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BS: I was accused of child abuse
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Subject: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Donuel Date: 14 May 08 - 12:49 PM Yep, what is called an unsubstantiated annonymous complaint of child abuse was filed last September. What happened was that it was kept a secret to all, except our interrogated 7 year old, and were in the dark from September until March 15th. All that time our son stopped talking when I went to pick him up everyday, he became more reclusive and kept saying he hated school. It turns out he was told to NOT tell his parents. From Thanksgiving to Christmas to his birthday in March he was reserved and morose regarding anything to do with school. He would do homework but never turn it in. He came to openly dislike the teacher. Finally when I responded to a letter from Social Services and went with a friend. It was demanded that NO ONE could join me for the interrogation except a lawyer. It was then and only then that I was told that my son said I hit him with a magazine. I hadn't but I can understand that when a child or adult is interrogated they will say something to satisfy the authority figure just to be set free. What was suppose to happen was a social service agent was to meet with us within a week or two. She did leave her card in our door once but after that she played phone tag twice. We thought it was about our older son getting dozens of harrassing phone calls which we had reported. We have pictures of our son from Halloween through Thanksging that show no mark on his face as alleged by the school. In one month our older son suffered 3 injuries in school: broken off front teeth, arm injury and leg injury which required one dentist visit and one ER visit. That was physical abuse for which the school was not reported to anyone. The emptional abuse of our younger son was palatable and cruel during those 6 months when he was to keep a secret from his parents. The only thing he used to say back then was "Its bad very bad, and I can't tell you. I'm having a talk with the principal this Friday. By the way, without being told of the charges or the accuser (2 violations of common law) I still do not know if I am found guilty of unsubstantiated child abuse or not. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Stilly River Sage Date: 14 May 08 - 12:54 PM That's an abuse by the system. Stick up for your rights, but you might also get an attorney. was palatable and cruel That should be "palpable" (you could feel it), not "palatable." Those spell check programs are quick to insert exactly the wrong word sometimes. SRS |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Bobert Date: 14 May 08 - 12:59 PM You need a lawyer, Donuel.... And you and your son need some counseling... He may actually believe you hit him even tho you didn't... Kids can create stories in the head and they become real... Other adults can also help kids create these stories... Good luck, man... Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Mrrzy Date: 14 May 08 - 01:02 PM Yikes, poor you, and poor your kid! I had something similar, but the social services people were much more open about it. And I passed the audition, as it were... good luck! Keep us posted! |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: John MacKenzie Date: 14 May 08 - 01:11 PM Welcome to the world of presumed guilt. It used to be they had to prove you guilty, now it's turned, and you have to prove your innocence instead. I'm sorry to hear of this Donuel, and can't imagine how upset your son must have felt. School's gotta do what the school's gotta do, but it sounds to me like the social service agent made it worse by not following up diligently enough. Apart from anything else, they left a child in a home where they thought he was being molested, and had it been true that he was being abused, then what they did was criminal. Imagine what could have happened to an abused child in the time that has elapsed since the original accusation. Like Bobert says, get yourself a lawyer my friend. Giok |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Mr Red Date: 14 May 08 - 01:16 PM You don't have to be paranoic to see a pre-emptive strike here, cf older son. Kings pawn to knight three andddddddddddddddddd check mate. Get a lawyer. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: PoppaGator Date: 14 May 08 - 01:24 PM What a load of crap. Even if you HAD swatted your kid with a rolled-up magazine (hardly a lethal weapon) ~ so what? The months of emotional abuse those assholes put your son through is far worse than any momentary physical impact, real or imagined, could possibly have been. I've had my own bad experiences with "Child Protection Services" and, while I've found most of the people to reasonable and well-meaning, some of them are power-hungry psychos with their own issues and agendas. The worst of it is, the craziest and most zealous members of such a bureaucracy tend to find their way into positions of authority, because they are the most dedicated (albeit delusional) staff members, and have no life outside of their careers as "crusaders." |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Donuel Date: 14 May 08 - 01:28 PM If the school does not file a report of actual abuse they are subject to a $500 fine. I would have paid 500 just to be told of what was being asked of our son. The school normally encourges parents to be sounding boards to their children. This makes the 6th unsubstantiated ANNONYMOUS accusation in 3 years: 3 to the IRS 1 to the police for my licensed hydrant water meter. 