Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Rowan
Date: 11 Mar 08 - 09:49 PM

OK, we've had enough fun at his expense.

skarpi, I'll bet serious money you wanted to post your list to Fifty Songs Everyone Should Know but you misread the title and posted it here instead.

Yours is a great list and it will languish, unworthily ignored, among the 'back of the bikesheds" material here unless you copy&paste it to the other thread.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: GUEST, Billy Rubin
Date: 11 Mar 08 - 06:14 PM

Who did the parody, based on "Turkey in the Straw," with a chorus that finished thus:

"Try to get a woman, get a woman if you can,
If you can't get a woman, get a clean old man!" ??

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: GrannyInWales
Date: 11 Mar 08 - 05:16 PM

To the woods, to the woods, with the rubber goods...!

Little Girl: But I'm only thirteen!
Vicar: This is no time for superstition
L.G: I'll tell the Vicar
Vicar: I am the Vicar!
L.G.: My mother's not going to like this!
Vicar: Your mother's not going to get it
L.G: Besides, Mummy said I mustn't, the grass is wet and ten pence isn't enough!

etc....

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Charley Noble
Date: 11 Mar 08 - 05:05 PM

Topical Tom-

There are probably hundreds of verses of the Gathering of the Clan, one of its various titles, already posted on Mudcat, i.e.

The queen was in the parlor eating bread and honey;
The king was in the parlormaid and she was in the money...

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: danensis
Date: 11 Mar 08 - 04:54 PM

In between the songs, does anyone remember a series of running gags that started "To the woods, to the woods"? The next line was "Mummy wouldn't like it" and the response "Mummy isn't getting it". "I'll tell the vicar" "I am the vicar" "I'll tell the bishop then" "O.K. he's in the next bush".... and so on - I can't remember any more.

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: topical tom
Date: 11 Mar 08 - 02:41 PM

Sorry to drag this out like a dental procedure, but I just remembered another verse of our (I and my friends) version of "The Ball of Kirriemuir":

          There was f---ing in the hallways,
          There was f---ing on the stairs.
          You couldn't see the carpet for the mass of pubic hairs

                   Singing balls...Chorus

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Bert
Date: 11 Mar 08 - 02:33 PM

Cathewsalem
Nobby Hall
Thrashing Machine
Chandlers Wife
The sexual desires of a camel

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Snuffy
Date: 11 Mar 08 - 02:07 PM

But evry fule kno that the real title is "Four and Twenty Virgins"

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: MMario
Date: 11 Mar 08 - 01:36 PM

Murray, correct or not, it is quite obvious the song is known by more then the one title.

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Suegorgeous
Date: 11 Mar 08 - 01:28 PM

Skarpi honey

This thread asked for lists of FILTHY songs. You have given a list of FIFTY songs (most of which look distinctly unfilthy to me). Which did you mean to do? if FIFTY, you're on the wrong thread, and might want to copy-paste it to the right one? as you've spent some time on it....

:)

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: GUEST,Captain Colin
Date: 11 Mar 08 - 08:23 AM

Rolling on the floor laughing!

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 11 Mar 08 - 07:20 AM

Well with the exception of skarpi - to whom I sorta apologise.... I think this thread is doing better than the original..... :-)

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: skarpi
Date: 11 Mar 08 - 05:26 AM

Sorry what other thread ??

I did not go through the page last night

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 11 Mar 08 - 03:30 AM

Hands down winner, ' Beer And Sex And Chips And Gravy ' by The Macc Lads.

eric

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 11 Mar 08 - 03:21 AM

can we please establish once and for all that the song referred to several times on this thread is called "The Ball of Kirriemuir"

"Ball", singular, as in a social gathering where people dance, and "Kirriemuir", not Kerrmuir, Kerrville, Kerrimuir or any of the other variants

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: pavane
Date: 11 Mar 08 - 03:07 AM

All these and more are available on Llewtrah's bawdy song site.
Sorry I don't have an up to date link though.

And you should look at some of the old broadsides at the Bodleian library. There are many dated 1680 or so, saucy but not blatantly crude. And even Abram Brown the sailor, a predecessor of Barnacle Bill, in or around 1850.

