BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for business

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 12:48 PM

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....If we could get footage of the moth battling the squid, then we could sell it to a Japanese film maker for big bucks!", thinks Severn, practicing making his mouth move at a different speed than his speech, hoping for a bit part in the finished picture.

"Ouch, that hurts!, he said, having tried it.

"Rapaire's doing just fine, though. We'll see if he can finish the job......"

Looking out the window to the West, he sees "Surrender Liz" written across the sky.

"She could've stayed here and heard that from the Squid. I hope she's all right."......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 12:58 PM

"And why," he muses, "should Liz surrender? She seems to be doing okay."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: GUEST,rAVen kittY
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 03:06 PM

PRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrowlllllllll

I want to go home nooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 03:33 PM

It's too hot for all of this Errol Flynn stuff! I'm setting up a sprinkler out on the front lawn and I think I'll stand in it for a while. There's no cooling off in that jello pit with Harleys dripping oil and calamari taking a dip and scrap metal and champagne glasses all down in the bottom of it. Wait till the health department gets a load of that!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: MMario
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 03:35 PM

What health department has jurisdiction in this particular pocket of sub-space?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: lady penelope
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 03:41 PM

ROTFLMAO at Mmario.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 04:57 PM

The Giant Squid has found a sci-fi channel double feature on the cable TV of "Destroy All Monsters" and "Destroy All Planets" and two squid-from-outer-space movies is too much to pass up, even if Gammera (the flying turtle much more to be feared than any University of Maryland Terrapin) kicks Viras' ass in the second one.

DESTROY ALL PLANETS (1968) two star rating
Aliens whose spaceships turn into giant flying squids are attacking Earth. It's up to Gammera, the flying fire-breathing turtle to save the day.


Hot Buttered Nuclear Damn! They just don't make them like that any more!


But who's going to be the one to tell the squid to turn the volume down, much less take away the remote control.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 10:03 PM

And now he's found Disney's "20,000 Leagues Under The Sea" and he's getting really pissed off about what happens to the giant squid in that film. Especially the squid not getting to eat Cap'n Nemo.

Somebody pet him and calm him down, please!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 01:01 AM

Liz storms in through the back door...

'Well sod that for a game of soldiers! That silly wizard bloke was just plain stupid! He told me that if I wanted a brain I'd have to dye my hair brunette. I told him that if I wanted a brain I'd have his, he wasn't using it. So I got it... see? No? Here, borrow my magnifying glass.... Right, now someone get these bloody shoes off me... Tramp red is SOOOO not my colour.'


LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 07:58 AM

The squid, getting more and more drunk and belligerent at the fate of his bretheren in every sci-fi film, perks up at the return of Liz. His good mood seems to have been restored.

We welcome her blondness back, as well, and Raven, too.

Someone took down the time of her arrival, and the pool winner should be announced soon.

That's good, because there had been no volunteers for Rapaire's suggestion that someone should pet him.

What DO squids drink, anyway?. And maybe he'll eat a dead moth, if and when Rapaire has finally dispatched it......


Stilly's still cooling it under the sprinkler outside the front door, one side door leads to the alley gate and one of the West doors opens onto the yellow brick road. It seems that last winter we had a beach and a few other things behind all the many doors, but this year, they don't seem to be labeled. Do we have to number them and get Monty Hall and Carol Merrill to show us what's behind them, or does anybody know for sure this time around?.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: lady penelope
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 08:29 AM

Lady P. checks Severn's drink for halucinagens......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 08:35 AM

...and finding none realizes that Severn IS a hallucination.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 09:10 AM

On Sunday, I'm a Hallelu-sin-nation.

I'm usually apparent. I'm also a grandparent. Before I was a parent, I was merely obvious. But I AM plenty real, every bit as much as, say, Mrs. McLeod's Real (as one of my favorite tunes, for reel! And I, for one, believe in her!). And, may I remind you, as an unfortunately newly practicing diabetic, I'M one of the few sober people in this joint, so don't blame ME, blame your barkeep! There's nothing in that can at my table but Hansen's Diet Black Cherry Soda!

Anyway, I just figured, since you pumped out all that insecticide into the room with the Flit Gun, Rapaire, I'd turn on the fans (and I'd like to thank all the many fans in here), open all the doors and air out the place a little bit. You can't blame me for being a little wary about what might come in, given past experience can you? Or wonder about a place to step out for a while, for that matter.

