BS: The Darwin Awards

Subject: RE: BS: The Darwin Awards
From: GUEST,Ken
Date: 28 Nov 05 - 02:30 PM

To Mrrzy: I now see, the Darwin principle of "Suvival of the Fittest," not evolution, is the criteria. My mistake. I humbly withdraw my nomination.

Subject: RE: BS: The Darwin Awards
From: open mike
Date: 27 Nov 05 - 08:07 PM

check here for the annual awards to be posted soon.
Darwin Awards website

Subject: RE: BS: The Darwin Awards
From: Mrrzy
Date: 27 Nov 05 - 01:45 PM

Also, to be eligible for a Darwin award, you have to die. Shooting someone who took your hard-earned parking space might get the person who took it a Darwin award, but cutting off a few fingers wouldn't.   I guess cutting off something else might... if we didn't have technology, hee hee!

Subject: RE: BS: The Darwin Awards
From: GUEST,Ken
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 10:57 PM

IMHO a special Darwin award should go to the person who coined the phrase, "Intelligent Design." I personally thought this covered a scientific hypothesis that humans were brought to Earth by non-terrestrial beings, but no. It is a synonym for "Creationism," a religious doctrine. It beats the evolution and mutations of the "fishers of men" symbols seen plastered on vehicles in the southwest.

Subject: RE: BS: The Darwin Awards
From: pdq
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 05:34 PM

...the 2005 awards are still being decided...here are the top candidates...


1) "Plug Me In"
2005 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(7 March 2005, Hanoi, Vietnam) Nguyen, 21, had been drinking with friends in the Tu Liem district of Hanoi, when he pulled out an old detonator he had found. The detonator was about six centimeters long and 8 centimeters in diameter, with two wires hanging out of the end. Because it was old and rusty, he said, it couldn't explode. His friends disagreed.

To prove his point, Nguyen put the detonator in his mouth and asked his friend to plug the dangling wires into a 220-volt electrical receptacle. Nyugen was wrong!

The victim had little time to reflect on how he could have been so mistaken, or whether 220 volts alone could have been fatal. According to police, "the explosion blew out his cheek and smashed all his teeth." Nguyen died on the way to the hospital.


2)Failed Frame-Up
2005 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(19 March 2005, Michigan) "Unusual" and "complicated" is how the Missaukee County sheriff described the mysterious death of 19-year-old Christopher, who called 911 at 1:22am and calmly informed the police dispatcher that his neighbor had stabbed him. Suddenly he began screaming and begging for help. A woman was heard shouting in the background, "Why did you do this?" Deputies arrived quickly, only to find that Christopher had bled to death from stab wounds to his chest.

After an evening spent imbibing large quantities of alcohol, Christopher noticed a shortage in his liquor supply that could not be attributed to his own depredations. He concluded that his neighbor had stolen a bottle of booze! He menaced said neighbor with a knife, to no avail, whereupon he retired to his own apartment to brood about revenge.

Finally he figured out the perfect way to get back at that conniving bottle-thief: he would stab himself and blame the neighbor!

A witness saw Christopher enter the bathroom while he called police. When he emerged from the bathroom, he looked perfectly fine, but a moment later he began screaming as gouts of blood spewed from his chest. He ran to the door of the apartment, and collapsed.

The evidence pointed to self-inflicted wounds. Deputies found the knife that killed him in the kitchen, and an autopsy concluded that he had stabbed himself in the chest twice. The first wound may not have looked dangerous enough to him, so he took the knife and tried again, this time plunging it into his left ventricle. This wound was plenty dangerous: he had only two minutes to live.

Christopher died in vain. His deathbed accusation fell on deaf ears, as a witness stated that the neighbor was not in the apartment, and the neighbor offered to take a lie-detector test to demonstrate his innocence. All Christopher got for revenge was an accidental death sentence.


3)Surprise Attack Surprise
2005 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(3 January 2005, St. Maurice, Switzerland) It was the first week of a weapons refresher course, and Swiss Army Grenadier Detachment 20/5 had just finished training with live ammunition. The shooting instructor ordered the soldiers to secure their weapons for a break.

The 24-year-old second lieutenant, in charge of this detachment, decided this would be a good time to demonstrate a knife attack on a soldier. Wielding his bayonet, he leaped toward one of his men, achieving complete surprise.

But earlier that week, the soldiers had been drilled to release the safety catch and ready their guns for firing in the shortest possible time. The surprised soldier, seeing his lieutenant leaping toward him with a knife, snapped off a shot to protect himself from the attack.

The lesson could not have been more successful: the soldier had saved himself and protected the rest of the detachment from a surprise attack. The lieutenant might have wished to commend his soldier on his quick action and accurate marksmanship. Unfortunately, he had been killed with one shot.


4)   Playing with Elephants
2005 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(28 January 2005, Pendang, Thailand) It's no secret that elephants are big. Elephants eat hundreds of pounds of food a day just to maintain their weight. Indian elephants are nine feet tall at the shoulder, and the males have tusks that extend over three feet. They're so powerful that in Southeast Asia they are used to haul massive tree trunks with their tusks, work performed by heavy equipment in other countries.

