Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Pistachio
Date: 09 Feb 10 - 01:43 PM

Brilliant to read you got the earring back, soon after it's loss.


It's been lovely to read about your Andie,thanks for sharing.   

             ((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))


Hazel.x

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 05:46 PM

My mom likes to tell me that when I dream of someone who has passed, it means they have come for a visit. Perhaps Andie is popping in and out to say hello. I don't know about you but when those moments or dreams happen, I never want them to end.

(((((((((((((Lots of Hugs)))))))))))))))))))

Michelle

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: My guru always said
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 05:42 PM

{{{VT}}}

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 05:40 PM

Ah, there's the whiskers.

I know it probably doesn't help to try to think that Andie IS there with those great muso's.... but.... the tears might flow less painfully (and thus more healingly) if you could try to smile.... thinking that SHE knows that.

(That's just for Tam, folks.)

~Susan

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 05:01 PM

Thinking of you, Tam. Of Andie too - she's such a sparkling presence in this thread that you've perhaps helped us to get to know her, a little. I can't imagine what you must be going through. I can't think of anything useful to say. Only that I hope you can find some sort of peace and that my thoughts are with you.

And yes - most definitely a music thread. It comes in all forms.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 04:38 PM

My dollbaby has been much on my mind and heavy on my heart of late. Since just before Christmas, she pops into my thoughts more often. Silly things set me crying. Piano score in a tv advert, reading stuff on mudcat, hearing a snort laugh from a young woman, seeing wildly died hair.

Seeing and hearing phenomenally talented young women wailing out trad songs and wishing so much that my Andie could be there strutting her stuff too.

It is very hard.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: fat B****rd
Date: 22 Oct 09 - 04:44 PM

Best thoughts and kind regards to you VT.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 22 Oct 09 - 04:32 PM

Reading through the Getaway planning thread and reading "guest Cooper's post, prompted me to come back to read about my lost daughter. Nearing end of this thread and I remembered something I thought I'd share.

From: VirginiaTam - PM
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 02:13 PM

I reached up and noticed the left earring was missing. Andie bought them for me while on a mission trip to Mexico when she was 13 (I think). She worked so hard and did without birthday and Christmas gifts for the sake of going on that trip. And now I have lost one of the earrings she bought for me.

I forgot to come back in here and say that the earring found its way back to me about a month later. I sent a picture of the remaining earring around work, explained that I lost and where it might be (between office and the bus stop some 500 yards away, up one road and through a car park). Also explained its significance to me.

Guess who found it. A very young male temp worker. He hadn't seen my email as a temp he didn't have an email account. He just found it about halfway between office and bus stop and thought someone at work might know to whom it belonged.

Now how likely is a young man (early 20 something) to
1. notice a not shiny (about dime sized) earring lying on the pavement?
2. bother to pick it up and bring it into work?
3. remember by the time he got there to put it in lost property?

The earring just wanted to come back to me.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: sing4peace
Date: 23 Sep 09 - 05:13 PM

If I can stop crying long enough, I'd like to thank you for sharing your pain and your Adie. Your thread has been a journey - one that feels all too familiar and as such is very painful.

I hope you are remembering to take care of yourself. These AI diseases really flare up during stress. Grief is about the worst kind of stress there is.

A burden shared, is a burden divided
and a joy shared is a joy multiplied.

By letting us help you carry your grief - you have allowed us to share the joy that is your Andie.

One day at a time. We are here for you.

Your sister in Hope,
Joyce

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: My guru always said
Date: 19 Aug 09 - 07:54 AM

Sending you a hug {{{{{{{VT}}}}}}}

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Pistachio
Date: 19 Aug 09 - 07:42 AM

The speechless link is so lovely.
I telephoned a friend of my twin sister (when I was near her location in Germany last week) and Karen said,"Gillian is such a beautiful person 'inside'. She has the capacity to help, care and share and the world needs more like her".
I believe from this thread that Andie was beautiful too.
Smile.
I just went to a friends grave this morning with my pal Jane. We were able to smile, remembering Lesleys' beauty too.

((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))

Hazel.x

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 19 Aug 09 - 02:29 AM

Last 2 evenings spent alone. TheSilentOne spending time with his son in Lake District. I am glad he spends time with his kids, he has the luxury of them being in same country. Sometimes I do feel envious of that.

