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BS: Nobituaries
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Subject: BS: Nobituaries From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 21 Feb 06 - 12:06 PM According to reliable sources, actor Tom Cruise did not die in his sleep during the evening of February 20, 2006. Details are sketchy, but reports of Mr. Cruise arising from his bed, urinating, and brushing his teeth are believed to be accurate. Plans for a memorial service have not been finalized as of this writing. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Nobituaries From: John MacKenzie Date: 21 Feb 06 - 12:24 PM Cancel the order for the short coffin! G. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Nobituaries From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 21 Feb 06 - 12:25 PM In a related story, rumors of the life of actor William Shatner are still under investigation. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Nobituaries From: GUEST Date: 21 Feb 06 - 12:34 PM What? Tom Cruise is alive? Why, I just saw "Mission Impossible" on cable last night! I can't tell you how shocked and saddened I am. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Nobituaries From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 21 Feb 06 - 09:35 PM Okay, one more try... Police in New York City, Chicago, and Los Angeles have reported that no well-known rap artists have been killed in drug-related drive-by shootings in any of those cities within the last 24 hours. In a related story, numerous funeral directors in New York City, Chicago, and Los Angeles have filed for bankruptcy after first defaulting on various loans used to purchase luxury cars and motor yachts. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Nobituaries From: Amos Date: 21 Feb 06 - 11:40 PM According to the best information available, the unfortunate but well deserved death of an agent of the Heron posing as a folkie, apparently a bass player, or at least a base player, in a recent fiction thread, did not in fact result in any damage to his corporeal identity outside of cyberspace. Condolences to all those who knew him are being sent in unprecedented volume. The Homeland Security and NSA have both expressed an interest in the anomalous, high-volume chatter surrounding the alleged cyber-death. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Nobituaries From: Skivee Date: 21 Feb 06 - 11:50 PM Lovable panda cub, Ztung-Tse-Fong, was found in it's pen at the National City Zoo this morning. The eight month old cub, who had been undergoing treatment for a lung infection, had shown some improvement during the early part of the week. Zoo staff are said to be shocked by the discovery. "He wasn't supposed to be there. I burst into tears when I saw him", said panda tech, Aldo Laplasser. Public viewing of the The 70 lb. cub, whose name translated to,"Happy-T-shirt/Coffee-Mug-Profit" will be anounced soon. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Nobituaries From: Dave Hanson Date: 22 Feb 06 - 04:36 AM From the ' Irish Times ' A two seater Piper Comanche has crashed into a cemetary just outside Dublin, so far the emergency services say they have recovered 187 bodies. eric |
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Subject: RE: BS: Nobituaries From: Paul Burke Date: 22 Feb 06 - 06:05 AM Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott was reported brain-dead this morning. Doctors described his condition as "perfectly normal". |
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Subject: RE: BS: Nobituaries From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 22 Feb 06 - 07:16 AM Vale Australian Commercial TV. They are rerunning the series 'Moonlighting' - with Bruce Willis. Didn't he die when that helicopter crashed on top of that tall building during that terrorist siege? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Nobituaries From: Bill D Date: 22 Feb 06 - 02:42 PM after 2 hours of no long, complaining posts on internet forums or emails to government agencies, reports were circulated about the presumed death of Roger "Shambles" Gall, but when police broke into his flat, they discovered he had merely been busy looking up "equivocation" and "gratuitous righteous indignation" in his dictonary, and was, in fact, (When told folks were worried about him, he replied, "I plan to live forever, or until everyone sees things my way, so no need to fret.") |
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Subject: RE: BS: Nobituaries From: Donuel Date: 22 Feb 06 - 03:20 PM according to reports Europe is in Hysteria http://www.dw-world.de/dw/article/0%2C2144%2C1910110%2C00.html |
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Subject: RE: BS: Nobituaries From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 22 Feb 06 - 06:54 PM Isn't that somewhere near Utopia? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Nobituaries From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 22 Feb 06 - 10:43 PM It's sandwiched between Dontunderstan and Dumbfuckistan. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Nobituaries From: Mr Red Date: 23 Feb 06 - 08:14 AM reports of Mark Twain's death are no longer exaggerated |
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Subject: RE: BS: Nobituaries From: Mr Red Date: 23 Feb 06 - 08:24 AM Dave Swarbrick. sells copies of his obituary from the Telegraph |
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Subject: RE: BS: Nobituaries From: Mrrzy Date: 23 Feb 06 - 09:19 PM Good one, Mr. Red! Likewise, what was Descartes thinking? Now, is it the case that today, he didn't exist then? In the local paper today it was reported that nobody from any of the area high schools has blown anything up lately. Schoolgirls everywhere are merely bored by the news. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Nobituaries From: Little Hawk Date: 23 Feb 06 - 09:23 PM As the rightly should be! Schoolgirls don't want news, they want entertainment. |
