BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 02:28 AM

You are such a fliphead, Rapparee! You should learn to, like, talk in flippin' ENGLISH you bolthead! I know you are usin' a buncha real bad words in, like, French or Laten or some other stoopid langwage to put me down, man. You know what you can do?

You can FLIP RIGHT OFF!!!



Hey, gnu? That is real cool to hear that Del and Johnny and Dale are gonna come and visit! Any time, man, any time. Me and Don will be waitin' for youse and put aside the best flippin' stuff we got. You otta bring some of yer best too and we can, like, compaire yer Eastern weed with our North Ontario weed. I am figgerin' on a party that will be remembered arownd here for a real long flippin' time! Rock on, dudes! I can't flippin' wait for youse to get here.

- Shane

p.s. regardin' Daisy. Have ya tried the pill?

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 07:44 AM

Have her try the pill before she gives birth to another Shame, the best argument there is for retrospective abortion.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 05:02 PM

There will NEVER be another ME, Rap, cos I am the only one. The day I flippin' came inta the world the mold was broke becoz it ain't possible to improve on perfeckshun! I am the ultimate flippin' eggsample of what I am and no one can ever do better at it...or match it, eh? I rule! You drool. That is alls I got to say.

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 05:28 PM

As I said, the poster boy for retrospective abortion.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: gnu
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 05:46 PM

Daisy can't do pills. She swells up like a ballon. The water retention is like she's havin ten tuplets. And you know what THAT means. Wild and NOT preggers. THAT'S fookin WILD man! Last time she was on the pill she took one a them blue elastics the mailman uses and flattened the gas on Dale's ATV, pointed it into the trees, hit the electric start and shifted it into gear. Oh man, what a fookin tragedy... it was a slow death.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: TheFamousEccles
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 05:47 PM

Shawn McBride visited his cousin Tige last week. During this time, two new members were added to 'The Family', during the ritual known as 'The Kissing of the Ass'. This involved the kissing of Jack's hairy ass while suppressing the urge to projectile vomit your entire digestive tract. The inductees, described as extreme masochists, only brought up their stomachs, but the doctors on hand were able to shove them back down. They described the odour as a mixture of Limburger cheese, skunk and several rotting corpses. And that is nicest anyone has described Jack's odour. All in all, it was a successful swearing in. Especially after everyone swore at everyone else. The screech flowed very freely, at both ends.

Shawn and Tige disgusted, I mean discussed, the possible use of Tige's genetically alter super-grass as a alternative fuel source. It is reported you can get a hundred miles per lid. They decided to form a company to develop it. Soon, both you and your car can get tanked at the same time. NASA has expressed interest for use on the International Space Station. A new high for everyone.

Jack has been involved in another scandal. It appears after consuming a fifth of rye, a bottle of absinthe, two dozen tankards of beer, and something green and glowing he found bubbling away at the bottom of a rusty steel barrel, he went roaming the countryside looking for sex. He was found passed out in a farmer's field surrounded by a dozen cows. They were described as being dazed and confused but very satisfied.

One cow said, "I felt the earth MOOve. I cannot stop sighing and MOOaning. Come back to me, Jackie-Boy."

One other cow said, "It was dark and all I could tell that it was something big, hairy and smelly. I thought it was Rex the Bull. Only in the morning did I see it wasn't."

Rex the Bull was so enraged at what happened that he charged at Jack at full tilt. Owing to his speed and the intensity of Jack's smell, when he got within twenty feet, he just winked out. Scienctist believe Rex is now in another demension and has become a become one of the meta-bulls also known as meta-bs. The farmer has been paid a very large sum and two hundred pounds of weed as compensation.

I was going to talk about what happened when Jack went to Winnipeg for a Jets game, but due to the gag order, I cannot. Just let me say, it is the real reason Air Canada wants to keep its personnel out of downtown, especially the stewardesses.

Well that's all for now from the Saskatchewan side of the family.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: TheFamousEccles
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 06:10 PM

Jack has done enough breeding for the whole family, so they will be with us for many a year.

I forgot to add that I found out the brothers' full names.

Tige is Tiger Napoleon Alexander Adolf Attila Genghis Caesar Tamerlane McBride the Fourth.

Jack is Jackford Necronomicon Miskatonic Cthulhu Innsmouth Dunwich Mephistopheles McBride.

