BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table

Subject: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Nov 09 - 06:49 PM

"Where did all the potatoes go?"
Did you get both flu shots this year dear?
"Its not Thanks giving without Yams"
Have you thought of getting him evaluated?
"you know I don't eat meat"
Still out of work Bob, how long has it been?
"What's this crap in my dressing?"
I'm so glad you didn't clean house for us.
"No thanks we ate on the way"
Mommy there are people in the coat bed!
"Is this rug synthetic?"
I don't know how she puts up with him.
"I don't know how he puts up with her."
Mmmm was the turkey a Butterball?
"so the fryer exploded and the turkey went over the garage."
This is our third thanksgiving dinner because, well you know.
"Cranberry jello anyone, anyone?"
I'll go see if the liquor store is still open.
"No Joe, I didn't read her book yet, no no you keep yours."
I'll be happy to get your good dishes out if you tell me where they are.
"Cranberry Tofu anyone, anyone?"
Where'd the shrimp go Uncle Ted?
"You don't need a meat thermometer, we'll wing it."
The Lions are still behind
"Ta Daa, its fruitcake time!!"





please add your own

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Alice
Date: 21 Nov 09 - 06:57 PM

*crickets*
Alone this thanksgiving, same as last year.

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Nov 09 - 09:23 PM

Then comon by and meet the Bickerson's the Hackmens the Youngs and the Esterhazies.

PS bring a fruitcake

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Nov 09 - 09:50 PM

I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who enjoys a good fruitcake!

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: katlaughing
Date: 21 Nov 09 - 11:05 PM

Great list, Donuel!

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: KT
Date: 22 Nov 09 - 12:53 AM

Who wants to make the gravy?
Do you like your mashed potatoes smooth or lumpy?
Where's the electric knife?
What!? No green bean casserole?
The bird's in the oven. Let's go for a walk.

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 22 Nov 09 - 06:57 AM

Alice! Come to dinner with us!

(I love fruitcake- but no walnuts, please!)


Somehow, due to the changes and chances of this mortal life, no two Thanksgivings ever seem to be the same. Every other year I have my two kids and my mom and her partner, but on the alternate years it's anyone's guess what will happen or where. Last year was a pot-luck buffet in Clinton, GA with a stream of cousins I'd never met; this year we bless this house we've built with the usual gang and anyone else we can invite over (Alice? I know it's a stretch, but you're welcome to come!). So, sorry to say, the script never seems to be very similar from year to year.

Allison

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 22 Nov 09 - 06:02 PM

The key is GOOD fruit cake -- home made or good quality mostly fruit and nuts store bought fruit cake. (The traditional brandy or other booze soaking is a pretty good idea, too.)

Additionally, it's the start of the EGGNOG season! (Yeah, I know. It's in the store year round and I can make it, too, but my WAISTLINE requires that it be kept to Thanksgiving to New Years...Old Christmas...Robert Burns' birthday...)

Looking forward to Thanksgiving.

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Maryrrf
Date: 22 Nov 09 - 06:33 PM

I'm very fond of both fruitcake and eggnog - and it's also the season for my favorite pie - pumpkin!

Subject: Lyr Add: UNCLE DAVE'S GRACE (Berryman)
From: Ebbie
Date: 22 Nov 09 - 06:45 PM

UNCLE DAVE'S GRACE
lyrics by Peter Berryman, music by Lou Berryman
on their House Concert CD (www.louandpeter.com?)

Thanksgiving day, Uncle Dave was our guest
He reads the Progressive which makes him depressed
We asked Uncle Dave if he'd like to say grace,
A dark desolation crept over his face
"Thanks," he began as he gazed at his knife,
"To poor Mr. Turkey for living his life
All crowded and cramped in a great metal shed
Where life was a drag then they cut off his head"

"Thanks," he went on, "for the grapes in my wine
Picked by sick women of seventy-nine
Scrambling all morning for bunch after bunch
Then brushing the pesticides off of their lunch
Thanks for the stuffing all heaped on my fork
Shiny with sausage descended from pork
I think of the trucks full of full of pigs that I see
And can't help imagine what they think of me"