I was afraid I would fall apart, thinking and wishing and regretting, but I have been pretty OK, except for staying up past 3am the 1st night and 1am last night. Watching DVDs and doing a bit of work brought home from work. Avoiding empty bed, avoiding sleep, avoiding nightmares with no comfort to follow.

Still thinking of you my Babydoll, but I think I must be healing some. I haven't felt the grief shadow lurking just out of sight, waiting to swallow me for a few weeks now. Should I hope it will last? Should I feel guilty about not despairing?

Sigh! Glad my honey is back tonight. I need a cuddle.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 04:58 PM

One of Andie's closest friends did this thing that leaves me speechless

I found it accidentally, just googling Andie's name. Yeah I still do that.

So good to know that her friends are still thinking of her, missing her.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: GUEST,Emily
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 07:32 AM

Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality.

We slowly drove, he knew no haste,
And I had put away
My labor, and my leisure too,
For his civility.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 05:49 PM

LOL-- I've actually been known to BUY old earrings, just to get pendants out of them.

And Hardi gave me a lovely small pendant that nakes a nice, tiny brooch.

))hugs(((

(receiving them and sending them back out again)

~S~

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 05:21 PM

Thank you Ladies (both). Susan so sorry for your loss. Lizzie thanks you for that poem written by a father for lost son.

Strange that beautiful things are born out of such horrible pain. But that is art.

I will make a pendant of remaining earring. Have done this before with my Gammy's old screwback earrings.   Remember them?. That was torture.

Hugs to you both.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 04:50 PM

Tam, this is especially for you, Sweet Lady. It comes with loads of love.

It was written by a very dear friend of mine, Charlie, who lost his only child, aged 22. It nearly destroyed he and his wife, but they got through to the other side of pain, surrounded by love. I believe totally that their dear son, Peter, brought many people into their world who now help to carry them through. I also have no doubt that your Andie is doing exactly the same thing.

And hey, she'll be chuckling over that earring..."Oh! MOMMMM!" You be sure to 'take her with you' when you go to choose a new pair of Andie Earrings. (((xxx)))


'The Reason For My Journey'

Staying the course
Navigating without
Compass or maps
You are the star
That guides me home
From an ocean of darkness
I follow your light
Keeping you
In the center of my vision
Never losing sight of
The reason for my journey
You are
My Destination

(Charles R. James)


Just write naturally, from the heart, let it come out the way it's all meant to.

And by the way, there is no precipice to fear, just a gentle fall, into the arms of your daughter. Keep her 'in the centre of your vision'

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 04:26 PM

Oh, I understand THAT feeling. When working on lost-twin grief was a priority, as it was for several years, it took very little to remind me of the need to step away, breathe, drink water, take C's, and jump back in.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 03:07 PM

I don't know Susan. Guess I am more concerned with content than format.

This is something of a job as it is, what with reading and retyping the comments. Something about retyping makes one pay closer attention, notice nuances, make connections to other things, even read between the lines. Dragging all the hurt to surface level again.

Is it nearing full moon? Not myself last couple of days and today is the worst re edge of precipice (tearing up) feeling.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 02:34 PM

VT, if it's not too time-consuming, would you consider making the alternate quotes blue and some-other-color instead of blue and black, so your own comments in default-black are more discernable? Or, I use this sometimes to separate segments of a post:

===

blahblahblah

===

Those are just lowercase equal signs, tho they display usually as a solid double line.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 02:13 PM

lost SCA memorial page continued


I met you during your senior year.Even then you knew you wanted to sing. Oh lordy, and sing you did. Most of the time you came across a shy with strangers, convinced you would be ridiculed. But we all knew better. When you would stand and sing it was joy, a light pouring out from your heart. You would come across as aloof, but it was really shyness not wanting to let folks in, but we all know that you really cared to much. And oh how we care about you. [cutting some personal stuff] I feel like I didn't look deep enough past your outer shell. But I promise you this cuty (yeah I know you hate it when I call you that) I will look past the shell, and I won't wait till its too late to make sure a friend gets help. much love Andi, fjf


