BS: Help A Hoser Foundation

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 06:26 PM

Shit! You're right, I did misread it.

I was wrong. Shane is "in like Flynn" when it comes to your new random drug testing. He's never clean.

Now if we can just get him out of the slammer...

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 05:19 PM

LH, I think you misread my post regarding the random drug testing.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: gnu
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 05:15 PM

I am back after I got my cookies down.

Bwl... I can see it now... a note...

"Dearest Gary... someone stole yer new dawg. Musta been the same SOB what stole all yer beer an smokes." An no signature.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 05:09 PM

Better yet, hang a note on yer front door that says:

Del & Dale,

Sorry if I've missed you. I had to take the postman to the hospital 'cause my new pit bull, Killer, chewed him up pretty good. I'm pretty sure it was just a fluke 'cause Killer usually only eats cats. He's prob'ly only bit three or four other humans.

Anyway, Killer's inside the house. You guys know where the spare key is. Go ahead and let yourselves in and make friends with Killer.

Be back in a few hours.

G

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 05:09 PM

I'd have ta skip town fer good amongst the lads up country. They don't approve of yer modern sexual differentiations.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 04:54 PM

Spread word that you got "ate by a bear" and skip town for a week or two.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: gnu
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 02:00 PM

Dang! I am so pissed! Dale and Del just got the truck back from the compound after all the tests and was planning ta come visit. Now, they'll probably end up comin ta Moncton ta visit me. Son of a PUP!

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 11:42 AM

Poor Shane would be getting cut off on a daily basis, then.

Of course, he's in jail now. That might help some.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 11:12 AM

Does Viagra count?

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 09:47 AM

The Foundation is also going to require random drug testing. If no drugs are found in your system your funding will be cut off.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: gnu
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 03:22 AM

I expect Shane has been "in the highest" a few times.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Bill D
Date: 19 Jun 08 - 09:36 PM

*musing about the etymology of "hosanna" and "Hosea"*

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 09:42 PM

Most people are unaware that a hoser is Quebec is called a "Hoosier".

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 08:57 PM

That is not a flippin' hoser! That is a "hose man". There's a difference, eh? When you've been flippin' hosed by a hose man...yer all wet! But when yer a flippin' hoser, yer....uhh....yer...



Never mind.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 07:27 PM

I don't get it....why do they need help? This guy looks like he is in good shape to me.

Is this some sort of secret language no one explained to me? I shall send NO funds until I am sure of the truth!

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 06:58 PM

My position? Sitting? Prone? Standing? Kneeling? Crouching?

Be specific, man! Which position do you have in mind??

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 05:01 PM

Yes! Forthwith! And withforth, too, also, and as well!

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 04:26 PM

I think it to be a travesty of justice, Rapaire, that you would punish one man for the verbal transgressions of another. You, sir, are not fit to represent the Help a Hoser Foundation any longer, and I demand that you resign your post forthwith.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 03:05 PM

Little Hawk must bear the responsibility, for it was his comments that caused the Board's decision.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 03:03 PM

We should all look upon Shane's incarceration, unfortunate as it may seem, as a blessing in disguise. Now he'll have a chance to avail himself of the vocational education programs available through our northern neighbour's progressive corrections policies. This could be the opportunity Shane's long needed to leave hoserhood behind and become a valuable and productive member of society.

Or maybe not.

He'll probably just fall in with some real low-lifes and become a genuine criminal when he gets out.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: GUEST,Big Brother Don
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 01:11 PM

Youse guys have really done it now. Shane just got flippin' arrested again, eh? He went flippin' nuts over to the liberry, picked up the liberry compyuter there and threw it flippin' acrost the room and it got busted all to pieces. The liberry staff called the flippin' cops. Offiser Dana and Offisers McCann and Jessup come flyin' over in 3 squad cars and they drug the boy off screamin' in handcuffs. Holy flip! What a flippin' row, eh?

I gotta feelin' they are gonna lock him up fer quite awhiles this time, eh?

It is too bad. We had a keg party planned fer the weekend. We will just have to have it without the little brother.

- Don McBride

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 12:47 PM

FLIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That flippin' idiot corkpuller Buddy Grooms in Manitoba is dead if I ever get aholt of him. Dead. You hear me? He is deader than last week's roadkill, man.

I can not flippin' BELEEVE what I am hearin' here, eh? This must be a bad flippin' dream! JEEZUS FLIP!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 08:38 AM

Well, the decision is in, or out, as you prefer. "Shane" McBride has been removed from the Top Spot on the Help A Hoser list, but has not been removed entirely. He switches places with some dude in Decimal, Manitoba, and moves to number 97; the Manitoba Hoser replaces "Shane" at number 1. The Board did this not to punish "Shane" but to let Little Hawk know that he must take responsibility for his words and actions.

The cause of "Shane" McBride will be reconsidered when he reaches the number 10 spot; in the meantime, "Buddy" Grooms of Decimal will be receiving a lifetime certificate for Tim Horton's, a lifetime certificate from the Canadian Brewery Institute, and a debit card that automatically renews itself when the balance falls below CDN $100.00.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jun 08 - 09:58 AM

These people are not the Bored of the Idaho Legion, but the Governing Board of the Help A Hoser Foundation.

By insulting them you have done Shane's cause little, if any, good.

The Legion Bored deals mostly with disciplinary problems, such as when Ashley Surgate threw "Whitey" Slimman of the balcony of the hovel and into the Portneuf River, spraining both of Whitey's ankles.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jun 08 - 09:01 AM

Perhaps...although I was not really referring to all Idahoans, but rather to just those in the Board of your Idaho Legion.

Still, what does that have to do with Shane?

