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Mudcat Tavern - Round 11
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Subject: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Jeri Date: 15 Sep 99 - 01:03 AM Hope everyone made it. We have a "special" door to your left, but the door to your right will always open upon the same creek. Hope nobody minds the flock of flamingos. Oh yeah, the guy that installed the door did a bit of tinkering around and and it has MORE POWER! He said it would open up to different times as well as places. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: catspaw49 Date: 15 Sep 99 - 01:15 AM .....Holy Zot, I hate these transbobbulator thingies............another door huh??.......Well at least you left us the standard one.....nice view, nice scene........Of course the Waylon Heron just stepped on Cleigh as he was chasing the flamingos for gawd knows what.........I'm just having a quick shot and leaving.........I am not trying that other door TONIGHT!!!.......Why the hell did you bring that "new improved door" along anyway Jeri?............I have nightmares as it is, even when I DO get to sleep.......At least you could give it a cute name like "The Wells Portal" or something.................another stupid ass door..............gimmee peace............. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Lonesome EJ Date: 15 Sep 99 - 02:44 AM " What the hell kind of place is this," I exclaimed. The guy with the possum had managed to fade into the crowd- which is saying something. I had never seen such a motley crew of misfits, ne'er-do-wells, and pure lunatics in my life. The place was spattered with lime jello and Guiness. A tall heavy-set red haired maniac was scampering around in a thong bikini. An English guy was dumping wheelbarrow-loads of more jello powder into what looked like a large spa. A woman sat at the bar drinking a disturbingly sweet drink, and wearing a cat on her head. People were massaging each other with Baby Oil and Bullseye Barbecue sauce. Several attractive women were skinny-dipping in a crystal clear creek in a beautiful meadow out the back door, where there was apparently some pagan festival going on. In short, my kind of place. I walked up to the bar. Time enough for one quick drink, then back to my own thread." Four Roses," I told the bartender."Neat." |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: alison Date: 15 Sep 99 - 02:57 AM OK.. I'll have a west cost cooler then I'm off to try the historical doorway......... OK set it for say 50 years ago, place MGM studios........ push button......... aaaaahhhhhhhhh........ that tickled..... what's that Cyd Charise has sprained her ankle and Gene Kelly needs a new partner.... lucky I dropped by..... OK boys play the music........... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: alison Date: 15 Sep 99 - 02:58 AM OOOOOHHHH look there's a random button here too ....... better keep 'spaw away from that one....... God knows where he'd end up |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Bert Date: 15 Sep 99 - 08:53 AM 'spaw doesn't NEED a random button. Gimme an Irish Coffee to start the day. So now we've got two doors we can let the wind blow through and air this place out. I'm sick of the smell of stale Guinness and lime jello. Phewee, perhaps not, those pink flamingos smell like.... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: kendall morse (don't use) Date: 15 Sep 99 - 09:46 AM can someone explain this madness to a new comer? |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Paul G. Date: 15 Sep 99 - 09:50 AM Well its just unexplainable. Grab a drink, in fact several drinks -- become drunk and it will all be clear to you...'scuse me while I pry open the door and hold my glass into the wind to mix this single malt with a bit of hurricane water...none better. Paul |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: MMario Date: 15 Sep 99 - 10:10 AM Kendall - welcome to the madness. If you would care to have ANY sort of understanding about this place - read the threads 1 through 10. MudCat Tavern in the filter and 1 year should bring bring up al1 but the one where we temporarily metamorphed into a pub....but there are links....oops! look! here comes one NOW! Click here for MudCat Tavern - the beginning MMario |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Bert Date: 15 Sep 99 - 10:42 AM Kendall, I think it all started here, well at least this is as far back as I can trace it. Reading it all from the start doesn't necessarily make more sense, but it's fun. Just blame it all on Angus. Come on Angus Lad, fess up, tell us where you got this virtual idea from in the first place. Bert. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: WyoWoman Date: 15 Sep 99 - 10:53 AM Um, uh, actually, I reached down to hang onto my shorts, as requested, but found I actually was hanging onto 'Spaw's shorts when we transported and, well, sorry Pal. Here you go ... hope I didn't cause any damage when we lurched to a stop.... ww |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: alison Date: 15 Sep 99 - 10:55 AM Dancing with Gene was great.. I've got another one....... destination Sean Connery's house, Edinburgh.....year 1950-ish.......... wish me luck girls...... weehhhehehehehe |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: katlaughing Date: 15 Sep 99 - 11:11 AM So, you the guy was listening to the possum? How in hell did you stumble into this place? Oh, well, if you're crazy enought o listen to ole Cleigh, then you ought to fit in just fine here. Uh, since you're into animals, would ya mind taking this cat off my head? He tops out at about 15 lbs and my neck is getting sore! Whew! Thanks, o, mind the flamingos, silly sod, he'll try to catch one! Welcome to Mudcat Madness, Kendall. For more of an idea regarding the Possum, go back to any of the threads from back in May which have Catspaw49 in the title. He scared the bejesus out of us all by walking on the other side for awhile and by way of celebrating his retiurn to us and enitce him to stick around, Barbara Blessings fashioned Cleigh O'Possum, the magical ocarina, for him. Also, check out bbc's Mudcat Resourses page, in the Quick Links, for pics of the Possum, esp. the ones from his recent outing to Niagra Falls. Give me another sickeningly sweet amaretto sour, will ya, please? Say, yer not leaving yet, are ya, Mr. Detective? Didja find what yer looking for? Ya know, you're kinda cute, especially with my cat draped around your shoulders like that! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: catspaw49 Date: 15 Sep 99 - 01:23 PM Hey Group.........Just a little coffee this time, huh.........Thanks.......I appreciate gettin' my shorts back WW...and next time face the other way when we transport..........something a little different, ya' know?.................So I see the new door's a big hit with alison.......Damn, I'm going through paperwork crapppola today and it really sucks.......Sometimes............HEY, There's an IDEA!!!.....Okay, let me at that new door....Hmmm, lessee, how do I...oh,yeah,got it.........Alright door, here's the deal........See I'm tired of remembering all this crap all the time and I don't care about time or space or distance just SHOW ME a clean slate........you know, a blank mind...like totally vacuous, without thought.........c'mon now door, I'm counting on you...Give me Blank....Give me Bland....Give me Vacuous..............(FLING!).........GEEZUS.........WOW, this fockin' thing really does work!!!???!!!!I'm feeling better already..........Hey Kat, talk to me about a necklace dearheart...............Gotta' go, See y'all later.............................beats hell outta that last stupid ass door..................... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Bert Date: 15 Sep 99 - 01:27 PM I'm coming to GET you..... <^O~ |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Bert Date: 15 Sep 99 - 01:28 PM Soon as I can stop laughing, that is. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: lamarca Date: 15 Sep 99 - 01:37 PM As another relative newbie to the Tavern, I gotta say that it reminds me a little of Bordertown - maybe it's down in SoHo someplace (as we go windling along our merry way...). I think maybe I've had a wee bit too much rum, but who's THAT over there on the bar?!? Get me another Barbincourt with a Lime jello chaser... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: catspaw49 Date: 15 Sep 99 - 01:51 PM You know that stuff I said about you back in Tavern 10 lamarca?........About adding class and all....just skip it.................Mmmmmmm, looks to me like Doug going for a positive attitude.........I'll just be placing a quick call to the Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed and Bert...YO!.BERT.....yeah, how about getting the Insanevac chopper in here ASAP for Doug?.............Can't remember the number huh?......Right then, I'll just call myself, you keep doodling....(geezus)........... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: DougR Date: 15 Sep 99 - 01:56 PM Lamarca, if I saw that damn thing dancing on the bar I'd give up strong drink forever! Spaw, you hit it right on the nail head. I'm headin' for a positive attitude! But first, a strong black cup of coffee to wake me up, please Mr. Bartender. By the way, who's tending bar around here anyway? I got to help myself? Oh well. DougR |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: MAG (inactive) Date: 15 Sep 99 - 01:56 PM Hey, everytime there's a holodeck episode on 'Trek, it involves a malfunction -- can't we just sit here and sing??? MA |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Jeri Date: 15 Sep 99 - 02:18 PM This place alway reminded me of Callahan's Crosstime Saloon, featured in a series of books by Spider Robinson. There's a newsgroup - alt.callahans and a web page at www.callahans.org from which you can get into a web ring. Callahan's motto: "Shared pain is lessened, shared joy increased.Thus do we defeat the laws of entropy." (Spider Robinson) |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Bert Date: 15 Sep 99 - 02:36 PM Don't open this door |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: kendall morse (don't use) Date: 15 Sep 99 - 03:44 PM It reminds me of that movie KING OF HEARTS |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Lonesome Gillette Date: 15 Sep 99 - 06:14 PM excuse me.. my feet hurt and I need a glass of water. Ive been walking for miles in plastic shoes. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: paddymac Date: 15 Sep 99 - 08:09 PM Jeez, Kendall, welcome to the neighborhood joint. You shoulda been here last night. There was guy who looked a lot like (LALL) 'spaw askin' all the girls to guess how old he was. One sweet thing who LALL Alison smiled demurely and guessed 29. The guy who LALL 'spaw grinned from ear to ear and said "Nope, I'm 69"(random number generator at work). He then approached another sweet thing who LALL WW and asked the same question. She deftly pulled down his zipper and reached into his drawers. He got this strange look of a pleasurable surprise on his face, and after a bit the gal who LALL WW withdrew her hand and answered "69". He who LALL 'spaw was taken aback by her accuracy and asked "How'd you know that?". She who LALL WW coyly answered "I hear you tell she who LALL Alison". Poor ol' he who LOLL 'spaw was actually at a loss for words- first time in his life some say. Ah, well, just another nite in our home place. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Angus McSweeney Date: 15 Sep 99 - 08:32 PM Hey, Bert! I've been gone a while, but I just got to the question you asked me. Are you telling me that this isn't real? God Almighty, now I really need a drink. (Laphroig, neat...and hand me that six-string!) |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Lonesome EJ Date: 16 Sep 99 - 11:55 AM Damn! I turn over the bartender apron to Doug, and the next thing I know Bert's giving Angus credit for starting the Tavern thread, and another "Lonesome" is hanging around the premesis. Well, somebody gimme a Beck's Oktoberfest (on Bert's tab, by the way), and I'll mosey over to the Beatnick Booth and sit a spell with Neil L, the Detective guy, Jack, Kesey, and the rest, and I will reflect on the fleeting nature of Mudcat fame. Ah me, how soon they forget....LEJ You're telling me... Blake Madison |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: MMario Date: 16 Sep 99 - 12:15 PM ahhh, thought I'd wander in and reminisce about the ol' days....back when the Tavern was new, 'bout umpty transdimensional portals ago....what was that bartender's name? wholesome-DK? gruesome-C-Day? somethin' like that. He poured a mean drink though. Wonder what ever happen'd to him? How about a shot of Bailey's for my coffee,here? I have performed my "evil deed" for the week. Presented a three year old with a tambour as a birthday present. He is delighted, his parents a bit less so, but I DID clear it with them first. And they are VERY grateful I didn't bring over the whistles I had been thinking of.... NIce to see that Floyd hasn't dropped any rain on the B-B-Q grounds out the "safe" door. I was thinking of grilling up a few mahogany clams for lunch. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: catspaw49 Date: 16 Sep 99 - 12:19 PM Welcome to Mudcat Lonesome EJ. Always nice to see someone new here. Be sure you read the instructions on how to use the DT and always look there first before requesting the lyrics to a song like, "My Radio Shack's a Million Miles from Nowhere." I hope you come back and see us again soon. Bert |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Dave Swan Date: 16 Sep 99 - 12:41 PM Wow, just back in the door after five, count 'em, five days in Atlanta. Looks like I have a lot of catching up to do. Open a tab please, oh most originally Lonesome one, open a bottle of Laphroaig and hand me a flexi-straw. If anybody see Catspaw, tell him I found his initials carved on the Concord covered bridge in Marietta. Cheers, E.S. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Bert Date: 16 Sep 99 - 12:53 PM Now now, I didn't give Angus credit for the Tavern. I 'blamed' him for starting all this virtual nonsense, (I know he thinks it's real) which I think predates the tavern. Even then I said that his posting was the earliest I could find. Does anyone know of an earlier 'virtual' thread??? So don't getcher nickers in a twist naah. Bert. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Lonesome EJ Date: 16 Sep 99 - 01:16 PM Catspaw... fer chrissakes, don't ya know me!? "Possumtively Fourth Street"?! All the encounter sessions at the Young Center!? Look! (removing sunglasses, red rubber nose, and top hat) It's old LEJ!! sure, I'll take another Beck's - right, on Bert's tab... no my knickers aren't in a twist, but I think I've got a knot in my thong. Aw, Catspaw... ya gotta recognize me, buddy!! The Gargoyle Wars? Tiples twanging along the banks of the Wasatch?! LEJ |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Peter T. Date: 16 Sep 99 - 01:22 PM Ummm, Bert, they are all virtual threads. ("How do you know when Bert has been using e-mail? The disk drive is full of envelopes....") yours, Peter T. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Bert Date: 16 Sep 99 - 01:56 PM Oh dear, oh my, oh bloody lor', guess I'll have to 'splain the diff. A request for lyrics IS REAL Posting lyrics IS REAL Discussion about the meaning of folk IS REAL Pretending we're singing a song AIN'T REAL Pretending we're drinking Guinness AIN'T REAL Pretending we're anointing WW's toes with barbecue sauce, unfortunately AIN'T REAL NEITHER. Unless your Angus who's fortunate in thinking that EVERYTHING is real Or Peter T who thinks that everything ain't real, or should that be 'nothing is real'. (Peter can explain the difference ta yall.) LEJ thinks that UNREALITY started with him, but he'd been drinking at the time. ANGUS who (I think) started the unreality doesn't beleive in unreality, so he may also have been drinking when he perpetrated the real unreality. So, virtual hands up if you think that Peter T, and Angus and LEJ are real. I hope this clarifies the situation. Ber. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Lonesome EJ Date: 16 Sep 99 - 04:06 PM Not really |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Lonesome EJ Date: 16 Sep 99 - 04:45 PM Let me just state, for the sake of clarification, that I do not make any claims as to inventing UNREALITY, only to hanging out the shingle in front of this particular chunk of Unreal Estate. Since then, through the many metamorphoses of this cyber-joint, it has become the common property of all Mudcatters, while retaining the individual imprint of each Catter who has created a new round. Pulling the trigger on another ice-cold Beck's...er, Bert, your tab's still open, right? I particularly thought Alison's meadow a beautiful touch. Having said that, I heartily congratulate Angus on devising the concept of simulated physical interaction on his brilliant "Song Circle" thread, which I have just read for the first time. Perhaps this type of virtual physical contact might be dubbed a "McSweenian" maneuver? pausing for the McSweenian act of buying a drink for the original McSweeney himself, and putting it on Bert's tab... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: lamarca Date: 16 Sep 99 - 05:58 PM Gosh, this Barbincourt seems awfully real to me (but then I brake for hallucinations..) and what about Pink Floyd and his buddies here - they're real, aren't they? Maybe I should try something different - bartender, could you whip me up one of these? |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: catspaw49 Date: 16 Sep 99 - 11:32 PM Hey Group.........Well another day, another drink....Leej, I'm OK now, don't know what got into me......must be these stupid ass doors........Hey though, I gotta' say this one is better than the last.....Give me a Jack there Leej........Damn lamarca, how can you drink anything with Southern Comfort??? Always figured the comfort part caame after I was done throwing up everything but my nuts..sickly tasting, disgusting stuff....Thanks there Leej...Ahhh, yes..NOW THAT is southern comfort!!!!...........Well lemmee see if the door is still working like it was the other day......Okay door, gimmee blank,bland,and vacuous...(FLING!).........YEP..........Man, I love it......Whadda' door.............So let's think now....Tonight..hmm........I think tonight I want something kinda' laid back......yeah, laid back, but kinda' wacky too...don't even matter if all the parts ain't functioning right anymore......just old, weird, cool wacky shit, Okay door?......Here goes...(FLING!)........Well, uh, Yeah.........Can't deny it.....the damn door works like a champ.....I was kinda' thinkin' an old amusement park, but I gotta' say the door DID give me what I asked.........................Beats the livin' hell out of that other stupid ass door...........I like the new deck where the old door used to be too........nice view, nice crick....but those fockin' flamingos are scarin' the hell out of Cleigh....................'nother Jack here Leej............ Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: bseed(charleskratz) Date: 17 Sep 99 - 02:15 AM How in the fockin' hell did I get here? I was just rattling around in the room after an evening at the Fifth String (sorry, Lloyd--see you next week), wondering why no matter how hard I play the damned harmonica I can't get any decent callouses on my lips (shaddup, Spaw), and all of a suddent I'm standing watching Alison and Gene Kelly dance "American in Paris"--it seems Leslie Caron is down with the flu, too--when things started getting fuzzy again and sorta clarified into a dark rectangle about four feet wide and eight feet tall, then I could see into the darkness a bit and and this kinda seedy John Denver lookalike was talkin' dirty to a girl in a wedding dress--and she was actually inviting him to her wedding. Strange. She looks sensible enough, except when she takes greedy glances at the possum which keeps creeping out of his pants and leering at her. Lemme tell ya, a leering possum is an awful sight, and then I recognize Bert and he's waving a picture of a truly disgusting leering possum and there's some guy trying to herd a bunch of big pink birds into what looks like a hot tub while a bunch of women with towels draped fetchingly around their bodies burst through a door in the opposite wall, screaming to the guy that the damned birds had already filled the crystal creek with pink poop and they'd rather not have the hot tub full of it too. I finally arrive at the bar where the barkeep is trying to introduce folks to a drunk in a trench coat but the guy keeps complaining that there's no jazz on the juke box so no one wants anything to do with him... --seed |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: alison Date: 17 Sep 99 - 02:42 AM ........ I need to sit down.... I'm tired... hey LEJ put the kettle on will you...... anyone offering any more of those foot massages????? |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Angus McSweeney Date: 17 Sep 99 - 07:11 AM Hey there, Lonesome EJ, thanks for the cool one. I am heartily in agreement that this is just about the best damned place I've ever wasted an evening (and it's 6 am)! You hung out one heck of a clever idea when you put this shingle out...drinks for everyone - on my tab - in honor of Lonesome and his gift to us all! The Circle Threads were good for songs, but someone should take this thing to a Creative Writing Class. There's more material here than on "Bringin' It All Back Home"! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Duane D. Date: 17 Sep 99 - 11:43 AM LEJ: A golden opportunity presents itself to you, perhaps you two lonesome fellas could keep each other company. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: lamarca Date: 17 Sep 99 - 12:33 PM Well, 'spaw, I didn't say I actually tried the damn stuff - maybe if we substituted more rum and left out the SC? Came home last night to a Floyd-darkened house (no electricity) so I couldn't even get in the door here. Was forced to go out for Vietnamese food and try to get the Pink Flamingo huricane lamps from K-mart (don't ask - lorraine's fault) to give us enough light to read by. Now that I'm back, could sure use a long soak in that hot tub. What's that possum doin' in here? |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Susan A-R Date: 17 Sep 99 - 10:08 PM The long arm of Floyd has even made it up here to VT. We've had some very weird power outages, not at the Kitchen, but as close as 100 yards away at the local food co op. I inverted my umpbrella a couple of times on the way home, and am glad to be sitting here in the hot tub drinking a nice Long Trail Ale. Nice to have those VErmont grews, but could you get some of the Golden Dome Back 40 (an excellent rendition of the black vile stuff.) Alison, I recommend Doug for the massage. Ooooh what hands!! Say Cleighh, you watch yourself or you are going to be comprehensively drowned. Keep those little furry paws to yourself or . . . |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: catspaw49 Date: 17 Sep 99 - 10:57 PM Girls I'm really sorry about Cleigh......I think it's that damn Cletus..........I found out Cleigh had gotten into some voyeur stuff in Jeri's backyard and sent Cletus to see where he was....Well, things went from bad to worse......Cleigh's really a sweet little guy, but living here around Cletus, Paw, Buford and the Reg boys.......well they're NOT the best influence........Hey gimmee a drink here to honor El Swanno's funnyass thread........GREAT NAMES weren't they...........Thanks for the Jack, Dougie....you on the bar tonight?....Cool...........Ahhh, damn that's good......thought I would check on my "Who's Catspaw" thread while I was here........be interesting to see if it plays out..............Man, wasn't that door slick, the way it brought Ol' Seed right here..........Now if it could just get rid of those simple ass flamingos and that fockin' Waylon Heron.......seems like Peter's about had it with him too............Hey SusAR...lookin' forward to the getaway too?....Yeah, I am.........Say, anybody seen Daisy, er,uh, I mean Mick?....Maybe he'll be by later....I see he's got his thong and a bag of spuds hangin' on his hook in the closet..............Well our buddy Helen will be married in just a few hours...LET'S DRINK ONE TO HELEN AND A WONDERFUL,LONG,LOVING, MARRIAGE!!!...Give us a little help here Door...(FLING!) ...THE BEST TO YOU HELEN......just love that new door...........gotta' go ........check y'all later...................... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Susan A-R Date: 17 Sep 99 - 11:10 PM Oh right, but he's YOUR possum!!Just don't let him out that door into Helen's wedding. Here's a toast to Helen!! Marriage is a good and joyful thing. Have fun and love well. Oh RATS S'paw!1 I won't be able to get to the Get Away this year (I'll try to send someone a tape of that fox xong for it though.) I need a long weekend to get my balance a bit. I have either been away, at my folks house, or working for all weekend days since some time in July, and I need to just be here, pull some weeds, put in bulbs, clean, and get life back in order. Also, as consolation, Tommy Sands will be here that weekend, and I'm his cook for the evening. I'll also be singing sa few Brecht songs on my husband's concert program out at a local college, so it should be a nice, interesting but peaceful weekend. Next Get Aaway I will be there!! I'm also having my music weekend extravaganza next weekend, so I won't miss out entirely. Now, get that possum before he goes out that door into Helen's wedding. I know he wants to meet other marsupials, but this is NOT the time or place.
