BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?

Subject: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Tenjiro
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 03:50 PM

Any suggestions? I've only ever liked romantic guys and I know nothing about existentialism. How do I go about wooing a guy who says he is an existentialist?

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 03:57 PM

If he defines himself as an existentialist it means he isn't.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: izzy
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 04:18 PM

Well, he MIGHT be being a little pretentious. Existentialism is not a religion, so people don't generally define themselves in those terms (tho Kevin's answer is a bit too pat.)

There is no reason why someone who has an existentialist view of things can't be a romantic too. Romanticism isn't a philosophical viewpoint (except with regard to music and literature, where it gets a little more complicated) but an emotional characteristic. Thus there is no conflict.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 04:39 PM

Why would you want to? (grin)

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: GUEST,pdq
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 04:45 PM

Pretend he doesn't need you.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: John Hardly
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 04:46 PM

Sorry,

I Kant give you any ideas.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Thomas the Rhymer
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 05:02 PM

Let him know in no uncertain terms that although the mind-blowing passion and romance you can (and do) deliver are competely meaningless in the final analysis... in the interim they will lead you both to a painless sort of nausea that transcends it's own disgust for human emotion... leaving you both more capable of searching for the unattainable... each in your own patheticly human fascination for the negative attainments that hope once overlooked... ;^)
ttr

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 05:12 PM

Har! Har! I am reminded of the scene where Woody Allen attempts to flirt with the suicidal young woman in the art gallery, who is explaining to him how a certain painting evokes the totally bleak, hopeless, meaningless and transitory nature of our wretched human existence on this ball of earth here...

"What are you doing tomorrow?" he asks.

"Committing suicide." she replies coldly.

"How about next week then?" he says, tentatively, at which point she gives him a glacial and utterly disinterested glance and stalks off without a word.

Woody could have taught her a lot about existential despair, I think...

He also said, "Sex without love is an empty experience. But...as empty experiences go, it's one of the best..."

Funniest remark old Woody ever made, I think.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 05:28 PM

To answer the original question...well, if you like him my suggestion is: just relax, be yourself, and don't worry about how to woo him. If that doesn't work, it wouldn't probably work too well anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: mooman
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 05:51 PM

In the words of the Monty Python team you could disregard everything you aren't certain of and say therefore you are a rhubarb tart.

That should work OK!

Peace

moo

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Mr Red
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 05:58 PM

Surely he must have other traits that are more appealing? Lets have the list......
If that doesn't work you can call me on 0111......... (*-)

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: smallpiper
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 06:00 PM

kick him in the nuts then give him your phone number and let him work that one out!

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: greg stephens
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 06:05 PM

Wear a black sweater and smoke Gaulloises, you'll be all right.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: GUEST,mg
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 06:20 PM

oh it sounds sort of dismal. How about a nice, jolly, hard-working man with twinkly eyes... mg

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 06:34 PM

Here's google's idea of what a real existentialist should look like. Rather sweet really.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Amos
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 07:00 PM

You might ask if he cares whether or not he is understood. And if so, what his definition of "bieng an existentialist" is.


A

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Tenjiro
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 07:04 PM

Haha! You guys are great! I haven't laughed so much in a while ((that may just be because it's midterm time again and I have been studying my ass off and not having any fun.))
All your sugestions are great. Perhaps you should know that he is a college boy, that would account for him claiming to be an existentialist while he may not be. Perhaps he read something pretty and decided to think that way for a while? He is a huge fan of Sartre.

Red, you still want that list?

~Amy~

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Bill D
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 07:21 PM

once you get involved with an existentialist, there is No Exit....but LOTS of Angst. How does this guy dress? In Sartréorial splendor?

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Amos
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 08:07 PM

Yes, and drives a Camus, but its a convertible...

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 08:10 PM

Camus played in goal, but Sartre was no kind of a footballer. I think that's the underlying difference between them.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Jeri
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 08:33 PM

Sing him a nice song.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 10:19 PM

Gee, when I first glanced at the title of this thread I though it said "How do you flirt with an exhibitionist?" I don't know the answer to that one either.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: LadyJean
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 10:25 PM

Just ask him to explain existentialism. Men love the sound of their own voices. There isn't a whole lot of romance in Camus or Sartre, though J.P. Sartre certainly got around.
The phenomenologist I dated took me to a lecture on philosophy on my birthday. Dr. Rollo May was a great thinker, but it wasn't the sort of thing I like to do on my birthday.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 10:41 PM

Don't get Sartred with him. Existentialists are know for whispering "Hegel! Don't I know you from somewhere?" to young ladies, but you'll find yourself paddling your own Camus before you know it, full of beans and nuttyness. Inside, find a nice Aussie boy, walk up to him, and say, "Heidigger! Want to foster a closer relationship, or are you a Miss of Sissy, Foo?" It won't be long before you will no longer be The Stranger.

(Not sorry at all, really.)