Continuing, "I'd like to thank if you please
Our salad bowl hacked out of tropical trees
And for this mahogany table and chair
I thank all the jungles that used to be there
For cream in our coffee and milk in our mugs,
We thank all the cows full of hormones and drugs
Whose calves are removed at a very young age
And force-fed as veal in a minuscule cage"

"Oh thanks for the furnace that heats up these rooms
And thanks for the rich fossil fuel it consumes
Corrupting the atmosphere ounce after ounce
But we're warm and toasty and that is what counts
I'm grateful," he said, "for these clothes on my back
Lovely and comfy and cheap off the rack
Fashioned in warehouses noisy and cold
In China by seamstresses seven years old"

"And thanks for my silverware setting that shines
In memory of miners who died in the mines
Worn down by the shoveling of tailings in piles
Whose runoff destroys all the rivers for miles
We thank the reactors for our chandelier
Although the plutonium won't disappear
For hundreds of decades, it still will be there
But a few more Chernobyls and who's gonna care?"

Sighed Uncle Dave, "though there's more to be told
The wine's getting warm and the bird's getting cold"
And with that, he sat down as he mumbled again
"Thank you for everything, amen"
We felt so guilty when he was all through
It seemed there was one of two things we could do
Live without food, in the nude, in a cave,
Or next year have someone say grace besides Dave.

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Charley Noble
Date: 23 Nov 09 - 09:24 AM

Ebbie-

Indeed, the ultimate Thanksgiving song!

Mother always puts in her reservation early for "the Pope's Nose."

Maybe this year we'll rename it "Palin's Nose."

Gobble, gobble,
Charley Nobble

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: jacqui.c
Date: 23 Nov 09 - 09:45 AM

Nice one Ebbie!

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Ebbie
Date: 23 Nov 09 - 11:02 AM

Our little (12-15 people) Friday night music group is eclectic; our music ranges from Dylan to Winchester to blues to gospel to folk to Indigo Girls to U2 to the Rolling Stones to the Berrymans and back by way of dozens of others.

Has anyone heard Lou and Peter Berryman's song, the Double Yodel? I heard it at music the other night and practically rolled on the floor with laughter.

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Bill D
Date: 23 Nov 09 - 05:25 PM

Our own Dennis & Judy Cook, who you might have met at a Getaway, Ebbie, learned the double-yodel a few years ago, and it IS a great piece! I have NOT heard the Berrymans do it.

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Ebbie
Date: 23 Nov 09 - 07:04 PM

Yes, I met Judy and Dennis at a Getaway - plus they came to Juneau several years back and we got to hear them again. I didn't hear them do the Double Yodel- I would have loved to.

I haven't heard it from the Berrymans either, but from two of our Friday night musicians, Kathy Hocker and Michael Truax.

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Amos
Date: 23 Nov 09 - 08:25 PM

For the futility of exercise and the doom of avoirdupois Good Lord, we thank you.


A

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: open mike
Date: 23 Nov 09 - 10:22 PM

where do you vegetarians get your protein?
here is double yodel...by berrymans...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-OpC8OVoPE

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Ebbie
Date: 24 Nov 09 - 12:41 AM

Thanks, open mike! Fun. I have to say that I kind of prefer my friends' version- they separated the syllables somewhat. Except for when the Berrymans did the sustained yodel- hilarious. I've got to tell my friends that they need to do that part too.

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Janie
Date: 24 Nov 09 - 01:43 AM

*chuckle*

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 24 Nov 09 - 04:12 AM

"Is it Black Friday yet?"

(I only heard about this the other day.....scary!)

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 24 Nov 09 - 11:11 AM

Thanks, Donuel, for starting this thread.

I like to entertain. Remember the simple old days, when the hostess cooked food and people came and ate it? Now it's so complicated, what with worrying about everybody's food problems.

Now I can understand some of it. If a person if allergic to gluten, I don't use any flour. I cut out the fat. But am I supposed to believe "I can eat brown sugar, but not white?" (Brown sugar is merely white sugar with a coating of molasses.)

We found an answer when we organized a going-away party for two good friends. We rented the party room at a casino and told the guests to pay for and choose their own food. Veggie - sushi - no carbs - all chocolate - whatever the guests wanted, they could have.

