Punch the Horse in September

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 21 Sep 03 - 06:45 AM

no way - you can have one peanut and be content with that! 200 indeed!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,ossonflags
Date: 21 Sep 03 - 07:19 AM

Question - What plays a guitar and falls of motor bikes?

Answer - Pete Dean!!!!

The Deanmeister,well known guitar player with the Infamouse band "Punch the Horse" was driving his shiny new red motorcycle along the Beverley by-pass on Wednesday whilst playing a particulary hard chord progression,when he decided to see if said shiny bike could fly.This is something his closest friends would have advised him agaist as when he came to, a local rag and bone man was stood over him offering a selection of balloons and goldfish for the remains of his shiny new "Triumph"!!!!

I am pleased to report that the Axeman and his son Alex suffered no seriouse injury and Peter put in a blistering night with us at the "Durty Nellies" on the Saturday.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 21 Sep 03 - 05:24 PM

True

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 05:28 AM

Tis true. My sickle is a tad poorly. And I ache all over. The handbook said nothing of the beast's inablity to fly. Can I sue for this, LH?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 07:29 AM

Nah Deanie its in the small print ... in latin: Equine ferus nihill areonaticus!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 10:17 AM

Oh.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 10:53 AM

Deanie ..........have you bought yourself a steam train, an American one, an old Iron Horse, an Equine Ferus and furthermore are you aware that Moses is the first named person to ride a Motorbike cos it says in the bible "and lo, the roar of Moses Trimuph could be heard throughout Israel"

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 11:05 AM

Trust someone to point out that I was insulting his motorcicle! If you only knew just how proud he was of his two wheeled glory!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: sweetfire
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 01:06 PM

I've got a guitar lesson tonite, the instructor is well fit!

I've told pete about this before, he should scrap the bike and get something with real power......horses can fly!!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 01:10 PM

Whats this Deanies got Horseflies, knew about the fleas and crabs but was unaware of horseflies

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 01:51 PM

Yeah he got them off Oaklet or one of his heffers nasty things geegeeflies!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 02:23 PM

Gee Gee Flies, Wasn't she a dancer with Pans Criples

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 04:09 PM

It's too bad it didn't happen in the USA, Deanmeister...you can sue over anything in that country, absolutely anything. And if you get the right lawyers representing you, you'll win too. Cast your mind back to the OJ trial, for instance. We'll have to see if Johnny Cochrane or Melvin Belli can be persuaded to go to the UK and help you out with it...

It all depends on publicity. Is there anything unbelievably violent, scandalous or heinous in your background or that of your family? Something that if revealed would attract HUGE publicity, resulting in several bestselling books and lucrative talkshow engagements? If so, I believe we can get you hooked up with one of these top flight California lawyers right quick.

- LH

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 07:28 PM

Deanmeister,

You're going to be a natural for this, don't worry about a couple a years in a state penitent, OK your arsehole will be bigger when you come out, but with me as your agent, we'll (sorry you'll) be a millionaire.
Go for it man

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 10:43 PM

LOL! That's the spirit! I can foresee opportunities for a large number of venal hangers-on to cash in big here, Raggytash. The more the merrier, I say! We'll have this on the cover of People magazine in a month or two from now is my prediction...

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 05:03 AM

Scandalous or heinous background? Moi? A pinnacle of the community, me.

Well, I suppose we could always invent something....any suggestions?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 05:24 AM

Deano,

Do you know the song "I'm my own Grandpa", we could use that as a basis, full to cross marriages to existing relatives, probably a bit of incest thrown in there (best kept in the family anyway is incest)
Gold-diggers, Sugar Daddies, age gaps, to-gether with the mental trauma, insecurities, self doubt, self abuse, What we need is KJ to come up with the correct medical terms, I bet she's got whole books on the subjects

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 06:51 AM

Having just returned from Beverley Westwood Hospital X-Ray Unit, it would appear that I played on Saturday night with a fractured hand. I told you it hurt, SP. I have to go to HRI tomorrow morning....if it confirmed, and put in a cast, this may affect imminent activities of PTH.

