BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!

Subject: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 03:04 PM

Chongo's poll numbers today hit a new low, following disclosure of certain insensitive remarks he apparently made in public about Whites, Blacks, Gorillas, Asians, Mimes, Woody Allen, Orangutans, Monkeys, Lawyers, Landlords, Baboons, Plumbers, Loan Sharks, and anyone at all from Schenectady, New York.

In desperate damage control efforts, spokespeople on the Chongo team pointed out that he has not said anything bad about women. Not yet.

It has also been disclosed that Chongo has long been a close friend and confidante of Dick Wentworth, a firing range instructor in Chicago, and that Mr Wentworth has expressed admiration for people who engage in vigilante-type killings as well as people who kick dogs.

"This is a friggin' tempest in a crock pot," responded a clearly angry Chongo to members of the press today. "Okay, so Dick Wentworth figgers it's fine to blow away criminals without due process of law...well, he's got a right to believe what he wants to, don't he? And I bet a lot of people across this country feel the same way, but they ain't got the guts to say so. And, besides, we got free speech in this country, don't we? I sure hope so! Anyways, I do wanna say that although he is my friend, and that ain't gonna change, he has got it all wrong about kickin' dogs, and I don't agree with that nohow. I believe in bein' nice to dogs as long as they are nice to me. If they're not...well...then the gloves are off, know what I'm sayin'?"

"As fer the stuff I said about gorillas...and baboons...and lawyers...and...who else was on the list? Well, anyways, that has all been quoted way, WAY outta context, I was just havin' a few drinks at the time, and it ain't as bad as you think. No sir. I have a whole lotta respect for...well, I have a certain measure of respect for...ah...I am willin' to consider that them types are not completely beyond the pale of...ummm...look here, this is what it amounts to. In a nutshell. I ain't said nothin' bad about women! Got that? Not one bad word about women. No sir. I put women on a pedestal and everybody knows that, so you can just take these danged hateful allegations and shove 'em where the sun don't shine, okay?

Now get lost. I got work to do."

Chongo's former level of 53% support nationwide has now shrunk to 11% and the decline in his political fortunes appears headed toward single digits.

You can believe all this implicitly, by the way. Have no doubt. Just tune in to your favorite major media outlet for the latest stunning revelations in what will no doubt soon be dubbed "ChongoGate".

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Megan L
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 03:19 PM

I dinny ken why his vote has dropped man its jist so refreshin tae find wan o them loons whit fur wance admits the truth he hates abody equal noo theres a Chimp worthy o election.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 03:24 PM

I voted against him and he wasn't even on the ballot.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 03:37 PM

Finally! A candidate I can stand behind...far behind.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 03:38 PM

Veeeeeeeeeerrrrrry interesting...but dumb. Just like Chongo.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: GUEST,Big Ape Louis
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 03:52 PM

Hey, Chong! Wid yer numbers like dis mebbe youse kin git yer old job back wid da organ grinder guy!

Ha ha ha!

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 04:07 PM

Chongo is old hat. Batrack Orilla is the primate of change. His daddy was Kenyan silver back. His momma was a Japanese snow Monkey. They met on the Island of Guam in the 60's where the Navy was testing Nerve gas on non-human subjects. Born on a US facility to parents who in their own way were patriotically serving the USA, some say that little Batrack has as much a claim to US citizen ship as John McCain, who is actually Panamese.

Batrick Orilla attended some of the finest educational institutions available to one of his species. The Cambridge Obedience School and the Barnum and Bailey's school of animal performance.

Chongo's numbers are down because Batrack's are up. We never hear a wrong word from Batrack and that is only partly due to his exclusive use of his own unique version of American Sign Language which he calls apebonics.

When asked for comment, Batrack signed the following statement, in sign language. "I must condemn Chongo's words but I will not condemn him. In the 17 years I have known him he has always been a chimp and male chimps are naturally aggressive. It would be naive for me to think that as a chimp even as he has been my friend that he would not join in a pack with other chimps to hunt down small monkeys, tear them limb from limb and eat them raw. It would be naive for me to think that peace between chimps and small monkeys can be accomplished in a single Presidential term, or maybe even at all, given the long standing predator/prey relationship, but until we all come together, black, white, brown, and primate we have no chance of adequately addressing the larger problems which face us all."

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 04:11 PM

THis story is obviously coming from right-wing media that is just selling exposure by stirring up controversy. Chongo is a fine specimen of chimp manhood, a quick draw, handy with colorful turns of phrase, and able to drink anyone of you under the table. You should learn to respect those obviously better adapted than you are to leadership in the rough jungle of the shameless streets of South Chicago and the U of C.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Donuel
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 04:14 PM

cHONGO NEEDS TO ENERGIZE HIS BASE. tHE POO THROWERS.