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 11 Mar 08 - 01:30 AM

Roll Your Leg Over
Roll Me Over In The Clover

(both have about as many verses as ya can come up with when y've had a few pints)

And how about "Twiddles?" Maybe more double entendre than outright filthy, but still a keeper.

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: topical tom
Date: 11 Mar 08 - 12:24 AM

In the previous post I omitted a line.Between the second and third lines should be the following:

      Just a few taps from the back of the hand
      To make it stand, to make it stand.

   I've changed my mind. Here are a few more lyrics that I recall from a version of "The Balls of Kerrmuir":

         The village magician, he was there.
         He made a magic pass:he pulled his foreskin over his head
         And vanished up his ass.
         
         Singing balls...(chorus)

         The village doctor he was there sitting by the fire
         A-cutting contraceptives from an india rubber tire

                         chorus

         The village idiot he was there sitting on a mat
         Amusing himself by abusing himself and catching it in his hat

                         chorus
         Mercifully those are all the lyrics I remember!

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: topical tom
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 11:36 PM

Has anyone mentioned the "Masturbation Song"?

               Last night I contemplated masturbation,
               Oh wasn't it grand,oh wasn't it grand?
               Left hand, right hand, jerk it in and out,
               Left hand, right hand, flip it all about!
               Some will maintain that sexual intercourse is grand
               But for personal satisfaction I would rather use my hand!
   
   I heard this sung many years ago by a schoolteacher originally from Wales.

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Rowan
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 11:19 PM

Which means the hour he spent compiling his list is well spent rather than wasted. All he now has to do is a simple copy&paste to the other thread.

Go, Skarpi!

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Fergie
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 09:41 PM

Eh! I think Scarpi intended to contribute to a concurrent post entitled "Fifty Songs Everyone Should Know"

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: GUEST,Granny In Wales
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 09:32 PM

The Twelve Days Of Christmas
I Used To Work In Chicago
Valencia (Stick your head between your legs and whistle up your Barcelona)
Funiculee, Funicular (Squeezed it, teased it, bashed it on the wall)
The Wanker Song
She Stood On The Bridge At Midnight
Sing Us Another One Do
Caviar Comes From The Virgin Sturgeon
Cats On The Rooftop
One-Eyed Reilly

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: GUEST,Captain Colin
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 09:15 PM

You may be right. He may be totally serious. I fervently hope so.

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: oldhippie
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 09:13 PM

Oscar Brand does them as well as anybody.

Ball of Yarn
Cats On the Rooftops
We Are From Campus Hall

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Suegorgeous
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 09:08 PM

Capt Colin...I rather fear he's not pretending(!!), ha ha!...hmmm, tho praps not so funny if he spend an HOUR making that list!

Do enlighten us, skarpi....*tries not to laff*

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Leadfingers
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 09:03 PM

'Twas on the good ship Venus - My word you should have seen us - The Figurehead was painted red - and the masters' name was Greeners - Yo Ho Ho and we dont want any more beer

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Joe_F
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 08:59 PM

The Lobster

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Midchuck
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 08:57 PM

I can probably come up with fifty filthy songs that I know, if I think on the matter for a while. Can I count filthy parodies of "proper" songs? Including my own compositions?

Peter

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: GUEST,Captain Colin
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 08:42 PM

HA! Very droll skarpi. Sue- he's pretending to misread "filthy" as "fifty". Or maybe not, which is even funnier.

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: skarpi
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 08:03 PM

Uhhh ???

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Suegorgeous
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 08:02 PM

skarpi

You sure you haven't muddled yer threads? *baffled*

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Rog Peek
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 07:53 PM

The Wild West Show

Rog

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: skarpi
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 07:49 PM

Well 50 songs ? Here are the songs I am workin on more than less
all the year , some of them I am blowin the dust off :>) some them
I am learnin from yesterday . So here we go , the list is long
and its marked folk or bluegrass and from what nation .