Get me that lawyer, LH. I shall sue Triumph Motorcycles for loss of earnings....!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 07:06 AM

Nah mate a geeza like you won't need it putting in a cast - anyway its probably too late for that. Just don't wimper too loud when you're in the recording studio! Now if they have to amputate that's a different story........

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 07:37 AM

Step forward the bold Raggytash ................ I can C G F & Am, you do the strumming bit and I'll hold the chords .........Sorted

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 10:00 AM

Sounds like a plan, Raggy! SP offered to do the Bm's for me on Saturday....they were a real bummer!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 10:30 AM

Thank you for your response Peter, much more than I got from Mr C Thompson when I applied for the position of wringer out to a one armed window cleaner

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 01:25 PM

I can appear as an expert witness in the aforementioned legal activities, for a suitable fee of course.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 07:43 PM

Yes but who for?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 11:51 PM

they still havent sent me my donkey! :-(

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ
Date: 24 Sep 03 - 01:10 AM

It may well be in a tin of dog food by now jOhn.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 24 Sep 03 - 07:34 AM

See new thread The DeanMeister = The Bionic Guitarist for the latest news on this world imfamous pth star!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Sep 03 - 05:40 PM

They haven't sent your donkey yet? Well, Jone, if it's an ass you're after, our Conservative Party Premier of Ontario (Ernie Eves) is about to be voted out of office shortly. Only a few more days of Ernie here if all goes well. I'll see if we can ship him smartly to Hull after the election. Please PM me your address.

Look him up on the Net if you want to see his campaign BS...

http://www.premier.gov.on.ca/english/

- LH

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,Gimpy
Date: 25 Sep 03 - 08:08 PM

Hello, mates. I'm a big fan of Punch the Horse, having seen the band perform on several occasions. I have always been fascinated by the name of the band, and wondered what inspired it. Last night, whilst ruminating on these matters at the pub, I decided around 1 AM to take decisive action and find out for myself what was the significance of the words "Punch the Horse".

Later that night on my way home I spotted an individual of the equine persuasion (a horse, that is) lounging about in a suspicious manner in the common. I determined that I would set him right (it was a stallion, quite obviously) by giving him a smart punch on the nose. However, on approaching said stallion, and he was a big one, I noted the evil look in his eye and became wary. I also noted that he was tethered securely to a bicycle rack. Very good. Instead of punching the horse from in front where the treacherous creature might bite me, I would approach from behind, where the beast would not be so well appraised of my intentions.

In due course I had maneuvered nonchalantly to the rear of the horse, not without I think arousing some suspicion though, because he nickered at least twice and kept glancing at me nervously over his shoulder.

Still, so far so good. Now it doesn't make much sense to actually punch a horse from behind, because they are so tall, so I decided to kick the nasty blighter instead. Taking a deep breath I let him have one good solid kick to the goolies!

I regret to say that things went somewhat awry at that point. I did indeed land the kick, but the horse, although quite discomfited, had the presence of mind to kick me back, not just with one foot, but with both hind feet! It was a horrific double impact which I should not wish to ever experience again, and it propelled me a good fifteen feet, landing me upsidedown in a waste disposal container which was full of nasty, smelly trash, and sharp objects. I sustained severe and possibly permanent damage to my own personal nether parts, if you follow me, a sprained knee, a wrenched Achilles tendon, and a lacerated left nostril, as well as an acute shortage of breath for some time afterward.

Not only that. The horse turned out to be a police horse, and the constable, who had been making a phone call, arrested me as soon as he had extricated me from the aforementioned waste disposal container.

I am now charged with assaulting a police horse, resisting arrest, and disturbing the peace.

I intend to sue them for all they've got and take it all the way to Buckingham Palace if I must, until justice is done!

