BS: An age-old dilemma.

Subject: An age-old dilemma.
From: Kim C
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 11:47 AM

Why is it that sex is easy, and talking is hard?

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: little john cameron
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 11:50 AM

Beats me Kim,ah never had oney bother wi' either o them.ljc

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: Amos
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 11:57 AM

1. The choices you have to make in talking are unbounded, while in sex they are limited. It is hard to make all the decisions in thought that are needed to say the right thing next.

2. There is an infinite number of wrong things to say, and undoing the damage is sometimes extremely painful. There is a very limited number of mistakes you can make with sex, and they are usually quickly put right! :<> )

3. It is extremely easy to be painfully misunderstood in speech, given the highly volatile, plastic nature of the individual mind. The simple physical choices of action in sex are pretty unambiguous.

4. The rewards are much more obvious in sex and the fact that the rewards of reall communication can be a thousand times richer is easily overlooked.

5. In talking, you have to take care to respond correctly. In sex, the mechanisms are semi-automated.

A

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: Kim C
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 12:13 PM

Wow, Amos, that's pretty good.

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 12:22 PM

Kim C: Count your blessings. With some of us, it's the opposite.

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: Bobert
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 12:23 PM

Yeah, great answers, Amos.

Guess I'm one of the lucky ones, cause me and my wife, P-Vine, do well in both departments. Right, Honey?... Honey?... P-Vine?.... Danged...

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: greg stephens
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 12:48 PM

I don't do either, I'm British and proud of it.

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: Kim C
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 01:00 PM

It just seems to me like sometimes talking is somehow more personal than sex, even though it ought to be the other way around.

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: C-flat
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 01:21 PM

I like to talk about sex!

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: Kim C
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 01:55 PM

Come on, now, I'm serious. Why is it somehow more personal to say what's in you heart than it is to take off your clothes? I'm sure Amos isn't the only one who has any thoughts on the subject.

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: gnu
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 01:58 PM

WHAT ? Could you repeat the answer ? Limited ? I would never sign a "limited" contract unless the limitations were limited.

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: Kim C
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 03:09 PM

oh, never mind...

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: Mr Red
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 03:29 PM

begs a question about a mouthful
I found talking easy after divorce, after the endless silences I just had a lot of talking to do. Mind you there have been times since when discussion was being thwarted and at that point "nothing" is preferrable to negativity. But that person was a misanthrope at heart (did I say heart?)
Just a thought but what happens when the sex is waning? Does that motivate to get the comms linked?
of course one sided dialogue gets you no where.

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 04:14 PM

Maybe the question is "Why is sex so easy and love so hard?" You can have sex with someone you don't even like. Mostly self-gratification, although even sex won't last long if that's all it is. Love is another story.

Or maybe the question is "What is sex without intimacy? Don't answer that one, Spaw...:-)

Sex AND love... now you're talking!!!!

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 04:17 PM

Sex? Wazzat?

:-)

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 04:58 PM

I agree that sex is easy...so easy that even a congenital idiot can do it (manage the basics, I mean)...but what's hard about talking?

There are some people who are hard to talk with, of course...is that what you mean? This is usually because they don't really see talking as a cooperative or a mutual activity, but rather as a war. (My father comes to mind...)

On the other hand, there are a lot of people one might be quite happy to talk to, but not want to have sex with. I can think of thousands of people like that with no difficulty at all. Almost everyone I know, in fact.

Therefore, I would suggest that sex is a more specific matter than talking, and a matter involving more discrimination (in the positive sense of the word).

There are some subjects that are hard to broach...but there are some sex acts that are likewise hard to contemplate. Well, for me, anyway...

I recall, for instance, a sexual position on this zodiac calendar I saw that I believe very few people could manage were they not members of the Hungarian Olympic gymnastic team.

This is indeed a subject that has many ramifications, and I'm sure with a little work we can stretch the discussion of it out almost indefinitely.

William Shatner finds either sex or talking about equally easy, by the way...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: Justa Picker
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 05:05 PM

The thing that I most looked forward to about getting married was that I'd be able to have sex....as often as she wanted. *g*

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 05:13 PM

Yes. I recall the joke about "How do you get a ------- woman to stop bugging you for sex all the time?"