Blugrass/folk American

Tennesse Flat Top Box –Johnny Cash
Will the Circle Be Unbroken – Folk
Little Cabin On The Hill –Folk
Forget Me Never –Elvis Presley
I Wander How The Old Folks Are At Home –Folk
Foggy Mountain Top –Carters Sisters.Folk
The Mountains Of Tennessee –Folk
Jimmy Brown –Folk
I´ll Be All Smile Tonight –Folk
Dixie Darling –Folk
Wildwood Flower –Folk
My old Virgina Home – Folk
The Pilgrim –Kris Kristoferson
The Key Of Live – Vince gill
The Oak Tree – unknown poem /tune skarpi
Ref River Valley –Folk

Irish/Iclandic/Scottish/Canada/UK /Alaska

Rósin Okkar Í Reykjavík – Folk /Iceland
Working Man –Folk/Canada
Cavan Girl –Folk/Irish
Step it Out Mary –Folk /Irish
Mollt Malone-Folk/Irish
The Foggy Dew-Folk/Irish
Sally Garden-Folk/Irish
Scotland The brave-Folk/Instrumental/Scottish
Carrickfergus-Folk/Irish
Ölerindi-Folk/Icelandic
Síldarstúlkurnar/Black Velvet Band-Folk -/Irish
Will you go Lassie go/The Beaes Of Baluitter-Folk/Scottish
Whiskey on a Sunday-Folk/Irish
Durham Town –Roger Whitaker/Australia ?
My love is like a Red-Folk/Scottish
Goodnight Irene-Folk/American ?
The Dance of The River-Folk/Kathy Martin Fanningan/Alaska
I´ll Tell Me Ma-Folk/Irish
Dirty Old Town –Folk Ewan McColl /Scottish
Rose Of Avalon –Folk Robert J. Currie /Canada
Easy And Slow –Folk /Irish
The Town I Love So Well-Folk Phil Cutler /N-Ireland
Old Salt – Folk Kathy Martin Fanningan/Alaska
Seven Drunken Night –Folk/Irish
Drunken Sailor Folk /English
The Leaving Of Liverpool Folk/Irish
The Mermaid-Folk /Irish
Lord Of The Dance –Folk/Irish
The Whistling Gypsy-Folk/Scottish
The Wild Rover –Folk/English
Caledonia Folk /Scottish
Whiskey In The Jar –Folk/Irish
Back Home In Derry Folk /N-Ireland
False Hearted Lover Folk/Scottish
The Sicknote –Folk /Irish/English?
The Rose of Allendale Folk/Irish
Love And Freedom Folk /Irish.trad,Co,Sligo
Mursheen Durkin Folk /Irish
The Moonshiner Folk /Irish
Grace Folk /Irish
The Fields Of Atherny Folk /Irish
Who´s Gonna Hold Her Hand Folk/American
Rolling Down To Old Maui Folk/ ??
Ferryman Folk/Irish
Mo Ghile Mear Folk /Irish
Fiddlers Green Folk /Irish
Spancill Hill Folk /Irish
Óró Sé Do Bheatha Bhaile Folk/Irish
Drink up The Jamison Folk /Irish
The Belfast Mill Folk /N-Ireland
The Last Of The Great Whales Folk/English
Health To The Company Folk/Irish ?
Loch Lomond Folk/Scottish
I LoveThe Ground She Walked On Folk /Irish
Sixteen Fishermen Raving Folk /N-Ireland
The Ould Triangle Folk/Irish /Brendan Behan
I´m Asking you Sergant Folk /Scottish /Billy Connolly
Old Dungarvon Oak Folk/Irish
Galway Bay Folk/Irish
Maids When Youre Young Folk/Irish
Farwell To Novia Scotia Folk/Canada
Darby O´Leary Folk /Irish
The Old Alarm Clock Folk /Irish/Scottish Tune The Garden Where The Praties Grow
Off To Dublin Folk/Irish
Pub With No Beer Folk /Irish
Now I Am Easy Folk /English ?
Cod Liver Oil Folk /Irish
The Cliffs Of Moher Folk / Irish
Dicey Reilly Folk /Irish
Don't Give up Till Its Over Folk /Irish ?
The Mancester Rambler Folk /Scottish/Ewan McColl
Donald Whaur´s Yer Troosers Folk/Scottish
Hard Times Folk /Stephen Foster /??