I have been trying to find the right words all day, but all I can really say is "Thank You". Thak you for the time we had, Thank you for your laughter. Thank you for your voice. Thank you for living. From Natalie Merchant's "Kind and Generous": "Oh I want to thank you for so many gifts you gave, with love and tenderness, I wanna thank you. I want to thank you for your generosity , the love and honesty that you gave me. I want to thank you, show my gratitude, my love and respect for you, I wanna thank you."   Drea, North Carolina


With you a part of me hath passed away;
For in the peopled forest of my mind
A tree made leafless by this wintry wind
Shall never don again its green array.
Chapel and fireside,
country road and bay,
Have something of their friendliness resigned;
Another, if I would, I could not find
And I am grown much older in a day.
But yet I treasure in my memory
Your charity and young heart's ease,
And the dear honour of your amity;
For these once mine, mylife is rich with these.
And I scarce know which part may greater be. -- George Santyanna
Andie, I will forever remember how you sang for my daughter, made her laugh, taught her a song. I know you are singing for us now, the songs we will hear in our hearts from now on. Thank you for your light, thank you for your humor, thank you for charing your gifts. You are missed. Christine B...


and I will write her name and cast it to the sky... silhouettes recede into a mother's tearful eyes... a host of angels clamour to her side... a light disolves to kiss the wind -- release the dragonfly.   tess

And this post from tess has started me weeping for the second time today.

This afternoon, my acupuncturist complimented my earrings, as I walked into her office. She only saw the right side. I reached up and noticed the left earring was missing. Andie bought them for me while on a mission trip to Mexico when she was 13 (I think). She worked so hard and did without birthday and Christmas gifts for the sake of going on that trip. And now I have lost one of the earrings she bought for me. That was the first time I cried today. Stood outside the hospital waiting for my husband to collect me and just let the tears run.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: GUEST,William S
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 05:36 AM

No need to fear. It is indeed Shakespeare - "The Bard" in the heart and in the yard.

Elton John, Robert Frost and a score more have made reference to the line.

Macbeth, Act V, Sc. V

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 02:41 AM

posts from SCA meorial page continued.


I remember sitting with Cesca at Troll at Sapphire while everyone else was in court. We were telling stories and she was singing songs. It is one of the most relaxed and calm moments I can remember. Nikulai, North Carolina

She was the only person to make me cry on my wedding day. Twice actually. The first time was when she didn't show up for rehearsal and I was sure she wasn't coming at all. Then she DID show up and she sang and made me cry again. I cried because it was all ok, it was worth the crying to hear her singing at that moment, in that place and time. I will forever be glad she was there. Dee Dee, east coast Virginia

There's a bard in my heart
But the memory's fading
She came and went
Like a sweet breath of spring
Throughout the cold winter
Her smile was still shining
Through winter's cold comfort, the Troubador sang
There's a song in my heart
And a red-headed singer
She whispers and watches
And laughs at what comes
Through out joyfall halways
Or in darkest dungeons
Through all, the red-headed troubador hums
There's a dance in my heart
And a freckle-faced dancer
Who skips it and glide
Throughout crowded feast halls
Amid joy and laughter
Through all, I can see her, til her form slowly fades.

Hamish, southeast Virginia

I met Cesca so long ago that now I have no idea when it was. I remember spending hours trying to figure out the best harmonies for songs to perform with her and Sam. I remember listening to her sing and the joy that she had in it. We grew out of touch over the past few years, something that I now regret. She is a great loss and I miss her. Jess/Gwen, North Carolina

Francesca is my earliest memory of the SCA.I was brand new, my first event and Francesca took me under her wing. She was kind and gentle and loving. And the thing that I will always remember is her voice. She sang to me, without music, which I find incredible since I can't sings. Her voice was like an angel itself. Whenever I think of her I will think of her singing with the angels. I will miss her. Just know that she was loved and made a difference in peoples lives.Prayers to the family. Love Cat, southeast Virginia

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Pistachio
Date: 07 Jun 09 - 07:07 PM

What wonderful words for your daughter. I'm sure the sentiments keep you feeling cozy. I find myself smiling, Andie obviously touched most of those she knew. (((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))
H.x

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 07 Jun 09 - 04:56 AM

Well internet connection was lost all day yesterday, so retyped some of the printed out posts from the lost SCA memorial page.

