Naughty kids' greatest hits II

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 25 Apr 08 - 08:06 AM

Melissa,

As I remember - and it is a lifetime ago ! :-) - we sang it to a tune I later learnt was called 'The Turkey in the Straw'.

Regards, B

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,a guest
Date: 01 May 08 - 11:23 PM

Our version of Spider Spider was:
Spider Spider on the wall,
ain't you got no sense at all?
can't you see you silly bastard,
That the wall's just been plastered.

Another one I liked was:
The black cat piddled in the white cat's eye,
The white cat said " Cor blimey,
Why did you do that you silly little prat?"
"Well you shouldn't walk so close behind me!"

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,JLS
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 01:57 AM

From WWII

Whistle while you work
Hitler is a jerk
Moussoulini is a meanie,
but the Japs are worse

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Joe_F
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 08:30 PM

JLS: Aliter:

...Mussolini bit his weenie;
Now it doesn't work.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Maxie
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 09:35 PM

I know a girl that lives out West,
She's got mountains on her chest.
She's got a nest between her legs,
Where the cowboys lay their eggs.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Me
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 03:09 PM

I know some of the last lines,

The egg yolk ran down her legs, but the good stuff stayed inside her.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 02:19 AM

No I believe it in fact goes like this...

When I was young and didn't know how
I milked the bull instead of the cow
I pulled the tail instead of the tit
and all's I ever got was a bucket of shit

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,liyah.b
Date: 10 Aug 08 - 10:18 AM

i remeber i used to say this in school

mrs. suzzy had a steamboat the steam boat had a bell ( toot-toot)
mrs. suzzy went to heaven the steam boat went to hel-
hello operator please give me number 9 and if you dissconnect i'll kick you from behind
the fridgerator there lay a piece of glass mrs. suzzy sat on it and broke her little as
ask me no question please give me no more lies the boy are in the bathroom zipping up there flies
are in the meadow the bess in the park mrs. suzzy in her boyfriend kissing in the d-a-r-k d-a-r-k dark dark dark
darker then the ocean darker then the sea darker then the underwear that my momma put on me me em!!!!!!

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,z ega
Date: 12 Aug 08 - 01:12 AM

anyone heard the commet song:

Commet it makes your motugh turn green
commet it tastes like listerine
commet it makes you vommit
so but some commet and vomit today

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Bec
Date: 29 Aug 08 - 02:47 PM

Anyone heard..

School goes up, school goes down, I don't care if school falls down, No more English, no more french, No more sitting on the old school bench, If the teacher interfers, tie her up an box her ears, if that does not do the trick, dynamite will do it quick!

andd..

Teach teacher, I declare I can see your underwear is it black or is it white? oh my god it's dynamite!

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Sep 08 - 09:47 AM

do you know a story that starts with

DO YOU KNOW WHERE THIS ROAD GOES TO
I DONT KNOW AS IT GOES ANY WHERE ITS ALWAYS HERE WHEN I COME BACK

THE SAYING CARRYS ON ABOUT A LAD ASKING ABOUT A JOB
AND THE MAN ASKS CAN HE MILK AND HE REPLYS I ONCE MILKED A COCANUT

THIS IS ALL I KNOW

---

See Arkansas Traveler (click).
-Joe Offer, Forum Moderator-

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,sandy
Date: 17 Oct 08 - 02:05 AM

Learned this in 6th grade 1963.
I'm a juvinlle deliquent, I stand on the streets from 2-4..
I drink with the salors and smoke with the bums, waiting on the corner for my pick=up to come. Im a juvinille delinquent I go to bed but not alone move over (put your boyfriends name), Im a juvinille deliquent and I rule all the boys I know...

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Joe_F
Date: 17 Oct 08 - 08:56 PM

TTTO the Assembly bugle call:

There's a soldier in the grass
With a pinball up his ass.
Take it out, take it out,
Like a good Boy Scout.