The Banks Of Newfoundland Folk/Canada
The Thirty Foot Trailer Folk/Scottish/Ewan McColl
Leave Us Our Glens Folk/Scottish/McCalmas
Soor Mulk Cairt Folk/Scottish
Let Us Drink And Go Hame Folk /Scottish
Birnie Bouzle Folk/Scottish
Yellow On The Broom Folk /Scottish
A Rovin I Will Go Folk/Irish-American
Where My Eileen is Waiting For Me Folk /Irish
Man In The Moon Folk /Canada / Chris Whiteley
Mairis Wedding folk / Scottish
Mary Mack Folk / ??
The Rare Old Mountain Dew Folk / Irish
Johnny Bucker Folk/Canada
Follow Me Up To Carlow Folk / Irish
A Jar Of Porter Folk/Irish
Preap San Ol Folk /Irish /sang in English and Cealic
Nelson´s Farewell Folk / Irish
Spanish Lady Folk /Irish
South Australia Folk / ??
The Unicorn Folk /?? /Shel Silverstein
Back in Durhan Gaol Folk /Irish
Danny Boy /London Derry Air Folk / Iish
The Crack Was Ninety Folk/?? /Barney Rush
Don't Get Married Folk / Irish
Go To Sea Once More Folk /??
The Boys Of Killibegs Folk / Irish
The Glendalough Saint Folk /Irish
Reilly´s Doughter Folk / Irish
The Old German Clockwinder Folk / Irish ??
New York Girls Folk / Irish
Álfareiðin Folk/Icelandic
Ég Finn Það Gegnum Svefninn Folk / Icelandic – Canadian
Vetrarnótt Folk/Icelandic
Krummavísur Folk/Icelandic
Suðurnesjamenn Folk/Icelandic
Á Sprengisandi Folk/Icelandic
Þorrablót Folk/Icelandic
Göngur Folk/Icelandic
Morgun Bæn Folk/Icelandic
Oftast Svellin Örlaga Folk /Icelandic
Íslenskt Vögguljóð Folk/Icelandic
Sílgræn Börð Folk/Icelandic
Man Ég Bjarta Bæinn Folk/Icelandic
Yfir Kaldan Eyðisand Folk/Icelandic
Höldum Gleði Hátt Folk Icelandic
Móðurjörð Hvar Maður Folk/Icelandic
Uppi á Háa Hamrinum Folk /Icelandic
Bíum Bíum Bambaló/Gone The Rainbow Folk / Irish
Dýravísa folk /Icelandic
Littlu Hjónin Folk /Sweden
Vísur Vatnsenda Rósu Folk/Icelandic
Siggi Var Úti Folk /Norway
Senn Er Komið Folk/Icelandic
Syngur Lóa Folk/Icelandic
Kvöldsigling Folk /Icelandic
Gefðu Móðurmál Mitt Hymn / ??? Unknown
Dröttin Guð Hymn /Norway
Ísland Folk/Icelandic
Ó Faðir Gjör Mig Lítið Ljós Hymn / M.B.B. Edwards /??
Nú Hverfur Sól í Haf Hymn / Icelandic
Í Bolungarvíkini Folk/Icelandic
Ég veit Þú Kemur Folk / Icelandic –VestmannIsland
Land Rover Folk / Icelandic / Skarpi Haraldsson/ Helgi Kristjánsson
Vertu Sæl Mey Folk / Icelandic – VestmannIsland
Sofðu Unga Ástin Mín Folk / Icelandic
Móður Mín í Kví Kví Folk / Icelandic / one of oldest we know of
Ver Du Min Visdom Hymn / Irish / From the year 700 hundred / text Norway

So here you go hope you enjoy it took one hour too but this on .

I also play dance music , so thats another 150 songs :>)
All the Best skarpi Iceland

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Amos
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 06:09 PM

Les BouchŽes ‡ la Reine
The Good Ship Venus
The Balls of Kerrmuir
Keep On Truckin', Mama
The Mayor of Bayswater's Daughter

That's enough to, um, get the juices flowing...


A

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Rowan
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 06:01 PM

And how could I have forgotten Life presents a dismal picture?

