin
George Bushtard
Arnold Blackblack
I ain't Duncan-Smith (next Tory leader)

Subject: RE: BS: Word-play
From: C-flat
Date: 18 Oct 03 - 04:09 AM

Thanks for the link Masato, there's some beauties in there.

FLABBYGAST. (v.tr.) To be over come with astonishment that despite excessive dieting you haven't lost a pound.


FLAVOURITE. (fl'vr-t)
(n.) The food you're most fond of.

Mark, I often feel that my contributions must be made of lead, judging by the rapidity of their descent! Thank you for lending your weight to this thread! :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Word-play
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 18 Oct 03 - 02:57 AM

That's the fastest I've ever killed a thread. Worth one more try.

Subject: RE: BS: Word-play
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 11:31 PM

Banjoke: (Self-explanatory)

Opissum: What you get when you cross Mudcat Mascot #1 with Mudcat Mascot #2.

Sacred Harpo: Traditional American four-part hymns sung by mimes.

Chawrongo: Andean musical instrument made from an armadillo shell without taking the shell off the armadillo first.

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Word-play
From: masato sakurai
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 05:50 AM

This (Unwords.com) is a collection of such words.

Subject: RE: BS: Word-play
From: Wolfgang
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 05:45 AM

Incoherant: A longish post which makes clear enough the poster is madly against something but leaves you guessing why and sometimes even against what.

Wolfgang

Subject: BS: Word-play
From: C-flat
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 04:47 AM

I don't know it's origins but this list of slightly-altered words and their new definitions were sent to me. I'm sure we can add a few of our own.

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
obtaining sex.

5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
like a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a grub in
the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.