Anyway, I'm just asking those who consider themselves more rooted and wiser souls than I who have spent a few more years in here than myself, if it would be a wise thing to do.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 09:18 AM

And now that you've gone off and "checked my drink" somewhere, Lady P., I assume you'll buy me a replacement. I'm extremely sorry that the stuff didn't make you feel any different, but it was a good try, all in the name of Science of course......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 02:14 PM

As a diabetic of some time, I invite you to cut the insecticide residue from your throat (and by the way, I've discovered it wasn't insecticide but something called "Dioxin," Army surplus from the Vietnam War time) with a healthy glass of Knob Creek.

Just adjust your insulin amount if you're on insulin to accommodate the carbs and the alcohol (it's 140 proof). Otherwise, ignore it and just don't eat the barbecue in a sandwich.

And heed this advice from the American Diabetes Association:

10. Can I drink alcohol?


Yes, in moderation. Moderation is defined as two drinks a day for men and one drink a day for women. A drink is a 5-ounce glass of wine, a 12-ounce light beer, or 1-1/2 ounces of 80-proof distilled spirits. Make sure that your medications don't require avoiding alcohol, and get your doctor's okay.

But in the Mudcat Taverns you are required to be moderate in all things, including both moderation and excess.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 02:37 PM

Thanks for the tip. I'm still learning this stuff. It was set off by inability to hold in food for three days after the last chemo treatment which spiked my blood sugar level to 1100, near stroke/coma levels and it looks like the condition's here to stay.

I had a diabetic sister who cheated on the alchohol and went into a coma, so I'm very careful. Scared straight years before I needed to be.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 04:17 PM

Besides, the chemo had me off alchohol for some time, anyway. It's a low carb and sugar diet and drinking stuff with Splenda in it that's the new part. Also, I was hoping that the diabetes would only be temporary, but the endochrinologist told me only two weeks ago that it wasn't, and I'd been going strictly by the book, just in case.


Now, back to the regularly squiduled mayhem, recreation and cullinary delights.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 04:34 PM

Do what the doctor says, only do it in moderation. Like Liz and the squid -- moderation in all things, even moderation.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 04:39 PM

I never was one for moderation.... except squid.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: beardedbruce
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 04:43 PM

Everything in excess- Moderation is for monks!

Brother Bruce

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 05:17 PM

Then be excessive in your moderation!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 05:50 PM

"And the winner of the pool is GNU!"

"Is gnu still in the house?...."

Being the last one IN the pool, he should've been a rotten egg, but much like the curate's egg.......

HELL no! He's actually a good egg all around!

"Come out of your shell, shocked or not, and claim your prize!".....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 06:54 PM

Gnu? He's one hard-boiled, tough egg.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 07:19 PM

Severn, I'll buy you a local Splenda drink, the store brand at my off-brand store.

"One Diet Bubba, please, Barkeep!"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 08:44 PM

A many Splenda'd thing! Thank you. Mmmmmmmmmm....What's in it?


Though most people I've met actually called Bubba (with one exception) look like they need to go on a diet. And it's damn hard to find such a thing as Diet Southern Hospitality. I never make it back from Charlotte or Atlanta any thinner, but I'm always welcomed kindly and fed well.

And you never hear anybody sing about:

"Tiny bubbas
on the wine...."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: frogprince
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 09:24 PM

Hmmm...question...which is really the most authentic "Bubba" drink? Beer, or white lightning?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: frogprince
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 09:27 PM

Or would it be white lightning and Dr Pepper?...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 09:29 PM

If you don't know you ain't a real Bubba.

I'd like some shine and none of that stuff you git outa old car radiators, either.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 10:52 PM

Someone once told me that if the stuff's really good that if you shake it the bubbles will stay at the bottom, if not the bubbles will rise to the top. However when someone used to bring it into a card game I attended,I tried it once. I never bothered to shake it. It shook me, and I have no idea where the bubbles went.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 11:54 PM

Diet Bubba is a knockoff of Diet Coke, but without any flavor to speak of. It's carmel colored soda water with Splenda sweetener. You have to be desperate or really really broke to buy it. If you want a taste of it in a different marketplace (I'm guessing you don't have the Save A Lot grocery chain in your area, but who knows?), then taste the Walgreen store brand of diet cola that is a Diet Coke knockoff. They used to carry the one Coke product with Splenda, a Diet Coke with a light blue line and the Splenda logo, but then they got their own brown piss water in a bottle and stopped carrying the Coke that at least tasted like something.