1 to the zoning board for a small section of fence being 3 inches above code. These people win merely by sapping our income to lawyers and time. I feel like the Clintons during White Water |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: John MacKenzie Date: 14 May 08 - 01:35 PM "The worst of it is, the craziest and most zealous members of such a bureaucracy tend to find their way into positions of authority, because they are the most dedicated (albeit delusional) staff members, and have no life outside of their careers as "crusaders."" Rarely seen it put better Poppagator. G |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Donuel Date: 14 May 08 - 01:38 PM In darker moments I have imagined making a few annonymous unsubstantiated accusations of my own. But thats not what a civil person would do in a true civilzation. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Donuel Date: 14 May 08 - 01:44 PM Poppa, you described our Principal. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: mrdux Date: 14 May 08 - 02:11 PM I agree: it would be prudent for you to contact a competent attorney. michael |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Emma B Date: 14 May 08 - 02:30 PM To be sure there are 'little Ceasers' everywhere, even on mudcat, and a little power can easily be abused. I sympathaize Donuel it's very difficult to refute allegations when you are in the dark. Did these allegations come from a teacher's observations initially or were they reported anonymously to the school from some other source? Who was the person responsible for the 'interrogation' and the insistance on 'secrecy' - as mentioned it can be easy to plant the 'preferred' answer to a young child eager to get out of an unpleasant situation. As you point out, if a school does not pass on its 'suspicions' then they are not acting in the best welfare of the child; however, the social worker seems to have also been negligent in the time taken to follow up any allegations (from whatever source malicious, mistaken or otherwise) however flimsy she/he may feel they are. I really think you need to discuss this with someone with expertise in this area. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: GUEST,mg Date: 14 May 08 - 02:34 PM If your son has received physical injuries, not from normal playing, true accidents, etc., but from abuse from other children, do not bother with the principal until way after the fact. Go straight to the police. If it is something, like an assault, that the police would be involved in if it happened in the mall or in a park, then it needs to be brought straight to their attention. Then call child protective services. Then call the principal and tell them what you have done. Never, ever, assume they will do the correct thing because I have seen too many weasels and idiots, no offense to anyone in a similar position, in the profession. It is riddled with idiots who have no concept at all that it is their job to protect children, first and foremost, and that includes from each other. Police first, principal last. mg |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Stilly River Sage Date: 14 May 08 - 02:46 PM It turns out he was told to NOT tell his parents. My mother was an MSW, child protective services. The red flag she always cautioned us about as kids was that when ANYONE told a child they had to keep something a secret it was usually them covering their own ass. Especially in a context like this. This needs to be turned around and the school officials who gave those instructions to you son need to be held accountable. SRS |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Rapparee Date: 14 May 08 - 02:52 PM Get a good attorney. Then put the matches in their shoes. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Jean(eanjay) Date: 14 May 08 - 03:00 PM I'm really sorry to hear this. The nearest I came to anything like that was when one of my son's was two years old, he was unwell and stopped breathing. At the hospital my husband and I were put into separate rooms and questioned, to see if we had abused him. He actually had an ear infection, his temperature had risen very quickly and he had a febrile convulsion. He doesn't remember any of it now and it is nothing compared to what you are experiencing - but it was bad enough, so goodness only knows how you and your son must be feeling. It is dreadful that your son was subjected to such emotional trauma. I would definitely pursue this and get some advice on what to do. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: fat B****rd Date: 14 May 08 - 03:16 PM I can only wish you well with this Donuel. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Little Hawk Date: 14 May 08 - 03:34 PM More shades of George Orwell's "1984". Sheesh. I don't know if I could handle bringing up kids under today's increasingly draconian system. (I have not had any children.) If I did have children I would do everything possible to keep them out of the factory school system (which is simply designed to turn out compliant sheep) and give them home-based education instead. I would give them a chance at becoming free beings under their own jurisdiction and cognizance, not Big Brother's. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Donuel Date: 14 May 08 - 04:27 PM The other invisible damage is that the friend I brought with me to the hearing had 2 kids of her own that used to play with our kids 3 or 4 times a week. Since March they have played together twice. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: CarolC Date: 14 May 08 - 04:39 PM I hope you get that all sorted out with the least amount of pain for you and your family, Donuel. All I can say is, I'm really glad my son is all grown up now, and I think that I will not ever have any more children in all of my future lifetimes. (Not that I have any regrets about having a child in this life, because I don't. I'm very thankful for my son. I'm just saying... ) |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: PoppaGator Date: 14 May 08 - 05:19 PM Hmmm. If one makes a resolution about how one will live during future lifetimes, could it possibly have any effect during such (putative) future lives? Would you really expect to remember that, in a previous incarnation, you decided to quit having kids? |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: CarolC Date: 14 May 08 - 05:28 PM I think one can, PoppaGator, but I don't expect anyone else to see it that way. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: PoppaGator Date: 14 May 08 - 05:52 PM CarolC: Do you remember resolutions you've made in past lives? I certainly don't! I'm not necessarily pooh-poohing belief in reincarnation. I'm open to believing just about anything about the unknown world(s) beyond this mortal coil. But my personal experience suggests that, even if reincarnation is a reality, our individual consiousness is limited to one lifetime at a time, the current one. I'm willing to admit the possible reality of things I have not experienced myself ~ for example, I've never seen a person's aura, but I had my own aura describwd to me by different folks in different imes and places, and the description is always the same (blue-green color), so I have to believe there's something there that I can't see. So, I am seriously interested to learn if you remember yourself as a different individual in a past life on earth. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Little Hawk Date: 14 May 08 - 06:16 PM Poppa Gator, I do remember one resolution I made immediately following the violent end of a past life. I resolved NEVER again to let myself be fooled by my government into joining their armed forces and participating in their war. I have held to that resolution, despite having had a very keen interest in military history and battlefield tactics all through this present life. The historical subject of war interests me greatly, due to my past familiarity with it, I suppose. Taking the opportunity to make that same mistake again, however, doesn't interest me in the least. I do recall some parts of some previous lives...not the entirety of any of them, but certain more significant incidents, yes. I recall being a very different individual in a physical sense, in a cultural sense, even in my gender. No big deal. This life is like a temporary role in a dramatic production...like a stage play. You put on a new body and some new clothes, you take on some new challenges, and you go through it till your part in the play concludes. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: CarolC Date: 14 May 08 - 06:49 PM I do remember things from past lives, PoppaGator, and I know about things I intended to do in this life (intentions that were arrived at before entering this life). However, I didn't intend to turn this very serious thread of Donuel's into a thread about reincarnation. Sorry about that. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 14 May 08 - 08:44 PM what a horror for your child & your family, Donel. As others have said, telling a child to keep something secret from their family is classic abuser behaviour. Reminds me of events here when Child Protection Agencies don't do their job properly, but people & bureaucracies are the same everywhere. Lots of good advice has been offered, best wishes to your child & your family. sandra |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Peace Date: 14 May 08 - 09:02 PM Sounds like Social Services creating job security. Best to you, Don. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 14 May 08 - 09:33 PM I imagine they'll completely deny that they ever told your son not to tell his parents about this. After all, it's only his word against theirs, and a child's words only count for anything when he's saying what they want him to say... |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: GUEST,crazy little woman Date: 15 May 08 - 12:13 AM If I were you, Donuel, I would quit sounding so angry. Stop dwelling on every possible injustice or bad judgment. For example, the principal doesn't know anything about the complaints to the IRS, etc. If you go into the office sore from ruminating about those things, the principal may feel that you are a perpetually angry man. Not true, as we all know. Some of the people you will be talking to are genuinely concerned about your son. Act like a calm, loving father who cares about his child. Get yourself out of the center of the stage and put your son there instead. Ask what is going wrong. Why is he so unhappy in school? How did he get injured? Don't act like an angry man who's only thinking about himself. Apparently there are many false accusations of child abuse. Act rational and loving, and it will help assure the school that your son's case is just another one. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Lonesome EJ Date: 15 May 08 - 12:34 AM Big Brother is watching. Fight em Donuel. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: katlaughing Date: 15 May 08 - 12:42 AM On the other hand that may not get you very far. I knew a woman who had to tell her kids, in front of their dad and social workers, that if the social workers let her husband move back into the family home, after much counselling and psychological testing, etc. of all concerned, she would take a gun and shoot him if he ever did anything untoward to their children. THAT was the way the social workers felt was best for the kids to understand she was willing to "protect" them, by shooting their dad. This was at the height of the witch hunts in the 80's and was just unreal for her and her family. Go in armed (figuratively!) and ready with information, documentation and anything else you can think of to bolster your position. AND, consult a lawyer by all means! All the best to you and your family, kat |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Bryn Pugh Date: 15 May 08 - 05:44 AM Best wishes, Donuel - Hope it goes well for you. Good thoughts and good wishes are coming to you and yours. With respect, don't try and fight this alone - you are too 'close'. Get the best lawyer you can afford, and then go for Costs against those who advised your child 'don't tell anyone'. Regards, Erica and Bryn |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Donuel Date: 15 May 08 - 07:35 AM Thanks for sound advice. This is the same Principal that refused to allow me to see my son on class on his first day of Kindegarden. When I said that it was my legal right to do so she took that as a challenge to her personal authority and has been obtuse and disrespectful ever since, doing things like suspending my son from school for 3 weeks when a prior Pedeatrician's hard drive crashed that had his vaccination records. Once I reported to her that I could smell a gas leak when I was near the school gas line. At the time I did not know there was in fact a large gas leak 2 blocks away that dropped pressure in the lines leading to a sooting up of our water heater and costing us over 2 thousand dollars. The principal however publicly accused me of making a fart joke. Her omnipresent smile disguises the true dark nature of her psyche. She is umarried and seems to be without a life partner just as Poppa said. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Little Hawk Date: 15 May 08 - 09:52 AM She sounds rather like Nurse Ratched to me. This whole business of witch hunting for supposed child abuse and hounding parents over it went absolutely insane in the 1980s as Kat said. It became very fashionable at that time to accuse parents of that and its more fervent proponents developed into something akin to a weird religious cult. Some of them are still around today, busily ruining the lives of innocent people in their righteous zeal to uncover what ain't there. It's one of the sickest phenomena that I have ever witnessed in the medical field. I once was getting counselling from one of those individuals, and she was convinced that at least 99 per cent of all the people in society had been sexually abused as children, and most had buried the memories...and she spent a great deal of my time and money trying to convince me that I had been so abused and trying to reawaken my "lost memories" of the incident(s). Yeah, right. I'll tell you something...it's darned hard to reawaken a memory you never had! ;-) God help us. I put up with her quite a big longer than I should have, because she was quite capable in many other ways and helped me with some other issues...but this nonsense about chasing down the buried memory of something that I am 99.9 per cent sure never happened to me....sheesh! Un-frikkin'-beleevable. You would have to have been there to know just how idiotic it can get. And she remains, of course, convinced to this day that everyone she meets was sexually abused as a child...probably by their close relatives. You cannot reason with a mindset like that, because it's exactly like the most extreme forms of religious fanaticism. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: jacqui.c Date: 15 May 08 - 10:05 AM Too true LH. Problem is, you get some impressionable people who are searching for the reason that they have problems and it would be so easy to latch on to abuse as the root cause. Donuel - get a good lawyer. Any chance of getting your children into another school and away from this woman? |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: beardedbruce Date: 15 May 08 - 10:21 AM related article? Washington Post: Weak on Child Abuse Maryland rates an F. Thursday, May 15, 2008; Page A14 A 2-YEAR-OLD Baltimore girl died last year after swallowing methadone, and Maryland child welfare officials publicly owned up to their failings. They rightly said that shining a light on their handling of the case, with all its tragic shortcomings, would lead to remedies that just might save the next Bryanna Harris. It's troubling, then, that Maryland's law governing the release of information in child abuse and neglect cases is one of the worst in the country. Maryland was one of 10 states that received an F grade from national child advocacy groups studying compliance with federal disclosure rules. The District was awarded a B-minus and Virginia got a C-minus in the April report. The Children's Advocacy Institute at the University of San Diego School of Law and D.C.