I alternated font colors to distinguish between posts.

I didn't know her very well, but I remember Francesca as a sweet person with a hug and a kind word for me every time I saw her. I still have a candle she gave me at 12th Night one year. I won't forget her beautiful voice or kind smile-- she will be missed. Lady Derdrui, North Carolina


I had the privilege of singing with Francesca in Pennsic choir several years ago. She was a lovely young woman of extraordinary talent, full of grace and a gentle fun-loving spirit. She will be missed. My thoughts and prayers are with her family and with you Bryce. Margaret E..., northern Virginia


I didn't get to sing with her much but I enjoyed hearing her when I could. Whenever I saw her, she had a smile and a hug for me.... that meant a lot. Godspeed Francesca.   Evan da C..., Virginia


Ah those lovely days of driving from Richmond to Chapel Hill for Piper Doon... the drinking, and singing (amd Classic swimming Hole) at Pennsic... the dingy Goth bars (she made me fall in love with Bella Morte & the Cruxshadows... all her fault) such a vibrant, charismatic lady....Andi's memory will live on in my heart and smiles. Jessica McM..... California

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 04:39 PM

Hi Susan

I know the quote's source. Just weird getting all these guest posts.

Will take your advice. Leave the rest.

Thanks

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 03:07 PM

It's a quote from Shakespeare. (Maybe Elton John's "Candle in the Wind" has some relationship there, I dunno what-all the persons might have been thinking.) Wasn't Shakespeare often called "The Bard?"

I sort of took it as what a person might say as a commentary on death in general-- the transitory nature of life?

But, as with all Mudcat threads-- "take the best and leave the rest" is usually good policy.

~S~

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 12:56 PM

Hope to add some stuff to the thread this weekend.

Bit nonplussed by the guest posts. Especially the last one.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: GUEST,William S
Date: 04 Jun 09 - 12:11 AM

Out, Out, Brief Candle!

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: GUEST,Phillip Cazares
Date: 02 Jun 09 - 05:26 AM

I love you so much,
Its so plain to see.
But what amazes me more,
Is how much you loved me.
And what one doesn't see,
Thoush its clear from the start
It's not the blood that we shared
But the love to our hearts.
The love will last until eternity.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: olddude
Date: 01 Jun 09 - 09:46 PM

Virginia
you are in my prayers , right this moment. And you will remain there.

with love
Dan

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 01 Jun 09 - 01:28 PM

Dear Garden of Solace

Thanks for the advice re book.

I am ok really. Have not self-harmed in more than a year (I think). I have no immediate plans to top myself. The first 2 years were hell on earth. But I have been surrounded by warm lovely caring friends. My partner is an angel on earth. I started singing again in 2007 and found my voice more confident, powerful and emotive than it was prior to Andie's passing. She is singing through me, now.

It is true I didn't want people to forget her, but I find on Live Journal that her friends remember her on their special days. So I am easy on that score. She was and still is well loved.

I do want more people to know her and was invited by some mudcatters to start sharing her by creating a thread for her. So I did. It also gives me one place to put all my memories and all the nice things her friends have said. When people read and share or ask questions, it pricks more memories to come forward. It is also nice to know that my posting here may be helping others with their own grief.

So all is good.

All the best.
Tam

BTW, don't be afraid to use your real mudcat name. I won't take offense.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: GUEST,Garden of Solace
Date: 01 Jun 09 - 05:03 AM

"Life After the Death of My Son: What I am Learning". author Dennis Apple

CHAPTERS
"Will It Always Hurt This Much"
"Am I Losing My Mind?"
"I Don't Want Him Forgotten"

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 31 May 09 - 09:34 AM

(((Hil)))

(((VT)))

~S~ (see PM)

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 31 May 09 - 05:12 AM

With the song Rage in the Cage, her little fists curled around the top of playpen or crib rail, she would rock side to side (the crib would move across the room) jamming along to the music.

Rage in the Cage brings back very specific memory of her little face. Bright red with anger, the utter outrage at being pushed into clothing and equipment when she just wanted to be free.

