BS: Mudcat Christmas Poem challenge

Subject: BS: Mudcat Christmas Poem challenge
From: GUEST,LTS pretending to work
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 06:57 AM

Here's a silly thing to do... it's a slow day here and I've already fulfilled my quota of post worked, so I started to think of other things and came up with this:

'Twas the night before Christmas,
and all through the village,
A Viking came creeping,
Looking for pillage...

Anyone else want to carry on?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Poem challenge
From: Micca
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 07:33 AM

The Saxons lay sleeping
all tucked up in bed
while thoughts of new Angles
chased round in their heads

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Poem challenge
From: Leadfingers
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 08:18 AM

Leadfingers was struggling
Blank was his mind
A good rhyme for Humbug
He just couldn't find

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Poem challenge
From: catspaw49
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 08:37 AM

The ice storm was heavy
It had caused many wrecks.
But Ol' Spaw stayed indoors
And was hoping for sex.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Poem challenge
From: Mo the caller
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 09:04 AM

While Mo dream of calling
With bands who could play
And dancers who listened -
It's not often that way.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Poem challenge
From: catspaw49
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 09:06 AM

Spaw remembered a Christmas long past
He'd had sex and played Snooker
But he'd gotten the clap
From a two dollar hooker.

LtS said she was ready for love,
Energetic and willin'
But it bothered Ol' Spaw
That she was on penicillin.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Poem challenge
From: Mo the caller
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 09:41 AM

The Viking crept closer to the Village Hall
Where pictures of Santa hung on the wall.
There evry morning the Playgroup were busy,
Children excited, staff in a tizzy.

So much to finish, so much to do,
I've got a list that will tell me just who
's not made a present to take home to Dad.
If we forgot one it would be too bad




Oh, all right then, I own up. That was part of one I made earlier.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Poem challenge
From: Bee
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 12:38 PM

Now this Viking, named Bjorn
Was seen poking about
By a little old lady
Up late drinking Stout

Ow! Bjorn!, yelled the lady
(She'd met him before,
as a young lass when Bjorn
Came a-raiding before)

'Tis Yuletide, whatever
d'ye think that ye're doing,
Whilst the Yule log is burning
And I've venison stewing?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Poem challenge
From: Micca
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 12:50 PM

Said Bjorn "I am searching
has anyone seen
my beautiful Agnetha
my gorgeous Viqueen"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Poem challenge
From: Bee
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 12:52 PM

Rats! "She'd met him before", s'posed to have been "of yore".

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Poem challenge
From: SINSULL
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 12:59 PM

When off in the Tavern
There arose such a clatter
As the duck and the Giant Squid
Fought on the ladder.

The ladder then teetered
The ladder then fell
While duck, squid and Lts
Shouted "Oh Hell!"


NOT THE JELL-O PIT! NOT THE JELL-O PIT!!!!
AAARRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Poem challenge
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 02:50 PM

All the ruction awoke me,
And I grabbed for my wrap,
And cantered downstairs
YEl;ling "What's all this crap?"

And there on the hearthstone,
A rubbing his jaw
(Which his fall had near broken)
Was a Santa-garbed Spaw!

He was round and tumescent
His big nose was glowing,
And through the red velvet
His erection was showing

But he hoisted his pants,
And he shifted his rig
To try and disguise it,
(Said his shorts were too big).

I was wholly in mystery!
What could be the skinny?
What had caused this arousal?
Then, I heard a faint whinny.

While Spaw looked embarassed,
And muttered "Aw, fuck"
I heard reindeer calling!
"Come on back, laddy-buck!"

"Come back to your Donder
And back to your Blitzen!
Lets be making der thunder
And bringing on spritzen!

There's no use just hiding
In that chimney below,
'Cause you aint getting home
Without us'ns, ya know!"

"Come make us all happy!
Or at least give a try!
'Cuz if you won't be our daddy,
We sure as hell will not fly!"

Spaw just look embarassed
His red cheeks were beaming,
For he knew I'd discovered
His bestial leaning.

And as for his tackle,
In this embarassing pass,
It had lost half its volume,
And most of its mass.

So he made his excuses,
Said "Look -- I must go!"
And he turned to the chimney
With a "Ho, fucking Ho!"

But I heard him addressing
Those reindeer so handy,
Yelling "Down, with you, Blitzen!
Jayzus Keerist, but you're randy!"

And the last thing he said,
As he flew out of sight,
Was "Joyous Damn Noel --
I will not last the night!"

Oliver Sensemilaa Holmquist III
The True Story of Christmas
Playboy Publications, 1992

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Poem challenge
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 05:09 PM

Like a small babys blanket,
The snow covered all.
Carol singers thronged
By the old village hall.
Mince pies and brandy
Filled plate and glass.
And love filled the hearts
Of lad and lass.
Christmas was here now,
So jolly, so fine.
Fine fare, fine food.
Mistletoe and wine.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Poem challenge
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 05:57 PM

Oh ye gods, what have I started?!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Poem challenge
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 06:06 PM

Sigh. That is certainly, um, traditional, GS. It evokes very pleasant images, if ya don't look too close. Much more genteel and refined than mine, obviously. You are clearly a gent of the Olde Schoole, so to speake...

I dunno, Liz, but ya know what they say about what to do if you don't like the heat!! :D


A

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Poem challenge
From: Mo the caller
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 07:37 PM

But the Viking ignored all the fuss and commotion,
He didn't eat mince pies or drink Christmas potion.
And while they were busy, down in the Hall
He entered their houses and plundered them all.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Poem challenge
From: Micca
Date: 12 Dec 07 - 02:35 AM

and as he was sneaking outside with his plunder
he met with a reindeer whose mname it was thunder
The reindeer spke and said "you shall not pass"
let fly with his hooves and knocked Vik on his ass

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Poem challenge
From: Micca
Date: 12 Dec 07 - 03:50 AM

Then there in the dark from the shadows their moves
a large God equipped wit a hammer and gloves
Who yells "Get up Toerag and get thyself gone
For stealing at Christmas is simply not on!!!"