BS: The world of thermometers

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 05 Feb 05 - 10:09 PM

This joke was used in one of the 'Carry On' Movies - 'Carry On Nurse' or 'Carry On Doctor'.

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 05 - 02:52 PM

There's the old story about the admiral in the naval hospital. He was as goddamned lifer, nothing was ever good enough, and he was, basically, a mean old bastard.d

One day an enlisted orderly came it and helped the old bastard with what had to be done. Then to orderly told the admiral to turn over, becaus he had to have his temperature taken rectally.

With much complaining, the admiral did so. The orderly left.

About an hour later, a nurse came in and broke out laughing.

"What the hell's the matter with you?" asked the admiral. "Haven't you ever seen a man have his temperature taken rectally before?"

"Yes," replied the jg nurse, "but never with a daisy."

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Peace
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 05:46 PM

"I suppose I could ask the same about the rectal one. Do you ask a friend?"

LOL

Damn right you ask a friend. If you ask a stranger you'll likely be tossed in jail fo the night.

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 05:37 PM

Get yourself a cool new toy - an instant-read thermometer. You can find out if the pork roast is done, how cold your freezer is, and if the water is warm enough for th yeast. They're nifty.

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Davetnova
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 09:24 AM

I suppose I could ask the same about the rectal one. Do you ask a friend?

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 09:22 AM

an ammendment to the constitution has been drafted to have bi-metal thermometers legally defined as "temperature meters" and thermometers to be legally defined as not containing any bi-metal.

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Davetnova
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 09:17 AM

I can't understand the ones you stick on your forehead. How do you know what it reads?

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 07:20 AM

I wish to deny the rumour that Martin Gibson has Rectal Thermometer Envy Syndrome.

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 10:32 PM

Amos, I certainly didn't mean to imply that Bee-Dubya-Ell goes limp at certain temperatures!

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 10:14 PM

Now,Rapaire, you know the old saying -- ya cain't manage whut ya cain't measure!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 09:55 PM

Dang, I thought them pot users fired by cones, the ones that go limp at certain temperatures, and here Bee-Dubya comes along and destroys my illusions.

Pervert! Who are you to destroy ceramic art by using a pyrometer? You fire to "Cone 3" or "Cone 16"! Art isn't created by some scientific type grinding out logri...logarh...exponents; art is created by those who feel their creations! Commie! Art Critic!!

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: number 6
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 09:32 PM

Kinda cold in here.

Anyone know what temperature it is??

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: GUEST,John Gray in Oz
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 09:24 PM

Well - my subject at last. Thermometers form part of our industrial instrument range of products.
Looking out my office window I can see racks & racks of the bloody things. Just thought you would like to know that.

Bi-metal type, vapour tension, mercury in steel, nitrogen filled systems, digital etc etc.

And if you go into your characters there is a small "o" that you can assign an alt key to so you don't have to keep typing the word 'degrees'.

JG/FME

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 12:47 PM

but alcohol is the likley explanation.

Bunnahabhin

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 12:10 PM

LOL!! Fever indeed -- a most mercurial temperament!!:D


A

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: rumanci
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 12:06 PM

hmmmm - various degrees of ascerbity ? zero tolerance ? scraping the barrel ? If you can't be funny ....... at least try and be celcius ?
I'll disappear off the scale again now
"Fever"

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 12:05 PM

Always knew you were a hot number, Bee Dub.

What gets me is when people yell at the thermometer because the house is cold. Ever see that?A good analogy for many ideational malfunctions.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Layah
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 12:00 PM

There's got to be some deep meaning in the similarity between words Shatner and Spatula. What other similarities do they share? I hesitate to mention (wouldn't want to offend any spatulas)

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Peace
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 12:00 PM

"Aren't grownups supposed to put it under the arm, or the tuongue?"

If it's been up yer arse, I would advise against that.

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Peace
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 11:58 AM

SHATNER
SPATNER
SPATUER
SPATULR
SPATULA

Whew!

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 11:56 AM

I thought the thermometer up the arse trick was reserved for babies and animals. Aren't grownups supposed to put it under the arm, or the tuongue?

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 11:55 AM

No, Brucie, no!
the 's' word is shatner.....

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 11:54 AM

A thermomula?

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Layah
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 11:54 AM

I have a candy thermometer, which I use but don't actually follow. When I first started making candy I didn't own a thermometer so when I finally got one I already knew how to tell the temperature. After using a thermometer I found out that they are much less reliable than other tests. I hear I'm supposed to calibrate it every time I use it, but that involves boiling some water every time I want to use it. So I put it in the pot and then promptly ignore everything it tells me.

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Peace
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 11:51 AM

SPATULA--that's the S word--SPATULA, DAMMIT!

I am designing a combined spatula/thermometer. Someon elsewhere said to "shove the spatula up yer arse." May as well make it a dual-purpose tool.

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 11:50 AM

I've only got one of those mercury ones that are impossible to read, and then they break anyway and you end up with mercury everywhere...

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 11:48 AM

Maybe superglue...but if you shoved superglue up your arse, you'd end up seriously constipated...

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 11:48 AM

I don't believe a have a thermometer. They're always getting broken and, anyway, who needs 'em. When it's hot, it's hot. When it's cold, it's cold. If I wanna know how hot or cold I just go to weather.com.

And, anyway, thermometers and temperature are hard to talk about here because half the people use the Fahrenheit scale and half the people use the Centigrade scale and nobody's keyboard has a "º" symbol on it so ya have to type out the word "degrees".

But I will tell ya this: I have a really nice pyrometer. It'll tell ya whether something's 2375º (Fahrenheit) or 2380º in a hurry. If you've got anything that needs to be that hot, I'm your man.

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 11:45 AM

What? Spoons, spaceships, Spain? Sheep? Santa? I'm discombobulated...

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Peace
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 11:37 AM

Please don't mention the S word on this thread. And if you do, then shove it up yer arse.

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 11:36 AM

I agree wholeheartedly...






















WTF?

Subject: RE: BS: The world of thermometers
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 11:35 AM

too fickle - always going hot and cold

Subject: BS: The world of thermometers
From: Peace
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 11:32 AM

The thread title says it all.