There's a soldier in a tree
With a bullet up his pee.
Take it out, etc.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,kenya
Date: 02 Nov 08 - 02:56 PM

my momma and your momma was sitting in a ditch
my momma called your momma a ballhead son of a
bring out the kids and let them play with sticks
when they grow up they will learnt to play with
dickie my doggie was sitting in the grass
along came a bumble bee and stung him in the
ask me no questions i tell u no lies
that waas the story about the dickie and i

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,lizzie
Date: 19 Nov 08 - 05:16 PM

Does anyone remember this version

In Days of Old and Knights were bold
and condoms were forgotten,
They left their maids some for-get-me nots,
and babies were begotten.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 10:26 AM

In days of old when knights were bold,
Ere women were invented ;
They shoved their cocks between two rocks
And had to be contented.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 21 Nov 08 - 10:40 AM

To the tune of "O, du lieber Augustin" :

Balls to Mr Bangelstein, Bangelstein, Bangelstein
Ball to Mr Bangelstein, dirty old man.

He keeps us waiting whil he's masturbating,
So balls to Mr Bangelstein, dirty old man.

He sits on the steeple and shits on the people
So balls to Mr Bangelstein, dirty old man.

Last Sunday night me dad went mad
And climbed to the top of the steeple.
He took out his tally-whacker
And pissed all over the people.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,bon qui qui
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 09:48 PM

pop eye the sailor man he
lives in a garbage can
he blew up the gas he blew up
his ass hes pop eye the sailor MAN! (CHOO CHOO)

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,George Henderson
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 05:05 AM

In good king Charles's golden days
French letters weren't invented
And common people did not know
How birth could be prevented
There were little bastards everywhere
All women were in labour
and the only consolation was
The arsehole of your neighbour.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Anje
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 03:40 AM

Listen listen
the cat's a pissin'
where where
under the chair
where's the chair
in the barn
where's the barn
in the grass
where's the grass
up your
ask me no questions
and i'll tell you no lies
if you ever get hit
with a bucket of s**t
be sure to close your eyes.

-----------------
Tattletale Art
sitting in a cart
tin can in his belly
pickle in his heart

---------------
Two Irishmen, two Irishmen
were digging in a ditch
one called the other
a dirty son-of-a
Peter Murphy had a dog
a very fine dog was he
loaned him to a neighbor
to keep him company
all day all night
he sat upon a rock
along came a bumblebee
and stung him on the
cocktail gingerale
five cents a glass
if you don't like what i'm saying
shove it up your
ask me no questions
i'll tell you no lies
if you ever get hit
with a bucket of s**t
be sure to close your eyes
-----------------------------
I went up stairs to go to bed
stepped in a pee pot over my head
I couldn't swim, I couldn't float
a big black turd went right down my throat

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Anje
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 03:53 AM

In 1492
Columbus sailed the ocean blue
he hit a rock
and split his cock
and pissed all over the crew

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Anje
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 04:05 AM

Fatty fatty two-by-four
couldn't fit through the bathroom door
so she did it on the floor
fatty fatty two-by-four

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Anje
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 04:17 AM

I love myself
I think I'm grand
I sit in the movies
and hold my hand
I put my arm
around my waist
and when I get fresh
I slap my face

-------------------------

Little fly upon the wall
ain't you got no clothes at all
ain't you got no shimmy shirt
brrrrrr ain't you cold

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Joe_F
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 08:16 PM

Three cheers for --- Junior High!
It's the best junior high in ----.
Our colors are brown, brown, and brown.
It's the best junior high in town.

(TTTO "The Stars and Stripes forever")

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Missymay
Date: 07 Feb 09 - 08:24 PM

My science teacher in eighth grade taught us this rhyme so we would remember the equation for Sulfuric acid:

Johnny was a scientist,
Johnny is no more.
Cause what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4!

I'm not sure why, but it just stuck with me and I've never forgotten that formula.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Anje
Date: 22 Feb 09 - 07:30 PM

Just for the record: Everything I have submitted were things we sang as children in the 1940s and 50s in Northen California, U.S.A.
I have no idea where we got these 'rhymes'.
This one is not at all PC, and I have hesitated to include it until now, but I notice that some people visiting this site are serious about researching ALL things sung by children.

There once was an indian maid
who said she wasn't afraid
to lay on her back
and let the cowboys
run up and down her crack.
One day her belly began to rise
and out came a little indian boy
with his ass between his eyes.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Anje
Date: 24 Feb 09 - 02:40 AM

1940s - 50s Northen California

One Bright morning
in the middle of the night
two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other
drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise
and shot the life
out of the two dead boys.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 24 Feb 09 - 08:35 AM

Meic has jogged my memory :

There was an old woman of 92, parlez-vous (tris)
Dropped a fart and away it flew,
Inky stinky parlez-vous.