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: bseed(charleskratz) Date: 18 Sep 99 - 12:57 AM There's a crashtinkle as the front door flies open and slams against the wall, the little window shattering. Everyone watches nervously (or drunkenly, or somewhere in between) as a smallish, round-faced man with a pet caterpiller crawling across his upper lip. He's dressed in a nondescript baby poop brown suit over a vertically striped shirt with high, starched white collar and an extrawide tie handpainted with an image of the same man in the same suit, shirt, tie, and caterpiller, but instead of a clipboard, the man on the tie is holding a concertina. As for that clipboard, brown suit fumbles through the pile of papers on it and says "I'm the health department. Is there a Mr. E. Jay Lonesome here?" Leej is about to duck behind the cash register when the man fixes an ironic eye on him. "Are you Mr. Lonesome?" The caterpiller on his lip bounces up and down as he speaks. "Actually, that's Mr. Jay," Lonesome says, deciding to face the music. "Lonesome E. Jay, at your service. What can I do for you?" "Actually, it's what I can do for you that's important." He pauses and the caterpiller sits still for a moment, but resumes its dance as the man speaks again, "I have about thirty violations of the health code here against this place--from wrestling matches in the food supply to flamingo poop in the hot tub and serving vile black stuff to a crazy union organizer with...I can hardly believe this...a potato stuffed up his butt? I suppose the potato ended up in your Mulligatawny? "I might add," he added, "that I have additional powers as follows: I have been deputized by the Department of Fish and Game "In addition," he adds, "I have also been deputized by the vice squad who are very concerned about some of the activities here, coincidentally some of the same activities cited in the health department claims, to wit nude wrestling including mixed sex tag team matches, themselves violations even if they hadn't taken place in a tub of jellow." Leej's distress was contagious: the entire population of the pub, human and otherwise, stared at the official with his dancing caterpiller, who continued, "In my capacity as a pro tem immigration agent, I'm going to have to charge you with harboring illegal aliens..." "Aliens?" "What else would you call a bunch of Australians and Irish and Germans and Icelanders?" "Uh, friends?" "Ah hah! So you admit you know them! There's also the matter," he said, waving a badge from the National Wildlife Commission and an ID card from the SPCA, "of illegal possession of wildlife, to wit, flamingos. And the moral majority is VERY concerned about the depraved activities of someone named Cleigh O'Possum--is there someone here of that name?" "Wait!" Leej shouted. "I've heard enough. Take me away. Lock me up in a prison cell and throw the key away. It's all true. Oh, the shame! Radio Shack will probably take my franchise...but at least in prison I won't be so lonesome..." The caterpiller shaped itself into a squiggle as the round-faced faced man sneered, "Ah, quitcher bawlin' and draw me a Guiness." He stuffed the clipboard under his coat, and when his hand came out he was holding a concertina. "Who wants to sing along on "Finnegan's Wake?" --seed(with apologies to RiGGy)
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: DougR Date: 18 Sep 99 - 01:06 AM I go off to big "D" in the huge State of Texas for a couple of days and the Tavern appears to go to pot while I'm gone! Nobody knows who's pouring evidently and nobody's giving Alison a well earned foot massage. Big Mick, where the hell are you? I thought I raised you better than that. Alison is a needin' and you are nowhere in sight! Well, Alison, I guess by default I'll just have to fill in for Big Mick. A chore I don't dread at all. DougR |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Lonesome EJ Date: 18 Sep 99 - 01:45 AM Seed, I've gotta confess, the caterpillar stache guy had me a trifle concerned. I was just about to pop open the trapdoor here behind the bar and make my escape, but realized that Banjer was passed out across it. Well, the Hurricane has passed the Tavern safely by, and I reckon we all have reason to celebrate. I've invited some of the talent over from the "Exotic Dancer" Thread to titillate the crowd; please feel free to tip the dancers liberally. Hey... guy in the trench coat! You better not leave without settling your tab! He what, Mick? He's a friend of Bert's, Huh? Alright, I'll put him on the tab. What's that Neil? He just headed off with Kerouac and Cassady in the Mercury! Jesus...talk about a nightmare journey. Maybe he'll get some questions answered, though. Guy had a gun, and he was asking for a big guy with a pony tail and a ceramic possum... I decided I'd better keep him away from Catspaw. Sure was shit-faced when he left... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: catspaw49 Date: 18 Sep 99 - 02:23 AM .......GEEZUS.......What the hell's going on around here?......Who is that guy anyway?..........If he comes back we need to know something about his motives........Hey Leej, still got that egg money inn the cigar box?....Okay gang, let's all kick in a few bucks here.........Why?..Hey, I'll tell you why, WE NEED SOME INFO....plus we need somebody to do a little suveillance work. We need to hire a private dick!!!............Wait a minuts and let me rephrase that....Okay, we need a crack detective...uh...............skip that too...Dammit, y'all know what I mean and NOT Blake Madison either!!!! We need to get us a REAL snoop, you know, real stealthy, sneaky sort, a real boring and blah kind of guy who can blend into the background and shed a little light on things.........Hey Door....little help here, huh?....(FLING!).........Okay fine then......damn door really works, yuh know?............. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Jeri Date: 18 Sep 99 - 02:45 PM I have to mow the lawn, which explains why I just spent a chunk of time compiling all the virtual boozing threads into one handy little table. It also has a link to this thread, in case you can't remember where you are...