It's also no secret that teasing an animal can make it mad. Teasing a nine-foot-tall animal that can carry a tree with its three-foot tusks may not be a good idea. Yet that was the very idea that formed in Prawat's head, when he saw a herd of five performing elephants chained to trees outside a Buddhist temple.

While the owner waited inside for an entertainment permit, Prawat, a 50-year-old rubber-tapper, offered sugar cane to one of the ever-hungry elephants... then pulled it away. Then he did it again. And again. And again.

The game was great fun for Prawat, but the elephant quickly tired of it. The last time Prawat withdrew the treat, the elephant swung his massive tusks and gored him through the stomach. He died on the way to Alor Star Hospital.


5) Mining for Elephants
2005 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
15 February 2005, Rushinga, Zimbabwe

The elephants were trampling Christian's maize field, which he planted on an elephant trail of long standing. He had to find a way to fight back! Fortunately, there was an old minefield nearby, on the Zimabwe-Mozambique border. Christian figured a few landmines planted around his field would soon teach the elephants a lesson they would never forget.

Christian may have gotten the idea of using the mines from a couple of incidents that had recently transpired. A local resident had been injured after picking up a landmine while herding cattle the week before. A week before that, another Rushinga man had lost part of his leg after stepping on a landmine. The other villagers saw the writing on the wall, and avoided the landmines.

But Christian realized they were just what he needed! Clearly, these mines could cause great damage to an elephant! He dug up five that had been exposed by recent heavy rains, and began carrying them home.

These unstable mines detonated, killing Christian instantly.

Then total number of elephants injured? Zero.


6) Death Valley Daze
2005 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(27 July 2005, California) Robert, 35, was eager to hang out with the nudists at the Palm Springs campground in a part of Death Valley where temperatures reached 136 degrees. The track was rough but passable until he was lured into the Saline Mud Flats by its dry, crackled surface, radiating heat in the baking sun. Within a few feet, the wheels of his VW microbus sunk deep into the muck that lay hidden beneath the deceptively dry crust.

Robert was miles from nowhere, surrounded by the bleached skulls of animals that had become trapped in the mire. But he had plenty of water, so he waited for help to find him on the remote dirt track. After six days, he abandoned the microbus and began walking to a less deserted track where someone was more likely to pass by.

Luck was with him. As he was shaking the last drop of water from his last bottle, help arrived in the form of intrepid 14-year-old British lads from the League of Venturers, who were training in search-and-rescue techniques. "He was crying and completely hysterical. I don't think he'd expected to last the day," said the unit leader. They gave him a lift to the nearest ranger station, 80 miles away, where he kissed the ground in gratitude.

Although Robert had cheated death once, that didn't stop him from tempting fate again.

In nearby Bishop, he found someone to tow the microbus out of the mudflats. Alas, it had two flat tires and other mechanical problems, so he returned to Bishop for automotive supplies. He snagged another ride into Death Valley, this time with a couple who took an unfamiliar route from the north, and dropped him off at a washout in the road about 15 miles from the Palm Springs campground.

His plan was to locate the campground, and once there, enlist help fixing his vehicle. He stashed his supplies and began walking. His body was found three days later, without a map, a GPS, or even water. Authorities estimated that he had walked along the road for 10 miles before heading into the open desert, seeking water.


7)   All Wound Up
2005 Darwin Award Nominee
Unconfirmed by Darwin
(28 April 2005, Moscow, Russia) A construction worker drilling the foundation of a parking garage project on Starobitsevskaya Street noticed something shiny stuck to the swiftly rotating auger. He took a closer look but still couldn't identify the shiny object, so he reached down to grab it. Unfortunately, his jacket caught on the auger, winding his hand, his arm, and then his whole body into the apparatus. By the time his fellow workers could shut down the rig, "only the man's legs below the knees remained intact," according to the daily newspaper.


8)   Heck on Wheels
2005 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(17 April 2005, Indiana) Late one night, 26-year-old Joseph was blazing down the road in the Chain O'Lakes district of Syracuse on his Yamaha moped. When he saw flashing lights in his rear-view mirror, well... with the wind whistling through his ears, he must have concluded that he could outrun a mere police cruiser. This hard-boiled candidate for the Heck's Angels revved his engine and roared off. The speedometer needle flashed past 10 mph...20...30...and within less than a minute, it was hitting the red zone at a blinding 40 mph.

But no matter how fast Joseph went, he was unable to shake the pursuing police officer from his tail. If only he had a spare JATO strapped to his machine! The two-stroke engine was buzzing like a hummingbird from the strain of the chase.

Was he thinking, "You'll never get me alive, copper!" as he sped through the intersection with County Road 800E? The answer will never be known. Joseph lost control of his would-be road rocket, crashed into a tree, and died instantly of massive head injuries.