The fart flew in, the fart flew out, parlez-vous (bis)
The fart went rolling down the street
Knocked a copper off his feet,
Inky stinky parlez-vous.

The copper pulled out his rusty pistol, parlez-vous (tris)
The fart went rolling on to Bristol,
Inky stinky parlez-vous.

The people of Bristol were doing a dance, parlez-vous (tris)
The fart went rolling on to France,
Inky stinky parlez-vous.

The people of France were not at home, parlez-vous (tris)
The fart went rolling on to Rome,
Inky stinky parlez-vous.

The King of Rome was drinking gin, parlez-vous (tris)
Opened his gob and the fart rolled in,
Inky stinky parlez-vous.

The fart went rolling round his chest, parlez-vous (tris)
Out of his arse and up his vest,
Inky stinky parlez-vous.

The fart rolled back to the old woman, parlez-vous (tris)
How glad she was to see it comin',
Inky stinky parlez-vous-
Two Guiness, please !

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,PJ
Date: 22 Mar 09 - 06:47 AM

'Don't know if anyone has posted this one before, but...

Mary had a little sheep;
She took it with her off to sleep.
The sheep turned out to be a ram
And Mary had a little lamb.

or:

Mary had a little lamb,
It's foot was black as soot.
Right in Mary's bread and jam
His sooty foot he put.

A bit of history: Rap music originated with little girls making up rhymes as they jumped rope. And it's come a Long way from there.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,david newell
Date: 07 Apr 09 - 06:02 PM

on top of a mountain all coverd in blood i just killed barney cause he was a dud i went to his funeral and to his grave people threw flowers but i threw granaids 10 minutes later he wrose from the dead i got my bazuka andshot of his head

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Apr 09 - 04:01 PM

Mr. Meanie had a big fat wienie
He showed it to the girl next door
She thought it was a snake so she hit it with a stake
And now it's only two foot four

Mr. Paul had a big fat ball
He showed it to the girl next door
She thought it was a tennis ball so she hit it with a racket
And now it's lying in the hall

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Rasener
Date: 12 Apr 09 - 05:36 PM

A few changes to Bryn Pugh's version

There was an old woman of 92, parlez-vous (tris)
She dropped a fart and away it flew,
Inky pinky parlez-vous.

The fart went rolling down the hill, parlez-vous (bis)
Knocked a copper off his feet,
Inky pinky parlez-vous.

The copper pulled out his rusty pistol, parlez-vous (tris)
Shot it over in to Bristol,
Inky pinky parlez-vous.

The Mayor of Bristol wasn't at home, parlez-vous (tris)
So the fart went on to Rome,
Inky pinky parlez-vous.

The Emperor of Rome was having his din, parlez-vous (tris)
Opened his gob and the fart flew in,
Inky stinky parlez-vous.

The fart went rolling round his belly, parlez-vous (tris)
Formed into a slice of jelly,
Inky pinky parlez-vous.

The fart of jelly came out his bum, parlez-vous (tris)
So the fart went on to Brum,
Inky pinky parlez-vous.

The Brummies couldn't stand the smell, parlez-vous (tris)
So they kicked it into hell,
Inky pinky parlez-vous.

The Devil he poked the old woman in the tits, parlez-vous (tris)
He said you dirty little shit,
Inky pinky parlez-vous.