I have thought since her passing since Andie was so adventurous and fearless, that when the time came of her passing, she saw something wonderful and naturally went toward it, not realising as she left her body she could not get back.

Her sister Hilary once visiting the house (which she said always felt very oprressive after Adie's passing) had an encounter. Hilary said Andie came out of the bathroom (where she had died) grabbed her by the shoulders and screamed, "Why won't Dad talk to me? Why can't he hear me?" Hilary told me she just said "Because you aren't supposed to be here, Andie. You died. That is why Dad can't hear you." She said after that the house did not feel oppressive anymore.

I guess I should say that Hilary had seen and heard people others did not from her toddlerhood through her mid teens, when it "started going away." She still does sense things, she tells me, but I don't think with the vivdness she experienced when she was younger.

I don't know what to make of what Hilary told me about the Andie encounter. I don't want to believe it, because it would mean for all that time my child was suffering and frightened and didn't know what was happening to her. She may be still. I can't bare that.

I have been so close to following her just so I could know she was OK.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 30 May 09 - 02:12 PM

Another nickname for Andie when she was a baby.

She loved pitching fits when we put her in crib (cot) playpen or carseat. But she absolutely loved this song when we played it or it came on radio.

She was our Rage in the Cage

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 30 May 09 - 12:15 PM

:~) Andie was a Mudcatter, inside, I'm sure of it.

~S~

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 30 May 09 - 10:49 AM

Susan

You just reminded me of something with Andie's Parish.

When she was in university, some friends from high school were to be married. I think it was Geoff and Jenn from one of the memorial postings earlier in the thread. They wanted Andie to officiate at their handfasting.
She was looking into getting some kind of ordainment so she could do this for them. I don't remember what happened out of this.

Another thing I remembered after retyping Duane's (SCA name Byram) Eulogy (while I was weeping away this morning) was what the videographer said about the service.

That he had never seen so many people come up and say so many wonderful things about the departed in one service. And that later when he was watching again, working on the finished DVD and VHS copies he started crying. A thing he had never done before. He was the one who put A Celebration of Life - Andie Robbins memorial on the labels. And then asked me if that was ok.

Oh dear. Here come the tears again.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 30 May 09 - 06:51 AM

She attracted the wise and able-to-love-well.

I often say, at a funeral, that those gathered are the congregation of those passed. Not the congregation from which they came-- tho that is true also-- but the congregation that looked to them for leadership. Andie's "parish", now, THERE is a group (and a leader) I'd have been proud to join.

(((Andie's Parish)))

~Susan

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 30 May 09 - 06:35 AM

The Eulogy

Good afternoon. For you that don't know me, my name is Duane M.... I have been honored to call Andie Robbins a friend for about 10 years now. In the Society for Creative Anachronism, I had the honor and privilege to be Andie's mentor and teacher. Andie once called me her 'Big Brother' and I very much feel as though she is the sister of my heart.

Her mother has asked that I start today's memorials. After I am done speaking, the family has asked that anyone who wishes to, please come up and follow me.

"Music is Sound and Silence." These words were spoken to me many years ago by Chicago jazz trumpeter and vocalist Floyd Standifer. What he meant was that every millisecond of a song is important and that the silence between the notes are just as important in the delivery of that song as the music itself. That music , like life, seeks a balance. Just as Andie's life was about Sound, today it is very much about Silence.

We gather to remember the young woman of incredible energy and talent. Andie was gifted both as a talented performer and composer. Her voice was clear and true. Today we gather in silence and then we stand alone here to tell the stories of her life.

I remember the first time I heard her sing, while she was in high school.   She had written a song in honor of her friend Susan J…. She performed it, at the head table of one of our feasts, quaking and trembling in fright .

[I remember this as the only time I ever saw Andie nervous about singing, she so wanted to impress the SCA people.. VT]

Afterwards, I found her in a quiet hallway and thanked her for her gift of song, giving her a small token of my esteem for her bravery. A few years later, when she was a freshmen in college, we reacquainted at a local event and our friendship renewed and strengthened. In time we decided to enter into a formal relationship with Andie agreeing to become my apprentice, studying music and performance. At the ceremony that marked that occasion, I told her that she was "my Shining Star and the Rock upon which I would build my household." Over the years, she proved me right again and again.