Ebbie, thanks for posting 'Uncle Dave's Grace.' Do you get the feeling that Uncle Dave thinks he's nobler than the rest of them, even though he's eating the food too?

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Nov 09 - 11:46 AM

Uncle Dave doesn't rave
In fact he is brave
For to live in a cave
that may be manmade
is efficient and pleasant for all.

Underground you need not be aloof
you could mow the grass up on your roof
or sell home grown from your own booth
you could make your own wine or even vermouth
Nope Uncle Dave does not have a screw loose

Uncle Dave's kettle
is made of metal
from 30 melted gun barrels
If you ask me it is you and not he
who made a mistake where you settled.

So with glasses on high
and a tear in our eye
lets toast close relations
and respect among nations
and give thanks for this great apple pie.

For to make apple pie
requires an harmonious cosmos.

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Ebbie
Date: 24 Nov 09 - 12:04 PM

"Do you get the feeling that Uncle Dave thinks he's nobler than the rest of them, even though he's eating the food too?" leenia

Good point. Classic passive aggression.

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Dead Horse
Date: 24 Nov 09 - 12:25 PM

If the injuns had given our ancestors a donkey instead of a turkey, we could all have had a piece of ass instead.

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Nov 09 - 12:46 PM

Ebbie thanks for the song. Here is a version that includes dinner at Uncle Dave's
        


"We gather together to ask the Lord's blessing"
Thanksgiving day, Uncle Dave was our guest
He reads the Progressive which makes him depressed
We asked Uncle Dave if he'd like to say grace,
A dark desolation crept over his face

"Thanks," he began as he gazed at his knife,
"To poor Mr. Turkey for living his life
All crowded and cramped in a great metal shed
Where life was a drag then they cut off his head"

"Thanks," he went on, "for the grapes in my wine
Picked by sick women of seventy-nine
Scrambling all morning for bunch after bunch
Then brushing the pesticides off of their lunch

Thanks for the stuffing all heaped on my fork
Shiny with sausage descended from pork
I think of the trucks full of full of pigs that I see
And can't help imagine what they think of me"

Continuing, "I'd like to thank if you please
Our salad bowl hacked out of tropical trees
And for this mahogany table and chair
We thank all the jungles that used to be there

For cream in our coffee and milk in our mugs,
We thank all the cows full of hormones and drugs
Whose calves are removed at a very young age
And force-fed as veal in a minuscule cage"

"Oh thanks for the furnace that heats up these rooms
And thanks for the rich fossil fuel it consumes
Corrupting the atmosphere ounce after ounce
But we're warm and toasty and that is what counts

I'm grateful," he said, "for these clothes on my back
Lovely and comfy and cheap off the rack
Fashioned in warehouses noisy and cold
In China by seamstresses seven years old"

"And thanks for my silverware setting that shines
In memory of miners who died in the mines
Worn down by the shoveling of tailings in piles
Whose runoff destroys all the rivers for miles

We thank the reactors for our chandelier
Although the plutonium won't disappear
For hundreds of decades it still will be there
But a few more Chernobyls and who's gonna care?"

Sighed Uncle Dave, "though there's more to be told
The wine's getting warm and the bird's getting cold"
And with that he sat down as he mumbled again
"Thank you for everything, amen"

We felt so guilty when he was all thru
It seemed there was one of two things we could do
Live without food, in the nude, in a cave,
Or next year have someone say grace besides Dave.

Now a year later we're all down at Dave's
For in truth he does live in a cave
and I see we should give thanks
to the kooks and the cranks
willing to give change a try.

Uncle Dave doesn't just rave
In fact I think he is brave
For to live in a cave
that may be manmade
is efficient and pleasant for all.

Underground you need not be aloof
you can mow the grass up on your roof
or plant food you can sell from a booth
you could make your own wine or even vermouth
Nope Uncle Dave does not have a screw loose

Uncle Dave's kettle
is made of metal
from 30 melted gun barrels
If you ask me it is you and not he
who made a mistake where you settled.

