BS: Computer Science--Alternative Views

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Science--Alternative Views
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 05 - 01:22 PM

Yep -- James Thurber called it the "container within the thing contained", pure hell on any logic system!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Science--Alternative Views
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 19 Mar 05 - 05:57 AM

A well remembered classic:

"To assure proper installation and setup of your new IOMEGA ZIP DRIVE you should carefully read through the instructions in the Users Manual before starting the installation.

"The Users Manual, including complete installation, operating, and troubleshooting procedures is on the IOMEGA ZIP DISK included with your new IOMEGA ZIP DRIVE."

Duhhhhhh??

Does anyone else see the problem here?

John

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Science--Alternative Views
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 10:56 PM

"No I don't care if it rains or freezes
Long as I have my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
But I think he'll have to to
His magnet ruins my radio
And if we have a wreck he'll leave a scar."

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Science--Alternative Views
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 10:41 PM

Bev and Jerry -

Even in the fifties, when "plastic Jesus" was a very common sight in my area, most of them came with a magnetic base but had to be GLUED ON to stay in place. The only place a magnet would stick on most US made dashboards even then was the "lid" on the ash tray down at the bottom of the "dash," and sometimes on the sort of rounded "cowl" that covered the base of the steering wheel hub where they added - at about that time - that newfangled optional thing called a "turn signal." (Most locals never did figure out what that option was for.)

A briefly popular accessory from the early 50s was a sort of "bean bag" with a small steel plate in it. You could toss it almost anywhere, bean side down, and stick your "magnetic accessory" to the plate. Unfortunately, when the beans shifted, Jesus took a tilt that made it look like he'd just come out of a street brawl, but at least he wouldn't fall off the dashboard.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Science--Alternative Views
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 09:50 PM

'What about a computer magnet saying "For instructions see fridge"?'

Just talk to it over the internet!

Ensure brain is in gear before engaging mouth - or typing it on the internet.

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Science--Alternative Views
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 08:10 PM

"They force us to think before talking/typing."

oh, really? I hadn't noticed...*grin*

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Science--Alternative Views
From: Bev and Jerry
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 06:40 PM

John:

What's going to happen to "Plastic Jesus" then?

Bev and Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Science--Alternative Views
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 05:55 PM

I really hate this damn machine
I wish to Hell they'd sell it-
It won't do what I want it to
But only what I tell it.

This was very true, (and reasoinably funny) a dozen years ago--Now the damn software does things to your system without your telling it to, or even without asking your permission. It hides information in hard-to-locate places under impossible-to-recognize names, and then forces you to spend money on software to fix the messes that it creates.

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Science--Alternative Views
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 05:08 PM

It's like most stuff in the shops, it's made to sell not to use, and people who might buy it (**) probably don't realize until they get it home that there's no "magnetic" place to stick it on a computer.

If it's small enough, and "cute enough," it goes on the refrigerator, since that's the only appliance in most houses that a magnet will stick to. The only other place you could put it would be on the washer/dryer, but then nobody would see it and know how clever you were when you bought the same p.o.s. everybody else has on their refrigerator.

It's a rule of modern marketing that anything that can be screen printed will eventually be made into a refrigerator magnet.

** There hasn't been enough steel inside (##) any automobile sold in the US in the past 30 years or so to bother your dashmount compass, but they still sell "magnetic mount" accessories to stick on your dashboard (which is entirely made of plastic). Those "**" people apparently still buy enough of them to make it worthwhile for retailers to keep them on the shelves.

## With some "modern" cars, there isn't enough steel on the outside to hold your mag-base CB antenna in place.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Science--Alternative Views
From: John O'L
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 03:55 PM

A warning about your computer that you can stick on the fridge.

What about a computer magnet saying "Fot instructions see fridge"?

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Science--Alternative Views
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 03:28 PM

I first heard of the "DIRE THREAT" about twelve years ago. It's still true.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Science--Alternative Views
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 09:03 AM

which would be totally brainless thing to try to stick to your screen...

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Science--Alternative Views
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 08:50 AM

An apparently popular "stickup" now, since I've seen it several places, is a sign to be placed on your computer that reads:

                                      DIRE THREAT
                                         WARNING
                                      I will do exactly
                                      what you tell me
                                              to do

It's probably available on a refrigerator magnet.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Science--Alternative Views
From: Wolfgang
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 05:04 AM

I love (11). That's a reason why I like computers. They force us to think before talking/typing.

Wolfgang

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Science--Alternative Views
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 17 Mar 05 - 07:39 PM

Don T -

I'd guess the obsolete that Amos is talking about is "they won't work with current programs anymore."

The obsolete you're talking about is just "there are better machines available."

Example 1: Some of our users are just beginning to understand Win98, but Microsoft does not support it, and nobody writes much in the way of new programs it can run. Relatively few programs you learned to use with Win98 run really well on newer Op Systems, and the machines that ran Win98 quite well frequently can't run the later OS. That's obsolete - Amos style.

Example 2: My machine has only one 2.6 GHz processor, single-threaded, and I've only got 1,024 MB RAM and 400 GB HD space, only 2 ethernet cards, and currently I'm only fixed with 9 USB ports. Obsolete - your style, by any sensible standard. I need a new machine!!!!!

John

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Science--Alternative Views
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 17 Mar 05 - 05:36 PM

Amos,

Can you tell me where to buy one of these computers that is obsolete by the time you understand it?

99.999999% of computers are obsolete by the time you leave the computer store after paying for them. The other 0.000001% are obsolete before you enter the store.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Science--Alternative Views
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 09:20 PM

DIRE THREAT!

Sign on a computer:   "I will do exactly what you tell me to do."

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Science--Alternative Views
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 09:00 PM

I forget.

I'm getting confused whether the popular press is talking about users or providers.

Which side are the Geekfathers?

John

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Science--Alternative Views
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 08:11 PM

John, what was the question?

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Science--Alternative Views
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 08:04 PM

Item 3 appears to assume that "the answer" is somewhere in the manual. This is simply not true.

Computer manuals consist entirely of "for additional information see ..." intended to lead anyone consulting them in infinitely nested loops of more "for additional informations see ..." with the expectation that eventually they'll forget what the question was.

There are no answers in any known computer manual.

(I've looked.)

Help files are much more efficient, since you can circle through the infinite loops without turning pages. You can thus do many more loops before you forget what the question was.

The results are the same.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Science--Alternative Views
From: GUEST,Skipy
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 06:51 PM

scince?
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Science--Alternative Views
From: GUEST,Jon
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 06:47 PM

12 As I may have said before, it's all a load of Codd's. (For those who don't know (Edgar Codd [famous for his relational database work - something we all use here at Mudcat] and codswallop. )

Subject: BS: Computer Science--Alternative Views
From: Amos
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 05:18 PM

Murphy's Computer Laws

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.

3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.

4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.

5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

6. To err is human . . . to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.

7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.

8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.

9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

11. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.