Arthur "Gimpy" Starling

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,ossonflags
Date: 26 Sep 03 - 06:34 AM

I like the real story better.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Beverley Barton
Date: 26 Sep 03 - 12:26 PM

tot's,
               so,this is what you get up to at 5am is it!
               I will have to keep an eye on you
                         el dad

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: sweetfire
Date: 27 Sep 03 - 11:57 AM

No dad you silly bugger, mudcat time is not the same as over here, it's about 5 hours behind!

And don't think just cause now you know how to use a computer n ya rekon ya real good that you can come on here and start tellin me what to do!!! So there.

(that'll tell him!)

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,Gimpy
Date: 28 Sep 03 - 02:56 PM

I have not yet received a single post in support of my plight and September is almost over! This is disgraceful!!! The public must be prepared to rally round when policemen and horses conspire to persecute and injure innocent people. I fear that I will have to present my case again more forcefully on the November Punch the Horse thread if this unexpected silence continues. I also believe that Mudcat Cafe was knocked offline through the same conspiracy I have mentioned, by the way, so your interests are at stake here too, ladies and gentlemen!

Please direct contributions to the Arthur Starling Defence Fund c/o Beatrice Starling, 11 Ponsonby Road, Skegness, Lincolnshire.

Arthur "Gimpy" Starling

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Beverley Barton
Date: 29 Sep 03 - 03:48 AM

tots,
          watch it tots, or charmless gets it! glad you finally rolled up to catch back end of simon and steve! you should have seen whole set instead of warbling in oddfellows!
                         the true path!
                           el dad

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 29 Sep 03 - 05:00 AM

Boo

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: sweetfire
Date: 29 Sep 03 - 06:21 AM

There's no point threatening me ted, it won't work! touch my horse and your new bike with be sent to the srcap heap....and your guitars will be reduced to fire wood!!! so, You watch it!!! haha

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 04:52 AM

There is a distinct lack of drivel on this thread lately. I'm so upset that I shall have to console myself and visit this website vomit-making websites!.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 05:03 AM

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I followed that link KJ what a terrible thing to do. God Oaklet will have a fit when he sees that.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 05:07 AM

KJ - what a lovely, lovely site. It made me want to rip off my Borg implant and smear oil of evening primrose into the road outside in order to calm the traffic.

I will now invent my pet dog Kenneth who despite suffering from canine Terrett's syndrome, lives a full and active life. I think that the site would benefit greatly from my contribution.

Are you having a slow day as well, by any chance?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,ossonflags
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 05:08 AM

Excellant!!!!!!!!!!! have added it to my "favourites".

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 05:19 AM

where were you last night then oakers old bean? Your absence has been noted and I have to inform you that all of that wonderful paraphanalia of the ROAB has been stolen (well at least its all gone) - now give it back the cows will not appreciate it.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 07:27 AM

Visit the website & view the last message!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 07:34 AM

LOL! Terrier? All those poor canine lovers could take this very seriously, you know. Is there no end to the global spread of PTH?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 07:37 AM

I think you'd make a very good terrier in the next life Pete! Are you going to have any physio on that hand of yours?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 07:44 AM

Erm, not entirely certain, Karen. The consultant I saw (a trad musician, incidentally, piper, guitarist and whistle player....Angus somebody....u know him?) said that playing my guitar would probably be physio enough! Hand is currently in pot, with wires holding the bones in place. I believe the wires come out in 4 weeks, and the pot removed in six. After that, erm, don't really know. But I'll be back.

Got appt for x-ray next wednesday. Keep ya posted.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 07:56 AM

Some of you have way too much time on your hands.... not to mention wires and plaster.

:0)

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 08:53 AM

Have a look at the vomit site. The last entry is worthy of here.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 08:59 AM

Oh, David!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 09:47 AM

woof woof when does her cd get the official release then david?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: sweetfire
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 10:24 AM

A good thing about college computers is that you have unlimited access to em, a bad thing is that you dont have unlimited access as to what you do on em.......the bastards have blocked KJ's site!!!!