Don't pour that stuff in the jello pit or you'll give the giant squid colic.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: frogprince
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 12:15 AM

Is there really-honest-to-gawd such a thing as "Diet Bubba" in the outside world? I just assumed it was only available here at the tavern!

Re Repaires mention of "lightnin'" brewed in a radiator; this is pretty much to the tune of Si Kahn's "Wild Rose of the Mountain" (with Si's permission, so long as I don't try to record it without payin' up:

Me 'n' Sheriff Brown 'n' the Piper

Sheriff Brown came round to see me in a Buick Regal;
Said, "That grass is nice and green, but, son, that grass ain't legal";
From the jailhouse telephone, I called a legal eagle;
He said, "Friend, you better face it, your defence is feeble".

Chorus: Guess I'll have to do the reapin, 'cause I did the sowin';
                If I have t' pay the piper, how much do I owe 'im?

Cooked some corn up in a mash; came back a little later;
Ran it through an antique copper Reo radiator;
Some skunk told the revenouers where my little still sat;
Truth be told, I'm just as glad I missed the one I shot at.

Chorus:

Maggie liked to have some fun, and Maggie was my buddy:
We decided all that fun could fetch us in some money;
Sheriff Brown showed up again; ( his Regal's gettin' rusty);
'nother month of good behaviour, I can be a trustee...

Chorus:

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 04:48 AM

Don't inflict it on the squid (which already squirts out enough brown stuff naturally), but go ahead and serve it to Severn. Now I know where I stand in the pecking order of things. So much for that good feeling when a lady offers to buy you a drink with hopefully friendly intentions. I read the labels when buying food for myself, but just now as I read the gift can, I see under "Noo-trish-y-null Facks", where it just says "N/A". Do they also sell "Dr. Bubba" and "Bubba Dew" and "Bubba-Up" as store brands there as well?

We've escaped Save A Lot (somewhere between Camel-lot and Spam-alot?)in Maryland, but I'm sure we have the same stuff or similar as a store brand by a different name at, say, Bottom Dollar, the low-rent version of Food Lion (if that's not a contradiction in itself).

Diet Coke is the only thing most taverns, bars and pubs carry here and Diet Dr. Pepper tastes the best of the name brands if you're in a gas station or convenience store, but I've found the Hanson's Black Cherry, Grapefruit and Tangerine-Lime as the best among what I've been condemmed to by fate. Like with TV shows, it still isn't the real thing, but it's now a reality thing.

Seriously, in my travels I always tried to sample the local sodas as a taste of what makes the region unique (local artificial color?), so at one time I'd have probably bought one to see how good or bad it actually was on my own. I tried Casco, Grapette and the like and never had the Moxie to finish an entire can of that foul brew.

The same with local beers. I'd drink Naragansett Porter up in Maine and at least try Pearl, Jax, Olympia and the like, when "in-roam". Now the micro-brews have made it a whole new ballgame and it's actually safe to take an Englishman out for a beer in America without getting a lot of flack about their superiority in brewing.

Anyway, Stilly, thanks and the next round is on me!......Something we can hopefully even share with the squid.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: gnu
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 04:54 AM

I hear there is gonna be banner flying and BBQ'g and fireworks and lots of partying today. Is that what I won??!! Little ol me??

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: GUEST,LTS pretending to work
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 05:16 AM

Let's hear it for the old Bar Strangled Spanner....

Is it true that the last words of the US Bubba anthem are 'plaaaaaaaaaaay baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwl!'?

Have a happy day folks on this, the 12th anniversary of Limpit's Christening.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 05:20 AM

From a makeshift (pseudo?) podium, Severn addresses the assembled multitudes:

"AHEM!"

"As one who is aquainted with drools of the game in and out of season and has actually been drooled on by a real moose or two in real life, as winner of the 'When Liz Gets Back From OZ Pool', your just reward is a virtual case of Moose Drool, (something the doctors claim not to have found a cure for)!"

Rapaire presents good old gnu, Wildebeest of the Great Northeast, with one of the gnice-ities of Western life in bulk, while the gathered throng wildly cheers!.

"OK. everybody! Back to whatever you were doing!"......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 05:29 AM

WHAT!!!!!!!!!

12 years ago you cracked a bottle of champaigne over Limpet's bow and pushed her into the water?

