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BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!)
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Subject: Obit: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui.... From: Bobert Date: 31 Dec 08 - 08:49 PM Well, well, well... So I'm watchin' the news tonight and they had this story about how whales have taken up off the coast of Maine as their new mating area... Hmmmmmmm??? Now, I've seen with my very own eyes the way that the Capt'n can walk into a room of Mudwomenz, snap his finger and have them line up so... ...when I heard this report I was thinkin' that it was good thing that Kendall sold his boat but... ...word at the marina is that the Capt'n has lotta friends with boats... I donno??? B;~) |
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Subject: RE: Obit: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui.... From: Bobert Date: 31 Dec 08 - 08:52 PM Bobert's last "Obit" fu8k up for '08 and ptolly his worst of the year... Hey, folks, Kendall is okay... Really.... Lemme see if I can get joe to fix this one... Sheet fire... B~
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Subject: RE: Obit: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui.... From: Geoff the Duck Date: 31 Dec 08 - 08:55 PM Bobert - don't give us threads that sound like bad news, please! We've all had enough bad news during the last year to last us all forever. QUACK! Geoff. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui.... From: Bobert Date: 31 Dec 08 - 08:57 PM Whew.... I accidentally posted this under "obits"... What a complete screw up, I is... Might of fact, I'm gonna take a flashlight out and see if I can find a big stick and beat myself up with it... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui.... From: Geoff the Duck Date: 31 Dec 08 - 08:57 PM Glad you realised yourself. Prob best if Joeclones just delete us all... Quack! Geoff |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui.... From: Bobert Date: 31 Dec 08 - 09:02 PM Nah... Wouldn't go that far, Quackster... Other than accidentally postin' this under "Obits" I think it ain't all that bad and... ...quack back atcha... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui.... From: Ebbie Date: 31 Dec 08 - 10:27 PM Beaubear, you seem to have an affinity for thin ice. And I do NOT mean the Obit part- :) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui.... From: Rapparee Date: 31 Dec 08 - 10:30 PM 1. Find the flashlight. 2. Find the stick. 3. When you're done with it, send it to Jacqui so she can beat off those flocking around Kendall -- or use it on him herself. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui.... From: freda underhill Date: 31 Dec 08 - 10:45 PM by the time I saw it, the "Obit" part has been removed. had a big laugh, bobert, after the relief of realising it's a joke. freda |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui.... From: KT Date: 31 Dec 08 - 10:52 PM Dang, Bobert, I just now saw this and you still scared me! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui.... From: GUEST,leeneia Date: 31 Dec 08 - 11:12 PM Bobert, let me see if I'm reading you right. Whales are mating off the coast of Maine, and you think they will want to mate with Kendall. Is that it? Bobert, the sheep jokes around here are bad enough. Whale jokes are definitely over the top. Have you been celebrating the new year early? and too enthusiastically? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui.... From: Rapparee Date: 31 Dec 08 - 11:29 PM I've a whale of tale to tell you, lads A whale of tale or two About lobsters, fish, and the girl he loves On nights like this with the whales offshore.... So...whales are mating off the coast of Maine and Kendall is going to row out there to be a part of it? Now, a common old female sperm whale going to average 36 feet long and weigh about 15 short tons (14,000 kg.). Kendall is probably about 6 feet long at the most and weights in at probably 180 pounds or so (that's a guess). That means he's a bit short for the lady and is certainly not in her weight class. When you figure that she can dive to more than 5,000 feet and stay down there for an hour or more and Kendall is probably hard put to dive to 10 feet and stay down for a couple minutes -- well, I think it's unlikely that the Cap'n is going to row out and mess around. Not that he couldn't.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui.... From: SINSULL Date: 31 Dec 08 - 11:45 PM Jacqui on SINSULL's computer.... Bobert! Join Amos UNDER the cellar floor! Now, those who know me - do you think that ANY whale would have the nerve to try and get any where near my sweetie? You know the old song? Whale meet again......... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui.... From: Barry Finn Date: 01 Jan 09 - 12:05 AM I think the Old Man just wanted to hear the big ones sing while mating. He was then gonna commit the songs to memory & sing them to Jacqui. Kind of like when Bacall asked Bogie if he could whistle. Don't fall for it Jacqui, that Kendoll is a crafty critter Happy New year to you both Barry |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: Amos Date: 01 Jan 09 - 12:56 AM Dear Jacqui: MwoaooooAHHHWOahhheahwoooooooah!