Having worked in Schenectady I too am offened.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Ebbie
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 04:53 PM

JtS, I expect you consider your code worded post to be satire but to me it comes across as mean spirited and bigotted. I hope you follow it up with something enlightening.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: GUEST,Big Ape Louis
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 05:23 PM

Hey, little Chongo! Ya know what Al wants ta know? He wants ta know hows you kin swing by yer tail! That's a requiremint fer gittin' out of the bottom! Har har!

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 05:35 PM

LOL!!! Well, whatever Jack intended, his post does have some very funny bits of satire in it.

Let me add that I did not start this thread with any intention of attacking Barack Obama (or anyone else in particular who is running for president right now)...and I would not necessarily assume that Jack's post was so intended either (though I cannot say that with absolute certainty).

I started this thread for 2 reasons:

1. to make fun of what we generally see occurring right now...which is the usual opportunistic and vicious efforts in the media and on the campaign trail on the part of various extremely partisan and ruthless individuals to destroy the reputation of ANY candidate(s) who they do not personally back, and whom they think might possibly beat the one they do back. And...

2. to allow Chongo's unique personality to manifest in the way it probably would in this kind of situation...because I find Chongo entertaining in his own right.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Donuel
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 05:53 PM

Ebbie you have been condemning people for warrantless condemnation today. Perhaps they deserve it, but I hope whatever is behind your indignation is something in which you may triumph.

Somtimes you eat the bear and sometimeis the bear eats you.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 05:58 PM

I'm gonna vote for Oliver

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Slag
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 06:19 PM

Just in, new Poles show surge in support for Chongo's candidacy. Young Poles, Latvians and other Baltic groups are showing a renewed interest. Berliners are still on the fence. All this really doesn't not help the Primate's primary as they cannot vote in the US election. It does, however, throw a favorable light in Chongo's direction.

Meanwhile the Bonobos United for Equal Simian Representation have move in total to give their overwhelming endorsement for Chongo. We still haven't heard from Chongo as to whether he will accept this endorsement from a group with such strong libertarian, if not libertine avocations. Still, this could influence the undecided vote in Chongo's favor.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: GUEST,lox
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 06:32 PM

Bad news I'm afraid ...

Chongo has eaten the Berliners and the hamburgers and is moving in on turkey ...

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 06:43 PM

Chongo has enthusiastically embraced the support of Bonobos United for Equal Simian Representation, declaring, "I never met a Bonobo I didn't...(throat clearing sound)...like."

This unexpected endorsement from the Bonobos has given a boost to Chongo's ratings which have now climbed back to 12 and a half per cent.

Meanwhile, Chongo has hastened to repair relations with the monkey community nationwide, posing in a multimedia photo-op in downtown Chicago alongside a barrel of enthusiastic monkeys, all of whom are waving little "Bongo with Chongo!" flags.

Chongo's new national campaign slogan:

THIS TIME LET'S PUT A REAL CHIMP IN THE WHITE HOUSE!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 06:49 PM

Bad news! Hillary just edged Chongo out of top spot.

This post, however, will soon put a stop to that.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 07:19 PM

In more breaking news today Chongo just missed getting the official endorsement of Clint Eastwood after the two met at a California gun club and exchanged fire.

"Make my day," snarled Eastwood through clenched teeth as he blasted Chongo's famous fedora clean off his head with a 44 magnum at fifteen paces. He proceeded to fire further shots at the hat, driving it farther and farther away with each shot, until his gun was empty.

"No, sucker, you make MY day," retorted Chongo, as he hefted his own 44 magnum and returned the favor by blowing the lit end clean off Eastwood's slim cigar (which was clenched in the actor's teeth in typical spaghetti western fashion).

Chongo proceeded to shoot little sections off the end of the cigar until his gun was empty, by which time the cigar was only about a half inch long.

Eastwood then calmly removed the ragged stub of the cigar from his lips, squinted at it critically, and flicked it to the ground.

"You shoot not bad for a lousy, stinking ape," he remarked.

"You shoot not bad for a lousy, stinking human," replied Chongo.

"You owe me a cigar," said Eastwood.

"You owe me a fedora," said Chongo.

"How about a couple of drinks at the bar instead?" said Eastwood.

"You're on," said Chongo. "Make mine whisky."

They hit if off great by all accounts and found much in common.

When asked by the members of the press afterwards if he would give his official endorsement to the Chongo for President campaign, Eastwood grinned a tight grin and said, "Nope. But don't get me wrong...I like Chongo. I like him a lot. I think he should go far. But he's going to have to join the Republican Party before he gets my endorsement."

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: GUEST,Chicken Charlie
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 07:25 PM

I would also bet that Chongo knows where to put his capo to get concert A# out of a D chord form, and that's more than I can say for ...............