Can't think of any more :-)

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Apr 09 - 04:19 AM

my version of guest anje's is:

One bright day in the middle of the night
two dead boys stood up to fight
back to back they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.
the deaf policeman heard the sound
and put those boys back in the ground.
If you don't believe this lie is true,
ask harry the blind man! He saw it too.

also a similar one:

The famous speaker who no one had heard of said:
Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps,
cross-eyed mosquitoes and bow-legged ants,
I stand before you to sit behind you
to tell you something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,
there's a Mother's Day meeting for fathers only;
wear your best clothes if you haven't any.
Please come if you can't; if you can, stay at home.
Admission is free, pay at the door;
pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
It makes no difference where you sit,
the man in the gallery's sure to spit.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST
Date: 16 May 09 - 08:24 PM

Not on the list...from Elementary School in the 1970's

Red, White & Blue
Boys Love you
Took you to the movies
And undressed you!
+++++++++++++++++++++
An amazing bird is the Pelican
His beak holds more than his belly can
He can live for a week
on the food in his beak
But I don't see how the Helican
++++++++++++++++++
Wee willie winkie runs through the town
Upstairs, down stairs in his nightgown
Peeping in the window what does he see?
Mom is handling dads peepee!
++++++++++++++++++
2, 4, 6, 8!
Who do we initiate (or assasinate)!
Boys, boys, YEAH!
Stick 'em in a high chair!
Stuff 'em in a jar!
Flush 'em down the toilet!
Rah Rah Rah!
++++++++++++++++++
Girls go to college to get more knowledge
Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider!
++++++++++++++++++
Deck the halls with poison Ivy
Fa, La, La, La, La, La-La-La-La!
'Tis the season to be naughty!
Fa, La, La, La, La, La-La-La-La!
Break a window, Pop a Tire!
Fa, La, La, La, La, La, La-La-La!
Set your teachers pants on fire!
Fa, La, La, La, La La-La-La-La!
++++++++++++++++++

and then there's the old lizzie borden rhyme...

Lizzie Borden took an axe
and gave her mother forty whacks
When the job was nicely done,
She gave her father forty-one.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,j1mmy31
Date: 02 Jun 09 - 07:39 PM

Mary had a little lamb she named it son of Jim stuck it in a pot of piss to teach him how to swim he swammy to the bottom then she swammy to the top mary got excited so she grabbed him by the cocktale gingerale 5 cents a glass if you dont believe me then stick it up your ask me no questions and i'll tell you no lies Mary got hit by a pile of shit right between the eyes

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,j1mmy31
Date: 02 Jun 09 - 07:50 PM

there once was a farmer who sat on a rock stroking his wiskers an shaking his fist at his neighbors who sat on their ricks teaching their children to play with their kite strings an marbles in the old days of yore along came a lady who looked like a decent young lady and walked like a duck said she invented a new way to bring up the children to sew an to knit the boys in the stables were shoveling up contents of stables left after the hunt the car man was feeling a nice piece of straw from the stable cleaning the walls in came the dairmaaid to play with his dog in the dairy where she did belong if you think this is dirty well your f--king well wrong ....


I can't believe I remember this one from like 2nd grade

Under the old apple tree was the first time she showed it to me she said it was a crack but it looked like a manhole to me so I whipped out my telephone pole stuck it in her manhole she let out a scream I injected some cream under the old apple tree....

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Grandpa Warren J R
Date: 13 Jun 09 - 05:59 PM

Oh, the moon shown bright on a summer's night
And it shown right through her nightie
And what I saw as against the law
By Jesus Christ Almighty

She jumped in bed and covered up her head
And said swore I could not find her, but
I knew damn well she lied like hell
So I jumped right in behind her

Oh, I shoved ol' Pete right through the sheet
into her sausage grinder
And the white of an egg rolled down my leg
and the rest rolled down her hinder.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Amanda
Date: 13 Oct 09 - 07:36 PM

Beverly Hills, CA, 1984-1988.

Ok, the naughtiest song I remember hearing - introduced by a boy and usually recited in muted tones (and with mischievous grins) by the boys:

I was walking down the hall, scratching my balls
when my dick got caught in the elevator walls.
My mamma screamed, my dick turned green
and that was the end of my ding-a-ling.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Tug the Cox
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 06:15 AM

As I was walking up the stair
I met a man who wasn't there
he wasn't there again today
I wish that man would go away.