I had the distinct honor of watching the young woman blossom as a performer, from shy little girl to a confident, poised woman who could silence a room and hold their attention with rapt awe. Sound and Silence in perfect harmony.

Andie and I would perform for large crowds and for quiet gatherings, singing in harmony together or taking turns. She had a natural ear for harmony and loved to sing in choruses and groups perhaps more than she did singing alone. Either way, Andie understood the Muse's power, it's ability to lift you out of a place and take you somewhere beautiful. She shone like the sun when she sang. Her face was alight with joy. I hear her still now and it comforts me as I ponder the mystery of her life here, trying to figure out why her fire had to burn so brief, why there is silence now, when we had just started singing.

We both shared a great love of music from all times, genre and places. She had a near encyclopedic knowledge of popular music. We spent many hours making my fiancé, Kim crazy on long car trips, singing together.

Andie used to snort when she laughed. Here Duane imitated Andie's *Snort Snort* One time on a long car trip north and the heate rin my van was broken, the windows fogged up because of our laughing and singing. Andie snorted and I slowly reached up and marked out a hash mark on the window. I made her laugh again and again and kept marking. When I crossed them for the fifth mark, she asked, "What are you doing?" "I'm keeping track…. I've got five!" and Kim said "I've got three?"

Andie and I used to play this little game on Instant Messenger where one of us would start a song lyric like "Rejoice rejoice, We have no choice" and the other would come back with "But to carry on." I have a feeling that in the coming months I am going to be sitting at my computer waiting for one of those messages to pop up. I'm going to catch myself wanting tosend her one. And the Silence is going to be deafening for me when I realize she isn't there anymore.

At her apprenticing ceremony, I promised to guide and lead her. I quoted John 21:18 where Christ told Peter that 'when you were a child you woke in the morning, put on your tunic and sandals, girded your belt and walked where you willed. But I tell you now that in the days to come another will gird you and lead you where you would not wish to follow. ' Now I find Andie leading me to a place that I cannot follow. And I am heartbroken not to be able to lead her there instead.

I am standing here today, wishing her a safe passage and a quick journey. I am listening for that Sound that made the music Her Song. I am carrying it in my heart like Fire. I can still hear her voice and it is just as clear and true in my mind as it was the last time I heard it.

I am going to try and sing for you one last time Andie, because I think you would like that.
He sang The Life of the Bard, link to words somewhere above.
she would want music and joy and sound and song. But right now we need a little Silence too, so we can listen to her voice. So we can hear her song again, in our hearts. God keep you Andie. I can't wait for you to share all the new songs that you'll learn with me, and hear your laughter. You'll help me fit right in. Until then, I think the balance is always going to be just a little bit off down here. Too much Silence and not enough Sound. But we will cry because you have gone away, we will rejoice in your life and that we were blessed to know you and we will all carry on, as best we can.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 30 May 09 - 05:21 AM

Thank you for asking Hazel

Funny you should ask about Hilary. I just, a few moments ago, sent her a PM on AIM. Gave her a big HUG.

Hilary is amazingly well adjusted, though I am sure she has her moments of rage and sorrow. They were pretty close, especially as they got older.

Hilary was always the sensible, pragmatic one. Though she has a killer sense of humour aned a gift for silliness. I think she doesn't let me know she is hurting and missing Andie. Maybe she is protecting my feelings.

Fortunately, Hilary shares a house with a young woman both she and Andie were freinds with in high school. And her family have adopted Hilary. A huge comfort to me.

Healthwise, Hilary has had some worrying issues since Andie passed. She also has autoimmune illnesses. Her health was starting to deteriorate prior to Andie's illness, she got a bit better just prior to Andie's passing, then started having problems again, until a few months ago.

She has finally been able to see a specialist regards her health and now on proper medicine. She says she feels wonderful with loads of energy. Blood pressure normal too and sleeping better. So I think (I hope) she is healing.

She is excited about auditioning again (she studied theatre in university). Sigh! I miss my Hilliebug, even though I spent time with her last summer. She is Georgia, USA. Hope to get her here to England this Christmas.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Pistachio
Date: 29 May 09 - 09:02 PM

This is an amazing thread. Thankyou for sharing Andie, her mischief and happiness, her determination, her caring and thoughtfulness. I wonder how your other daughter Hilary is? Can she share Mudcat hugs.

