BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 21 Dec 05 - 07:10 AM

NUTS!!!!! Said the squirrel, that blasted Leadfingers has done it again. That's twice he's hijacked a perfectly silly thread and tried to turn it into something approaching normal. Ah well, vengeance will be mine for I have plans to start a ladder in those infamous tights which will start to unravel itself in the middle of his big banjo solo thus exposing him to the assembled multitude. Have pity on THEM dear reader for such things should not be seen by those of a nervous disposition.

The squirrel returns to his post by the mobile toilet block ready to hand out carefully counted sheets of toilet paper to those who can afford to pay his exorbitant prices. But then, a bum in need .......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 21 Dec 05 - 04:26 PM

It's not paper I need, numbered or not... but something a bit more substantial!!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: MMario
Date: 21 Dec 05 - 04:33 PM

I don't think they make portable fire hoses - they need to have a source.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 05 - 05:59 PM

He turns in his sleep, his dreams disturbed by other dreams of other dreams he dreamed. Finally, he manages to roll onto his (fortunately sheathed) sword and is rudely awakened by the impression the shell guard makes on his stomach.

He reaches for the empty flagon and finds it empty, tosses it away.

His head hurts, and only another flagon of...let's see...sack will do. Yes. A flagon of sack. The drink of Falstaff. Yeah. A sagon of flack. The very thing.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Dec 05 - 09:47 AM

Sage glances over at the calendar on the wall above the card reader with Bert's number permanently entered in the memory. A well-rounded Scandianvian woman is wearing a skimpy furry outfit and short heeled boots and is posing provocatively with a Stihl chainsaw (or is that Husqvarna?)

Isn't this solstice? Dec. 22?

Rapaire rolls over on his bench and grunts. A loud fart is heard coming from the Mudcat Recovery Ward.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: MMario
Date: 22 Dec 05 - 10:07 AM

6:35 PM YESTERDAY in the UK;
1:35 PM YESTERDAY in Mudcat Time Zone.

So Is the solstice from the time of the solstice for 24 hours, or is it the first day AFTER the solstice, or is it twelve hours on either side of the solstice, or is it the day the solstice occurs?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: MMario
Date: 22 Dec 05 - 10:11 AM

BTW - NEXT year ('o6) the Northern Hemisphere Winter Solstice will occur on the 22nd in the UK but on the 21st in the US.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 22 Dec 05 - 12:05 PM

Santa whizzes past on a test run, circles once and lands on the Tavern roof. Pausing only to wipe the reindeer shit from his goggles and drop a practice parcel down the chimney he shakes the reins and takes off once more into the night.

Back at the North Pole Mrs Santa awaits his return and the customary excuses for his lateness. After last year's fiasco with the recovery truck she bought into Reindeer Rescue, no more hoof flats now.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Dec 05 - 02:07 PM

The test parcel bounces into the fireplace, thumps to the hearth, bounces and then finally rolls to Rapaire's feet. The package begins to wiggle and vibrate. . . soon, a claw emerges through a small hole, followed by an animated long nose, and then the creature forces its way out of the bundle. The distinctive yellow highway paint across his nine bands tell a story of a hard life in his younger days.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: MMario
Date: 22 Dec 05 - 02:10 PM

hey - that thing that just crawled out of the package looks just like the handbasket my Aunt Liz used to have - only alive.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 22 Dec 05 - 02:29 PM

As we watch in wonderment, the animal takes a great deep breath and sort of self-inflates. It peers short-sightedly around the Tavern, extends a claw, scratches its head, moves the claw sideways until it makes contact with a large urn shaped brass spitoon, taps it three times and breaks into SONG.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: MMario
Date: 22 Dec 05 - 03:07 PM

It's an 'aintno'?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 Dec 05 - 06:29 PM

OOOh, an armoured dildo!!!!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Dec 05 - 07:17 PM

Q: How many Texas A&M Aggies does it take to eat an Armadillo?

A: Two. One to eat it, and one to watch for cars.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 05 - 09:22 PM

Slogging back a good drink of sack, he returns to the corner and slides straight down onto the floor, where he sits in dissipated pose, gently drooling, while his spirit takes wing for DC....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Dec 05 - 01:18 PM

Meanwhile, the giant squid is feeling neglected so begins the squishy approach to the southern tavern door.

"Barkeep, is there any pickled herring back there? And I'd like a glass of a dry white wine, please."

