BS: The Last Hurrah?

Subject: BS: The Last Hurrah?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Nov 08 - 05:03 PM

As the final days before the historic 2008 election wind down we find Chongo Chimp sitting at a desk in a poster-strewn APP campaign office, his shirtsleeves unbuttoned, a bit fatigued after a hectic round of speeches and trips to key states. He is eying the latest poll results collected by his faithful and hard-working campaign manager, the attractive dark-haired Renata Carson.

"So, the way I see it, Renata, we ain't managed to break through...ummm...the one and a half per cent mark nationwide?"

Renata sighs and frowns. "It's worse than that, Chongo. We're holding firm at a quarter of a per cent...except in Texas. There we're at negative 2 per cent. I don't even know how that's possible, but that's the reports I'm getting."

"Goddamn Texans," mutters Chongo. "They hate apes and monkeys down there. They oughta be kicked out of the Union and have to go begging to Mexico or else make it on their own."

"I'm afraid the country just isn't ready to take this step, Chongo. I thought we could do better than this, but I underestimated the degree of specist prejudice out there. I take full responsibility for the failure to get our message across to my fellow humans."

"No way, Renata!" says Chongo. "You been doin' an incredible job. Anyone else woulda thrown in the towel months ago, but you just kept pluggin' away, and I will always be grateful for what you done on my behalf...and on behalf of all of my fellow primates."

The normally calm and cool Ms Carson's eyes well up at hearing that, and Chongo stretches out a hand (paw?) and pats her comfortingly on the shoulder.

"Look," he says, "this ain't no surprise to me. I knew this was gonna happen. I didn't run expectin' to win this election, Renata. I ran in order to make a stand for all my brothers and sisters out there who been laborin' for years in the shadow of "The Man" and gettin' no respect. I ran in order to make a stand fer them what's incarcerated inside steel cages for the entertainment of dumb rubes from the suburbs. I ran in order to set a precedent. No one is ever gonna be surprised again that a chimp dared to run for the highest office in the land. I am crackin' open a locked door that has been locked since men first enslaved apes and dragged 'em outta the jungle and used 'em in cheap used furniture ads and dumb Tarzan movies. This is just the first step in a long, long struggle. Someone had to do it, so I did it. We have just begun to fight for our rights."

"Yes, I see that," responds Renata, dabbing at her eyes with some kleenex. "Well, what are we going to do on the day after?"

"The way I see it," says Chongo, "first we go do our civic duty and go out and vote. I might vote for me...or I might just vote for Obama. Hell, he's from Chicago too, and I basically like the guy. His struggle fer equality is quite a few steps farther along from mine, but I can relate. I useta have a grudge against Black African humans because of stuff that happened way back in the old country, but it ain't the same here in the USA. I'm thinkin' differently now. I gotta put away those old grudges and work for the common good now. And after that? It'll be back to earnin' a living, I guess, the usual stuff. How 'bout you?"

"I have my paralegal work to do, and I love it," replies Renata, "but I have some other ideas too. I'm thinking of starting up a Primate-Human Friendship and Awareness center, with equal representation on staff. If I do, can I count on your help?"

"Damn!" says Chongo. "That is a great idea, Renata! You bet we can get together on that. I am with ya all the way."

"So...who do you think is going to win?"

"I figger it two ways, Renata. One: Obama will win, if it's a fair vote count. Two: He won't if there is some massive fraud with them computers and stuff. I'm hopin' that don't happen, cos it won't be good if it does, not good at all. Anyways....whaddya say we find a nice club to go to and have a meal and somethin' good to drink and forget about all this for a coupla hours? We done what we could. This is the last hurrah. Let's take a break."

"I can definitely go for that," replies Renata, flashing her "million-dollar smile" at Chongo. "Let's go."

"Oh, I forgot," she says as they step out onto the street. "There was another call from that crazy female supposed chimp who says she's your sister. 'Chinga'. The usual wild threats and accusations..."

Chongo rolls his eyes. "Boy, it takes all kinds, don't it? That one just don't give up. I wonder if she really is a chimp or if it's a human with a mental problem? Who the hell would call themselves 'Chinga'? I know what that word means. I ain't stupid. Look, Renata, you get anymore calls from her, just put her on hold and tell her I'll be there in fifteen or twenty minutes...and if I ain't....then start without me."

They laugh merrily and head off down the street together.

Somewhere birds are singing
Somewhere poets yearn
Somewhere bells are ringing
And somewhere candles burn
Somewhere in this magic land
Lives love, tender and kind
You won't find it there in Chinga
She's out of her flipping mind!

Subject: RE: BS: The Last Hurrah?
From: artbrooks
Date: 03 Nov 08 - 05:08 PM

And, in Spanish, chinga means...? Never mind, not relevant to the story line.