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Rowan
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 06:00 PM

Abdul (the Nightingale) Amir
Thias
Rollo the ravaging Roman
are three that go beyond the erotic and behind the bike shed.

These days I prefer the more stately Cuckoo's nest but I do sing its bawdier Australian descendant Navvy on the line.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: The Vulgar Boatman
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 05:47 PM

Snuffy,
the lines on the other thread are all I know, maybe even all there are as I've always thought of it as one of those glorious "one liners" which sometimes attach themselves to tunes. Like the National Emblem March, which traditionally has the words "Have you ever caught your knackers in a rat trap..." The Charlie Chaplin connection seems to be what popularised the tune, and knowing what some of those old East Anglian musicians were like, and still are if the Eel's Foot is anything to go by, I wouldn't be surprised if the Nellie Cartwright lines go back to the tune's early days, and were then expanded by the rugby song enthusiasts to parody the Redwing song. The rest of the song is a bit of a mess, which if I remember rightly was published in the sixties in a book called "Why Was He Born So Beautiful".

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Amos
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 04:32 PM

Topical Tom:

That hoary and hairy old classic is originally called The Balls of Kerremuir, I believe, although I am uncertain of the spelling of Kerremuir. I know how to spell balls, though -- ya just go off by yourself for a couple of days.


A

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 04:27 PM

The old LP, "Bawdy Songs and Backroom Ballads" by Oscar Brand, is a classic. It may not meet the "smell test" for downright filthy, but it has a healthy dose of smutty.

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Snuffy
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 03:44 PM

Vulgar Boatman,

I've been looking for the rest of the words to Nellie Cartwright for years. Any chance of posting them with all the other Redwing parodies on this thread? Pretty please.

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Leadfingers
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 03:26 PM

When a man grows old , and his toes turn cold , and the end of his nose turns blue and he's bent in the middle like a One String Fiddle , he can tell you a yarn or two . So find me a seat and stand me a drink , and the tale to you I'l tell - Of Dead Eye Dick , amd Mexican Pete , and the Gentle Eskimo Nell !

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: GUEST,guest
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 03:25 PM

My Love, She is a Yettie Lass

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 03:16 PM

I still think.... But okay:

Bastard King of England
Bell Bottom Trousers
Airborne Ranger Song
The Dicky Dina Song
Roll Me Over
Finger In The Dyke

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: Charley Noble
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 02:45 PM

"Bloody Great Kidney Wiper" with its immortal chorus:

With his bloody great kidney wiper,
Yes, bloody great kidney-wee,
And forty yards of foreskin
Hanging down below his knee!

"Balls as Heavy as Lead" is another classic in danger of becoming extinct, the chorus of which runs:

For they were large balls,
Balls as heavy as lead,
With a dextrous twist of his muscular wrist
He'd sling 'em right over his head!
For they were large balls,
Balls as heavy as lead!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: The Vulgar Boatman
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 02:34 PM

Fortunately, boys will be boys, and so will a lot of midle-aged men. A favourite trick is to wait for Redwing to pop up in a tune session, launch into the B with the immortal words "Oh the moon shines bright on Nellie Cartwright..." and watch who chokes on their pint.
KYBTTS Brethren.

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: nutty
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 02:32 PM

Pheasant Plucker's Son

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: curmudgeon
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 02:21 PM

"...most of the other verses ..." would be longer than "A Gest of Robin Hood."

The chorus you give is a later English rendition. The earlier Scots refrain, with variables:

Wha did ye last nicht, wh'll dae ye noo,
The yin that did it last nicht, canna dae it noo.

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 01:27 PM

topical Tom-
that's a variant of "Ball of Kerimuir"

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: GUEST,PMB
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 01:15 PM

The Engineer's Song.

Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know
From: topical tom
Date: 10 Mar 08 - 01:11 PM

I cannot remember the title of the song but the chorus is

               Balls to your partner,your ass against the wall
               If you don't get f---ed on Saturday night
               You won't get f---ed at all.

   One verse went: They were doing it in the barley,
                   They were doing it in the oats,
                   Most were doing women but some were doing goats.

                   Singing...Chorus

   I remember most of the other verses but would rather not publish them here.