BS: In Hell

Subject: RE: BS: In Hell
From: GUEST,Musket sad
Date: 22 Sep 13 - 12:46 PM

Plenty of bloody banjos though...

Subject: RE: BS: In Hell
From: Suzy Sock Puppet
Date: 22 Sep 13 - 07:06 PM

You bet. I didn't say it but I was thinking it :-)

Subject: RE: BS: In Hell
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 23 Sep 13 - 03:45 AM

Additionally, down here in Hell people post ghastly vituperative and cruel things, including racism, homophobia, personal insults and even (gasp!) words beginning with F. They post comment after comment liberally sprinkled with capital letters, deliberately designed to hurt and offend. They have ding-dong spiteful battles with eachother until all concerned are thoroughly apoplectic. Hell is like that - brings out the very worst in people. But in Heaven, people post interesting and contibutory comments with nary a barb. Ideas are aired and shared with politeness and respect. Even anger is expressed maturely and with restraint. That's why I'm still trying to pass the Exam to get in!

Subject: RE: BS: In Hell
From: GUEST,Musket nodding
Date: 23 Sep 13 - 04:10 AM

I failed the f%#?€*!! entrance exam again.

Of course, the worst in others brings out the worst in ourselves. Doesn't make tackling nasty people head on wrong though. The worst you can do is engage in point conceding debate. It just encourages them by some weird form of respectability they see for their more odious comments.

Hell is nurturing and promoting hate.

Subject: RE: BS: In Hell
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 23 Sep 13 - 05:33 AM

And no chocolate

:-(

Subject: RE: BS: In Hell
From: Suzy Sock Puppet
Date: 24 Sep 13 - 04:04 AM

And no trumpets on account of that Gabriel thing. Scares the hell out of these demons.

Subject: RE: BS: In Hell
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 24 Sep 13 - 05:10 AM

Down here, computer screens freeze every couple of minutes and sites won't accept the password. Mailer daemons refuse to send emails. Spam appears in incredible quantities, and adverts for viagra and nubile maidens offering strange and dubious services abound. Odd rectangles appear on the screen from unknown persons wishing to become a close friend. Cries for help from faraway Nigerians in financial difficulties rend the heart and tempt one to divulge all Bank details.
Up there in Heaven, Broadband speeds exceed the speed of light. All and any passwords are acceptable. No Cookies are allowed. Downloads complete in the blink of an eye. One can watch endless Morris dancing on Youtube. Sigh. I do so wish I could get in.

Subject: RE: BS: In Hell
From: GUEST,Musket evolving slowly
Date: 24 Sep 13 - 06:04 AM

Odd? The Morris dancers are all down here.

Subject: RE: BS: In Hell
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 24 Sep 13 - 08:44 AM

Musket, that's the voice of The Devil speaking! I shall ignore it. All Morris dancers are up in Heaven waving their hankies at the Lord.
Down here live all Heavy Rock performers and Elvis fans.
I forgot to mention that in Hell there are always piles of ironing to be done, whereas up there the angels do it for you...

Subject: RE: BS: In Hell
From: Suzy Sock Puppet
Date: 25 Sep 13 - 03:52 PM

Eliza, don't be silly. There's no hardware or software in heaven. All communication is telepathic - words, images, music. So obviously, there are no irons either. Garments never become soiled or wrinkled in the first place so there is no need for washing or ironing.

In hell, we must do the devil's clothes and those of his entourage. Everything must be washed and pressed, much of it dry cleaned! The devil is very meticulous, has clean fingernails and smells good. He is very handsome. Trust me, he could never get people to do half the shit he gets them to do if he had eyes like that fiend in Rosemary's Baby.

And yes, the Morris dancers are in heaven because in heaven there is such entertainment. They are bloody drunken fools, dirty and sweaty and inclined to beat down anyone who threatens their turf. They are not at all as well behaved as people think nowadays. That's a very toned down version of their antics.

Subject: RE: BS: In Hell
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 25 Sep 13 - 05:02 PM

I'm sure you're right Suzy, no laundry needed in heaven! I'm determined to get there one day!

Subject: RE: BS: In Hell
From: Don Firth
Date: 26 Sep 13 - 04:39 PM

No cookies in heaven!?

There has to be chocolate chip cookies or it can't possibly be heaven!

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: In Hell
From: Suzy Sock Puppet
Date: 26 Sep 13 - 08:55 PM

There are chocolate chip cookies in heaven, all of which taste like they were baked by my sister Kathy. And plenty of cold milk.

In hell the cookies are burnt and the milk is warm and sour. And the "Cruel Mother" sounds like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6jrI9fIFZY&sns=em

Subject: RE: BS: In Hell
From: Suzy Sock Puppet
Date: 28 Sep 13 - 01:19 AM

I am sorry, gnu, that I seem to have offended you. It's just that I thought (per your responses to previous jokes I made in other threads) that you would be willing to be in my comedy troupe. But I meant no offense, sincerely.