Answer: "Marry her!"

VERY politically incorrect. Fill the prejudice of your choice in the blank space...almost anything will do. :-)

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: CarolC
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 05:46 PM

Kim, if you're having trouble communicating, there may be some things that can help.

Sometimes, if the issues that need to be discussed are important to the relationship, a good counselor can help facilitate better communication.

And there are some good books available that can help people experience more effective communication. One that comes to mind is "Relationship Rescue" by Dr. Phil McGraw.

Good luck with whatever it is that you need to accomplish. I hope it turns out well for you.

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: Kim C
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 06:03 PM

No, no, no, it's nothing like that. As I told someone earlier, it's just a musing, something some of us were pondering. Like why is the sky blue.

Some people have a hard time expressing their thoughts in words, but have an easier time expressing themselves physically. Just wondering why. Maybe because different people see intimacy in different ways. Maybe it has nothing to do with bad communication, only different communication.

Maybe I just answered my own question.

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 06:28 PM

If you want to know why the sky is blue, just PM Wolfgang. For the talking and sex thing Bill Shatner is probably still the ultimate resource.

A lot of the young men I knew in the early 70's were almost incapable of talking about anything but dope, but they were all interested in sex...between tokes, at least. The young women were less interested in dope, but seemed determined to find an inarticulate male pothead to hang around with for some reason. I'm not sure exactly what that reason was. I think it may have had something to do with status...not being seen as an "old maid" (or a virgin!)...that sort of thing.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: gnu
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 07:21 PM

Mr Red.... begs a mouthful about a question.

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: kendall
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 07:53 PM

If you live long enough, and you are reasonably intelligent, you learn to do both quite well.

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: gnu
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 07:54 PM

words of hisdom

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: Dave T
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 08:08 PM

To me it's simple...
The personal risk in sex, if safe and restricted to the physical act, is in baring the body. Talking (meaningfully) means baring the soul.

For what it's worth,
- Dave T

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: The Pooka
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 08:15 PM

Greg Stephens, *LOL*. But surely you're wrong: Britain has produced many great conversationalists. :) (Now what's that one about 'just close your eyes and think of England'?)

IMHO, talking is easy. *Listening* is hard. (Yeah, take it from one who knows.) As for sex, I'm with those who claim it's *not* always so easy. Take it from one who remembers. Dimly.

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: gnu
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 08:27 PM

Speaking as a recently (three years) single fellow, sex is the last thing on my list of things I want to catch. It's an icidious disease which can lead to complications, like AIDS, syph, clap, love and the like. There's no cure for love.

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: GUEST,Lyle
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 08:40 PM

Dave T hit a home run!! All you reveal about yourself in sex is gender and basic or advanced knowledge of the act, and if things go wrong, they can be rationalized away. BUT when you talk everything you say AND everything you leave unsaid reveals tons about YOU as an individual. And for some people self revelation is the last thing in the world they want. (The reasons for want to hide their true selves can be many and complex, and could be a whole new thread in itself.)

Lyle

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: Amergin
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 09:07 PM

and here i was thinking it was going to be another "What is folk" thread.....

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: gnu
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 09:12 PM

Well, it is about folking.

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: lady penelope
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 09:20 PM

You can hide your 'true' self just as easily by talking as not talking.

These are perpetual questions.

TTFN M"Lady P. : )

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 09:46 PM

kendall - Well said.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: Bullfrog Jones
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 09:58 PM

Maybe because, as a species, we've been having sex a lot longer than we've been talking?

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 10:12 PM

That's a pretty safe bet.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: mack/misophist
Date: 07 Mar 02 - 10:34 PM

"Getting yo know you" talk is easy. There is one topic that almost every one warms to instantly. Talk about the person you're with. We all find outselves fascinating. Except got me. I'm a boring clod.

Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma.
From: Kim C
Date: 08 Mar 02 - 09:48 AM

DaveT and Lyle, that's what I was getting at. Thanks. :-)