\ Doesn't that just get you in the mood!!!?? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: artbrooks Date: 01 Jan 09 - 01:47 AM Having met Jacqui...and having met Kendall...and having seen a few whales of various types...I'd guess that the chance of Kendall growing barnacles on his...self...is pretty low. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: Bobert Date: 01 Jan 09 - 09:29 AM Someone broke into my house last night and found the pudder on and figured, "Hey, let's have some fun..." That's my story and unless anyone has pictorial evidence to disprove it then I'm stickin' to it... Plus, would I come up with a thread like this??? Huh??? Answer me that one, will ya'??? B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: Rapparee Date: 01 Jan 09 - 09:37 AM You are Bobert, the Leader. I believe everything you say without reservation, thinking, or burdening myself with anything like that. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: Bobert Date: 01 Jan 09 - 09:41 AM In the market for a bridge, Rap??? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: skarpi Date: 01 Jan 09 - 10:08 AM whales ? they taste good on the BBQ . Yammmmmmuuuuiiiiiiiiiiii |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: Bobert Date: 01 Jan 09 - 10:09 AM Make room for one more in the cellar... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: Rapparee Date: 01 Jan 09 - 11:14 AM Skarpi's right! We eat whales taken from the Snake River all the time. If we didn't they'd block up the flow and deprive Oregon of water. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: Leadfingers Date: 01 Jan 09 - 11:20 AM DONT believe everything Skarpi says about food ! Have you ever tasted his Rotten Shark ? even with the Brevennin to kill the taste buds its hard work ! LOL . And Happy New Year All Round!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: kendall Date: 01 Jan 09 - 12:36 PM Why me? sigh... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: Rapparee Date: 01 Jan 09 - 12:41 PM If not you, Kendall...who? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: Bobert Date: 01 Jan 09 - 01:33 PM Well, Capt'n, it's like this... First of all, you is da ladies man here... Second of all, you live in Maine... Third of all, you is the Capt'n... So, Rap is entirely correct... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: Rapparee Date: 01 Jan 09 - 01:58 PM Of course he is, he said humbly. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: gnu Date: 01 Jan 09 - 02:38 PM He's slicker than whale shit.... Robin Williams. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: EBarnacle Date: 01 Jan 09 - 02:53 PM Yust one word for you Skarpi: Lutefisk! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: kendall Date: 01 Jan 09 - 04:09 PM The logic escapes me. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: Rapparee Date: 01 Jan 09 - 04:12 PM It escapes all of us, Kendall. Just go where the current drifts you. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: ClaireBear Date: 01 Jan 09 - 05:14 PM I want everyone here to know that even though it would be ever so easy to take this opportunity to ascribe new meaning to the line, "In Baffin Bay, where the whale-fishes blow..." -- I am very definitely NOT doing that! I've seen Kendall and Jacqui's cellar! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: Bobert Date: 01 Jan 09 - 05:19 PM Wise choice, C-Bear... Wish I had made that choice last night... I mean, the Capt'm havin' sex with a whale??? What was I thinking??? B;~) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: Ebbie Date: 02 Jan 09 - 01:03 AM Just what kind of whale is this? I quote: In an adult (blue whale) male, the penis is about 5 m long (16 ft) and the testicules weight about 10 kg (22 pounds). :) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: kendall Date: 02 Jan 09 - 07:18 AM Even I can't compete with that! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: jacqui.c Date: 02 Jan 09 - 07:19 AM I'm saying nothin'. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: kendall Date: 02 Jan 09 - 07:21 AM That's a first. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: jacqui.c Date: 02 Jan 09 - 07:27 AM Another hole in the cellar floor! That damn pickaxe is getting a bit blunt! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: Amos Date: 02 Jan 09 - 10:39 AM Hell, you both know it ain't what you've got but what you do with what you've got. That's the secret to marital bliss, IMHO. And no-one knows the divorce rate amongst blue whales, do they? The notion of blue balls in a 22 pound version is just overwhelming... A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: Becca72 Date: 02 Jan 09 - 10:52 AM You people have no idea how sorry I am I opened this thread...sigh |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: Ebbie Date: 02 Jan 09 - 11:00 AM hahhahahahha Sorry, Becca. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: Liz the Squeak Date: 02 Jan 09 - 12:00 PM There are some things you just never ever ever EVER want to know about your parent.... Why not ask Skarpi to nip into Rekyavik with a tape measure where they have a Penis museum... My researches tell me that a sperm whale can get up to 9ft long, whereas a humpback is only about 6ft, which is about Kendall sized.... so if it's humpbacks, he's in luck but I suggest something more than a sou'wester, and if it's sperm whales, he better have some pretty slick moves to counteract the females' obvious disappointment if she's read the same text book as I did! LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: Liz the Squeak Date: 02 Jan 09 - 12:01 PM Oh, and todays' useless information - the penis of a whale is called a dork, which is where we get the insulting term from. LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: artbrooks Date: 02 Jan 09 - 12:02 PM But doesn't Jacqui love him for his other qualities as well? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: Rapparee Date: 02 Jan 09 - 12:53 PM Had you stepped on board the Pequod at a certain juncture of this post-mortemizing of the whale; and had you strolled forward nigh the windlass, pretty sure am I that you would have scanned with no small curiosity a very strange, enigmatical object, which you would have seen there, lying along lengthwise in the lee scuppers. Not the wondrous cistern in the whale's huge head; not the prodigy of his unhinged lower jaw; not the miracle of his symmetrical tail; none of these would so surprise you, as half a glimpse of that unaccountable cone, - longer than a Kentuckian is tall, nigh a foot in diameter at the base, and jet-black as Yojo, the ebony idol of Queequeg. And an idol, indeed, it is; or, rather, in old times, its likeness was. Such an idol as that found in the secret groves of Queen Maachah in Judea; and for worshipping which, king Asa, her son, did depose her, and destroyed the idol, and burnt it for an abomination at the brook Kedron, as darkly set forth in the 15th chapter of the first book of Kings. Look at the sailor, called the mincer, who now comes along, and assisted by two allies, heavily backs the grandissimus, as the mariners call it, and with bowed shoulders, staggers off with it as if he were a grenadier carrying a dead comrade from the field. extending it upon the forecastle deck, he now proceeds cylindrically to remove its dark pelt, as an African hunter the pelt of a boa. This done he turns the pelt inside out, like a pantaloon leg; gives it a good stretching, so as almost to double its diameter; and at last hangs it, well spread, in the rigging, to dry. Ere long, it is taken down; when removing some three feet of it, towards the pointed extremity, and then cutting two slits for arm-holes at the other end, he lengthwise slips himself bodily into it. The mincer now stands before you invested in the full canonicals of his calling. Immemorial to all his order, this investiture alone will adequately protect him, while employed in the peculiar functions of his office. That office consists in mincing the horse-pieces of blubber for the pots; an operation which is conducted at a curious wooden horse, planted endwise against the bulwarks, and with a capacious tub beneath it, into which the minced pieces drop, fast as the sheets from a rapt orator's desk. Arrayed in decent black; occupying a conspicuous pulpit; intent on bible leaves; what a candidate for an archbishoprick, what a lad for a Pope were this mincer! Bible leaves! Bible leaves! This is the invariable cry from the mates to the mincer. It enjoins him to be careful, and cut his work into as thin slices as possible, inasmuch as by so doing the business of boiling out the oil is much accelerated, and its quantity considerably increased, besides perhaps improving it in quality. --Herman Melville, "The Cassock" from Moby-Dick Lest we forget, lest we forget.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: kendall Date: 02 Jan 09 - 01:10 PM I'm outta here. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: Amos Date: 02 Jan 09 - 01:17 PM A rather forward use of a forward skin indeed. That must be why the forecastle is so named, I am sure (not!). But this does support something I was saying just the other day--reread Melville, young man!! Who could want a better dissertation with which to fascinate and align the attentions of the young and nubile? A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: Liz the Squeak Date: 03 Jan 09 - 05:15 AM So they really are doing what I thought they were doing when I read the book all those years ago when I was young and innocent.... Eeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!! But I bet you a pound to a penny they didn't really call it the grandissimus! But it does bring a whole new meaning to the Rod Shearman song 'The Big Fella'.... LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: JohnInKansas Date: 03 Jan 09 - 05:39 AM Bobert back about half way back up in the thread attempted to blame an "intruder" for his errant posting, however it is quite clear that it was Bobert himself and that there were witnesses ready and willing to testify to his presence at the time of the foul deed. (Witnesses are being temporarily held in protective custody, but whereabouts of the villain Bobert are currently only vaguely known.) John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bad New Year's News for Jacqui....(not!) From: Bobert Date: 03 Jan 09 - 08:44 AM (Busted, Boberdz!!!) Danged... B~ |