CC

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Bobert
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 07:30 PM

Say it ain't so!!!

But if it is, I blame the liberal media...

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 11:42 PM

There were no code words. What I said was just what was said there was no subtext at all.

>>>JtS, I expect you consider your code worded post to be satire but to me it comes across as mean spirited and bigotted. I hope you follow it up with something enlightening.<<<

I made up a monkey in a thread about monkeys. I did not call any living person or group of people a monkey.

I did satirize Mr. Obama's speaking style. But I did not say that he or anyone else was a monkey. Its a joke thread about an anthropomorphic, alcoholic monkey living as a private detective in Chicago.

I did not say what you seem to be accusing me of. I think your accusation was very cowardly and mean spirited. If you are offended it is because of something in your head not mine. If you have a specific question or concern, I would be happy to explain my thought process to you. But I'd rather not, this is just a joke thread and I was just joking and unless someone in your family is a gorilla, a chimp or a freaking japanese snow monkey you have no cause to be offended.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 19 Mar 08 - 12:13 AM

In the mean time Howlery the Howler Monkey is constantly barking about how its her turn and sneaking down from the trees trying to steal Chongo's and Orilla's delegates.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: CarolC
Date: 19 Mar 08 - 12:18 AM

First time I read that last post of yours, JtS, I thought it said she was sneaking down from the trees to steal their delicates.

:-o

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Slag
Date: 19 Mar 08 - 01:48 AM

"Right turn, Clyde"

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Donuel
Date: 19 Mar 08 - 10:39 AM

I suspect if you cross the highly sexual Bonobos with the socially violent Chimp you get the early human.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Mar 08 - 01:12 PM

An interesting theory, Donuel. I think you may be onto something.

Chongo's numbers held steady in the polls today. That could be good or it could be bad. Depends on how you look at it.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 12:24 PM

This thread was just above the one about nuclear power in Alberta. Does that mean that Chongo favors Alberta becoming one of the Nuclear Powers?

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 12:28 PM

I don't think Chongo has any opinion on that, Rapaire.

His numbers are up today. 15%! I guess the encounter with Clint Eastwood has helped some. There may be some Republicans crossing party lines to support Chongo now.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 06:12 PM

Does Chongo or does Chongo not support my inalienable right to possess and, when necessary use, purely in self-defense, nuclear, chemical, incendiary, and/or biological weapons?

I want a simple yes or no answer!

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 06:22 PM

If you can have Assault Rifles you ought to at least be allowed dirty bombs.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: GUEST,Snow Monkey
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 06:28 PM

"Its a joke thread about an anthropomorphic, alcoholic monkey living as a private detective in Chicago."

... no it isn't ...

... this is serious! ...

I am offended but for completely different reasons that I will not tell you because being a snow monkey I would rather eat an orange and expose my bottom in your general direction.



(lox)

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 06:29 PM

I've GOT an assault rifle*! Now I want my own nuke, my own nerve gas, my own mutated smallpox!





















*Manufactured mid-May, 1918, by Winchester.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: GUEST,snow monkey
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 06:31 PM

You keep that thing pointed away from my bottom ... ya hear?


(lox)

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 06:46 PM

Listen here, Jack. You can call me anthropomorphic and alcoholic if ya want. You can see I'm a private detective. That's all true.

But DON'T CALL ME A GODDAMN MONKEY!!!!!!!!

- Chongo

Rapaire. Seems like yer fairly much on track to me, so stop worryin', cos I ain't gonna take yer guns away. But if you also want "nuclear, chemical, incendiary, and/or biological weapons" you are gonna have to prove to me first that:

1. You know how to use 'em proper.
2. You ain't some kind of nutcase.
3. You wouldn't use 'em without just cause.
4. You wouldn't use 'em on chimps or other primates.*

*Exception to #4: Go ahead and use any 'em anytime on the Northside Gorillas gang in the North end of Chicago as long as you can limit the collateral damage to within one block of their clubhouse. I think this would rule out the use of the nukes and biological weapons. Well, the nukes anyway, for sure.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 07:07 PM

1. You know how to use 'em proper.

Oh, I do, I do! Drop by and I'll prove it on some golfers or other useless targets. I don't want to put that sort of information out on a public forum, ya know?

2. You ain't some kind of nutcase.

If I was, would I want 'em? I do, so I ain't.

3. You wouldn't use 'em without just cause.

Of course not. You think I'm some sort of nut or somethin'? I only want 'em for self defense.

4. You wouldn't use 'em on chimps or other primates.*

I only want 'em to use on people, and not even female people. I think I kin limit collateral damage, too. Mostly I'd just use teeny-tiny nukes, like you'd use for deer huntin', ya know?

