BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....

Subject: BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 07:05 PM

I dont watch much TV but "she who must be obeyed' had a satellite system put in and I saw that the Hallmark Channel was running a version of King Solomon's Mines, which was a favourite story when I was a lad.

I should have been forwarned when they cast Patrick Swayze as Quatremaine. It was truly appalling!

One minute the man is shooting at great distances and hitting charging elephants and the next when he is shooting as some Russians who are after the map, yes Russians, can't remember that in the book, he cannot hit them.

After walking across a desert, falling down holes and fighting off the Russians and then a few tribesman all look wonderfully clean and shaven. I am still curious as to where they got all the ammo from, never seemed to run out.

As for the the tribesman their speech seemed to vary bewteen Hollywood inspired native grunting and then suddenly they spoke with a Harlem accent.

Worst thing was I watched both parts just to see if it got worse. And it did.

Subject: RE: BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....
From: RangerSteve
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 08:06 PM

H.R. Haggard wrote some great adventure novels, and the few that have been filmed were terrible. Why anyone would want to alter books that are perfect is beyond me. I'm aware that all novels get changed around when they're made into movies, but Haggard's seem to be mutilated more than others.

Oh, by the way, I figured you might be my Secret Santa. If I'm correct, thanks. I'll post more details on the appropriate thread.

Steve

Subject: RE: BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....
From: The Shambles
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 08:10 PM

I thought the version of King Solomon's Mine starring Stewart Grainger was not too bad - or perhaps it was?

Subject: RE: BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 10:03 PM

The one with Stewart Granger was reasonable...although pale compared to Haggard's magnificent book. At least Stewart Granger made a fairly respectable Alan Quatremain.

That recent movie with Patrick Swayze was one of the worst movies I've EVER seen! It deserves about 1 out of 10.

The original stories by H. Ryder Haggard are so utterly superb, and would make such incredible wide-screen adventure movies if done faithfully, that one has to wonder why the movie industry has never had the imagination to attempt it. They can do Lord of the Rings seriously, so why can't they do King Solomon's Mines???

They obviously feel that the public are a bunch of shambling morons, incapable of appreciating a real story with depth and authenticity...and by providing the public with a steady diet of superficial tripe most of the time they are turning that assumption into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Subject: RE: BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....
From: Phil Cooper
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 11:21 PM

If they were going to do Haggard novels as movies, I would like to see a faithful adaptation of Eric Brighteyes.

Subject: RE: BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....
From: Wesley S
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 11:11 AM

Didn't Richard Chamberlin also play Quaretermaine ? I think Sharon Stone was in the movie also. I nerver saw them. I just assumed they would be bad.

Subject: RE: BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....
From: Once Famous
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 12:07 PM

Midnight Mass

also, Yule Log.

Subject: RE: BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 10:35 PM

Luckily I was working all through Christmas so I missed most of the heavy duty rubbish.

However I did notice that one particularly bloody awful day, the conscientious viewer could have seen 3 versions of Agatha Christie's The 4.50 from Paddington.

A sort Japanese water torture.....

Margaret Rutherford, Geraldine MacEwan and Joan Hickson.

If you lacked the perseverance to endure any of these productions, I can confirm that in all cases the Doctor did it.

Subject: RE: BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....
From: SINSULL
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 10:42 PM

I watched South Park's Write Your Own Christmas Story episode. Just when I thought they could not get any more offensive...but I did laugh.

Subject: RE: BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....
From: robomatic
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 11:00 PM

Was that the one with the cute little animal satan worshippers written by Cartman? They showed it last night and I had to pick my jaw off the floor.

Never read anything by Haggard. I'll have to check him out.

This is by no means a 'crappiest' show, but in the 60's as a boy I saw a modernized Christmas Carol which involved a visit to the Post Nuclear Holocaust future, I believe it was written by Rod Serling and has yet to be shown a second time. It scared the bejeezus out of me which is not normally a goal for Christmas shows.

Subject: RE: BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....
From: Bobert
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 11:10 PM

The evening news....

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 05:10 AM

I can't watch Stewart grainger any more without thinking of Billy Connolly

Subject: RE: BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....
From: alanabit
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 05:36 AM

Unless a film emerges with the title,"Patrick Swayze Gets Killed (a lot", I think his name on the credits is always a very good reason for watching something else. "King Solomon's Mines" would have been an unpublishable novel had it come out in the past year. Bearing that in mind, I am puzzled as to how a reasonably intelligent poster like Shanghaiceltic turned on the television in the first place. Still, it's a puzzling world sometimes, isn't it?

Subject: RE: BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 06:21 AM

what a lot I miss by not having a television.

Subject: RE: BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....
From: RangerSteve
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 06:30 AM

Anyone remember the dreadful "She" with Ursala Andress?

The Haggard books that will be made into proper movies when I'm in charge of the world are: King Solomon's Mines, Alan Quatermaine, She, and Eric Brighteyes. Heart of the World, Ayesha, (The Return of She), and Alan's Daughter are (in my opinion) not worth the trouble.

Did Haggard write anything else?

Subject: RE: BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....
From: Leadfingers
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 06:30 AM

Sandra - I am in exactly the same situation - We must console each other on our TOTAL lack of appreciation of such gems as Neighbours and Coronation Street -Not to mention EastEnders -- I SAID not to mention East Enders !!

Subject: RE: BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 11:10 AM

The stuff that is published now would not have been acceptable then, either! People's sensibilities change as time goes by. To be able to suspend one's present forms of political correctness and appreciate good writing for what it is, regardless, is a most desirable ability to have when reading literature.

Subject: RE: BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....
From: alanabit
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 11:25 AM

Little Hawk, I believe you are making claims for the quality of Rider Haggard's writing. I admire your courage.

Subject: RE: BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....
From: Scooby Doo
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 01:49 PM

I was in Italy for Christmas and they seem to have a lot of quiz programmes on their television.I was glad to miss the British television for a change,no Eastenders etc etc.

Subject: RE: BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....
From: Gypsy
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 09:59 PM

The dumbed down version of the Earthsea trilogy, by Ursula K LeGuin. WHY did they have to dumb down the plot?

Subject: RE: BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 01:34 PM

yeh I'm one of the dumbed down ones too - just in case you didn't guess.

Rider Haggard (any relation to Merle?) was one of my favourite Classics Illustrated.

I'm proud to be a Gagool from out of Gainsborough.

Subject: RE: BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 02:21 PM

Synagog midnight Mass

Hanukkah log

Subject: RE: BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 03:04 PM

'I am puzzled as to how a reasonably intelligent poster like Shanghaiceltic turned on the television in the first place. Still, it's a puzzling world sometimes, isn't it? '

Yes I truly dissapointed myself, new years resolution dont watch any sattelite TV.......

Subject: RE: BS: Crappiest TV show this Christmas....
From: Strollin' Johnny
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 04:56 PM

Hey WLD, I'm the real Gagool from Gainsborough! LOL!
Allan Quatermaine was pretty much my favourite childhood read.

Dunno about the crappiest TV this Christmas, but the best was the final two days of the Durban Test.
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