I think this really explains a lot of what is going on.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 06:24 PM

Wow! It sounds like the Saskatchewan McBrides are carrying on the "fambly" tradition in a truly grand manner.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: TheFamousEccles
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 06:36 PM

It's said that Jack wasn't born. He was squeezed out of a moldy bar rag.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 06:53 PM

A fine bit of metaphor. Shane could relate to that.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: TheFamousEccles
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 08:42 PM

Jack worships the ground that walks under Shane's feet. Especially if he doesn't want Don to take his .44 Magnum to him. Don uses teflon-coated bullets, the only known substance to break through Jack's odour-based force field.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: BTNG
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 09:00 PM

Aunt Felicia McBryde and Cousin Nugent McBryde, from where? and from which side of da "fambly"?

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: TheFamousEccles
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 09:12 PM

Reports are coming in that there might some McBrides down in North Dakota. 'Da Fambly' is expanding, like a virulent virus.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 12:18 AM

Yup. They are breaking out all over, and probably breaking out of a jail near YOU!

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 06:42 AM

Ah got mah shootin' ahrns all ready.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 01:22 PM

Despite the higher than average mortality rate of young McBride men, who seem to meet an amazing variety of untimely deaths due to alcohol, violence, and sheer stupidity, the clan has steadily grown in the last 500 years...to the point where there are now McBrides in every province of Canada and every state of the USA...and they are beginning to penetrate Latin America!

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: gnu
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 02:18 PM

Different than Kent County good ol boys. They never seem to die. Just the opposite. They end up with broken bones and all kinds a nasties but they always seem to live to tell an brag about it. Cept fer Buddy Boudreaux. Sniff. He went to that big beech grove in the sky some years back. But, Buddy was a show off that didn't have what it took. When yer six foot tall an ya weigh 140 pounds, ya DON'T chase an eight pointer with an ATV in a clearcut.

Oh, mabey with a Cow but not a Honda Foreman... idiot! 70 kph ain't gonna cut the biscuit when he gets pissed off. Anyway, the video gets played to the little good ol boys on the ATV safety course now as a teachin aid so's they learn bettern ta chase what's biggern em.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: Bob the Postman
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 07:46 PM

Penetrate, Little Hawk?

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: BTNG
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 08:47 PM

Well, The McBrides and penetration are synonymous, the old tale about holding a snake straight more than likely had its roots with a McBride.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 10:16 PM

Yeah, each one learns the phrase Cervaza por los todos! Yo soy uno mericon!"

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 10:27 PM

You noticed, Bob! ;-) Yes, McBride men are willing and ready to penetrate just about anything...as long as they think it's female. Barnyard animals, wild animals, art objects, veterinarial staff, and "furrin" nations...all are at risk from the unsolicited attentions of Shane and his male relatives near and far.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: Bob the Postman
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 10:21 AM

Election day in Ontario. I wonder who Shane's gonna put his X beside?

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 11:22 AM

His name. If it's a legal document he has to have his "X" witnessed.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: gnu
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 02:23 PM

"Barnyard animals, wild animals...."

That is positively beastly!

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: BTNG
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 02:34 PM

animals of the Serengeti perhaps......

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: TheFamousEccles
Date: 07 Oct 11 - 11:10 PM

The McBrides' in North Dakota are caused by Jack on a bender in Minot. Oh the beast!

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Oct 11 - 01:42 AM

Eccles, I am fascinated by your intimate knowledge of the McBride clan. Have you made a lengthy study of their predilections and depredations upon society?

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Oct 11 - 01:54 PM

I would, as I have posted elsewhere, like to take this opportunity to apologize to Shame McBride for all of the mean, rotten, and nasty things I have said about him in the past.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 08 Oct 11 - 05:42 PM

At LAST! That is a flippin' handsome offer, Rap. I axcept yer apologie. I am not one to hold a grudge when the other flipper eckstends the hand of piece, eh? This could be the start of a great flippin' friendship!

Got any smokes?

- Shane

As fer the rest of you flipheads and yer stoopid insults: FLIP OFF!