The room is remarkably quiet, for one so crammed with people and animals. Sort of like the calm before the storm. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Dec 05 - 12:41 PM

The Mudcat Recovery ward has opened again, between the holidays, so calico Clementine can convalesce. Last week she was caught (by the back leg--but luckily no breaks, no broken skin) by Cinnamon (who is now banned to the back of the pickup truck in the Tavern parking lot). Clementine's uninjured except for a dislocated jaw that she got when she bit Cinnamon on the nose. Any extra salmon tidbits from the bar may be put in her little bowl and sent back to her royal behindness, who is curled up in a doughnut-shaped kitty bed that seemed suitable for a kitty to convalesce in.

Cinnamon is contrite and is on antibiotics for cat bite and will also happily accept salmon tribute to her bodacious self (since she managed to crawl under or leap over the back fence three times after the cat-fiasco).

Rapaire managed to leave a snoring holographic image of himself in the corner on the bench while he is in reality off in Pound Laundry for a week.

After a false start, SRS has identified the SS who liberally scattered clues around the 'Cat. Blue tits as red herring--a good one! A bottle of sparkling cider to My Guru Always Said, please, barkeep!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 26 Dec 05 - 01:51 PM

Squid peers short sightedly into the darker recess of the Tavern.
It can see small shapes in a tank.
"Pickled Herring?" he asks quietly.
"Totally soused!" replies the herring in the corner... "Come on in, the alcohol's lovely...!"


Glad to see a familiar old friend, Squid slips into the water and decides whether to join the mutant turtles for a scotch on the rocks at the shallow end, or perhaps to head into the smoking room with the haddock. He takes a glance back into the Tavern where he can see a squirrel roasting its nuts by the fire. Just beyond, where the bank of doors is lit up with fairy lights, he sees Gluon's cousin Muon mooching through the pink spotted door and floating gently to a point equidistant from the floor and the lower beams of the Minstrels Gallery.

Squid thinks "It's time I had a short rest" and slips under the surface leaving a string of bubbles.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 26 Dec 05 - 07:05 PM

If anyone asks, it was me painted the yellow plague cross on the door..... wheel me into the Recovery Ward and hook me up with an IV of cough syrup..... got a stinker of a cold which looks like turning to a chest infection... Limpit has had her cough for nearly 3 weeks now and Manitas has come out in sympathy.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: GUEST,Clementine the Calico kitty
Date: 26 Dec 05 - 09:29 PM

My mistress discovered an abscess on my chest this afternoon, and are taking me to the vet tomorrow hisssssss!. I do like the vet, and don't mind the ride, but when that assistant tries to pick me up, hisssssssssss! I just can't contain myself!

Can I camp out with you on your bed, Liz? I promise to move away if my abscess decides to drain.

Purrrr purrrrr purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: My guru always said
Date: 27 Dec 05 - 06:42 AM

'Can I swop that Cider for a bowl of Baileys please? Many thanks for a fine chase!' purred the Stray Tabby as she wound around the Sage's legs. 'Pickled Herring? Got any salmon & scrambled eggs I can take in to Clementine?'

Meanwhile the lone Blue Tit is joined by a Great Tit and a whole colony of Long-Tailed Tits all scrambling for the best positions in the tree and rafters. 'Anyone got any nuts?' sang the avian choir, as they were joined by a Nuthatch

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 27 Dec 05 - 07:20 AM

So if nuthatches eat nuts... what do blue footed boobies eat?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 27 Dec 05 - 05:40 PM

Great Tits?
Blue footed Boobies?
I think I'll just lie low....
Quack!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Dec 05 - 08:11 PM

Hi Lilly Hi Lilly
Hi Low Hi Low
Hi Lilly Hi Lilly Hi Low...
SINS slips into the fish tank in the hopes of dissolving some of the green sticky stuff now totally dried into a glistening coating - a lovely holiday statement actually.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Dec 05 - 12:14 AM

Sins, did you know there is a sauna and a hot shower in the recovery ward? Clementine is in next to them with a pile of old towels to sleep on, letting her wound finish draining before she's allowed near the furniture. She might enjoy your company!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Dec 05 - 07:55 PM

Rapaire should be back pretty soon to remove the hologram long enough to wake up and say something profound. Or at least amusing. But don't get too close if he starts swinging around that sword stick of his.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Dec 05 - 08:07 PM

"It's not easy being green..."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: MMario
Date: 29 Dec 05 - 09:06 AM

So - do we stay here for the New Year's Eve Party or do we do a phaze-shift and start over with a nice clean new Tavern?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 29 Dec 05 - 10:42 AM

Do you know how to do that? Without losing Sinsull in the process? She's so sticky she might disappear with the clutter if you're not careful.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005)
From: MMario
Date: 29 Dec 05 - 11:07 AM

It's as easy as stepping through this door