BS: Advice sought, preferably sympathetic.

Subject: BS: Advice sought, preferably sympathetic.
From: GUEST,an occasional poster
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 10:05 AM

Hi Guys,
I'm wanting a bit of advice from the wonderful store of knowledge and wisdom which is the Mudcat!

I think my partner has cheated on me! I'm mostly unhappy that he hasn't told me as we have quite an open relationship. I'm also worried for the woman in question, she seems to have a lot of emotional problems and depression, and something like this could hurt her badly.
She did go on two dates with him before he and I got together, but nothing else as they were not right for each other. Since then he has flirted with her a lot, both when I am around, and when I'm not, but since he does that with every woman he meets I wasn't too worried.

I was away this weekend, visiting my family, and when he called me on Saturday night he told me he had been to this womans flat for a meal. Nothing suspicious there, she is always asking him round, and he has to go from time to time otherwise she gets weepy and starts telling all of our friends what a dreadful person he is.

When I got back last night he told me that they had seen a couple of films, and eaten a meal together. All quite inncouous, but he then said that when an old friend had called him, and in the course of the conversation asked him if he had a girlfriend. He replied, that yes, he did have someone, and named me. When he got off the phone the woman he was with went crazy at him. Now it isn't like she didn't know, we have been together for three months, and he told her himself (I was there!).

So why did she get so upset? It just felt wrong to me, I am a naturally suspicious person mind you. But this morning I noticed that he had tried to delete his chat log. Curiouser and curiouser....
So I did a bit of digging and found that he hadn't actually deleated anything, just hidden it, although he believes that it is gone for good.

This is the transcript, which I have annotated as I was feeling vengeful. However I have no evidence that any of the activities which were mentioned actually took place. He might have been being nasty to her, building her up, then letting her down. Or he might be teasing me with it, trying to gode me (paranoid!).

What should I do? Confront him with it, or gather more evidence first?

All submissions greatfully recieved.

Also if anyone has an idea for a song about the situation, possibly involving naked twister I'd love to hear it!

Thanks
Anon

Subject: RE: BS: Advice sought, preferably sympathetic.
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 10:10 AM

You are posting his private chat log on an open forum?
I did not open it and suggest to others that it may contain a virus. Be careful.

Subject: RE: BS: Advice sought, preferably sympathetic.
From: GUEST,the poster
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 10:16 AM

It is a transcript posted on a blog site (Blogspot, www. blogger.com), it is text only with all names and dates changed. I wouldn't know how to post the actual chat link. I'm just needing advice as to what to do!

Subject: RE: BS: Advice sought, preferably sympathetic.
From: MBSLynne
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 10:25 AM

Three months and he's still seeing this woman? Ok, friendships between the sexes are fine but for her to get weepy etc and mad at him etc....I wouldn't have put up with it this far to be honest.

Ask him straight out and tell him it's causing you disquiet. Whether he will answer honestly or not is another matter and up to you to judge. I think I'd be thinking seriously about getting out. Once you start having doubts, rightly or wrongly about someone's honesty with you I don't think it's ever possible to have a trusting relationship again.

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Advice sought, preferably sympathetic.
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 10:29 AM

Confront him.

How much do you want to invest in sleazery?

A

Subject: RE: BS: Advice sought, preferably sympathetic.
From: Jeri
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 10:32 AM

You say the 'other woman' 'seems to have a lot of emotional problems', but you ferreted out the chat from his cell phone, started a blog just so you could post it all and did so, probably hoping he or she would see it. Then you posted on Mudcat, probably hoping he or she would see it.

You need to confront him and leave the rest of the world AND the vindictiveness out of it, although it's probably too late for the latter. It seems like you want the relationship with him to end, though, as you're already gathering allies in the war you plan. The 'rest of the world' gets annoyed when people invite them in to share the bad vibes... except perhaps Jerry Springer audiences.

If you can't talk to him about it without soliciting outside help, you've already lost and the relationship is probably history.

Subject: RE: BS: Advice sought, preferably sympathetic.
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 10:37 AM

The only advice I find in consulting old folk ballads is pretty gory and mostly illegal.

best just say "hello...what this chat log about"

Subject: RE: BS: Advice sought, preferably sympathetic.
From: Bee
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 10:39 AM

Are you seventeen? Because that's the only forgiveable reason I can see for searching a partner's personal computer stuff and posting what you find on line, over a three month relationship. Act like a grownup: tell him you think he's cheating, and if he isn't, you're still not happy about the other woman. Then drop the relationship, because it's off to a bad, bad start.

Subject: RE: BS: Advice sought, preferably sympathetic.
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 11:19 AM

A few thoughts:

he has to go from time to time otherwise she gets weepy and starts telling all of our friends what a dreadful person he is.

Think about what you said right there. Why does he have to go? If he isn't involved with her then he doesn't HAVE to do anything. Sounds like there is some emotional blackmail going on between all three of you.

It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, frankly. You said in the intro to your blog piece "Please tell me how I can make this better and more amusing." Then you reveal in intimate conversation studded with snide remarks. I think perhaps you three deserve each other.

Don't be a doormat. If he's involved with both of you now, he'll probably do it again, even if you insist that he choose she or you. If he finds out you've posted the conversation you're toast anyway, so maybe ending it while the ending is good would be your best bet.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Advice sought, preferably sympathetic.
From: Becca72
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 12:53 PM

What Bee said.