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 07:36 PM

Yer a straight talker, Rapaire. I like yer style. Okay, ya got full authorization from me. Go to town, buddy.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 07:47 PM

At least, here, the madness is self-confessed.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 07:50 PM

Yeah. No shame, eh? Kind of like Clint Eastwood on steroids.

Chongo says he is gonna rent a whole bunch of Dirty Harry films for the weekend. He really enjoyed meeting Clint bigtime.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 08:55 PM

Maybe Chongo's poll numbers would improve if he'd make one of those defining moment speeches. Did Chongo have an orangutan grandmother he could work into the story somehow? Something like, "My own orangutan grandmother, who helped raise me, would sometimes admit to being afraid of adult male chimps. And with damned good reason! Adult male chimps are the baddist mofos around! Sumbitches would just as soon rip your face off as look at ya!"

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 09:01 PM

Heh! Well, Chongo would probably be happy to personally give YOU a "defining moment" in your own life if you stop around sometime, Bee-Dub, now that you suggested his grandmother might have been an orangutan.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Charley Noble
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 09:46 PM

I was thinking that this thread might be relaxing after all the campaign threads, with their fictional characters. However, I find it even more stressful.

I need another drink...

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 10:05 PM

Thanks for the vote of confidence, Chongo. When yer out this way sometime look me up and we'll go out shootin' together. I got some good whiskey, too, and some of the dames ain't bad lookin', if ya know what I mean.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 10:33 PM

Well Chongo. Here is the thing.

I LIKE MONKEYS

So it's a compliment!

Snow Monkey's are especially cool!

http://www.elreydelart.com/blog/monkeys.jpg

and proboscis monkeys! (I like to call them Durantes!)

http://www.tustrucos.com/wallpapers/Animales/fondos-animales-Monos/Borneo-Proboscis-Monkey.jpg

Proboscis monkeys are sometimes found peacefully floating out to sea by Borneo fisherman. They get in the river to cool off then fall asleep and float away. More often than not the fisherman just puts the monkey in his boat and brings him home. No chimp is ever that confident or relaxed.

Chongo! That's pretty good company!

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: GUEST,Orilla
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 10:38 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: GUEST,Orilla
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 10:46 PM

I love Chimps. Chimps are like family. But I feel obliged to reject and denounce their habit of tearing other monkeys to bits. I know that they are not technically monkeys, but still, the whole thing seems rather uncivilized. As a Gorilla American and a Snow Monkey American. I have a unique point of view on this issue.

I feel obliged to ask Mr. Chongo Chimp. If a small monkey called you at three AM, would you eat her?

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 21 Mar 08 - 11:30 AM

I know what yer up to, Batrack, and ya don't fool me one bit. You are tryin' to raise irrational fears about chimps and promote division in the primate community.

To answer your question: If a small monkey called me at 3 AM, I would answer the phone and talk to her. Period.

What you don't know is that I DO get calls from small monkeys at 3 AM. Usually from one specific small monkey...Nymbel the Capuchin. Nymbel is one of my irregular operatives, out there gatherin' clues to help me solve whatever case I am workin' on at the time. He's been on my staff fer many years now. I have always worked in harmony with monkeys in my community, monkeys large and small, joinin' together in common cause to clean up our inner city neighborhoods and reduce crime, to bring hope and progress to primates and humans so that we can all have a better future.

I have been in the trenches dodgin' the bullets and brickbats and doin' the real work of social change. Where have you been?

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: GUEST,Orilla
Date: 21 Mar 08 - 11:44 AM

I congratulate you and Nymbel on your committed partnership. If a Chimp and a Capuchin can be that close, there is hope for us all.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: number 6
Date: 21 Mar 08 - 12:03 PM

"If a Chimp and a Capuchin can be that close, there is hope for us all."

I have disagree with that statement .... in fact it is parallel to "if a McCain and a Bush can be close, there is no hope for anyone"

biLL

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Mar 08 - 03:55 PM

Well, Chongo's numbers are way up with the Idaho Legion and the Children of the Vigilantes (formerly "The Sons of the Vigilantes").

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Mar 08 - 09:40 PM

PC and all that, you know....

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's poll numbers below subbasement!
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 21 Mar 08 - 10:39 PM

Hey, Rapaire, I know exactly what ya mean, buddy. I will definitely stop by for a visit when I am out your way and I hope to visit the Idaho Legion too, hoist a few with the Legionaires, give a little speech, fire off a few rounds on the range, bust a few well-deservin' heads, and maybe kiss a few of the local dames too.

Hold that thought.

Meanwhile, I got a big rally planned for the Primate Anti-Defamation league tomorrow in my hometown, Chicago. It oughta be good. We are gonna raise a ruckus that will be heard all the way to Washington.

- Chongo