BS: More Coleman Balls

Subject: RE: BS: More Coleman Balls
From: JennyO
Date: 23 May 06 - 12:57 PM

Australia vs. West Indies - with Allan Border on 69 runs, and Greg Matthews on 69 runs.
David Gower: "Allan Border on 69, Greg Matthews on 69... a very comfortable position for the two of them to be in..."

Australia vs. West Indies again - Kim Hughes copping a pace ball to the nether regions, and upon his valiant return Richie Benaud commenting: "..and Kim Hughes returns to the crease with one ball remaining".

Then there was the Community Radio Network news broadcaster who announced that in the Australian Open, Martina Hingis had beaten her opponent "in straight sex".

Around 11.36am (AEST) 23/09/1988, towards the end of the Olympic ladies marathon, Peter Gee said on ABC radio: "We may see the four ladies shoulder to shoulder in the stadium, what a climax that would be."

As play resumed in the Test match between England and the West Indies after a drinks break, the commentator, Brian Johnston, told a surprised audience, "The batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willey."

Channel 7 and MMM's very own Craig Hutchey Hutchison, dropped this clanger on MMM, a Sydney radio station: "Yes the Bulldogs have won the toss and are kicking to the left of your radio dial!"

Pat Glenn (British Commentator) previewing the women's weightlifting one afternoon on the BBC: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria....I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing."

Subject: RE: BS: More Coleman Balls
From: frogprince
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 09:15 PM

Though I don't keep track at all, I would bet from looking at these that these commentators are mostly former jocks themselves.

Subject: RE: BS: More Coleman Balls
From: Emma B
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 08:01 PM

even more -

. "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."
(Harry Carpenter - BBC TV Boat Race 1977)

"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
(Metro Radio)

"This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother."
(Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator)

. "Moses Kiptanui - the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago"
(David Coleman - Sports Commentator)

"We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite"
(Murray Walker - F1 Motor Racing Commentator)

"On the difficulties of adjusting to playing football and living in Italy:
"It was like being in a foreign country"
(Ian Rush - Footballer)

"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is
identical"
(Murray Walker - F1 Motor Racing Commentator)

"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father"
(Greg Norman - Australian Golfer)

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious"
(Alan Minter - Former British Boxing Champion)

"The racecourse is as level as a billiard ball"
(John Francombe - Jockey)

"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again"
(Terry Venables - Footballer turned Football Manager and Media Pundit)

"We'll still be happy if we lose. It's on at the same time as the Beer
Festival"
(Noel O' Mahony - Cork City Football Club manager before the game in Munich)

"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat."
(Ron Atkinson - Football Club Manager)

Dennis Pennis: "Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography?"
Chris Eubank Boxing Champion: "On what?"

"Well , either side could win it, or it could be a draw."
(Ron Atkinson - Football Club Manager)

"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona"
(Mark Draper - Aston Villa)

"...and Ray Illingworth is relieving himself in front of the pavillion."
(John Arlott - Cricket Commentator)

"These greens are so fast they must bikini wax them."
(Gary McCord on the greens at Augusta)

"One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee-shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my God, what have I just said?"
(USTV commentator)

Subject: RE: BS: More Coleman Balls
From: Tootler
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 07:12 PM

Excellent selection, though my favourite comes from Snooker

"For those watching in black and white, the blue is the ball next to the pink" - TED LOWE.

Subject: RE: BS: More Coleman Balls
From: gnu
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 01:49 PM

Excellent! Thanks EB.

Subject: RE: BS: More Coleman Balls
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 10:30 AM

LMAO!! That's quite a list!

My fav: "Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve." (JOHN GREIG) Ooo-la-la!

Subject: BS: More Coleman Balls
From: Emma B
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 06:27 AM

Here are some of the foolish things that various FOOTBALL COMMENTATORS have uttered, and later wished they hadn't....

"And there's Ray Clemence looking as cool as ever out in the cold." (JIMMY HILL)

"....and the news from Guadalajara where the temperature is 96 degrees, is that Falcao is warming up." (BRIAN MOORE)

"If history is going to repeat itself I should think we can expect the same thing again." (TERRY VENABLES)

"I'm not a believer in luck..... but I do believe you need it." (ALAN BALL)

"The Uruguayans are losing no time in making a meal around the referee." (MIKE INGHAM)

"I think that was a moment of cool panic there." (RON ATKINSON)

"Beckenbauer really has gambled all his eggs." (RON ATKINSON)

"Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve." (JOHN GREIG)

"I spent four indifferent years at Goodison Park, but they were great years." (MARTIN HODGE)

"Souness gave Fleck a second chance and he grabbed it with both feet." (JAMES SANDERSON)

"They have missed so many chances they must be wringing their heads in shame." (RON GREENWOOD)

"It's headed away by John Clark, using his head." (DEREK RAE)

"Tottenham are trying tonight to become the first London team to win this Cup. The last team to do so was the 1973 Spurs side." (MIKE INGHAM)