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: BTNG
Date: 08 Oct 11 - 05:47 PM

As Mr. Eccles publisher (we are not the same person, despite what the gossips and old ladies around the village pump might thing) I can reveal that in the next 6 months the first volume of a very extensive work on The McBrides will be published. More details to follow

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Oct 11 - 06:26 PM

As I said elsewhere, I would like to apologize to Shame...but I won't.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: gnu
Date: 08 Oct 11 - 07:57 PM

Ahhhh... so the drugs from the op finally wore off eh Rap?

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: TheFamousEccles
Date: 09 Oct 11 - 02:48 AM

When Jack is in his cups, which is usually always, he insists on telling me everything when he runs over me. And that is whether I want to know or not. And I usually don't. But...............

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Oct 11 - 08:40 AM

First he runs over you and then he gives you the news? No first aid?

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: TheFamousEccles
Date: 10 Oct 11 - 05:45 AM

You want mouth to mouth from (*sounds projectile puking*) Jack?????

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Oct 11 - 09:55 AM

No,no -- you said he ran over YOU.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: TheFamousEccles
Date: 22 Oct 11 - 06:01 PM

Trot on over to here:

http://www.cbc.ca/quirks/

and I betcha they used Jack as the proof!

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 22 Oct 11 - 08:56 PM

Don't be dissin' my fambly, man! You do not wanna get me mad.

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 11 - 10:31 PM

Yeah, he might have rabies, considerin' his ancestry. Did you know that every day when he'd come home from missin' school his mother would run out from under the porch and bite Shame's tail?

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: gnu
Date: 22 Oct 11 - 10:38 PM

His mother? That's beneath low man.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Oct 11 - 09:54 AM

Maybe it was his sister. Anyway, I'm amazed he actually HAS a family other than Don. I was under the assumption that Shame was the result of a chance mating between a slug and Poland China.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: TheFamousEccles
Date: 23 Oct 11 - 05:30 PM

The rabies virus wouldn't dare go near the McBride family. Too worried about getting the DT's. I once saw the cold virus after being in Jack, and it claimed it was seeing pink bacteria.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Oct 11 - 06:44 PM

You know, it's hard to dis someone who is lower than anything you can say about them.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Oct 11 - 10:02 AM

I checked is family tree and it's scum all the way down.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 24 Oct 11 - 12:31 PM

You are such a flippin' retread, man. It is a flippin' wonder you can even, like, remember when to flippin' breethe!

If you was my dog I would have the flippin' vet put you down, eh?

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: gnu
Date: 24 Oct 11 - 07:43 PM

Shane. C'mon man. You would NOT do that. It costs, like 35 bucks man. A 22 behind the ear is a nickel, tops, on sale at Chinese Tire. And I figger you are frugal with yer coin eh? Calm down an stop talkin thru yer ass. I know yer smarter than that. I'll lend you a 22 but I need a small deposit on accounta Rap has enough firepower to start a small revolution. Yer gonna hafta be a tad covert in yer operations eh.

BTW... ya got a FAC... or a bastard file?

Dale

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Oct 11 - 07:47 PM

Of course he does. Shame IS a bastard file.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Oct 11 - 08:38 PM

I misspoke. Shame is NOT a bastard file, but is birth record is.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 24 Oct 11 - 11:48 PM

You got a real good point there, gnu. The fliphead is not worth payin' $35 vet fees to rid of him. Don has some firepower here that I could flippin' use if it come to that. I know that the Bolthole From Idaho has enuff flippin' guns and stuff to stock a flippin' army. He has made it clear that he is one of them crazy redneck types that, like, live in a flippin' bunker somewhere and they are preparin' for World War 4. On account of that I would be real careful about tryin' to, like, dispose of him by violins, eh? Them types are best left flippin' ALONE and let the flippin' government come callin' and take 'em out with a flippin' swat team, some heliocoppters and a buncha them big Adams tanks they got. I bet it would be a fight that would flippin' go on for DAYS, man! And be on all the TV and Youtube, eh?

I am bidin' my time here. The Bolthole From Idaho is gonna go down one day by his own flippin stoodipity, but not by my hand. I am too smart for him, eh? I do not go rollin' around in a beer barrel alongside of a flippin' rabied wolverine. Not this boy! No sir. I got the branes. Rapoop has only got the firepower and a real buncha bad attitude. Branes will win out in the end, eh?   Trust me. That is why I already come so far in life and am a flippin' legend in my mind.

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Shane McBride's family history, eh?
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 25 Oct 11 - 05:07 AM

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