Uncle Dave's trees make great apple pie
from the rich soil and gifts from the sky
We asked for the recipe and he replied
To make apple pie
you need only a harmonious cosmos.

So with glasses on high
lets give change a try
and toast close relations
with respect among nations
and give thanks for this great apple pie.

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Charley Noble
Date: 24 Nov 09 - 01:02 PM

I'll drink to that!

Back at the old housing co-p we used to make efforts to keep the "special stuffing" separate from what our housemates parents and friends might normally dish up, but I still remember one very happy mom after she sampled the "special stuffing" up on the middle shelf in the kitchen.

We also had a tradition of removing all the doors downstairs and using them as table tops, stacking them onto plastic milk crates. That usually worked quite fine except when someone tried to pass a door knob when asked to pass the salt or pepper shaker. I was back for a reunion this year and the current Rivendell residents now have gone upscale, they're using plastic folding tables. However, they still offered me some "special stuffing."

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Nov 09 - 02:23 PM

I'll eat to that

a worthwhile rewrite:


Now a year later we're all down at Dave's
and in truth he does live in a cave
I now see we all should give thanks
to the kooks and the cranks
who are willing to give change a try.

Uncle Dave doesn't just rave
In fact he seems hard working and brave
For to live in a cave
even though its manmade
is efficient and pleasant for all.

Instead of mowing his roof
he plants food he now sells from a booth
This year he made some "Itswine Juice"
Its really from grapes grown all over the place
but I swear it tastes like fine wine.

Uncle Dave's kettle is boiling away
fragrant and mellow it is made of a metal
from 30 WW II gun barrels
If you ask me, it is you and not he
who made a mistake where to settle.

Uncle Dave's trees make great apple pie
from the rich soil and gifts from the sky
We asked for the recipe and he replied
"You will be fine if you just take your time
to see everything clearly, in your mind's eye."

So with glasses on high lets give change a try
and toast all our relations with love among nations
and ask Aunt Sally to say grace
"Thank you for this great apple pie which is dinner I'm supposin'…
cuz Uncle Dave's drunk and the bird is still frozen".

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Nov 09 - 02:37 PM

Uncle Dave's recipe to flash cook a turkey

Marinate and baste the bird with 100 proof Wild Turkey for as long as you can. Cover with foil and place in a 450 degree oven. The bird will tell you when it is done. Gently pry oven door from the other side of of the kitchen and garnish turkey with wild turkey stuffing.

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: LilyFestre
Date: 24 Nov 09 - 02:50 PM

Always heard our Thanksgiving table....What are you thankful for?

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: LilyFestre
Date: 24 Nov 09 - 02:50 PM

Make that...always heard AT our Thanksgiving table......What are you thankful for?

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: frogprince
Date: 24 Nov 09 - 03:10 PM

Heard at the table last year, from an educated young professional:
      "Me an' my friends at work are talking about buying some guns"

from his mother-in-law, who is a school teacher: "Can you imagine anyone admitting that they voted for him? "

(This is in Michigan, not Georgia)

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Charley Noble
Date: 24 Nov 09 - 03:30 PM

frogprince-

Life is exciting at your family gathering, I can imagine. I haven't had that level of polarizing chit-chat in years.

Was this in Howell, Michigan, where the John Birchers had a stronghold?

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Joe Offer
Date: 24 Nov 09 - 03:42 PM

Aw, I should have known that somebody would beat me to the punch and post "Uncle Dave's Grace," which is the Ultimate Folkie Thanksgiving Song.

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! We called it Danksagungstag in German class, but now I wonder if there really is such a word, or if it was the teacher's translation.

-Joe-

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: frogprince
Date: 24 Nov 09 - 04:07 PM

Hi, Charlie; this is in Auburn Hills. I take small comfort in the fact that these aren't blood relatives; they're descendents of my father-in-law's long time woman friend, and their spouses. I just try not to cringe too visibly. If I calmly expressed disagreement, they wouldn't remain calm. After they snarled at me awhile, I wouldn't remain calm.

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: frogprince
Date: 24 Nov 09 - 05:35 PM

Shoulda stuck with talking about things like "Uncle Dave's Grace", which I also love. I first heard it by Anne Hills, Cindy Mangsen, and Priscilla Herdman, my very favoritist trioesses.
                           Dean

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: CarolC
Date: 24 Nov 09 - 05:45 PM

Puke stories. It's a family tradition.

