BS: secrets & lies

Subject: BS: secrets & lies
From: GUEST,Barry J
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 07:29 AM

Please Help.
I've just learned this week that my big brother is cheating on his wife. He's unrepentant, wants to continue the illicit affair & wants me to keep silent. We've always been great pals, & he's been my hero since we were small (I'm now in my mid 30's he's 41). It's incomprehensible to me that he'd even contemplate such a thing, his wife is a darling & so are their 2 kids. It'd devastate the family if this got out but, dammit, he's in the *wrong* & I'm feeling sick.

Thanks

Subject: RE: BS: secrets & lies
From: Morticia
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 08:19 AM

Will this actually involve lying for him or simply keeping silent ( which, of course, is another way of lying)? What's your relationship with his wife like? Are you in contact with them much?

It is so hard to judge what is best to do in these situations. Leaving the morality issues aside, would his family survive the affair if it became known? Do you want to be the catalyst for a break up by telling his secret? Personally,I would refuse to lie for him but otherwise stay out of it....but I can't answer for what might be best for you to do, only you know your circumstances and his.

Subject: RE: BS: secrets & lies
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 08:24 AM

Do not lie or cover for him and never speak about it to anyone, even to the stupid, rotten bastard.

gnuatwork

Subject: RE: BS: secrets & lies
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 09:32 AM

Is this another one of those threads about some un-named TV show?

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: secrets & lies
From: Amos
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 09:37 AM

Sounds like you lost a hero. It happens. Don't be too judgemental, and just steer clear.

My opinion. Your mileage must vary.

A

Subject: RE: BS: secrets & lies
From: Allan C.
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 09:56 AM

Here is what I might say to him:

I can't begin to tell you how very disappointed I am to learn of this mess you've gotten yourself into. Your actions have profoundly changed the way I feel about what I have always admired in you. I want to make it absolutely clear that I don't approve of your behavior. I want you to understand that will not be participating in your lie. I will not cover for you, I will not bend the truth in any way to protect your secret. At the same time, I want you to know I cannot look your wife in the eye without telling her what you have done. Because of that, please don't expect me to go on with "business as usual". I can't. I won't. I think you are wrong to jeopardize what you have with your wife and family. I hope you will have the courage to put an end to your affair and to try to work through your problems with your wife. Meanwhile, just know that things cannot remain the same between us. I can't visit my sister-in-law and my neice and nephew anymore without tacitly becoming a part of your lie or else without telling your wife what is going on. Therefore, I strongly suggest you pull your head out of your zipper and demonstrate the courage necessary to come clean with your wife.

Subject: RE: BS: secrets & lies
From: GUEST,pdc
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 10:58 AM

There is a strong chance that his wife already knows. If so, she may ask you about it, and then (I think) you should tell her. But not unless she asks you.

Subject: RE: BS: secrets & lies
From: GUEST,Logged-off Mudcatter
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 11:29 AM

Some people go through their lives following the social rules of monogamy. Some people don't. Often times people from group A are married to members of group B.

Some relationships can tolerate this behavior, if the partner knows about it. Many don't. Sometimes the behavior is out of control and needs professional attention, because it has more to do with self-esteem and emotional problems than it has to do with the need for sex in and of itself. Some marriages are unhappy. Some marriages really are "open" and hopefully both partners practice safe sex when they're with others.

If you are omniscient regarding all aspects of your brother's relationship and are in a position to sit in judgement on his behavior and that of his spouse and his second partner, then by all means go ahead and make your pronouncements as suggested above. For me, all I can suggest is that you

mind your own business

.

Subject: RE: BS: secrets & lies
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 12:37 PM

I think WYSIWYG is probably right.    In which case you just know that the secret is going to come out, probably at Christmas or Thanksgiving, and at least one character is getting written out.

Subject: RE: BS: secrets & lies
From: Amos
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 12:44 PM

You're kidding -- this poignant thread is borrowed from a soap??? Gyamme one break. Sheeeshe!


A

Subject: RE: BS: secrets & lies
From: michaelr
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 09:03 PM

Hey, here's your chance to put the make on your sister-in-law. You always thought she was a hottie, didn't you? Go for it!

;-)
Michael