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: catspaw49 Date: 18 Sep 99 - 03:17 PM Hey Jeri...See if Cletus is at your place? I have Cleigh here and he's trying to be a good little guy .... but I think Cletus may have headed back in your direction since one of my cameras is missing and the library called to say he had two overdue books, one entitled "Dragonflies and Hooters" and the other is "Women with Clamfeet and the Men Who Love Them." Keep an eye out and call the cops if he pops up.....uh, so to speak.......I'll have the Insanevac chopper standing by for an emergency flight to the Center. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Dave Swan Date: 18 Sep 99 - 07:18 PM Hey guys, look what followed me in for a pint. I figured since the pets policy was so liberal here, and since nobody minds a little BS, I'd bring the little fella in. Can't stay longjust a couple of horns then we're on our way. Cheers, E.S. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Dave Swan Date: 18 Sep 99 - 07:20 PM Oh fergettit, it was going to be this really funny clicky thing with a really funny photo, but if ya gotta explain it... I guess it's back to the gorilla suit and blue flames. Damn. E.S. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: catspaw49 Date: 18 Sep 99 - 07:34 PM Geezus man, I'm LMAO.......NOTHING you could have "blue clickied" would have been funnier than your second post!!!!!!!!!!!!! Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Jeri Date: 18 Sep 99 - 08:39 PM Catspaw, I am really getting tired of this, and it's going to stop NOW!!! I read your message and decided to snoop around in the woods a bit. Apparently Cleigh told Cletus he could hang out in his sub-let den. I found most of Cletus on this side of the hole, with a couple of insignificant parts - one shoulder and a head - firmly lodged inside. I cussed him out, got in a couple of good kicks and called the Fire Department. After they dug him out, they found the little necklace that said "If caught doing something extremely stupid or bizarre, call the Neil Young Center at 1-800-NUTCASE," and promptly packed him off. They said they'd mail the books, camera, and a couple of what appear to be home made videos to your address. (Incidentally, Swanno's link which would have worked if he'd put a space between the "a" and the "href" was: just a couple of horns) |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: katlaughing Date: 18 Sep 99 - 09:14 PM Nice pet, El Swanno! Hey, I've some friends in New Zealand who'd like us all to join them in their pub for a game of darts and sing-a-long, follow me...... to the Onetangi Pub! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: bseed(charleskratz) Date: 18 Sep 99 - 09:31 PM Dave and Jeri, it's a good thing this is a B.S. thread. And a cyber-cafe, although I'll bet that sucker is eating up a lot of bandwidth--and dumpin' big piles of ones and zeroes everywhere. Just--for god's sake--don't, I say DO NOT let him near the hot tub...aw, look what you two did. He jumped in and flooded the tub and now there's pink poop everywhere. --seed |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: bseed(charleskratz) Date: 18 Sep 99 - 09:31 PM Dave and Jeri, it's a good thing this is a B.S. thread. And a cyber-cafe, although I'll bet that sucker is eating up a lot of bandwidth--and dumpin' big piles of ones and zeroes everywhere. Just--for god's sake--don't, I say DO NOT let him near the hot tub...aw, look what you two did. He jumped in and flooded the tub and now there's pink poop everywhere. --seed |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: DougR Date: 18 Sep 99 - 09:47 PM Susan A-R: I'm delighted you enjoyed the rub dow ...er massage and are willing to recommend me to the other charming ladies here in the Tavern. Form a line to the right, ladies, I'll get around to all of you sooner or later. Spaw, I keep gettin' the drink orders mixed up! What was it you wanted? Somebody let a possom in here and it's lapping up the WD40 I use for massages. DougR |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: katlaughing Date: 18 Sep 99 - 11:49 PM Okay, DougR, I'm next, my creaking joints need that WD40 more than that possum and guided by your skilled hands, I'm sure it'll work magic! Mmmmmmmmm, yea, right there! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: DougR Date: 18 Sep 99 - 11:57 PM Kat: Always happy to oblige, provided I can keep that possom out of the damn WD40. Spaw, come get this critter! DougR |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Susan A-R Date: 19 Sep 99 - 12:29 AM Hmmm, I thought that I'd detected a slight petroleum bouquet after that massage. Doug, just let me know if you need a recommend, and it's yours. Just try to keep the possum hair out of the massage, it is a bit of a turn-off. I'm all set for now, I've had a relatively nice day. I did cook an indian dinner for about 18 people, but it was a bit more relaxed for some reason, probably because I got to eat it with friends at the end of the day, and had a loovely time. Now what can that health department guy have against the black vile stuff?? Yawnn G'night all Susan
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: DougR Date: 19 Sep 99 - 01:52 AM Susan A-R: No, no no! Give credit where credit is due! Twasn't the company that relaxed you, twas the massage! Sorry about the possom hair, but Spaw won't keep that critter on a leash and it just LOVES WD40. DougR |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Neil Lowe Date: 19 Sep 99 - 02:13 AM ....Neil emerges from a cloud of dust left by a hell-bent for leather Mercury careening off into a September late afternoon dissolving and fading into early evening. Disoriented, he stumbles through the door of the Tavern, and pauses momentarily as he assesses the scene unfolding before his eyes. To no one in particular he offers, "The original owner, in true free-spirit, peace-and-love fashion, opened this place and presided over it, nurtured it, watched it grow beyond his fondest imagination, then set it free to become what it was destined to be: a virtual mosh pit for jello-crazed, velcro-hanging, hot-tubbed, barbecue-massaged, thong- attired, potato stuffing, possum-talking, ghost-imagining, blues-adorned denizens of folk life and summary depravity. And I thought I was weird." He glances at the table near the window, abandoned save for a few dead soldiers lying strewn about the floor, holding various ranks from Kentucky's Finest to Mad Dog to French Absinthe. "Been away, yes," says Neil, as if he'd been asked for an explanation. "Sewing up holes in my normalcy suit, acquired for a sawski at the local St. Vincent de Paul's. Blake would be proud. But I feel a new rent in the works, another tear in the reality fabric....I just stopped in to unravel a while," and he begins pulling at a thread dangling from his pocket. Neil feigns an air of importance. "bbc, if you please, the usual." No response. "bbc? Is she gone? Moved on to bigger and better things? Maybe got a paying job? Can't hold it against her. And Roger," he inquires, "still making the jello deliveries? No? That seemed to be one of the few things you could count on. Oh well, seasons change, life goes on."