Please take this hug from a stranger, (((((((((VT & H)))))))))))

It seems young Andie had a lot to teach us all. Thanx.
Hazel.xx

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 29 May 09 - 02:05 PM

RE: I may even get up the stuff to pull out her journals (the written ones) and post some bits of her thoughts.

That would be very nice.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Barbara
Date: 28 May 09 - 04:06 PM

What Susan said.
Me too.
Here's a link to the corrected lyrics for that song: Bones

Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 May 09 - 03:37 PM

(((VT)))

Just cuz.

~S~

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 28 May 09 - 03:19 PM

Today is the 1st anniversary of the passing of a dear friend's father. This friend, this morning found his beloved 17 year old lab mix (Figaro) breathing his last.

Today, not knowing about Figaro and also having forgeotten about his father's death, I sent my friend a little story, "I pray you enough."

An email or 2 later, I also prayed that Andie and his father would meet Figaro and play with him and that I hoped his Dad and my Andie would sit and talk and tell stories about us to each other, the way we talked about them.

I have found a shload (one of Andie's fav words shit+load = shload) of postings from friends including the eulogy from her friend and bard. I will have to retype them and will do so in the coming days, weeks and months.

I may even get up the stuff to pull out her journals (the written ones) and post some bits of her thoughts.

At the moment I am zotzed - I worked really hard last 3 days (Tuesday and Wednesday at home cleaning, moving furniture, cleaning some more and doing about a truckload of ironing - I really shouldn't put it off so long) and today at work filing in the tomb.

Gargoyle and Barbara you each squeezed eyeball juice outta me. Thank you both.

Huv and lugs too all.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Barbara
Date: 28 May 09 - 03:33 AM

BONES
(Libby Roderick)

I come from a long line of dead people
I am standing on a tall pile of bones
My people lie sleeping all under the world
Their souls turn to roots leaves and stones

My grandfather went by whiskey in an LA hotel
His father died of Ohio coal
And before him and before that they went under the ground
Fewer bones walk above than below

My grandmother's blue eyes look out of my face
Her skinny bones walk around in my clothes
You might almost hear the sound of her sweet southern voice
In this [body] I've been calling my own.

A toast to the living
As we walk down the aisle
So these bones can be married
To this flesh for a while
A song, a song for the living
Though this flesh worries when
These bones will be leaving
To join family again...

Repeat first verse.

I'll post the corrections in the morning when I can get to the words.
Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 May 09 - 02:34 AM

Lovely Ms. Tam

Some where in the world there is a yang for every ying.

Surely, with all the Mudcat focus - we can make this the longest running - continual - "above the line" non-BS thread in the history of Mudcat .... sort of a continually refreshed eternal flame to the memory of a perished soul ... and a lovingly lovely daughter. we CAN . Yes! We Can.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 28 May 09 - 01:56 AM

Thank you Dan, Susan and Wendy.

I found some memorial posts I printed from a site now defunct. I retyped the one below (punctuation added and spelling corrected by me).


Music and all that it entails. Halloween of 2004 was made sweeter for me since it is my favourite holiday. Andie came to see my wife and chat but [she] working all the time was already asleep. So we spent the night of halloweeen talking about life, love and fun, talking of music and muse and watching several really good movies.

(When someone is an angel on earth their time is so much shorter). I am not in the S.C.A family, but Andie made me feel like I was. If not in, at least part of it.
Thank you for your song, smile and spirit. You will be sorely missed by all that saw what an encompassing light you had to bring to people together.

(And with tears still fresh, I wish I could name that tune). Goodbyes are the hardest when someone that was special to you never even knew it.

In closing as for grief the tears we shednow ill only make us want to play the one song we each have in our minds for her (Sallys s Song - London After Midnight).

Blessings for all whose grief has been overwhelming and may you all know one day the peace that Andie has now.

Owen A.... Friday May 13, 2005

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: billybob
Date: 27 May 09 - 11:45 AM

I am sure the lantern went straight to her,it was sent with all our love,
Wendy,