Subject: RE: BS: The Darwin Awards
From: Peter T.
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 05:26 PM

This is the current top favourite for this year's award:

Mining for Elephants
2005 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin


15 February 2005, Rushinga, Zimbabwe

The elephants were trampling Christian's maize field, which he planted on an elephant trail of long standing. He had to find a way to fight back! Fortunately, there was an old minefield nearby, on the Zimabwe-Mozambique border. Christian figured a few landmines planted around his field would soon teach the elephants a lesson they would never forget.

Christian may have gotten the idea of using the mines from a couple of incidents that had recently transpired. A local resident had been injured after picking up a landmine while herding cattle the week before. A week before that, another Rushinga man had lost part of his leg after stepping on a landmine. The other villagers saw the writing on the wall, and avoided the landmines.

But Christian realized they were just what he needed! Clearly, these mines could cause great damage to an elephant! He dug up five that had been exposed by recent heavy rains, and began carrying them home.

These unstable mines detonated, killing Christian instantly.

Then total number of elephants injured? Zero.

Subject: RE: BS: The Darwin Awards
From: TheBigPinkLad
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 05:14 PM

The Darwin Awards are an annual event; these are old.

Subject: RE: BS: The Darwin Awards
From: Peace
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 04:52 PM

Robin Williams in response to a heckler once said, "I hope you use condoms. We don't too many more of you around."

Subject: BS: The Darwin Awards
From: Stephen L. Rich
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 08:37 AM

Someone sent this to Ingrid. We're passing it along to you.

Stephen Lee

DARWIN AWARDS
> >
> >Yes, it's that magical time of the year when, once
> again, the Darwin >Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved
> among us. We honor their >attempts to help chlorinate the human gene pool,
> and we cannot believe that >new winners keep showing up, but they
> do. Here are
> the glorious winners.
> >
> >This years Blue Ribbon Darwin Award Winner:
> >
> >
> >1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at
> his intended victim >during a hold-up in Long Beach,California, would-be
> robber James Elliot did >something that can only inspire wonder. He peered
> down the barrel and tried >the trigger again. This time it worked.
> >
> >And now, the honorable mentions:
> >
> >2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger
> in a meat-cutting >machine and, after a little hopping around,
> submitted a claim to his >insurance company. Expecting negligence, the
> company sent out one of its >men to have a look for himself. He tried the
> machine and lost a finger. The >chef's claim was approved.
> >
> >3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a
> space for his car during >a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to
> find a woman had taken >the space. Understandably, he shot her.
> >
> >4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a
> Zimbabwean bus driver >found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed
> to be transporting from >Harareto Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit
> his incompetence, the >driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
> everyone waiting there a free >ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
> mental hospital, telling the >staff that the patients were very excitable and
> prone to bizarre fantasies. >The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
> >
> >5. An American teenager was in the hospital
> recovering from serious head >wounds received from an oncoming
> train. When asked
> how he received the >injuries, the lad told police that he was simply
> trying to see how close he >could get his head to a moving train
> before he was
> hit.
> >
> >6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a
> $20 bill on the counter, >and asked for change. When the clerk opened the
> cash drawer, the man pulled >a gun and asked for all the cash in
> the register,
> which the clerk promptly >provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
> fled, leaving the $20 >bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
> got from the drawer was >$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you
> money, is a crime >committed?)
> >
> >7. Evidently, an Arkansas guy wanted some beer
> pretty badly. He decided >that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor
> store window, grab some >booze, and run. So, he lifted the cinderblock and
> heaved it over his head >at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and
> hit the would-be thief on >the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor
> store window was made of >Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
> >
> >8. As a female shopper exited a New York
> convenience store, a man grabbed >her purse and ran. The clerk called 911
> immediately, and the woman was able >to give them a detailed
> description of the
> snatcher.   Within minutes, the >police apprehended the snatcher.
> They put him in
> the car and drove back to >the store. The thief was then taken out of the car
> and told to stand there >for a positive ID, to which he replied, "Yes,
> officer, that's her. That's >the lady I stole the purse from."
> >
> >9. TheAnn Arbor News crime column reported that a
> man walked into a Burger >King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a
> gun, and demanded cash. >The clerk turned him down because he said he
> couldn't open the cash >register without a food order. When the man ordered
> onion rings, the clerk >said they weren't available for breakfast.
> Frustrated, the man walked >away.
> >
> >10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a
> motor home parked on a >Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained
> for. Police arrived at >the scene to find a very sick man curled up in a
> fetal position, next to a >motor home near some spilled sewage. A police
> spokesman said that the man >admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged
> his siphon hose into the >motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of
> the vehicle declined to >press charges, saying that it was the best laugh
> he'd ever had.
> >
> >In the interest of bettering human kind please
> share these with your >friends and family unless, of course, one of these
> 10 individuals by chance >is a distant relative or long-lost friend. In that
> case, be glad they are >distant and hope they remain lost.
> >