"He's very fast and if he gets a yard ahead of himself nobody will catch him." (BOBBY ROBSON)

"The shot from Laws was precise but wide." (ALAN PARRY)

"The game is balanced in Arsenal's favour." (JOHN MOTSON)

"Merseyside derbies usually last 90 minutes and I'm sure today's won't be any different." (TREVOR BROOKING)

"Many clubs have a question mark in the shape of an axe-head hanging over them." (MALCOLM McDONALD)

"Tottenham have impressed me. They haven't thrown in the towel even though they have been under the gun." (BOBBY CHARLTON)

You have got to miss them to score sometimes." (DAVE BASSETT)

"Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a badly cut forehead." (TOM FERRIE)

"A contract on a piece of paper, saying you want to leave, is like a piece of paper saying you want to leave." (JOHN HOLLINS)

"And I honestly believe we can go all the way to Wembley......unless somebody knocks us out." (DAVE BASSETT)

"It was that game that put the Everton ship back on the road." (ALAN GREEN)

"And Arsenal now have plenty of time to dictate the last few seconds." (PETER JONES)

"Bobby Robson must be thinking of throwing some fresh legs on." (KEVIN KEEGAN)

"What makes this game so delightful is that when both teams get the ball they are attacking their opponents goal." (JIMMY HILL)

"Celtic were at one time nine points ahead, but somewhere along the road, their ship went off the rails." (RICHARD PARK)

"That's football, Mike, Northern Ireland have had several chances and haven't scored but England have had no chances and scored twice." (TREVOR BROOKING)

"...and so they have not been able to improve their 100% record." (SPORTS ROUNDUP)

"In terms of the Richter Scale this defeat was a force eight gale." (JOHN LYALL)

"In comparison, there's no comparison." (RON GREENWOOD)

"I would also think that the action replay showed it to be worse than it actually was." (RON ATKINSON)

"The new West Stand casts a giant shadow over the entire pitch, even on a sunny day." (CHRIS JONES, Evening Standard)

"What will you do when you leave football, Jack -- will you stay in football?" (STUART HALL, Radio 5 Live)

"Unfortunately, we keep kicking ourselves in the foot." (RAY WILKINS, speaking on BBC1)

"I've got a gut feeling in my stomach..." (ALAN SUGAR, speaking on BBC1)

"I would not say he [David Ginola] is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better." (RON AKTINSON in a TV interview)

"Johnson has revelled in the 'hole' behind Dwight Yorke..." (Carling FA Premiership WWW Page)

"An inch or two either side of the post and that would have been a goal." (DAVE BASSETT, speaking on Sky Sports)

"Both sides have scored a couple of goals, and both sides have conceded a couple of goals." (PETER WITHE, speaking on Radio 5 Live)

"You don't score 64 goals in 86 games at the highest level without being able to score goals." (ALAN GREEN, speaking on Radio 5 Live)

"What's it like being in Bethlehem, the place where Christmas began? I suppose it's like seeing Ian Wright at Arsenal...." (SIMON FANSHAWE, speaking on Talk Radio)

"And we all know that in football if you stand still you go backwards..." (PETER REID, Tyne Tees Sport Special)

"I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs..." (ANDY GRAY, Sky Sports)

"The lad got over-excited when he saw the whites of the goalpost's eyes." (STEVE COPPELL, Radio 5 Live)

"They [Rosenborg] have won 66 games, and they've scored in all of them." (BRIAN MOORE, ITV)

"If you can't stand the heat in the dressing-room, get out of the kitchen." (TERRY VENABLES, Capital Gold)

"The lads really ran their socks into the ground." (ALEX FERGUSON)

"He [Brian Laudrup] wasn't just facing one defender -- he was facing one at the front and one at the back as well." (TREVOR STEVEN, STV)

"It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday." (Radio 5 Live)

"...but Arsenal are quick to credit Bergkamp with laying on 75% of their nine goals." (TONY GUBBA, BBC Match of the Day)

"...an excellent player, but he [Ian Wright] does have a black side." (GARY LINEKER, BBC)

"We say 'educated left foot'... of course, there are many players with educated right foots." (RON JONES, Radio 5 Live)

"That's twice now he [Terry Phelan] has got between himself and the goal." (BRIAN MARWOOD, Radio 5 Live)

"Mark Hughes at his very best: he loves to feel people right behind him..." (KEVIN KEEGAN)

"Football today, it's like a game of chess. It's all about money." (NEWCASTLE UNITED FAN, Radio 5 Live)

Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice." (KEVIN KEEGAN, Radio 5 Live)

"We threw our dice into the ring and turned up trumps." (BRUCE RIOCH, ITV)

"And I suppose they [Spurs] are nearer to being out of the FA Cup now than any other time since the first half of this Cup now than any other time since the first half of this season, when they weren't ever in it anyway." (JOHN MOTSON, BBC)

"... and he crosses the line with the ball almost mesmerically tied to his foot with a ball of string..." (IAN DARKE, Radio 5)

"I never make predictions and I never will." (PAUL GASCOIGNE)