Neil seats himself at the end of the bar. "Here I sit, He wheels around on his bar stool to face the table by the window again. "No TV," he observes. "None that I've seen, at least. No big screen. Accidentally or on purpose? In my house, no cable. One local channel. You have two choices: what's on or 'Off.'" A laminated, simulated wood grain frame appears around the table and the lights come up to reveal a virtually imaginary Neil sitting at the table alone, hunched over a glass tinkling with ice and filled with yellow liquid. "Caught in the synaptic crossfire again," the virtual Neil manages to say out loud through clenched teeth. Mustn't... go there." He screws his eyes closed. Rod Serling steps into the frame wearing his signature somber suit, wisps of cigarette smoke weaving threads of intrigue around his head. "Submitted for your consideration," he begins. "A man, and his tenuous hold on reality, just another cyber-citizen reduced to talking to ghosts representative of a generational attitude that went the way of beads, bells, crash pads and light shows. There's a signpost up ahead....you've entered the LateNight Zone." Rod steps out of the frame. The virtually imaginary Neil comes to life and begins gesticulating to the unseen patrons at the table. "Uncle Ron went to 'Nam," said Neil. "Came home early...got just a little too friendly with the indigenous peoples there. Sat down and ate dog with them at table one evening and the CO got wind and shipped him home most ricky-tic. Now he sits and watches TV. Says TV is responsible for the 'homogenization' of America. Used to be, he says, the good old U. S. of A was a country of regions, the South being distinctly different from the North, being distinctly different from the West, you see. These days, what the kids are wearing in the Bronx, they're also wearing in Biloxi and Butte. Madison Avenue foisting the winds of change upon an unsuspecting public through their all-invasive electronic tentacles. Now we are all the same, all part of a consumer collective that exists only to be 'hustled.' And all the violence? He says it's part of a calculated plot to desensitize the citizens to murder and mayhem when the eventual collapse of society occurs. That way no one will be overly appalled when Dirty Harry types level a cannon at a 'suspect' fleeing with a TV set, and fire until the clip is empty. They will have seen it a thousand times already, electronic images burned into their collective minds. Makes way for the police state to follow. "He says that all the images of divorced and decidedly single people piped into the homes each night is not by accident either. Viewers get acccustomed to the image of people living singly, and subconsciously apply it to their own lives (witness the rise in the divorce rate), and that increases the possibility of selling more refrigerators and microwaves. A student of economics came up with that one, had to be. "Not to mention the mores and values transmitted to kids and teenagers. The casual attitude toward sex, for instance. Now what could be the sinister plot behind that? Population explosion, making more consumers to buy stuff. Increasing the market size the good old fashioned way: literally." The virtual Neil opened his eyes. The hallucination was gone. All the patrons at the Beat table had left to solve the mystery in the adjacent Madison thread. And the regulars had themselves retired to the solace and rejuvenation that Dreamland advertised. "So it's said we only use ten percent of our brains," Neil said to no one. "What is the other ninety percent doing? Working overtime maintaining our reality constructs, this reality being only one out of an infinite number to believe in. Or contemplating belly button lint." "We've had the Industrial revolution, and now the Technology Revolution, which hasn't completely played itself out. The next real revolution will be the Perceptual Revolution. Physically, we can go only so far. But if you can imagine it, well, you can travel the ends of the Universe in the time it takes to form the thought." Neil stood up from the bar, ready to leave. He would weave himself into more threads at a later date. As he passed by the window by the table, he caught a glimpse of his own reflection, looking like forty miles of bad road. He felt like it too. Something he had been fingering absently in his pocket took shape in his hand. He withdrew a small bolt with a nut threaded askew and laid it gently on the table. It had been a great year for Suburbans, he thought, as he passed through the door. Farmers should have a bumper crop of them this year. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Joe Offer Date: 19 Sep 99 - 03:25 AM Gee, I haven't been in here before. Looks like kind of a nice place. I wasn't sure a place like this was a good place to be, but it's been a rough day, and I think I need a drink. I've got a sad story to tell. but first, I need a drink. Barmaid! Can I have Canadian whiskey on the rocks - make it a triple.... You see, I bought a sporty, bright red Honda, kind of a last farewell to youth (guys in their 50's do that, ya know). Well, I got it just two months ago, and it got its first dent yesterday. My friend Claudia ran into it..... with her autoharp. Yeah, with her autoharp. She had it in her hand when she was getting out of the car, and she got animated about something and turned around and....KLUNK! I wondered last night if she might have dented it, but I dismissed the idea. Well, I saw the car in the daylight today, and there it is. It's a little dent, but the first one is always a killer. Oh, well. I told her she's allowed one dent. Next time, I get upset. she was appropriately apologetic, so I guess I'll be able to live with the dent. Still, it's hard on a guy at the ripe old age of 51. Barmaid! How's 'bout another triple? -Joe Offer- |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Barbara Date: 19 Sep 99 - 04:25 AM Aw, bummer, Joe. I think I put the first dent in my Nissan with the mailbox. When you do it yourself, you don't even have the satisfaction of feeling morally superior...Sure don't make em like they useta. Can I buy you the next one? Blessings |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: katlaughing Date: 19 Sep 99 - 07:49 AM Runaway AutoHarp Dents Car! Another Dangerous Weapon in the Hands of Citenzenry? Next, on Jeraldo! Neil.....I stand in awe! Superb! Man, I am tripping with nothing but my brain, the 90% that is! The other dimensional stuff is great! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Jeri Date: 19 Sep 99 - 09:51 AM Neil, I love reading your posts, they make me think. Mainly about "what the heck did he just say." From the above message, I get the impression that your ride died. If so, I'm sorry. Joe, the first dent is always a traumatic experience. My car (something also sporty and red. Perhaps when I turn 50 I'll upgrade to a Corvette, or a Harley-Davidson.) has received dings in parking lots, curb scrapes and marks from bugs that got stuck to the paint a little too long - never from a musical instrument. I look at them now as battle scars. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: catspaw49 Date: 19 Sep 99 - 10:34 AM ........his ride died????...........geezus Jeri, LMAO!!!......I love it!!!!!!!!!.........at least he didn't name his dog "Klunk."...........his ride died.........LMAOLMAOLMAO...... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: DougR Date: 19 Sep 99 - 01:20 PM Joe Offer: Like I've said for years, autoharps ought to be banned! At least a security check should be run on buyers of auto -harps before they are allowed out of the store! And autoharp Shows should be outlawed in every State in the Union, Great Britian, Australia, New Zealand, France, Germany and every place else autoharps could be sold! Just think what havoc could be wrought should an auto- harp fall into the hands of a terrorist! Don't get me started on autoharps! DougR |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: MAG (inactive) Date: 19 Sep 99 - 03:45 PM Nevermind the CAR; did the AUTOHARP come untuned?? |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Bill D Date: 19 Sep 99 - 05:48 PM Saw Bryan Bowers once finish a song and sort of half-drop the autoharp **CLUNK** to the stage..The audience went "ohhhhh...."