BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC

Subject: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: Skivee
Date: 10 Jan 08 - 03:20 PM

Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'

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In response to John from the sunset coast's correct temporal critique of the 500BC joke thread:

Thag and Og walking through mountain pass.
Big beak bird fly over Thag and poop on Thag head.
Og make laugh at Thag.
Thag crush Og head with rock.

Thag never be good take joke.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: Bert
Date: 10 Jan 08 - 04:27 PM

Jimmie Edwards did some cave man jokes on "Take it from Here" back in the Fifties (Cave man era to some of you)

Jimmie was the cave man Dad and Dick Bentley was his son who was trying to teach him about progress...

Dick Bentley: 'Why don't you try standing upright Dad?'

Sound effect: BONK!!!

Dick Bentley: 'Not in THE CAVE Dad!'

Jimmie Edwards: 'Well it's a good way to keep your hat on!'

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 10 Jan 08 - 04:51 PM

Ug agg agg oggg iggy og ag do. Dig dag gor blag sig saggo.
Ha Ha Ha Ha

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: Skivee
Date: 10 Jan 08 - 06:42 PM

Pull Thag's finger...

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 03:57 PM

Skivee, yes, I think it may be that old!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: Donuel
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 04:11 PM

Thags son was admiring a celestial sextant and asked "Who built this dad?

China.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: Skivee
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 04:49 PM

Thag am sleeping in cave.
Thag wake up and find big black monolith in front of cave.
Big black monolith make sing sound and Thag head hurt.
Thag think to pick up bone and crush little pig head.
All ladies like Thag better than Og.
Og wait till Thag sleep, then Og crush Thag head with rock.
Og say, "Me no big think head like thag, but Og no stupid".

From Bennet Serf's "Big Book Of Thang and Og Jokes"

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: PoppaGator
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 04:56 PM

How long before Mel Brooks' 1000-year-old man will be born?

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: Wesley S
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 05:07 PM

Take my wooly mammoth - please!

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: autolycus
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 05:42 PM

And from mel Brooks,

"So is your language the first human language?"

"No. Before that was rock language."

"Ah.Can you give us some examples?"

"Yes. What are you doing with that rock? Put down that rock? Don't throw that rock."

Ivor

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 05:54 PM

It was the Ten Thousand Year Old Man wasn't it?

Reiner- So what was the most exciting thing you can remember from your youth?

Brooks- Well, we had the first World's Fair. It was really terrific.

Reiner- Really? What was so terrific?

Brooks- Well, we had Fire. Nobody had ever seen it before.

Reiner- And how did it go over?

Brooks- Not so good. We used it as a children's ride.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 05:59 PM

Did ya hear the one about the Neanderthal who was burned alive at the stake for claiming he had invented a Wheel??? mwahahahahahaha......



A

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: Bert
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 06:09 PM

I guess he should have invented the wheel BEFORE he invented fire.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: Skivee
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 07:10 PM

Thag and Og hunt elk. Kill elk with throw stick and rock. Thag and Og start drag elk back to cave by back hoof. Work very hard.
Cro-Magnon big brain see Thag and Og, make big brain speak, "I say, old chaps. You do relize the the direction of the hair follicles on the hide of that elk is in direct opposition to the direction of your effort. It seems to me, old chums, that if you drag the elk from the other end, you'll have a much easier time of things. Using the path of less resistance, and all that. Ta!"
Og and Thag drag elk from other end. Thag say,"Big Brain right. It am gooder drag this way. Og say,"Am right, but now us farther away from cave."
Thag crush Og head with rock.

From Bennet Serf's "Big Book Of Thang and Og Jokes: Second addition"

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: autolycus
Date: 12 Jan 08 - 05:20 AM

Warning. pedant alert.

   Bennett Cerf, please.

Ivor

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: Newport Boy
Date: 12 Jan 08 - 05:37 AM

Ivor

I think the Mel Brooks joke goes better as:

"So is your language the first human language?"

"No. Before that was rock language."