Subject: RE: BS: The Last Hurrah?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Nov 08 - 05:11 PM

That's right, Art. It's a very well known and obscene expletive in Spanish. However, I did not create the character "Chinga", so don't blame me for it, okay?

Subject: RE: BS: The Last Hurrah?
From: Sorcha
Date: 03 Nov 08 - 05:12 PM

(for those of you who don't know...it is the Spanish for our good old Anglo Saxon F word)...kinda sorta relates to sex....sometimes.

Subject: RE: BS: The Last Hurrah?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Nov 08 - 05:15 PM

Yeah, it's a VERY popular word in Mexico where it is used to mean about 150,000 different things, depending on the situation....very similar to the common uses of the "F" word in the English-speaking world.

Subject: RE: BS: The Last Hurrah?
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Nov 08 - 05:21 PM

Well, Chongo might be tossin' in the towel, but I ain't!!

He asked me to be his Vice-Presidential nominee and I gave up my own Presidential Campaign to do it. Bobert is promised the position of Secretary of Cannabis, and he gave up his position as VP in my campaign to run with Chongo.

I never thought Chongo was a...quitter.

Subject: RE: BS: The Last Hurrah?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Nov 08 - 05:24 PM

Go, man, go! I love your tenacity. Let me ask you this...if the vote doesn't go as you hope, are you ready to take up arms on behalf of the downtrodden and accomplish "regime change"?

Subject: RE: BS: The Last Hurrah?
From: Amos
Date: 03 Nov 08 - 05:31 PM

YEah, that's right--pre-empt the media with slanted stories that coverup the sordid facts.

Well, Mister Hawk, CHinga is alive and well. Both her houses of ill repute are raking in top dollars as people flood to the polls and stop by to relieve the tension at her places, and the geriatric assistance center she just started in Miami has already expanded from one condo to two (fortunately the condos down there are on special this year). She's pulling in the dough hand over fist, in short, and if your man Chongo had been just a LITTLE bit nicer to her, who knows, you mighta seen some discreet campaign funding from her and her co-owners in the trade. But noooooo. You were blinded by your own sins of abandonment, turning your back on your family, Chongo, not writing, not calling...you can bet it cost you Florida at least!! All Chinga had to do was tell the voters down there, "He never writes...he never calls..." and Chongo was a shutdown has-been from that moment on as far as the good folks in Miami were concerned. They know about ungrateful family members down there.

Never mind. You can pose for the reporters all you want, Mister Hawk, and pretend forever that Chongo's long-abandoned family members don't deserve his respect. But remember this--as you reap, so you shall sow. And da Nile is not just some river in Egypt, it's where your man-ape Chongo keeps his brains, see?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Last Hurrah?
From: Sorcha
Date: 03 Nov 08 - 05:35 PM

(PS----'chinga' is the 'command' form too.....sorta means OR ELSE!)

Subject: RE: BS: The Last Hurrah?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Nov 08 - 06:07 PM

"You know, there's another thing about this whole deal of me bein' president, Renata..."

"What's that?"

"Well, it's that fella, Rapaire. He has some strange ideas percolation' around in his head, and I ain't blind to what's been goin' on. He has made quite a few of them Freudian slips...mostly havin' to do with when he will be president...oops! And then he says, Oh, I meant when Chongo will be president..."

"I noticed that too, Chongo, and I didn't like it one bit, but I didn't feel it was my place to say anything about it."

"Well," smiles Chongo, "If I don't win...and you and I know I plainly can't...then it don't matter, does it? Rapaire won't have no reason to try and bump me off no longer then. It will be a dead issue, if you pardon the expression."

"Yes, I suppose that's one less thing to worry about, Chongo, but it's sure a shame when you have to worry about your own second in command stabbing you in the back."

"Darned right," grins Chongo. "Now just imagine how insecure that old John McCain must feel with the Killa from Wasilla standin' right behind him."

Subject: RE: BS: The Last Hurrah?
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Nov 08 - 06:14 PM

I am not now, and never have been, intending to "bump...off" Chongo. Yes, I made some slips of the fingers, but I would never, ever, do something like that! I certainly would NEVER stab him in the back -- on the off chance I found it needful to off Chongo I'd do it to his face, just as I hope he'd do it to me.

Subject: RE: BS: The Last Hurrah?
From: artbrooks
Date: 03 Nov 08 - 06:20 PM

Subject: RE: BS: The Last Hurrah?
From: artbrooks
Date: 03 Nov 08 - 06:21 PM

Ya gotta watch them librarians...they'll Dewey you in every time.