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 10:57 PM

You seem to have insulted Idahoers Idahoans.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: gnu
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 08:08 PM

Les Trappiste de Madagascar? Pas problem. It is sacred ground, all, la. Le meme chose a Rogersville Monestery dans La Belle Province. Shane might prefer a transfer to New Brunswick.... there are La Trapistettes icit auusi... all virgins.

Oooh la la.

(Shane.... pussy.)

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 06:32 PM

What has what I say got to do with Shane?

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 06:28 PM

I have reported your comment, LH, to the Board. They had made a decision (I know not what) in the "Shane" case but are now going to reconsider.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 06:24 PM

You guys in Idaho generally smoke from both ears when you're trying to think, don't you? I thought that might have been it.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 04:18 PM

There was some white smoke a few minutes ago and I thought that maybe he'd been elected Pope, but it was just one of the Board Members smoking a cigar.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 03:19 PM

God. The suspense!

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 03:13 PM

By the way, the Executive Board of the Help A Hoser Foundation is right now considering the case of "Shane" McBride. Some are arguing that because he recently spent time in a Trappist Monastery in Madagascar he isn't eligible for Foundation benefits.

Time will tell.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 03:10 PM

Dachshund -- the other somewhat-similar-to-meat meat!

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 11:34 AM

Dachshunds? We got 'em! More than enough, in fact.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Polite Guest
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 08:58 AM

From: GUEST,Giant Squid
"I don't eat Tim Horton's or Burger King or any of those joints. I am into dogs. Hot dogs. Wiener dogs. Got dachshunds? "


No, but....would these do?

;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 08:43 AM

Of course they do. Nice tender ones, from the miniature size that's just right to take the edge off the appetite to the full-sized ones that make a light meal (two make a decent meal). There are also the long-haired ones used in the Canadian North to pull sleds, like Sgt. Preston's famous Yukon Squirt, who brought the serum from Whitehorse to Yellowknife -- a few weeks too late, but still the thought was there, sometimes.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: GUEST,Giant Squid
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 12:46 AM

I don't eat Tim Horton's or Burger King or any of those joints. I am into dogs. Hot dogs. Wiener dogs.

Got dachshunds?

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jun 08 - 10:26 PM

I've got two arms, one right and one left. That is, one "sinistre" and one "dexter". This is not a statement that one of my arms is always correct and the other has been deserted by its companion. If you wish, I have one starboard arm and one port (or larboard) arm.

Perhaps the Giant Squid would invade Canada if s/he were asked nicely enough.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jun 08 - 09:12 AM

I recommend you come well armed.

Well, here we are. Another fine day on which to help a hoser. Get to it!

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 10:28 PM

Fret not, gnu. Soon you shall be flying the Stars and Stripes, if GWB has his way. And then you can go back to miles and gallons, like God intended.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: gnu
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 07:20 PM

Chuck... if yer readin this, that there thing about the Canuck flag bein adopted an lettin The Union Jack off was the best ever.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: gnu
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 05:48 PM

Charlie? Is that really you? Better be, man or the real Chuck is gonna be pissed. He might get some snowbirds ta come shit on yer windahs er worse, man.

If it is REALLY you, join The Mudcat Café and then nobody but you can use yer name. Like, that would be really cool, eh? You bein a real Canuck icon of yer notes an all eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 05:18 PM

Dead right again! Now let's hear about how kids play nowadays, as opposed to when we was young whippersnappers.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: GUEST,Charlie Farquharson
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 04:59 PM

Nowadaze Parry Sound looks like most uther towns on this continence, thanks to them branched plants of frenchfrises that has sprung up everywhere--Mickdonald's, Burglar King, Kernel Kadaffy Frayed Chicken. Noware will ya see a sine "Home Cookin'", cuz all our lo-cal burghers is out eaten them malty-nashnul burgurs. This makes everplace into a no place, and it's eezy to fergit ware you is if yer jist passin through at snacktime.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 04:34 PM

Words of wisdom, Charlie.

When the biggest crook of all (the government) gets to make the rules and administer the courts and justice system, no one can do squat about it, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: GUEST,Charlie Farquharson
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 04:18 PM

Every guvmint estimit incloods an extry estimit of how much more it's gonna cost than yer ferst estimit. That's how come they always leeve this big deficit on the floor of yer House. And a deficit is what you've got wen you haven't got as much as if you jist had nothin'. If we tried any of this, we'd end up in jail. But the guvmint gits rid of its detts by Nashnullizing them. That's like the alkyholick who solved his problem by poring the booze in all of his bottles into one big container. Himself.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 03:59 PM

Man, most people only dream of the life you are living, gnu... ;-) You are envied, man, envied!

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: gnu
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 02:26 PM

I helped a hosette taday. I was at Farmer's Coop and her hound had got outta tha pickup thru tha rust hole in the passenger door. I spose it was tryin ta git away from tha younguns on accounta it had ears a lot longer than yer normal hound dog an a "do I look that stupid?" look on it's face when she was talkin all nice and tryin ta cokes him back in.

Now, I fancy myself as someone who knows a bit about yer animules and yer hosers so I waved an asked, "Does he pay tension ta yer man?" An she said "Yup. Wouldya?" So's I walked over by tha door a tha truck, pointed at the hound an then at tha truck an said, "Git yer ass in the truck NOW."

I got a thank yew an a invite ta tha horseshoes an BBQ up Lutz Mountain tanight. But I ain't goin. That there hound dog might be there.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 12:28 PM

Still scrounging about in hopes of getting some terminally foolish people to finance your arcane personal endeavours, are you, Tweed? I might have expected as much. Well, when one's first life amounts to so little as yours does, I suppose that having a fictional second or third one to delve into must seem quite appealing.

* PR