"Ah.Can you give us some examples?"

"Yes."

"What are you doing with that rock? Put down that rock! Don't throw that rock."

Phil

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 12 Jan 08 - 08:48 AM

"Warning. pedant alert.

   Bennett Cerf, please."

... that long ago, he was probably a Serf...

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Jan 08 - 06:19 PM

A bunch of Cro-Magnon men held a contest. The first prize winner got to have sex with a Neanderthal woman. The second prize winner got to have sex with a Neanderthal woman... twice.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Jan 08 - 06:30 PM

Q: How many Neanderthals it take to start fire?

A: What is "How many"?

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: Uncle Phil
Date: 12 Jan 08 - 08:40 PM

Thag: Me say me wolf-dog no have nose.
Og: Then does him smell?
Thag: Horribilum!
- Phil

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: Skivee
Date: 13 Jan 08 - 01:14 AM

Foolstroupe, old bean: Bennet Serf was a comedian. He showed up on game show panels in the 50-60s. He collected jokes for joke books that were amazing in their unfun-itude. Reading ramdom lines from the New York Times is funnier than most of the jokes in his books.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 13 Jan 08 - 05:04 AM

I have heard of Mr Cerf - unless that is a typo - but I never heard of Mr Serf - I used to collect Humour Books - the garage is half full of them...

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: autolycus
Date: 13 Jan 08 - 11:18 AM

Try this one or two agin.

Q. What does a cavemen drink his tea out of?

A. A M..ugh.



Q. What does a cavemam eat?

A. A l...ugh


   Ivor

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: Skivee
Date: 13 Jan 08 - 11:46 AM

Sorry, That was a typo. It was meant to inform Ivor. I was confused when I typed it...again.

What do you call a mastadon with no legs?
Ground meat.

Why Thag cross road?
To crush Og's head with rock.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: autolycus
Date: 13 Jan 08 - 12:15 PM

Oh, I enjoy some of Cerf's collections. he was a publishing executive, btw.

e.g.
He tells the story about the great pre-war actor Paul Muni.

Muni was playing a trade union official in a play..

At the end of the first act, when he was pleading with the boss to give the staff a raise, the boss was supposed to turn him down - curtain.

Muni had heard his father was in the audience, so Muni did such a wonderful job of pleading that the boss agreed to the increase - curtain.

before the next act, the theatre manager had to come before the curtain to help the audience understand the next act, and to say that, berween acts, the boss had had a change of heart and refused the increase.


Ivor

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: Bill D
Date: 13 Jan 08 - 03:59 PM

Bennett Cerf

I remember him on old game shows...

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jan 08 - 04:06 PM

I met him a couple of times during his reign at Random House. A gent of the old school. But his books of jokes, which I read over and over as a boy, made a deeper impression on me.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: Skivee
Date: 13 Jan 08 - 04:49 PM

Perhaps I was a bit hard on Mr. Cerf. It's the quality of joke books in general that I have found disappointing. Mr. Cerf has been made an unfortunate scapegoat by my too-broad brush of vitriole.


Thag and Og in jungle. Thag say to Og,"Thag miss Thag cavegirl". Og say, "Plenty monkey-ladies over there." Og point at monkey-ladies. Thag and Og bring monkey-ladies flowers, bear meat, usual crap. After Thag and Og make prehistoric beast with two back on monkey-ladies, Thag see Og make laugh face on Thag.
Thag say to Og,"Why you make laugh face on Thag. Og do same like Thag!" Og say to Thag, "But Thag pick ugly monkey-lady."
Thag crush Og head with rock.

From "An Interpretation of Primative Paleolithic Proto-sociatal Interactions Based on Recently Discovered Cave Paintings and Artifacts." An abstract by Dr. Cecil Ploverstone, University of North Dover.

* Please note that this joke is 100% Bennett Cerf abuse free. *

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 150,000BC
From: GUEST,HuwG at office
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 08:48 AM

Ug! Ug! Uuugh!

Trans:

Phwoar! That Julie Ege is a looker!