BS: Joke thread for 2025

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Mrrzy
Date: 08 Sep 25 - 07:56 PM

What has two butts and kills people?


An assassin!

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Sep 25 - 08:29 PM

Dave, Trump's Erectile dysfunction is so severe the only thing Viagra makes hard is his heart arteries.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 12 Sep 25 - 07:52 AM

In the US, reading for fun is down by 40% but an exception is a series of books for older people called 'Night of the Assisted Living Dead'.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 14 Sep 25 - 06:42 AM

One from Steve :-)

An undertaker decided to update his fleet of cars, so he had them converted via AI to self-driving.

He thought he'd better try one out before using them for real funerals, so he took it to the edge of a lake, fully expecting it to stop automatically at the edge of the water. Unfortunately, it didn't, and the poor chap was drowned.

The moral? You can take the hearse to the water but you can't make it think...

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 14 Sep 25 - 06:48 AM

Reminded me of the African tribal chieftan who had a golden throne made. It was so beautiful that after a while he decided he had better hide it away in case someone tried to steal it so he hoisted it up to the rafters of his home where no-one could find it. Trouble was, his house was made in the traditional manner with Wattle and daub walls and a grass thatched roof. It couldn't hold all that weight and the roof eventually collapsed. He was in at the time and when the throne fell it killed him :-(

Just goes to prove that people in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones...

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Sep 25 - 08:51 AM

The chairman of a local MAGA cell decides to go check how his fellow conservatives are doing. He walks into a MAGA revenge rally and sits down. Before the rally starts, there are 15 minutes of Trump propaganda, with him giving a boring speech "like no one has ever seen". Everyone stands up and starts wildly clapping and cheering.

The local chairman is so inspired that he is frozen, soaking in the love.

A few minutes into the cheering the guy on his right bends over and whispers directly in his ear.

" I know how you feel, but if you don't want to be deported, you'd better stand up and clap."

Subject: a viol joke
From: Mr Red
Date: 17 Sep 25 - 05:33 AM

How to tell the difference between a violin and a fiddle

1) a violin has a brown neck at the end, a fiddle has a redneck.

2) a violin has strings, a fiddle has strangs.

3) look at the nut holding the bow

4) the beer stains

from Words Unraveled videos

Bonus quip = "As new Theremin for sale - untouched"

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Mr Red
Date: 18 Sep 25 - 04:12 AM

Then there is the fella who invented a clockwork rectum

So he could wind up an asshole.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 20 Sep 25 - 03:14 PM

She must have been a pilots daughter because she had a fur lined cockpit!
She was the Tobacconists daughter..best shag in town!
She was the telegraphers daughter and she didit didit didit!

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 24 Sep 25 - 06:26 AM

The new manageress arrived at the Care Home. She called a meeting of all staff and residents and told them that male resident rooms are out of bounds for female residents and vice versa. Anyone caught breaking this rule would be fined £10 the first time, £20 the second time and £50 the third time……..
An eighty two year old lady stood up and demanded ‘’So how much is a season ticket’’??

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Mr Red
Date: 25 Sep 25 - 06:01 PM

Tylenol is the new bleach

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 25 Sep 25 - 06:49 PM

You can't make a joke about a comedian's free speech. Because by the time you're done, they've already tried to cancel you for not being funny enough.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Free Speech.
Shut up and use the fucking doorbell.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 26 Sep 25 - 05:21 AM

Donuel~?~?~?~? Do doorbells have sex~?

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Sep 25 - 08:59 AM

No, but many of them are now voyeurs.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Mr Red
Date: 27 Sep 25 - 09:23 AM

Donuel - that is funny

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Mr Red
Date: 28 Sep 25 - 06:49 AM

The spread of COVID was caused by:
1) A dense population
2) A dense population

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 29 Sep 25 - 01:19 PM

I was walking through the graveyard earlier and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone

I said "'moring"

He replied "No, just having a shit"

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 29 Sep 25 - 04:54 PM

Elon Musk wants to send people to Mars.
I think we can all agree that he is the most creative serial killer of all time.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Mr Red
Date: 03 Oct 25 - 03:46 AM

"most creative serial killer"

Grain of truth there.

just a "rye" thought but what will they grow & eat when they get there?

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 03 Oct 25 - 06:52 AM

Pomme d'terre merde?

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 04 Oct 25 - 08:01 AM

In the movie Martian, poop fertilized potatoes was the main course. Yum.