BS: Church Bulletins

Subject: BS: Church Bullitins
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Mar 04 - 12:10 PM

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need ALL
the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests
tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir
will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is
Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Subject: RE: BS: Church Bullitins
From: Jeanie
Date: 27 Mar 04 - 01:29 PM

We apologize for any confusion that may have followed the typing error in last week's Bulletin. The subject of the illustrated talk to be given by our Choirmistress, Miss Pluck, at the April 'Senior Women's Monthly Bright Hour' will, of course, be "Smocking and Rugs", and NOT "Smoking Drugs" as originally advertised.

(I used to have a whole book of these, Guest - thanks for reminding me !)

- jeanie

Subject: RE: BS: Church Bulletins
From: sian, west wales
Date: 28 Mar 04 - 07:22 AM

Wasn't there one like ... The Little Mothers' Union will have its first meeting of the new season in the Vestry this Friday. Women wishing to become Little Mothers should contact the Vicar...

sian

Subject: RE: BS: Church Bulletins
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 30 Mar 04 - 08:22 AM

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the
bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home.

She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in
there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a baseball."

Man - "That's nice."

Boy - "Want to buy it?"

Man - "No, thanks."

Boy - "My dad's outside."

Man - "OK, how much?"

Boy - "$250"



In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in
the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here."

Man - "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a baseball glove."

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy - "$750"

Man - "Sold."



A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go
outside and have a game of catch.

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

Boy -"$1,000"

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that...
that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church
and make you confess."



They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that shit again, you're in my closet now"

RtS
(I'll get me cassock...)

Subject: RE: BS: Church Bulletins
From: katlaughing
Date: 31 Mar 04 - 03:47 AM

LOL, RtS!!! And the rest are good, too!

Subject: RE: BS: Church Bulletins
From: GUEST,Boab
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 04:08 AM

"Another font has been installed at the west end of the church; the babies can henceforth be christened at both ends"
"Since it is harvest time, my lady Wife will step forward and lay an egg on the altar..."

Subject: RE: BS: Church Bulletins
From: BK Lick
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 05:44 AM

Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.

The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

Subject: RE: BS: Church Bulletins
From: GUEST,BOAB
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 04:52 AM

Ah, BKLICK---You get the same quarterly magazine as me! Were you in the chemical industry?

Subject: RE: BS: Church Bulletins
From: GUEST
Date: 04 May 04 - 12:10 PM

This was a typed in our Sunday morning bulletin. Please pray for our sick and shit in.