BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: MMario
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 01:01 PM

hey Look!

SNITCHES!

With Bumbledore wings!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 01:21 PM

Deep fry them, Leo. QUICK!!!! It's like a plague.




How did this degenerate into a Harry Potter Christmas? And where is the Cloak of Invisibility? I am going to creep off unseen into a corner and start my new diet of Jack Daniel's and pineapple.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 03:50 PM

This ain't a Hairy Potter Christmas...Bee-Dubya-Ell ain't here.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 29 Dec 07 - 05:00 AM

Would someone NOT filled with JD, BWL, LSD, WKD or STD please, PLEASE tell me how the hell I got this cat tail?

The squid is fine, I can cope with the squid, so long as he doesn't mind when I fart, but how the HELL am I going to explain the cat's tail THERE!!!

I'll never be able to wear a skirt again.


LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 07 - 10:14 AM

I've heard of getting a little tail....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Severn
Date: 29 Dec 07 - 11:06 AM

A Tail Of Two Kitties?

....So Liz goes to the South door that leads out to the Puerto Rican Beach and calls out, "MANITAS!" and Catters start emptying the water, thinking there are sharks about. Now the lady with the tail has even more " 'slpainin' to do".

Meanwhile, in the Tavern, The Giant Squid is rolling on the floor with insane laughter at the beach scene as seen through the bay window, while Alice and the Caterpillar tango on around the flailing tentacles without missing a step.

DAMN, they're good!

Who knows where the wand had wandered......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: SINSULL
Date: 29 Dec 07 - 11:42 AM

I've got it. But do I dare wave it again?
OUCH!!! Damn caterpiller stepped on my toe! OH NO! Now look what you made me do! RaVen Kitty/Rapaire clone looks like Puss'n Boots. Kinda cute, I think but the horse isn't amused.

At least the kitty has his tail back. Wonder what Liz has stuck up her butt now?

I really think I have to read the book of directions that came with this thing. It's worse than a digital camera to figure out. Think I 'll leave now and let you all sort this out.

And out the North door she goes (wandless) with Book of Directions in hand. A Nor'Easter blows through the tavern as the door shuts behind her.

And...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Dec 07 - 11:11 AM

A day later the sun is shining, the air is dry and still and cool, and the dogs are out sleeping in sunny spots in the yard. There are people huddled in corners and booths in the Tavern and a few more alert souls have trekked from the Tavern around back to the shower by the disused sauna. (Everyone forgot about that simple pleasure when the over-the-top jello pit was installed.) Clean and wrapped in fluffy robes as their clothes run through a quick laundering to wash out the smell of spilled booze, food, and tentacle prints, they sit on a bench on the sunny side of the building, watching the dogs sleep.

It isn't even New Year's Eve yet. Will this hearty crew make it through to the New Year here at the Tavern, or will they drift down that nice sunny Puerto Rican beach or find themselves awash on the banks of the Salmon River in Idaho, stuck with the Legion guys as they pick their fishy crop*.

Someone begins strumming a guitar.

(*Ask Mom MOAB about that.)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Dec 07 - 11:29 AM

Comfortable, a tall cup of Jamaica Blue Mountain steaming nearby, he reaches around and from a sack of dark blue velvet pulls out a trumpet. Not just any trumpet, but one of dark, dark midnight blue from which tiny stars twinkle as if they were part of the metal. A trumpet whose bell seems to draw anyone who looks closely at it into it, into an unheard music which may or may not End Everything.

He got it from old Gabe, who gave it to him years ago. And the highwayman has been afraid to blow it, remembering the old coot's statement that "You'll NEVER blow anything as cool as this again, man."

He inserts the silver mouthpiece and raises the horn to his lips, then lowers it and takes another sip of coffee.

He removes the mouthpiece and decides to warm up a bit. Placing the mouthpiece to his lips, he "buzzes" and the Christmas tree sways and the roof and floor creak ominously.

Hmmm....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 30 Dec 07 - 01:31 PM

How much fricking conditioner does this freaking tail NEED!!!!


It's bad enough having uncontrollable head hair....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: lady penelope
Date: 30 Dec 07 - 01:53 PM

Just make sure your head hair and the tail don't get into cahoots Liz... that way lies disaster.... *G*

Now, I finally have decent cider and Crabbies Green Ginger Wine in the same place, I think I shall make myself some anastheatic for work tomorrow....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: GUEST,RaVen Kittie
Date: 30 Dec 07 - 02:00 PM

Ever tried CatLick Conditioner? Gives my ass that soft, silky feel the laaaydeees luuuuuuuuuurve....

I'm off now to do something disgusting behind the cabbages. Give me a few minutes and I'll be back to condition my ass for you.

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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: GUEST,RaVen Kittie
Date: 30 Dec 07 - 02:01 PM

Wow... that was a biggie! I'd give it ten minutes if I were you.

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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Dec 07 - 10:31 PM

Maybe, he thinks, I can aim this thing. And pointing it at a stainless steel bottle on the bar, he "buzzes" gently into the mouthpiece.

The bottle explodes into dust.

He smiles.

This has possibilities. Lots of them.

He returns the horn to the bag, and cups the mouthpiece in his hand.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: SINSULL
Date: 30 Dec 07 - 10:53 PM

Out of the Ladies comes SINS.
Strange....how did I get in the Ladies?
Strange that Rapaire and the kitty are unaware that they have been combined into some strange version of Puss 'n Boots and Liz thinks she still has a cat's tail up her butt.

HMMMM - I believe it is actually that rusty old sword. No wonder she thinks it needs conditioning.

Stranger still that Rapaire was not the least bit embarrassed to uh relieve himself behind the cabbages. Hope he washed his hands before he started playing with that noisemaker.


I do believe that they are posting without reading.

Anyway, I have read the manual from beginning to end and know enough to fill the Tavern with joy and love and peace for the New year. I will throw in a bottle of single malt for good measure.

POOF!



OH CRAP!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Dec 07 - 12:42 AM

Ewwwwww.

That had to hurt.

Here, SINS, let me help roll this giant bottle off of the top of you. Good thing the bar was there to save you from being crushed.

Rap, stop pointing that horn thing, you could drown someone if this bottle broke right now. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 31 Dec 07 - 03:56 AM

The cat tail is on the cat.. I've got the poodle tail, which is why it's so hard to explain it away!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: SINSULL
Date: 31 Dec 07 - 09:52 AM

What poodle? I'm confused. What bottle? Is this Kansas?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: MMario
Date: 31 Dec 07 - 09:58 AM

SINSULL - we haven't been in Kansa in a *long* time....

And Glinda wants to know when she is getting an invite to a lobster boil.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Charley Noble
Date: 31 Dec 07 - 10:27 AM

I would note that our friends "downunder" have already celebrated New Year's, while we here in Midcoast Maine remain mired in 2007, watching another foot of snow pile up!

I could use another virtual rusty nail.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: SINSULL
Date: 31 Dec 07 - 11:38 AM

About time you showed up, MMario. What's on the barbie?

Glinda arriving at a Lobster Boil in her globe - that's a thought. The neighbors have been past shocking for a while now. We do have to work harder.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: MMario
Date: 31 Dec 07 - 11:43 AM

I've been hiding in the shadows. Kitty illnesses got me down.

Bacon wrapped diver scallops on the barbie - sorry I couldn't get anything special.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 07 - 01:04 PM

Point at the door and buzz: door's gone. Fortunate that it was the one that opens on Tahiti, so the cold and snow stays outside.

Hmmm...a tail. Point at the tail and buzz.



HOLY #!!$%@!! BUT THAT HURT!! Ouchy Ouchy Ouchy!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 31 Dec 07 - 01:30 PM

There were a couple of lobster on the road around the corner for the last two nights... looks like the bag fell out of someone's grip.

The local foxes seem at a loss to know what to do with non-native crustatcea but there were a couple of cats fighting over one last night. The other had become roadkill. How the hell does a boiled lobster become roadkill you ask? I can't answer that, but there it was, squished, mushy and with a tyre tread right through the middle of it.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: MMario
Date: 31 Dec 07 - 01:33 PM

You would think the local council would do something about that! I mean, it's a driving hazard, isn't it? boiled lobsters wandering into the right of way?

Dreadful state of affairs!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Dec 07 - 01:39 PM

Maybe they were only steamed, not boiled.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: MMario
Date: 31 Dec 07 - 01:48 PM

Even worse! Angry lobsters attacking traffic!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 07 - 04:36 PM

Perhaps they were dancing, tripped, and fell:

"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail,
"There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my
       tail.
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!
They are waiting on the shingle—will you come and join the
       dance?
    Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the
       dance?
    Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the
       dance?

"You can really have no notion how delightful it will be
When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out
       to sea!"
But the snail replied, "Too far, too far!" and gave a look
       askance—

Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join
       the dance.
    Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join
       the dance.
    Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join
       the dance.

"What matters it how far we go?" his scaly friend replied.
"There is another shore, you know, upon the other side.
The further off from England the nearer is to France—
Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the
       dance.
    Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the
       dance?
    Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the
       dance?"

Or, perhaps more to the point,

'Tis the voice of the Lobster: I heard him declare
'You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair.'
As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose
Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.
When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark,
And will talk in contemptuous tones of the shark;
But, when the tide rises and sharks are around,
His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 31 Dec 07 - 08:57 PM

Just the one left tonight... the other appears to have been ingested by the local fauna.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Jan 08 - 02:29 AM

Eww. That second one might as well get ingested rather than go to waste. Good things my pooches aren't there or they'd take a mouthful.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 01 Jan 08 - 03:47 AM

Right... set 'em up.... pints of water all round please, and move the remains of the stew down to the other end of the bar if you'd be so kind. I looked at it for 4 hours yesterday whilst it was cooking, I'm really not that keen to see it again for a while.

Happy New Year everyone!










I'll quietly get me coat.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 08 - 11:03 AM

There are now several holes in the walls, ceiling and floor from pointing and buzzing. He's discovered that the higher the note the smaller the hole and G above the staff will make one about the diameter of a cigarette.

C below the staff makes a hole about the width of a good-sized snow shovel.

He points the mouthpiece at the bottle behind the bar, and buzzes in high G, swinging the mouthpiece as he does so. The bottles explode in order, and he has a hard time keeping from laughing and continuing to buzz.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 01 Jan 08 - 05:10 PM

Line me up a tanker of Brennevin, or Jaegermeister, or toilet cleaner... I've had a bad experience and I need to be cleansed...

Oh ye Gods, do I ever need to be cleansed!!!!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 08 - 07:59 PM

One high colonic, comin' right up!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Jan 08 - 09:30 PM

Did you find the source of the stench at Micca's?
Ready to share?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: lady penelope
Date: 02 Jan 08 - 05:47 AM

She did indeed Sinsull....but we may have to wait a while before the trauma subsides...

Another pint of sloe brennevin Liz?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: GUEST,GUEST
Date: 02 Jan 08 - 05:50 AM

The squid?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Micca
Date: 02 Jan 08 - 08:33 AM

Given it is my house we are talking of here, it is unlikely in the extreme to be anything fishy or fish product related, or of any kind of creature that lives in or under the sea, I am glad you found "it" Liz, PM me if you need to communicate.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 08 - 09:37 AM

I've got the hose ready for the high colonic. Just let me know when to let 'er rip.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Jan 08 - 09:49 AM

Liz has never been shy before about sharing graphic details. What the hell was it, Liz? The suspense is killing me.
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Jan 08 - 01:54 AM

Considering all of the details that usually make it into the tavern threads, you're being awfully close-mouthed! Be careful or we'll begin to speculate. . . did Rap point that trumpet thing toward Micca's house, for starters? What did he hit?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 Jan 08 - 05:00 AM

Wugsie cat slinks out from her hiding space in the bedroom... all eyes and tail fluff...

'What is all the fuss about? I'm perfectly happy here, winding round people's feet and tripping them into the bath...'

RaVen kitty looks up at the new voice and twirls his whiskers in a cavalier fashion...

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 03 Jan 08 - 07:47 AM

I've popped in for a large hot chocolate with a drop of Baileys in it, please. It seems Merlyn the Mogificent is curled up infront of the fire. Harry is playing with his 'noisey' toys and I would like to know how in what ever deity's name you like, the spider in my bathroom has managed to survive this cold weather?!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: lady penelope
Date: 03 Jan 08 - 07:49 AM

That'd be the sloe brennevin.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 03 Jan 08 - 07:52 AM

Mmmmm sloe brennevin, t'was very nice indeed! Spider has now 'gone'

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 08 - 08:50 AM

No high colonic?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: lady penelope
Date: 03 Jan 08 - 09:29 AM

I don't think the spider needed one Rapaire....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 08 - 09:30 AM

Well, in that case I'll have a Talisker.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 03 Jan 08 - 09:33 AM

(_) here you go!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 2007 Holiday escape
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Jan 08 - 10:27 AM

I am back for the magic wand. Liz has need of it back in the real world. WHish! Or should I say "Wash!"?