...and Bryan said, "awww...don't worry..I used to treat the harps like babies...then one night I was playing in a bar for drinks, and some drunk got nasty and came at me with a broken bottle...so I hit 'im with the 'harp! Never hurt it at all! So now I don't worry" So it seems to ME that every musican ought to carry an autoharp...whether they play it or not! Look at the defensive possibilities! We could have training courses and issue a license to carry a concealed 'harp..(which MIGHT have saved Joe's car!) (saw in a newsgroup..(not music oriented) a message from someone who has one of those auto-signatures to his email and posts..it said..."It's alright, son- you don't need to point that concertina at people in here...no one's going to hurt you."....maybe it could be adapted.... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Neil Lowe Date: 19 Sep 99 - 05:55 PM No hope No dope No ride We died .....Jeri ....your post brought to mind this little poem pencilled on an interstate sign post somewhere in Kansas I read while waiting at the on ramp for a ride. Like this poet I had plenty of time to read and reflect on his/her sentiment. Also, a little less poetic but equally powerful in conveying the feeling of impending doom: "Waited here for a ride for three days. Stole a bike and got the f*** out of here." Ah, the good old days..... Regards, Neil |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Jeri Date: 19 Sep 99 - 06:58 PM Bill, a guy named Eric Root uses this in his sig: "No need to use that concertina, son; no one here will hurt you..." He adapted it for his sig from something I said in a message to rec.music.celtic. I was flattered - no one ever quoted me before. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Banjer Date: 19 Sep 99 - 08:43 PM Jeri, you've never been quoted before? Hell, I get quoted all the time! Hardly a week goes by that someone doesn't ssay to someone else, "Did you hear what that SOB said? He called me a.......... (or) He said that so and so did this or that" Yep, I get quoted a lot! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Jeri Date: 19 Sep 99 - 09:22 PM Banjer, I'm pretty sure I'm the subject of a lot of "You'll never believe what this woman said to me..." type of anecdotes, but I'm usually not present for those. Now I'm wondering if Bill heard it from Eric, or whether someone else is using almost the same sig. (When I first said it, it was a bodhran, by the way.) It is the sort of comment quite a few people could have come up with independently. Re instruments for self defense: I have a metal bow I always thought might come in handy in the event of a bar fight. I'd probably be better off just hiding behind a banjo player, though. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: catspaw49 Date: 19 Sep 99 - 10:40 PM Jeri dear, come now....I've quoted you many times haven't I??? Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Date: 20 Sep 99 - 01:30 PM Jeri...*grin*..on the WWW or newsgroups ANYTHING remotely cute or funny will be stolen and used by 847 people within days!...and in a year 278 of them will claim to have invented it...it was not Eric Root who used it..I'll see if I still have that message somewhere... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Lonesome EJ Date: 20 Sep 99 - 02:07 PM Neil..what an amazing rumination, cloaked inside another cyber-hallucination. Food for thought? A veritable mental smogasbord! Have another absinthe from the dwindling carafe, and this tiny dried up chunk of mushroom that Kesey left me as a tip last week. Your hitch-hiker graffitti reminds me of a spot on i-70 in Eastern Colorado where I was dropped off by a rancher. I was chased from the actual highway to the entrance ramp by a Highway Patrolman, who was in too much of a hurry to actually arrest me. I stood beside the MERGE sign for about an hour and no vehicle passed me. Then I saw the graffito on the back of the sign; Been standing here 41/2 hours. 7/22/75. Look for my bones in the f*cking weeds I had a quick look, then moved back out to the Highway where I caught a ride. Joe Offer! I'll be damned...nice to see your face in the place. First round is on me. With any luck, McSweeney may strike up a song over at the Song Circle table, if he's still aound. Angus? |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: DougR Date: 21 Sep 99 - 01:00 AM bbc: Where art thou? I have missed your comments, your words of encouragement you presense! I know it is the beginning of school and you are very busy, but I haven't seen any posted messages from you for a spell. Just wanted you to know you are missed. And by the way, if you are behind the bar, a Black and Tan would be nice, thank you. DougR |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: bseed(charleskratz) Date: 21 Sep 99 - 03:00 AM Leej and Neil: I uncover my bald head in your presence, fidget nervously with my cap, and stare at the ground, only occasionally taking quick, envious glances at your exalted selves. Neil, I finally read your long posting above (nine point pixilated italics are rather intimidating to the lazy eye and mind). What a gift: you are not only the Kerou-wackiest guy I know but there are layers upon layers of treasure in your prose. And Leej: someone (Katlaughing, I think) just resurrected Hokey-Pokey and the Druids and as I started reading it again, I realized that it was you who had started that wonderful scholastic nonsense--in addition, of course, to the delightful Blake Madison madness, and, of course, the Mudcat Pub. It got me thinking about when we first had some direct conversation, in the "Is anyone else as scared as I am?" thread. I've so thoroughly enjoyed what you've brought here that I'll just stand here tugging my forelock a while until you set another Baba Brau in front of me. --seed |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Bert Date: 21 Sep 99 - 09:44 AM Gawd, it's quiet in 'ere this morning. Give us some arras Leej and a GT. Come on Wakey Wakey any one for 501? |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: MMario Date: 21 Sep 99 - 11:23 AM whassamatter Bert? Bored? I'm still recovering from two events many, many miles apart last weekend, plus having some venison on the hoof disagree with me..... but things went well....very well... and I feel I deserve to sit here with my cappacino, well laced with bailey's and relax for a few... what is the lovely sea chanty I hear in the background? I don't think I've ever heard it before.... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Bert Date: 21 Sep 99 - 11:29 AM 'Tiz Margarita |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: catspaw49 Date: 21 Sep 99 - 12:20 PM Aw that is lovely.........Hey guys....Say have either of you seen Cleigh? He left this morning and I'm afraid he hasn't overcome his 'bout with voyeurism. ...That gawwdam Cletus is a bad influence on the little guy.....I'm gonna' take off for awhile and look for him....Karen and I are going to a training session tonight and he's supposed to come along, be stayin' with our boys at Connies.........I'll be back in late tonight....Hope I can round him up.........Hopefully he's not gone back to peep on Jeri...........that gawddam Cletus......... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Jeri Date: 21 Sep 99 - 12:35 PM He better not come back - that woodchuck is pissed about all the little pink flamingos Cleigh put up, along with the tiny velvet painting of Pogo in an Elvis outfit. Plus, I think a good part of the den is full of post-Floyd water - he may have an indoor swimming pool. (Plus, there is something nocturnal out there, bigger than Cleigh and probably carnivorous. May be a wild dog or a coyote. May be a fishercat, but I don't think they get that big.) See ya later! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Bert Date: 21 Sep 99 - 12:37 PM Cleigh is probably out there ogling WyoWoman who is dancing nekkid on the Hokey Pokey thread. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Lonesome EJ Date: 21 Sep 99 - 06:23 PM Catspaw, there was a rumor going around that just before the detective guy split with the Beat Boys in the Convertible, Neal Cassady(or Lowe...can't really tell em apart) jammed Cleigh into a puddle of Doublemint Chewing Gum on the nose of the Mercury, and he is headed toward Mississippi in the guise of a hood ornament. In Cognito, as it were. Cassady said he wanted to groove on the sound of the wind whistling through a possum's ass at 100 miles per hour. LEJ |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Angus McSweeney Date: 21 Sep 99 - 06:49 PM Hey Lonesome EJ, I'm here! Kinda comin' and goin', though. Works been mighty demanding lately and on the weekends my wife and I've been tearing an upstairs room apart (no-not that way, we're repainting) and by the time I drag my sorry self in here I just sit back in the corner and sip my scotch and try and follow the conversations. I'm not sure I'm recognising everyone - how are you-all folks dressed tonight? |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: DougR Date: 21 Sep 99 - 07:04 PM Angus: I'm wearin' my trusty breechclout like I always do. Bbc! Where art thou? I thirst and I haven't seen you around of late. DougR |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: bbc Date: 21 Sep 99 - 08:43 PM Just heard your last 2 calls, Doug. I'm lurking behind the bar here, madly lesson-planning. I spent too much (fun) time doing recreational computer stuff this summer & I'm still not caught up. I'd come out to serve drinks to you & poor Joe w/ the wounded car (Duane & I are Honda drivers, too!)anytime! love, bbc |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Susan A-R Date: 21 Sep 99 - 10:21 PM I'm just lounging here, sipping on an IPA, (wearing faded jeans, a T shirt, and the nifty new heavy purple cotton shirt I got at the thrift store next to my kitchen) and gloating over the latest Red Sox win (sorry Rick, Peter T et al, but the Jays were the latest victims, and our Pedro was great!!) I'd be in the mood for a bit of singing, say Hearth and Fire, or Turn Ye to Me. Susan, Motorboat, Arnsu Paran, . . . |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: DougR Date: 21 Sep 99 - 10:38 PM Susan A-R: And it's about massage time again, my dear! I'll get the WD40 and be right back! bbc, don't let those lesson plans get you down! I'm committed to Susan A-R first, but you're second in line for a nice back rub! DougR |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: WyoWoman Date: 22 Sep 99 - 01:33 AM Lord, I'm parched from all that nekkid dancin' with Hokey Pokey and the Druids. Those folks do know how to keep a rhythm going, though. Who'd have thought that many bodhrand in one place could be so much fun? Of course, we never knew they'd burn quite that way .... Who's the barkeep tonight? I think it's going to be another black and tan for me. Then I'm going to have to get back to the Druid's circle to dance off all these carbohydrates. Oops. Sorry there, 'spaw. Didn't mean to sweat on your little umbrella drink ... ww |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: bbc Date: 22 Sep 99 - 07:03 PM Hey, Doug, I'll stay long enough for that backrub! Sounds just like what the doctor should have ordered! bbc |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Susan A-R Date: 22 Sep 99 - 10:41 PM Ahhhh, Thanks Doug. Now I'll just fall asleep in me beer. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Big Mick Date: 23 Sep 99 - 12:21 AM The door flies open and the biggest damn Mick you have ever seen strides across the floor and assumes his seat at the bar................What the hell does a fella have to do to get a proper of the vile black stuff around here???...........Huh??? OK, OK, Beebs.....I will take some of the bass out of my voice and ask nicely.......May I have a pint of the focking Guinness, please?.........Waddya mean where have I been? And why does this place stink of WD40? And why are all the women looking at DougR with glistening eyes? I think we used to call that the "come hither" look?...........Damn, go away for a couple of days, and the whole place falls apart.............Huh? Oh, I was at the Great Lakes Irish Music Festival...........saw a bunch of my friends, and drank copious amounts of stout and Jamesons. The seisuns in the hotel afterward were brilliant.........Craobh Rua, a Belfast Trad Band, are wonderful..........Beebs, why is my potato mounted on a plaque on the wall?........shit, I will never live this down...........and the inscription sez "This spud used by the famous exotic dancer, Daisy Orleans, in his show in this pub in 1999"..........What, kid?.........Hell no you shouldn't try it........the women haven't spoken to me since..........Anyone seen THE FAIR ONE?.............Yes, I know we were both gone at the same time, but what the hell does that prove??? Just a coincidence, I assure you. wink, wink, nod, nod.............Set a round up on me, Leej............ |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Lonesome EJ Date: 23 Sep 99 - 12:29 AM Glad to oblige, Mick Lad. Oh, and has anyone seen Bert? VISA called and said he was $729.56 over his credit limit. I mean, I hate to have to close his tab, him being such a good customer and all. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: bseed(charleskratz) Date: 23 Sep 99 - 02:35 AM Just tryin' for a little verisimilitude here, Leej: If YOU are running a tab for Bert, why did VISA get through to you? Or is that Joe Offer's doing? Did you hire him on Spaw's urging to keep things from going completely loony here? And if so, how does he have time for trifles such as Bert's profligacy when Cleigh is still missing? -seed |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: katlaughing Date: 23 Sep 99 - 03:43 AM Here is the last known siting of Cleigh, from over in the Blake Madison gig, he was on the hood of Neil's car going a hundred mph down the highway, wiht a cop car's siren wailing after them:
The possum had plans of his own. As much as he enjoyed the breeze tooting through his arse and out through his nose, it was a little chilly and he wasn't sure he was up to quite that much excitement. His speed was more the type of jumping in a hot tub full of dames. Though, just to give the siren some competition, he hiked his little butt up in the air, just a tad more, catching a slipstream of high jetstream, which would've sent him sailing through the air if it weren't for his tenacious clawed feet, a legacy from his "dad", Catspaw49.
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: Bert Date: 23 Sep 99 - 09:36 AM Well it seems I'm a bit boracic lint this morning so one of you can buy me a drink. Ah! thanks Mick, whatever you're having. Anyone seen moonchild yet, she was due here with a ten pound tub of Peter butter. Bert |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: bbc Date: 23 Sep 99 - 06:33 PM If you want to see moonchild, check out the photo pages--hint, hint! bbc |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: DougR Date: 23 Sep 99 - 08:49 PM Susan A-R: Get your face outa the beer! Ya want to drown? Now sit up and sip it nicely. Lawdy! When Big Mick makes an entrance that certainly is what it is, isn't it? No cracks about the WD40, Mick. It works! DougR |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 11 From: bseed(charleskratz) Date: 24 Sep 99 - 07:04 PM Kat, I was under the impression that Spaw had actually lost the little guy, and not in the cyber pub (or is that just me confusing the Mudcat with reality?). --seed |
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