-based First Star faulted Maryland for giving administrators wide discretion to withhold information and for closing court hearings. Particularly bothersome is a provision that permits disclosure only in abuse or neglect cases in which criminal charges have been filed. Harm to a child shouldn't be kept secret just because prosecutors don't have evidence to bring charges. And why should the public's right to information depend on the predilection of a particular officeholder? There is no question that Human Resources Secretary Brenda Donald has made transparency a priority, but only a change in state law will ensure public access to all the facts. Efforts to make this change have never gotten far in the General Assembly. That's part of an unfortunate pattern by Maryland lawmakers to look unkindly on bills that would toughen protections for children and women. Maryland does not have a child neglect statute in its criminal code. Domestic violence victims must meet an unnecessarily rigorous standard of proof to obtain protection orders. In the just-concluded session, legislators rejected a number of common-sense initiatives, such as those denying paternity rights to rapists whose victims have children. Their demise, as The Post's Lisa Rein reported, came at the hands of an influential House committee dominated by defense attorneys. Ms. Donald told us she will shortly convene a work session with child advocates and other stakeholders to look at the state's laws and come up with reforms that make sense for children. Let's hope it's a step in forcing a much-needed change in attitude in Annapolis. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Peace Date: 15 May 08 - 10:26 AM Don, please take Bryn's advice. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: GUEST,dianavan Date: 15 May 08 - 01:11 PM Poppagator said it best, "The worst of it is, the craziest and most zealous members of such a bureaucracy tend to find their way into positions of authority, because they are the most dedicated (albeit delusional) staff members, and have no life outside of their careers as "crusaders." This principal sounds just like the admin. that drove me out of teaching. Socio-paths are very good at rising to the top and do not like their authority questioned. That said, the social worker should have contacted you immediately. You shouldn't have had to contact them. Whoever told your son to keep a secret from his parents is very, very wrong. I would definitely contact the Supt. of your school district and demand an explanation (leave the rest of your complaints out of it and focus on this incident). I also think that the school is responsible for counselling services. Remember that this principal does not represent all school staff. Yes, school staff must report suspected abuse and have a right to confidentiality but social services also has a duty to handle such cases in a sensitive and responsible way. I would also talk to the supervisor of the case worker to find out why you were not informed and why your son had to endure such trauma. I certainly hope you are demanding an explanation of your son's inuries at school. All students are entitled to learn in a safe environment. That is the responsible of the school. Obviously, your son needs closer supervision and the school must provide it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Little Hawk Date: 15 May 08 - 01:42 PM "The worst of it is, the craziest and most zealous members of such a bureaucracy tend to find their way into positions of authority, because they are the most dedicated (albeit delusional) staff members, and have no life outside of their careers as "crusaders." Dead right! And that's how psychopaths and extremely disturbed individuals end up being the dictators or "leaders" of nations too. Their single-minded focus takes them all the way to the top, knocking off the healthier and more balanced people around them on the way. This therapist that I spoke of above is a tremendously zealous and motivated person, utterly determined in her one-woman crusade to expose the supposed fact (as she sees it) that virtually everyone in society was sexually abused in childhood and most of them have suppressed their memories of the abuse. When you're that sure of something, no matter how odd it is, you become so focused on your objectives that you become far more effective than the average person in attaining them. And if you don't attain them, well, you can still have the grim satisfaction that you were "right all along"...."if only they had listened to me!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: GUEST,lox Date: 15 May 08 - 08:35 PM Hey Donuel, Be strong man! Concentrate on your son and work at healing his hurt from the whole experience and strengthen your relationship with him. My sympathy goes out to you unreservedly. Your story disgusted me. It upsets me deeply how people unilaterally make decisions like that with complete disregard for the damage they are causing their child. You muust be furious! But you mustn't let it become your focus. Your son and rebuilding the trust between you and him must come first. That is all that really matters in the end. But as you're seeing the head anyway ... ... no don't give him/her hell ... ... that's probably exactly what he/she wants ... Take care and keep your family safe. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: GUEST,lox Date: 15 May 08 - 08:42 PM Oh and one more thing, Be reassured that you are respected and liked by those who read your intelligent and heartfelt perspective and no nasty little smear can change that. lox |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Charley Noble Date: 15 May 08 - 08:45 PM As many others are suggesting, you need to hire a competent attorney and not say a thing to the school officials or social service without that attorney being present. Best of luck! Charley Noble |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Peace Date: 15 May 08 - 08:50 PM Don, listen to Charley. That is important. Say NOTHING without a lawyer present. YOUR lawyer! |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Slag Date: 16 May 08 - 01:40 AM Hey Donuel, your politics stink! But that's just my opinion and it's beside the point. I have the deepest sympathies for you and stand with you, regardless of Gargoyle an a couple of other detractors. The best advice you have been given thus far is "consult a good lawyer". Apparently someone is harassing you and they don't care who they hurt, you, your wife or your children. Put an end to this now. Take action to protect yourself and your family I also have my own opinions about the condition many American schools are in. Many of them serve as a kind of welfare state hidey hole for incompetents or worse. You wouldn't believe how simple the test in California is to get your state certificate and yet these boobs who are teaching(?) our children have to take it over and over again, each time ACCUMULATING higher and higher scores until they have enough points to pass it. It is truly frightening. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Donuel Date: 16 May 08 - 09:01 AM I think bearded bruce cut to the heart of my complaint with the article concerning transparency. I am at odds with one comment by dianavan which said "obviously my son requires closer supervision and the school must provide it." ??????????? The supervision obviously falls to me and how I must now teach him that stranger danger and child predators that can emotionally harm him are also in his school. Being told to not tell his parents about anything is wrong and is an attack even if they seem very friendly. The best I can determine is that when I brought in the mail my little boy came around a room divider and ran into the mail I was holding. He was both angry and saying that it hurt. Since I could not see any mark or paper cut I told him that he was not hurt. If I had merely commiserated with his collision with the mail he would have had no cause to feel angry. When the school was told of this event and my son said he was hit by a magazine I guess they thought the same thing one of you thought, that he was intentionally clouted with a ROLLED UP MAGAZINE. It turns out that my boy's interrogation was less than 15 minutes that resulted in both his parents getting letters from social service. My wife was found innocent of unsubstantiated accusation of abuse in absentia. I was not. Without interview or procedure I was automatically presumed guilty. The letter said I could appeal which resulted in me going there to be interrogated. It did not say I could not bring a witness or anyone else for support. They kicked my friend out of the room saying they were preserving the privacy of my son. I was told I would be informed as the the findings of that interview and if found guilty again I could go to a judge for a further appeal. They NEVER contacted me by mail or phone and now claim the time limit for a judge appeal has passed. Bottom line, no matter how much anguish their secret process may inspire in me the only wrong that I fault anyone for is keeping my son in an emotional box that denied him the ability to even talk to his parents about the secret at school. He has now been wetting the bed nightly which was something that had seemed to pass almost a year ago. I will speak to the superintendent and leave the principal, who could only make things worse with her peculiar ideas, tropes and gambits, out of it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: GUEST,lox Date: 16 May 08 - 11:46 AM You can't wait for something to happen. You MUST go on the offensive straight away. The stakes are too high to take risks and the biggest risk is letting some idiot jobsworth play god with your son's future based on some spurious whim. Their attitude is completely unprofessional. You should have spoken straight away, and there should be some established pattern of possible abuse before anyone is even allowed to even raise it as a potential issue. You MUST draw attention to this on your terms and make this person accountable or you may end up having to fight some idiculous case on thier terms. You are currently (completely understandably) bricking it as you are afraid for your family. The system where you are may not be perfect, but it isn't the third reich and individuals like the one you are dealing with do not have arbitrary power. I didn't