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Nov 09 - 06:09 PM

Ah, yes, there was the thanksgiving that our youngest descendant gave the stomach fly to 14 relatives and friends across 3 states...

We watch My Cousin Vinny every year. So also heard around our table are quotes like Oh, yeah, you blend!

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Nov 09 - 06:24 PM

Carol, I heard that Japan has a universaly known and nearly ancient idiom regarding puke.

Literal translation is "vomiting up the cowardice of weakness"

In light of George Bush the senior puking on the shoes of the ambassador at a Japanese State Dinner, they had an additional inside laugh that we did not even suspect.

....................
stuff heard round thanksgiving:

So where did you find any ammunition left?
What time are you getting up to go shopping?
I feel like a beached whale
You mean you gave the dealer the Buick Grand National as a clunker in trade for this Ford Fiesta?
BRAAAAAAAAAP ....awkward stinking silence, "bad dog, bad dog."

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Charley Noble
Date: 24 Nov 09 - 08:38 PM

Then there's the mandatory repetition about past Thanksgiving disasters, with the cringing and defensive giggles of those responsible. In our gatherings there are the exploding baked potatoes, and the frozen turkey that got so thawed out that it needed to be thrown out.

One of my favorite memories involved a freak Thanksgiving snow storm in Michigan. We were somehow marooned in the countryside without a working vehicle and our city friends packed up their roasted turkey and all the accessories and brought them out to us in their SUV.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Ebbie
Date: 24 Nov 09 - 09:20 PM

In 1987 the year before I came to Juneau, there was a storm that everyone here at the time will always remember.

There was an exceptionally high tide that day which exacerbated the effects of a fairly common windstorm that started blowing in early afternoon on Thanksgiving Day, Trees bent double, signs and garbage cans went flying. Ocean water sloshed back and forth across the newly built completed 4-lane highwayJ

ust before 5 o'clock the power went out, stranding hundreds of turkeys all across town.

Just about at this point of the story everybody clams up. I still don't really know what happened next.

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 Nov 09 - 09:40 AM

Oh, yes, and we also have a list of things we're NOT allowed to talk about, like fetuses (although now that one of the niblings is having a baby that might change), gypsies, and I can't remember what all else. Each banned subject, of course, has a back-story... They gypsy one comes from us reminiscing, with much hilarity, about Mom being afraid that the gypsies would steal her children, and Mom calling us racist in one sentence and then adding but of course, everyone knew that the gypsies *would* steal your children so there was nothing racist about *her* clinging to us whenever we were traveling where there were gypsies, for instance, which caused much additional hilarity among those of us that were already having fun with (note: not making fun of) her...

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Charley Noble
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 07:49 AM

Anyone have a food fight?

At least one turkey slipped off the platter and on to the floor in our household.

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Rasener
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 08:01 AM

Well here is one tukey who is giving thanks to Obama. Tought the video clip was very funny.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 08:04 AM

Try this link

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Charmion
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 11:31 AM

As a Canadian, I feel obliged to point out that Thanksgiving was in *October*, people!

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: open mike
Date: 27 Nov 09 - 02:39 AM

and when is aussie thanksgiving?

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: frogprince
Date: 27 Nov 09 - 09:40 AM

For this much I give thanks: we dined with the same folks as last year, but this time was very pleasant, with none of the demented political stuff that was prevelant last year.

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: LilyFestre
Date: 27 Nov 09 - 10:02 AM

Laughter....lots of laughter and even some singing....Elvis style....we had a GREAT day!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: ranger1
Date: 27 Nov 09 - 10:07 AM

Heard yesterday from one of my college age cousins: "So how much tinfoil do we need to make it explode?"

Subject: RE: BS: stuff heard round the thanksgiving table
From: Charley Noble
Date: 27 Nov 09 - 10:57 AM

Nothing exploded at our house. In fact the entire event went off as planned, nothing exciting, but everything was absolutely delicious. And as hosts, we get to enjoy most of the leftovers.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble