BS: Relating to the IRS

Subject: BS: Relating to the IRS
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 18 Mar 07 - 08:35 AM

"How to Annoy the IRS"

1. Always put staples in the right hand corner. Go
ahead and put them down the whole right side. The
extractors who remove the mail from the envelopes
have to take out any staples on the right side.

2. Never arrange paperwork in the right order, or even
facing the right way. Put a few upside down and backwards.
That way they have to remove all your staples, rearrange
your paperwork and re-staple it (on the left side).

3. Line the bottom of your envelope with Elmer's glue
and let it dry before you put in your forms, so that the
automated opener doesn't open it and the extractor has
to open it by hand.

4. If you're very unfortunate and have to pay taxes, send
a second or third party check. On top of paying with a third
party check, pay one of the dollars you owe in cash.
When an extractor receives cash, no matter how small
an amount, he has to take it to a special desk and fill
out of few nasty forms.

5. Write a little letter of appreciation. Any letter received
has to be read and stamped regardless of what it is or
what it's on.

6. Write your letter on something misshapen and
unconventional. Like on the back of a supermarket
sack.

7. When you mail it, mail it in a big envelope (even if
it's just a single EZ form). Big envelopes have to be
torn and sorted differently than regular business size
ones. An added bonus to the big envelope is that
they take priority over other mail, so the workers can
hurry up and deal with your mess.

8. If you send two checks, they'll have to staple your
unsightly envelope to your half destroyed form.

9. Always put extra paper clips on your forms. Any
foreign fasteners or the like have to be removed and
put away.

10. Sign your name in ink on every page. Any
signature has to be verified and then date stamped.

These are just a few of the fun and exciting things
you can do with the IRS.

**These methods are ONLY recommended when
you OWE money.

(Not original with me, more's the pity!)
Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Relating to the IRS
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 18 Mar 07 - 08:44 AM

Glad to see you're NOT a Natural Person, DaveO...

Subject: RE: BS: Relating to the IRS
From: artbrooks
Date: 18 Mar 07 - 09:06 AM

And everything that you suggest simply makes the day of some poor GS-3 mail clerk difficult, and does absolutely nothing to upset the IRS.

Subject: RE: BS: Relating to the IRS
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Mar 07 - 10:23 AM

They've actually gotten much better at their customer service. I made a mistake on my taxes a couple of years ago and when I called to ask about the recalculation the guy was very helpful.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Relating to the IRS
From: Riginslinger
Date: 18 Mar 07 - 02:39 PM

Much better than in the 1980's, when the Reagan Administration was using the IRS to go after their political enemies. I managed to become one, somehow, a political enemy, that is.

Subject: RE: BS: Relating to the IRS
From: Dave'sWife
Date: 19 Mar 07 - 05:54 AM

While that list is amusing, following any of it's advice might result in problems for you rather than the I.R.S. Remember too, any added expense you cause them in dealing with your filing eventually costs YOU, the taxpayer.

Best way to deal with the I.R.S. is to have a good accountant who helps you estimate your taxes properly so you can make appropriate withholding decisons. You don't want a huge refund or to owe taxes. Ideally, they should owe you a hundred or two hundred dollars. Have said accountent file electronically which saves taxpayers the cost of handling all those purposefully mangled returns and you get your refeund in a couple of weeks.

Of course, if you are one of those people who simply cannot resists the urge to spend money in hand, having them withhold extra isn't so bad. You just lose the interest you would have gotten during the year had you kept that money in a savings account or other fund.

Subject: RE: BS: Relating to the IRS
From: kendall
Date: 19 Mar 07 - 07:10 AM

There are two things you should never do:

1. Step on Superman's cape
2.Mess with the IRS

Subject: RE: BS: Relating to the IRS
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 19 Mar 07 - 07:35 AM

There are three things you should never do:

1. Step on Superman's cape
2. Mess with the IRS
3. Piss into the wind

Subject: RE: BS: Relating to the IRS
From: artbrooks
Date: 19 Mar 07 - 08:04 AM

There are four things you should never do:

1. Step on Superman's cape
2. Mess with the IRS
3. Piss into the wind
4. Eat yellow snow

Subject: RE: BS: Relating to the IRS
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 19 Mar 07 - 08:09 AM

Among the many things....

Subject: RE: BS: Relating to the IRS
From: Donuel
Date: 19 Mar 07 - 08:28 AM

Send them a list of names and address' of as many public officials you can find. Say you have heard these people did not file 9 or 10 years ago.

You will get 50% of the fines and fees collected by the IRS for every person who can not find their 10 year old return form.

Subject: RE: BS: Relating to the IRS
From: Ebbie
Date: 19 Mar 07 - 09:32 AM

Don, isn't the maximum required seven years?

Subject: RE: BS: Relating to the IRS
From: katlaughing
Date: 19 Mar 07 - 09:37 AM

I know I posted to this thread a day or two ago. We had to deal with them for ten years while we paid off old taxes from when Rog worked in VZ and we lost our shirts. They were nothing but kindness, understanding, and patient.

Subject: RE: BS: Relating to the IRS
From: Donuel
Date: 19 Mar 07 - 10:50 AM

I thought so too but since we were targeted this year, our lawyer said we need to keep 10 years worth of returns.

The fact the IRS knows you paid does not mean that you are immune from the claim you did not file. You are presumed guilty unless you have the form.

If you can not prove the filing the fine is only a couple hundred dollars. Then the tipster gets a portion of the fine collected.

Subject: RE: BS: Relating to the IRS
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 20 Mar 07 - 10:16 AM

However, knowingly (or wilfully) filing a false report with a governmental agency is a crime, and is to be avoided.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Relating to the IRS
From: Midchuck
Date: 20 Mar 07 - 06:09 PM

The original post contained a wonderful list of suggestions for ways to get yourself audited. What you really want to do is attract as little attention from the people processing your return, as possible.

One might think that Uncle DaveO was trying to get other people to do these things in order to attract attention away from his own return. But that's probably paranoid. Probably.

Peter.

Subject: RE: BS: Relating to the IRS
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 21 Mar 07 - 09:51 AM

Definitely probably.