say it before, but I agree with all those who have said to get legal advice. I would also suggest you do some of your own research and find out if there are any organizations that help in cases like this. With regard to the second part of that last point, be careful that the organization is legit and not associated with genuine abusers. (An example in the UK would be fathers for justice who had to close down because their membership was becoming increasingly made up of guys who were genuine risks, so the organization was losing credibility) The key is to be informed so that you can make decisions based on satisfying legal criteria rather than your own moral code which, valid as it might be, will not save you in court. Take care and don't worry about the trolls etc |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Peace Date: 16 May 08 - 03:19 PM Don, do NOT say a fuckin' thing except through your lawyer. NO SHIT! |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: CarolC Date: 16 May 08 - 03:52 PM I've had experience with schools like that one, Donuel. If I was in your shoes, I would be thinking seriously about getting my sons out of that school and into another one, a private one, if possible. Once the principal or the teachers have labeled you as a "troublemaker", they will use your child (or children) as a means of punishing you. And it won't stop as long as your kids are in that school. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: GUEST,lox Date: 16 May 08 - 04:00 PM have faith, stay cool, and be informed! |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: GUEST,donuel Date: 17 May 08 - 10:54 AM #1 there are no criminal charges...rather a "secret file" claiming that so in so has an anonymous unsubstantiated accusation of determined abuse remains on file for 7 years. (probably forever) #2 institutions end up having rules that serve only the institution. Many of which may not be legal or even officially exist. #3 I will pursue this through the superintendent of schools and media in light of the beardedbruce article that showed the long standing need of transparency. All I can invision is that this will be more anecdotal evidence for the need of transparency reform vs. secrecy that only serves an institution. #4 my incident shows a half hearted attempt of a bearucracy to go through motions that does create more harm for children than good. #5 the rock and hard place for social services is unenviable. The cases they miss that end up in tragedy has given way to a philosophy of "the needs/rights of the many outwiegh the rights/needs of a few" as well as the common law standard of 'you may know the charges and your accuser' has been abandoned. #6 Anyone is one letter or phone call away from an anonymous accusation of sexual, physical, emotional, abandonment abuse that will change thier life forever. I concerted effort to make ficticious charges is not what I experienced. but if a group desired to make wild claims they are immune from any perjury or false report charges, while the accused has virtually no rights. The accused are even told that they must appear alone (except for a lawyer) for questioning despite the fact the hearing is not a trial. Police states love this sort of secret informant thing for obvious reasons. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gitmo comes to Maryland. No, but a few fundamentalist nut jobs could do incredible harm to thousands of people with this secret insulated and pre common law system. The IRS has a similar set up for secret accusers but they go farther...they pay a portion of money if money is collected from the accused to the informer. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: Mrrzy Date: 17 May 08 - 01:32 PM Oh, no, not the permanent (secret) record! But man, Donuel, hang in there. If we can help in any concret way, let us know. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: CarolC Date: 17 May 08 - 06:04 PM I would be careful, though, Donuel. From what I read in beardedbruce's article, it looks like the kind of transparency they're after is the kind that would release the school's files, not necessarily to you, the parent, but to the public. What that looks like to me, re: your particular case, would be that everyone in your neighborhood or wherever would have a right to know what is in you and your sons' files, even if the allegations have not been proven or even substantiated. That doesn't sound good at all. My experience with the Maryland school system (all of my son's 12 years of grade school, except for one year of home schooling, was in Maryland), has been that no matter what you do to try to fix it, you will only get sucked deeper and deeper into its Machiavellian bureaucracy, and sometimes they'll find a way to get you sucked into other government agencies in the process. All I can say is... I hope you have a hell of a lot of money for lawyer fees. Other option, which could prove to be a lot cheaper in the long run, is to get your sons the hell out of the Maryland public schools. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: GUEST,.gargoyle Date: 17 May 08 - 06:22 PM I have attempted to get this message through to you.
Mudcat appears to have its own agenda.
Do they have Television in Maryland?
ANYTHING you can/do say/write (within this public forum) can/and will be used against you in a court of law.
In otherwords SHUT UP!!