As I was walking by St Pauls, a lady grabbed me by the
Arm. Sir, she said, you are in luck, come this way and have a
Ham Sandwich. Threepence, sixpence or a bob
All according to the size of your
Ham Sandwich.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,verson I remember
Date: 01 Nov 11 - 09:38 PM

Two farmers, two farmers
Were digging in a ditch
One called the other
You dirty son of a Peter Murphey had a dog, what a good dog was he, he gave it to his lady friend to keep her company,she taught it she taught it, she taught it how to jump, it jumped right down her panty hose and bite her in the Cocktail, gingerale
Five cents a glass,
And if you don't believe me,
I'll shove it up your
Ask me no questions,
I'll tell you no lies
And if you ever get hit
With a bucket of s**t
Be sure to close your eyes. And your mouth

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 12:07 PM

More from the 50's and 60's:

It ain't gonna rain no more no more, it ain't gonna rain no more
How the heck gonna wash my neck, if it ain't gonna rain no more.

A man lay down by the sewer, and by the sewer he died
And at the coroner's inquest, they called it sewer-cide.

It ain't gonna....

Mary had a little lamb, her father shot it dead
Now Mary takes that lamb to school, between two hunks of bread.

It ain't gonna.... (more verses I don't remember).


(tune - "Caissons Go Rolling Along")

Give a yell, give a cheer, for the boys who drink the beer
In the cellars of [insert school name here].
They are brave, they are bold, and the liquor they can hold
Is a story that's never been told.
For it's guzzle guzzle guzzle as it trickles down your muzzle
Shout out your orders loud and strong (more beer!)
Oh we'll hoist once more as they're busting down the door
In the cellars of [insert school name here].

(tune "Davy Crockett". "NDG" is a local suburb)

Born in a garbage can in NDG, lost his mother in the A & P
Drowned his sister in a cup of tea, and shot his father with a 303.

We had slighly different variants of previously mentioned lyrics such as "... ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies ....",
"Dick and Mary went to the dairy, Dick pulled out his long and hairy....", "One bright morning in the middle of the night...", and "...greasy grimey gopher guts..."

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Dave
Date: 16 Feb 12 - 02:29 PM

Lulu had a whore house the biggest one in town
fifty cents for standing up and a dollar lying down
Oh!
Bangin' away on Lulu bangin hard and strong
who ya gonna bang on when Lulu's dead and gone

City girls have diamond rings country girls wear brass
the only ring that Lulu's got's the spring around her ass
Oh!
Bangin' away on Lulu bangin....

In Lulu's little whore house where people ain't particular
you line em up against the wall and screw em perpendicular

Bangin' away on Lulu bangin....

Lulu went to Sunday School it was against the rule
caught the preacher by his tool and pumped him on a stool
Oh!
Bangin' away on Lulu bangin....

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Mar 12 - 05:29 AM

My dad used to sing this to the tune Men Of Harlech :

We're the boys from ping pong castle
Shooting peas up a nanygoats a**ehole

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Apr 12 - 02:57 AM

does anyone remember all the lyrics to these only 2 lines that I remember from our schoolbus song days?

Caught my balls on a barbed wire fence...hey bo daily (diddly?)
...
Stepped on a rake and...(smashed my face?)...

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Pete
Date: 16 Jun 12 - 08:42 AM

The boy stood on the burning deck,
A string of sausage 'round his neck,
A squashed tomato in his eye,
And there he stood, prepared to die.

One my parents recited from their youth in England (1940's or thereabouts).

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Nick
Date: 21 Nov 12 - 07:01 PM

Heard this from a lad called Martin McDonald back in Glasgow around the 90s:

Mrs o'leary was ninety two,
She did a wee fart and away it flew,
over the hills and over the lane,
and onto the farmers window pane,
The farmer came out with a rusty gun,
and shot the wee fart and away it run,
over the hills and over the lane,
and back up mrs o'leary's bum again

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Joe Offer
Date: 07 Jul 13 - 02:24 AM

Kay Shapero did a great job of collecting naughty children's songs. Take a look:

http://www.kayshapero.net/child1.htm
(the links on the upper-right will lead you through 4 pages)

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,crash
Date: 03 Nov 13 - 01:22 AM

In days of old when knights were bold
and condoms weren't invented,
they'd wrap a sock around their c*ck
and babies were prevented

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Lighter
Date: 03 Nov 13 - 11:47 AM

Joe, quite a collection. Thanks for the link.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST
Date: 05 May 16 - 09:37 AM

My dad (1923-2001) used to sing the same song, but he could only remember one line: 'Here comes Captain Norway, shooting peas up a nanny-goat's doorway.'