Subject: RE: BS: The Last Hurrah?
From: Amos
Date: 03 Nov 08 - 06:42 PM

Oh, you're a card, all right!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Last Hurrah?
From: Gurney
Date: 03 Nov 08 - 11:09 PM

What does a 'Last Hurrah' mean in the Americas?
Here in NZ it means a last bash at the credit card before you lose it, a last spree or jaunt that politicians (or other suckers on the public teat) go on when not applying for re-election.

Subject: RE: BS: The Last Hurrah?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Nov 08 - 12:14 AM

It means anything at all along that line, Gurney. It could mean the last hopeless major assault in a losing war too, for example....like the German's doomed final offensive in the West at the Battle of the Bulge in December '44.

Subject: RE: BS: The Last Hurrah?
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Nov 08 - 08:17 AM

It's also a rather famous novel about Curley's political machine in Boston.

Subject: RE: BS: The Last Hurrah?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 04 Nov 08 - 08:38 AM

Come ON, people, it's trying to be a STORY THREAD. Post YOUR installment!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: The Last Hurrah?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Nov 08 - 11:42 AM

Well, no, not necessarily, Susan. It was just sort of an update on the Chongo campaign, that's all. People are not obliged to build it into a story. Not by me, anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: The Last Hurrah?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 10:37 AM

It was a raucous and ultimately jubilant night at APP headquarters in Chicago as Chongo Chimp conceded defeat in his courageous run for the presidency and congratulated Barack Obama on his historic victory. The APP's failure to take the presidency came as no surprise to most of Chongo's supporters who knew it was the ultimate long shot from the start to place a chimp in the White House (the George Bush record notwithstanding), but many took pride in what has been achieved over the past year by Chongo's campaign.

Chongo was gracious in defeat, promising to do everything he can to assist the incoming Obama administration, although Chongo says he is "getting out of politics now and gettin' back to his regular gumshoe job ASAP".

"Let others take up the torch," said Chongo, to the cheers and hoots of several thousand totally pumped apes, monkeys, and a sprinkling of humans packed into the Banana Building, as it has been popularly named in recent weeks.

"You all knew this was just the beginning. We was breakin' new ground where none had gone before and you should all be proud of what you done. Now apes and monkeys can walk side by side with humans of every color and creed, with White humans, Black humans, Hispanics, Native Americans, and Asian-Americans, and we can all join hands together as partners to build a new America, an America based on hope, friendship, and shared respect, an America which celebrates the differences between us and recognizes that the things we all share in common are so much greater than those differences. This is the beginning of a brand new day, my friends. We should not be sad because things didn't go all our way on this election day, we should be very glad that progress has been made, very proud of what we have accomplished as brothers and sisters in common cause, and I wanta say right now that we should all give Barack Obama and his new administration every ounce of goodwill we got and work together with him to put this country back on the road to recovery. Let me join Mr Obama in saying 'YES WE CAN! and more than that YES WE WILL!!! Kree-gah, America! Change has finally come!!!"

****

"You're really happy about this, aren't you, Chongo?" said Renata, her eyes shining with an unfathomable mixture of emotions both happy and sad.

"Yes, I am, Renata" replied Chongo. "I feel a sense of relief I can't even find the words for, and I am glad Obama won it. Man, I would not want that job, Renata, the job of president. No way. I ain't ready to bear that cross. I just wanta go back to my little office and start workin' on some cases like usual and help you out some with the Primate-Human Friendship Center, and leave it at that. But here's the thing. I hadda start the ball rollin' on primate political action. Somebody hadda do it. Black people had their struggle for equality back in the 50's and 60's and from there right up till now, and they been vindicated, and now we got ours. I hadda do my part to start things rolling, and now it's done. The younger folks can take it from here. There are some pretty smart young chimps out there...and gorillas...even some baboons that frankly surprise me. We ain't seen nothin' yet."

Subject: RE: BS: The Last Hurrah?
From: Sawzaw
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 11:06 AM

Was that Chongo in the crowd waving the red flag with the hammer and sickle? The arms were really hairy.

Subject: RE: BS: The Last Hurrah?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 11:24 AM

Naw. ;-) Chongo ain't no Communist, not by a long shot. He's neither a Leftist nor a Rightist, but an eclectic mixture of the two. To give you an idea of Chongo's basic values...he aspires to be as much like Humphrey Bogart and/or Philip Marlowe as he can possibly get. This would make him sort of a quasi-libertarian type of chimp, I would think, but he could easily have fit into the old style Republican Party (back in the Eisenhower days) or the old style Democratic Party...either way. Seems to me that Chongo had a very good opinion of FDR and Harry Truman, and he liked Ike as well.

He has had a long struggle overcoming his own prejudices against Black Africans...going back to some traumatic experiences in his youth in "the old country", but he's put that behind him in recent years. He would tend to identify with any disadvantaged minority group anywhere, I expect.