GET A LAWYER!!! A GOOD ONE!!! (Expect 5,000 for a retainer)
Sincerely,
Request that the moderators EXPUNGE this thread...and hope it has not been captured by a bot (but I bet it has) |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: GUEST Date: 17 May 08 - 06:43 PM MARYLAND EDUCATION CODE
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: GUEST,dianavan Date: 17 May 08 - 08:08 PM Donuel - Please keep focussed on what is important which is your son's emotional well-being. Children have a way of picking up on anger and blaming themselves. Rather than focus on the emotional damage the school has done (and then send him there everyday), explain that its your job to keep him safe and that means he must never keep "scary" secrets from you. The fear of "strangers" is not very useful since most abuse occurs from family members. It is important to explain to him that if he is abused, it is not his fault. Schools are supposed to be safe but sometimes they're not. I don't know how it works in the U.S. but in Canada, reports of abuse do not go in the student file. Rather, it is social services that has the file, not the school. If the principal keeps the file, it still does not travel with the student to a new school. Don't let your anger spin you in circles and effect your son. Use your anger to motivate you. You are not powerless. You can change schools or home-school or go to a private school. btw - "I was told I would be informed as the the findings of that interview and if found guilty again I could go to a judge for a further appeal. They NEVER contacted me by mail or phone and now claim the time limit for a judge appeal has passed." This is where something has gone very wrong. Get a lawyer to help you sort through this mess. You have a couple of separate issues to deal with and please keep them separate. #1 - How best to handle the emotional trauma your son is going through. #2 - How to clear your name. Good luck and stay clear. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: GUEST,.gargoyle Date: 18 May 08 - 01:26 AM Skip "clearing your name"
READ Section III (above) "THEY" could care less about you...you are a liability to someone (A REAL Person - in the flesh - career, income, family) that would most likely - not elect to be in the position (your personal family communication issues as read on the previous Mudcat threads) YOU have placed THEIR lives.p> OK - given - there is no television - or DragNet in Maryland...(you are ignorant of Miranda Rights) right?
Do you play Chess? (Does the Black Knight regret taking the White Queen - if the White Queen is one step away from distroying 23 minutes (YEARS) of play and removing the Black King?
Do you play checkers? (Do you forego (because "they made a stupid move") hopping three checkers and securing a "king"?
You are caught up in "machinery." It is not evil...it is not good...it is a machine...and "the mills of the gods grind slow...but they grind exceedingly fine.
a specialized "advocate lawyer."
Sincerely,
And ask the MC moderat for this...and several other of your threads to be erased...there is stuff here...that "can/will possibly be used against you in a court of law" |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: CarolC Date: 18 May 08 - 01:48 AM Sometimes it's machinery and sometimes it's not, gargoyle. Sometimes it's petty little empire builders who care more about power and control than they do about kids. It's good to know which kind you're dealing with, because the approach taken for each one needs to be different. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: GUEST,lox Date: 18 May 08 - 03:21 PM Donuel, I agree wholeheartedly with the view that you must give at least equal importance to helping your son to recover from the psychological abuse he has received from his school. He must not be allowed to suffer any more. Carol "Sometimes it's petty little empire builders who care more about power and control than they do about kids." Yes carol that is right. Unfortunately there are idiot people (like the ones you have described) who will drop you into the workings of the system without good reason. The rules of the system and its procedures are effectively a slow and intricately crafted machine. And that is why Donuel needs to get a lawyer, and why he needs to learn how to use the machine and be informed about how it works so he can know what to expect. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but if I remember rightly, Gargoyle is giving a lawyers perspective. Gargs point is a practical one and is useful advice and offers a solution to an increasingly well defined legal problem problem. I completely agree with it. Donuel has an obstacle to overcome and needs useful advice, he does not currently have the luxury of enjoying, however passionately, a debate about where the real evils of society lie. Law is dry and passionless and does not react favourably to drama. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: CarolC Date: 19 May 08 - 01:03 AM I totally agree with the advice to get a lawyer. My only point is that sometimes it's necessary to remove the child from the abusive environment, and in this case, it looks like the abusive environment may be the school. School as abusive environment is, unfortunately, something I have quite a lot of experience with, as does my son. The system frequently cannot protect children from situations where the school, or someone in the school, is the abuser. |
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Subject: RE: BS: I was accused of child abuse From: GUEST,lox Date: 19 May 08 - 06:54 AM Sorry Carol, I was hasty in my comments. Yours is a good point. It would indeed be in the interests of the child (and the father) to avoid the stress and trauma of a protracted messy and possibly damaging legal battle with a crowd of narrow minded beaurocrats. To add to which, getting ones pound of flesh, as was the case in the merchant of venice, is never the reward we expect it to be. Donuels purpose is of course ultimately to prevent further unhappiness for himself and his son. Excuse my belligerence. |
