BS - This parenting thing is so hard

Subject: RE: BS - This parenting thing is so hard
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 04:55 AM

Thoughts are with you Deborah.

It seems to be a bad week for animals. My Shadow cat has developed a wobble in her walk that in a human would signify a stroke or nerve damage to her back. I'm hoping it's a strained muscle as she fell off the chair a few days back... but given her history of epileptic fits (we found the trigger and stopped doing it when she was around) it's probably in her brain. I'm loathe to take her to the vets when she's still functioning normally, it's too soon after Max last December, but I know it'll come soon.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS - This parenting thing is so hard
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 10:03 AM

I was at the vet's office a couple of weeks ago and happened to read some of the fliers for animals for sale and those needing good homes. There were two adult dogs they listed that had to go together--they were littermates and had been together all of their lives.

My two (aged about 2 years and 2.5 years) weren't companions until about a year and a half ago, but they bonded instantly. My pitbull craved another dog to play with and as a big playful puppy was almost uncontrollable if we met other dogs on a walk.

I visited the Humane Society and selected three dogs to consider as companions for my dog. They were high energy to match my dog, and I brought Cinnamon down to the shelter to meet at least one. The worker brought Poppy out and the two went through a flurry of moves in about 30 seconds--they gave out excited yelps, they both ended up rolling over on their backs, and finally, sat chest to chest licking each other's faces. I know more about dogs now and would do it a bit differently next time, but they have turned out to be a great match and are inseparable. So if ever they had to find a new home (one of those "over my dead body" scenarios) I'd hope they would be placed together. Same with my cats, who have been together for years.

Anyone who read the James Herriot vet books years ago remembers all of his stories about companion animals and animals mourning. I think for some people those stories made it "okay" to acknowledged that animals do have emotions, that it isn't projected human emotion.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS - This parenting thing is so hard
From: ranger1
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 02:30 PM

Deb, I'm so sorry about Tucker. He was a really sweet cat and I very much enjoyed making a fuss over him on Boxing Day. I'm glad that the vet could come to your house and do it so that he didn't have to spend his last moments dealing with the stress and trauma of travelling to the vet's office. I'll save my hugs for you for tomorrow.

Subject: RE: BS - This parenting thing is so hard
From: Becca72
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 04:26 PM

Deb,
I'm so sorry for your and your daughter's loss. He sounds like a wonderful boy. It's alway so sad to see them go.

My sister had to have her dog put down about 3 years ago and the vet they use came to the house as well. It really made thing so much more calm. Definitely the way to go if you can handle it emotionally.

Subject: RE: BS - This parenting thing is so hard
From: *daylia*
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 06:25 PM

TRUBRIT, my heart goes out to you and your daughter. I do know where she is coming from. Over the last couple weeks, I've been facing just the POSSIBILITY of having to put my 14 year old kitty down. Not because of illness, but because I've had to relocate my private music studio into the tiny little house I share with the cat. Some of my students are allergic to her, and there's simply no longer a suitable place for an indoor litterbox. I've had to leave it in the back porch, where she does not always have access to it. I cannot make her stay in the porch with it when its 30 below - the porch has no heat, electricity or insulation. And as I tried to figure out how to overcome these snags, the poor cat has soiled and ruined about $500 worth of furniture and blankets since Christmas.

:-(

Much as I love her, I just lost it. I figured she had to go -- but I knew no-one who could take her.   Not even the SCPA -- she is so old she has slim to NO chances for adoption. THey couldn't turn me away, they told me, but in compassion for the cat -- who would absolutely HATE being held in a compound with other animals (she is NOT used to other animals at all), I would be better off to put her down.

That was one of the hardest days of my life, standing at the SPCA while they told me the news, offering me Kleenex and much sympathy. I cried off and on for the rest of the day, holding onto her.

And I am 48 -- a far cry from 21.

I just can't do it. I cannot put down a healthy animal that I love because of housekeeping difficulties. So I decided -- I will put up with the litter box in my kitchen during the night. I will run a cord from the garage so I can plug in a heating pad for her when she has to stay out on the porch while I'm teaching. I will clean the carpets EVERY DAY to make sure her hair doesn't bother anyone. I will make sure the litter box is IN the house every time I leave, even if only for a few minutes. Its a lot of extra work and stress, I know, but hey.

She is worth it.

ANd I am too.

Again, all the best TRUBRIT. ANd don't worry. Your daughter's behaviour is very normal and very human, at least in my book!

Subject: RE: BS - This parenting thing is so hard
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 07:56 PM

love is normal

To be void of love is not.

Subject: RE: BS - This parenting thing is so hard
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 11:05 PM

Thank you all so much for great warm thoughts. Tami, I will collect that hug tomorrow. Barry, songs, friends and hugs always help I have found.....

Golly - being a parent is so tough. Give me a nice easy task like climbing Everest any time......

Subject: RE: BS - This parenting thing is so hard
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 04 Mar 07 - 01:06 AM

But being a parent has its 'up' times too! Entertained our oldest daughter's boyfriend's parents for dinner tonight (lots of apostrophes - hope I got them right......). So nice to hear other adults validate what you believe about your daughter -- that she is the BEST .... decent people, decent son, loves my daughter- -- can't be so bad..........

And daughter #2 calling and asking us to drop everything and pick her up and then calling up and apologizing for being inconsiderate ....

And child # three - still in school and passing every class .... if he keeps this up he will GRADUATE.......

Life aint so bad.