That's definitely "Out To Launch"!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: gnu
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 06:41 AM

Moose drool? That's made in Saint John, New Brunswick... just up the road a ways.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: MMario
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 06:57 AM

I raise a glass to 'Bozo the clown" now departed this earth.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 08:00 AM

The band plays The Kinks' "Death Of A Clown". It'll take a lot to fill his shoes.

He was Beau Zeaux in Quebec and South Louisiana.

Known as "The Capitol Clown" in his early days on Capitol Records before animation. In later years, a lot of cities had their own Bozo hosting the cartoons around 5 o'clock at night, often with kiddies in a live audience. Willard Scott was a Bozo for a while, if memory serves, in Washington DC, as well as a Ronald McDonald.

Which Bozo has departed?

Is Butchie Boy still alive?



....Sorry gnu. People out West spoke of Moose Drool being a local favorite. I didn't know where it was brewed or where the moose actually brooded. Not big in DC yet. Give it time.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: gnu
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 08:41 AM

Oh, yeah, right, sorry. "Moose Drool" was a typo.

You figure it out.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 01:59 PM

Gosh, he thinks, look at all the fireworks I've got in this bag. Roman candles, fountains, about a zillion firecrackers of all sizes, smoke bombs...just all sorts of

oops.

Probably shouldn't have dropped that lit cigar in there.

I'll just throw it away, over toward were all them people are fussin' around....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: lady penelope
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 04:16 PM

Heavens.... it's raining jello.... Thank goodness I brought my umbrella....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 06 Jul 08 - 02:11 AM

Here it's just raining now.... hopefully that will water the flowers and lay that dust to rest... and put out the fire started by some silly sod with a box of fireworks and a ceegar.

I didn't know squid could jump that high, did you? But when that 'Mighty Mortar Rocket' landed in his pit, he musta done 12feet from a standing start.















Any volunteers to get him out of the rafters before the duck gets pecky?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 06 Jul 08 - 10:20 AM

Those flying squid in the Japanese movie must've inspired him! He left a brown sepia jet spray behind him to add to the mess. And when this is all over, as Mmario has hinted at, in (and at) the end we're our own health department.

The rescue crew looks at the beach blanket it was ready to catch Rapaire in, shake their heads and look for something bigger. And I'm not sure squids are built to climb down ladders. He jumped up at enough of an angle that he is not directly above the now les than half full jello pit that still contains much of the scrap metal.

Any suggestions, anybody? Peace has done rescue before, but I don't know if Bruce has previously saved any squids from rafters or have any of the Rangers on the Cat either. This is no kitten in a tree, right, Raven?

Meanwhile, we're "squids-in-the-belfry" with no one named Squid Goddess to help.

If nothing else, there's a huge tarp in the barn......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: SINSULL
Date: 06 Jul 08 - 11:11 AM

And from the TV comes the sounds of "Mooooooothraaaaaaaaaaaaa. Mooooooothraaaaaaaaaa" in tiny little voices.

The moth stirs...his martini and looks thoughtfully into the squid's eyes.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 06 Jul 08 - 12:48 PM

On their way out to the barn, the rescue team notices that all the sheep, woolly when we'd first arrived, now appear roughly shorn.

"Behe-Moth must've been hungry on his way in."

"I guess it's more nutritious than snacking on Hershey's Butterfly Kisses"

"It probably kept him from eating up this entire thread, or sew its seams".............

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: lady penelope
Date: 06 Jul 08 - 01:18 PM

Oi! There'll be no re-ennacting of Godzilla round here, thankewverymuch....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 06 Jul 08 - 01:48 PM

Lady P., we'd be more likely to be visited, if at all, by Jesus Zilla (Son Of God) coming up from his home at The Heal-A-Monster Mission near San Iterry Station, Mexico, a few miles outside Matamoros. The Sins Of The Father have been borne again......

Meanwhile Behe-Moth seems to have revived all of a sudden, thanks to SINSULL's moth-er-ly instincts......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: gnu
Date: 06 Jul 08 - 01:58 PM

Mothra Mary?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 06 Jul 08 - 02:03 PM

Just in case, if you don't pronounce it "Hey-Soos Zeeee--yah" he tends to get angry.....

But I sincerely doubt he'll show.




"I wonder what that Captain Nemo guy would think if he saw a Giant Squid cowering while clinging upside from a rafter for dear life?", some brave and foolhardy soul wonders out loud........