BS: Sailing humor

Subject: Sailing humor
From: Mark Clark
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 03:37 PM

This has precious little to do with folk music but I thought the sailors among us might be amused. I was searching for sailing and nautical glossaries when I came across “A Sailing Dictionary” by Henry Beard & Roy McKie

      - Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Sailing humor
From: catspaw49
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 04:02 PM

Hey Mark......I've got that in book form and it's a riot. You don't have to be nautical to appreciate things like:

Surf 'n' Turf: Popular harborside restaurant dish consisting, typically, of a lobster tail and a filet mignon. Other generally accepted terms for this combination are: Angler 'n' Wrangler; Beef 'n' Reef; Maine 'n' Plain; Pound 'n' Sound; Paw 'n' Claw; Loam 'n' Foam; Chap 'n' Trap; Steer 'n' Pier; Kine 'n' Brine; Marine 'n' Bovine; Paddle 'n' Saddle; Oar 'n' Shore; Sand 'n' Brand; Tide 'n' Hide; Dive 'n' Drive; Comber 'n' Roamer; Lasso 'n' Sargasso; Ship 'n' Whip; Boat 'n' Oat; Cud 'n' Scud; Rudder 'n' Udder; Slime 'n' Prime; Scow 'n' Cow; and Ooze 'n' Moos.

However, if you're a sailor then some of then are simply priceless, such as:

Gunwale: Upper edge of the side of a boat, pronounced "gunnel," "gunn'l," "gnl," or "gn." By the way, many people have difficulty mastering nautical pronunciation, and this seems as good a place as any to address this problem.
The effect to aim for is a cross between train announcements and the sounds that come from patients in dentists' chairs. Probably the best way to develop a "sea mouth" is to practice speaking with an unopened chowder clam held in your mouth. Work on this sentence: "Gaff that grommet gasket to the garboard gudgeon gunter." It should come out something like: "Gfthtgrmgskt-thgbdgdgngnr." Remember, properly delivered nautical commands must be incomprehensible to the person toward whom they are directed even when accompanied by clear hand signals or pantomime indicating the desired action.
The U.S. Navy has a handy memory aid for the seven basic rules of the nautical command - it's a good one to memorize: C onfuse O bscure M umble M ispronounce A bbreviate N asalize D rool

Lots of great stuff. I had no idea it was on-line!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Sailing humor
From: Hollowfox
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 04:13 PM

Hey, Mark, you might like Salty Words by Robert Hendrickson, Hearst Marine Books, 1984. It may not have anything directly to do with folk *music*, but I also come here for folk lore, folk language, and folk humor; I suspect a few other folks do as well.

Subject: RE: BS: Sailing humor
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 04:58 PM

Crew: Heavy, stationary objects used on shipboard to hold down corners of charts, anchor cushions in place, and dampen sudden movements of the boom.

I love that one.

Subject: RE: BS: Sailing humor
From: Mark Clark
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 06:35 PM

Thanks, Hollowfox. I'll check it out.

I really like these two definitions taken together:

Leeward: Pronounced "Lourdes," or shortened to "loo." The direction in which objects, liquids, and other matter may be thrown without risk of reencountering them in the immediate future.

Passenger: A form of movable internal ballast which tends to accumulate on the leeward side of sailboats once sea motions commence.

      - Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Sailing humor
From: Grab
Date: 20 Nov 01 - 08:46 AM

Spaw, what's the name of that book? Got to get that for my folks for Xmas!

Graham.

Subject: RE: BS: Sailing humor
From: Charley Noble
Date: 20 Nov 01 - 09:27 AM

Perhaps, we should link this with the "nautical wedding thread." Maybe "Surf and Turf" is what they should be sending out in their invitation card instead of "Getting Spliced" or "Chock-a-Block.";-)

Subject: RE: BS: Sailing humor
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Nov 01 - 09:34 AM

Hi Graham....It's called "Sailing; The Fine Art of Getting Wet and Going Nowhere at Great Expense".....These guys have a series of them on Computing, Gardening, Fishing, Golfing, etc.....All of them are pretty funny especially for those who are involved in the sport or hobby.

Try this link for Barnes and Noble listing..........Click on their names to see all of the series.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Sailing humor
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Nov 01 - 09:37 AM

If the link doesn't work, it's "The Sailing Dictionary" that will find it for you. And I messed up on the definition.....Sailing is the fine art of getting wet and becoming ill while slowly going nowhere at great expense.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Sailing humor
From: GUEST,Pete Dodenhoff
Date: 20 Nov 01 - 10:50 AM

Mark:

Just saw this thread, and from the perspective of this guitar-slinging sailor (a folk sailor?), you get a great big AAARRRRRHH! for right on.

I'll be taking the liberty of sharing the link with fellow sailors on an e-mailing list.

I don't know if it was in the sailing dictionary, but it pays to remember our credo: "A boat is a hole in the water, surrounded by fiberglass, into which you pour money." Or, if you prefer, BOAT is just an acronym for "Break Out Another Thousand."

Catch ya on the loo-ward side.

Subject: RE: BS: Sailing humor
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Nov 01 - 11:34 AM

Actually Pete, most of them have probably got the book, it's been out for a good while. I am glad to see it online though.

Sailing is the only sport that you don't do on beautiful days. Your wife wakes you and says, "Gee Honey, what a great day.....Not a cloud in the sky."....Roll over and go back to sleep.......and hope she doesn't notice the grass is a foot and half high.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Sailing humor
From: Mrrzy
Date: 20 Nov 01 - 12:32 PM

These are a howl! Check out Sea Monster...

Subject: RE: BS: Sailing humor
From: Celtic Soul
Date: 20 Nov 01 - 12:53 PM

:::GUFFAW!!!:::

What a hoot! Thanks for sharing.

Subject: RE: BS: Sailing humor
From: Hollowfox
Date: 20 Nov 01 - 01:22 PM

Oops, I just re-read the thread and realized that I only thought I typed the fact that Salty Words is a book of "straight up" definitions.

Subject: RE: BS: Sailing humor
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Nov 01 - 01:36 PM

So 'Fox, anything in it about the Kearsage?

Spaw