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Amos
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 12:23 AM

Rapaire:

Yes or no: did you attend your own mother's funeral?


A

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Trevor
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 04:08 AM

Don't know specifically about existentialists, but you could always get him ratarsed - have a look at this. And there might be some hints and tips here.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 05:11 AM

Flash your boobs at him - hormonal reactions can probably overide even existentialism !

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: GUEST,Peter T.
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 08:20 AM

No, no, seriously. We are talking wooing here.

The important thing is to focus on existence. Here we are on a ball of dust in the middle of nowhere, and we have to fashion our own existence from what we have and what we are. We need to examine experience, the strength of the day, the power of passionate experience. Embedded in this experience, and in our reaction to it, are all the answers we will ever have to all the questions we will ever ask.

This is what I offer you -- passionate experience, now. We can only find out what it means -- what it means for our existence -- what it makes meaningful of our existence -- by going deeply into it.

By this point, you could start taking his clothes off.

If this doesn't work, I suggest that you try a remark like: "Sartre -- who reads Sartre, except Stalinists. He completely misread Heidegger. Heidegger. Far more important than Sartre given the global technosphere. You might try Being and Time sometime."

yours,

Peter

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Bobert
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 08:34 AM

Ignore the heck out of him!!!

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 08:53 AM

I didn't have a mother. It was a terrible way to grow up, with all of the other kids wanting to call me filthy names and couldn't, not knowing the warmth and comfort found within the circle of a mother's arms, and even today, Amos, your question hurts me, deep inside, somewhere around, oh, hereabouts, right next to my non-existent navel.

Have YOU ever been teased about your non-existent navel? I have. Some of the other kids decided the since I didn't have a navel I didn't exist at all and they wouldn't talk to me or play with me. I was always choosen last for games, because "No Navel" wouldn't be able to hold a bat or ball or run or do anything because he didn't exist.

Later, my high school counselors thought that it was simply a complete rejection of mother, but he couldn't accept the biologic alternative. Eventually he used his pyschological knowledge to obtain money from a bank under false pretenses and was jailed for bank freud.

I tried to enlist in the Marines, but was rejected because they are after all under the Sec. of the Navy and they didn't want anyone who didn't understand navel traditions.

I could continue recounting the many ways that a lack of a mother has affected me, but I'll stop.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 08:58 AM

I think a lot depends upon how this young man became an ex-istentialist. Was it his decision or did the rest of the istentialists kick him out? It could be that he lacked some essential istentialist commodity such as an istentialist raincoat, or istentialist shoes, or maybe didn't even subscribe to the Istentialist News. Maybe his "ex" would know...

Charley Noble, who doesn't really exist

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 09:26 AM

I'm curious, Amy, why did you pick the membername "Tenjiro", if you don't mind my asking...?

Lady Jean is right on...men love to hear themselves talk. :-) As a man, I can absolutely confirm it. This is probably particularly true of existentialist men, but it's a given for most men anyway. Here and there is a strong, silent one (as in the old cowboy movies), but even those guys love to hear themselves talk...they just dole it out in very occasional snippets in order to play hard to get and build up nerve-jangling suspense while they prepare their next brief and devastating remark. It's quite an effective technique, I imagine, although I'm not that type at all. Think Clint Eastwood, teeth clenched down on a cigar, eyes narrowed... I'm not even vaguely like that.

At the total other end of the scale from the strong, silent man is Woody Allen! Thankfully, I'm not much like him either. I'm somewhere in the middle of the range.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: smallpiper
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 10:15 AM

If you can get a word in that is between all the jabbering females around!

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Amos
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 10:36 AM

Rapaire:

Well, you can add to your list of complaints that it disqualifies you from being an existentialist. L'Etranger proved conclusively that one must have a mother and not care about her to be a truly sensitive existentialist.

Your lack of a navel (not, I assume, the result of naval operations) indicates you are more of a solipsist, not to say narcissist. I think about myself a lot, therefore I am.

However, do not be discouraged. The intenrational Istentioalist movement, coined here by no less a stellar light than Charlie Noble, is without doubt the wave of the future, and an opportunity for limitless power. So you should have no desire to become an ex-Istentialist.

A
A

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Pied Piper
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 11:50 AM

Tricky; I guess it's more a Sartre than a Science.
pp

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 12:32 PM

Evidently you can't be US president either, Rapaire, even if you're American, not being natural born.

There was a cartoon by the Victorian artist George Du Maurier that this thread somehow reminds me of : Fair Aesthetic (suddenly, and in the deepest tones, to Smith, who has just been introduced to take her in to Dinner). "Are you Intense?" Here it is.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Castor
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 01:01 PM

Unless you are an intelligent and strong-willed woman, of which I'm guessing you're not (you had to ask this place for relationship advice?), you should run like the wind for two reasons:

First, if the male in question is truly an exhistentialist, he is misery wrapped in an enigma. There will never be any joy in Mudville, if you catch my drift.... I think a strong woman could deal with this, but she'd never truly be happy. An exhistentialist wouldn't care if she were, or not.

Second, if the male is just looking for a 'cool hook to get chicks' and is using the label, he's probably not worth your time. If you simply have to have this individual, expend the least amount of effort necessary. You'll thank yourself later.

In my own expereince, I was the first of the two. I say WAS. Until I went on a date with a woman I met in a library. We sat across the table from each other and I ran on and on, much like your intended male target must do, and she stared at me in wide-eyed admiration over the rim of her cup. At least that is what I thought was happening---until she finally gasped, choked on her drink, and laughed until it came out of her nose. When the dust settled, she was laying on the floor of the restaurant, with her feet on the chair, and two tiny pieces of tissue shoved delicately up her nostrils. She then proceeded to open fire on every one of my 'theories'.

I asked her to marry me, and in the theme of smart women, she said no, but the important thing was that it made a clear distinction in time, from being a man who WAS an exhistentialist, to being a man who read them. I suggest you look for the same in your proposed mate.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 01:53 PM

find him a copy of The Santaroga Barrier by Frank Herbert and ask his reaction..if he takes it seriously, run...if he laughs, he may be worth keeping.

(Gilbert Dasein investigates the Jaspers Cheese Factory in a town no one ever leaves)

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Mr Red
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 02:35 PM

Tenjiro

Yea, list away........

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Don Firth
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 02:52 PM

Look on the bright side, Rapaire. No lint build-up.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Tenjiro
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 04:16 PM

Woo! I would have written sooner but I was swamped with work! Not anymore though! The next five days are completly relxation days! Alright, now...on to some questions.

Little Hawk, I chose this screen name because I'm a geek and as a geek I roleplay in a wee little rp chat room called The Theatre des Vampires and Tenjiro is the name of the character I've been using there since I was a first year in highschool.

Red...a list of what else about Dan I like? Lets see, I'll list 5 things for now:

5. He is a writer, which is pretty sexy.
4. He has sexy hair.
3. He is really fun to have conversations with because we have alot in common but not so much that we agree all the time.
2. He is fluent in spanish and reads spanish poems to me.
1. He has bad nerves and so when he sleeps he vibrates and it's really cute.

((I could add more but I'll let you guys live with those for now))

So, I actually asked him about his existentialism yesterday in a moment of awkward silence. Though he didn;t really explain about his own view on it he did tell me what the definition was. I think perhaps he really wants to be one but doesn;t really know what one is.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 04:48 PM

The important question is whether you will attend your own funeral. If you truly believe that this life is strictly in your mind, then the funeral will not exist if you do not.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 07:32 PM

That's solipsism, not existentialism.

Existentialism is much more to do with the idea that you live in the moment, and your actions and decisions are not restricted by your actions and decisions at any previous time. "Today is the first day of the rest of your life" is really a kind of existentialism.

That's what I meant by saying that declaring oneself to be an existentialist is not really the kind of thing a real existentialist should do.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 07:49 PM

David Hume came about as close as any 'serious' philosopher to being a solipsist, but he admitted in a little footnote that as much as he was convinced of the logic of his position, he couldn't really act as one(it sort of hurt his head trying).....existentialism is much easier to live out, if, like McGrath says, you don't label yourself first..*grin*

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 08:30 PM

I'd have thought Bishop Berekely came closer: "Berkeley's principal metaphysical position is idealism: nothing, including material objects, exists apart from perception; external objects are ultimately collections of ideas and sensations."

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 10:35 PM

You sound a bit like someone I used go out with Amy...maybe.

Anyway, I like the sound of "Tenjiro", because I love all things Japanese. (I was Japanese once....a fairly long time ago...maybe more than once, for all I know. Still love Japan.)

I like your list of things you like about Mr eX...cute...good luck to you in your "search for fabled romance" (quoting from one of my own songs). I hope you have good times. Spanish poetry is marvelous! And so are Spanish songs.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Deckman
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 11:58 PM

I would suggest reading poetry ... perhaps: "The Man With The Blue Guitar." Bob

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: LadyJean
Date: 17 Oct 03 - 12:09 AM

The phenominologist I dated looked like Roger Ebert. It made our breakup less traumatic. Your existentialist sounds like he'd be worth a lecture on philosophy on your birthday. LOL

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Oct 03 - 10:27 AM

ohh..right, McGrath..the good Bishop Berkley! ...well, maybe I just subjectively defined him as "not a serious philosopher"..Hume was MUCH more fun to read..

it was late....and I was thinking Getaway...and my corns hurt...and I'm old...and I hadn't had my pills...and...and...

Subject: RE: BS: How do you flirt with an Existentialist?
From: Amos
Date: 17 Oct 03 - 10:44 AM

Little Hawk:

I think Khandu wrote a song about your relationship with someone named Amy, but I don't think this is the same person.

A