BS: How do I stop a log thief?

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 05:25 AM

We always kept our logs indoors; in fact, had I been in better health over the autumn my plan was to open up the chimney breast in the music room to create a nook for our wee stove which has been two years cold now in my in-laws garage after our move from Durham. The logs just add to the atmosphere, though once I recall my cats running in terror from a rampaging Devil's Coach Horse that emerged from the logpile - and I'm sure I wasn't far behind them!

All together now:

Logs to burn, logs to burn!
Logs to save to coals a turn....

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Suegorgeous
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 06:19 AM

I do always keep as many logs indoors as I can (to dry thoroughly before burning), and they're currently stacked high round both my fireplaces! I have a very small terraced house, so there's nowhere to put a pile this size...

What's a devil's coach horse, SOP? :0 sounds ferocious!

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Crow Sister (off with the fairies)
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 06:26 AM

"What's a devil's coach horse"

Beetles. They're great - but not as good as Stag Beetles. And for scary, Pond Beetles are the worst for clattering and wildly careering around in the air when you're having a nice sit by the pond.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 10:18 AM

Peeing on, sprinkling with noxious smelling liquids, spiking with chili powder or gun powder, silly of course, but would also render the logs useless to the owner. I can imagine how long a peed on log would be welcome in the house drying on that stack of wood. And it would stink to high heavens when it burns.

The thing about firewood is that it is supposed to warm you three times: when you cut it, when you split and stack it, and when you burn it. It looks like in this scenario, you can get an extra measure of warmth from the wood.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Suegorgeous
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 05:31 PM

Well, since I don't cut or split it, perhaps this is my penance.... :)

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: EBarnacle
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 06:32 PM

Sulfur in any of its forms is quite effective, especially when mixed with glycerin. As glycerine heats up, it breaks down into a stink bomb. The sulfur just adds that je ne sais quoi.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 07:34 PM

Maybe a sign saying "logs for sale" - with a price given that was high enough to deter anyone from actually buying. But the point would be to make it clear that taking them without paying was stealing, and liable to be treated as such. It might well serve to deter the thief, and it wouldn't cost anything to stick the notice up.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Ebbie
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 07:47 PM

And so the thief leaves an IOU. :)

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 07:56 PM

No! Wait! I have it! It's so simple I'm astounded nobody's thought of it!

Spread some strawberry jam on the logs!

The thief won't be able to steal the logs because they'll be tangled up in a...




(drumroll, please)




...LOG JAM!

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Ed T
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 08:11 PM

A sign on your logs that says Beware of Termites

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Alice
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 09:07 PM

Now I can see three signs so far on your log pile

Thieves Will Be Prosecuted

Beware of Dog!!!

For Sale, Firewood $100 A Piece

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Alice
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 09:13 PM

ooops, make that 4 signs, including the Termite one.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: GUEST,999
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 09:32 PM

"(drumroll, please)




...LOG JAM! "



Lord sufferin' Jesus.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Lox
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 09:32 PM

The Stink Bomb is the way forward.

Drill a hole, and insert a stink bomb.

When the fire heats it up it will burst and his place will stink like crazy.

It is safe.

They are cheap and can be bought in any kids joke shop, not to mention many toy shops and cornershops.

It might not stop him but it would be very very funny!

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Alice
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 09:36 PM

And how do you get the thief to take the log that is booby trapped with all these ideas instead of a non-booby trapped log?

Another sign?
If You Are Going To Steal, Take This Log

LOL, how ridiculous!

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Gurney
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 10:01 PM

Alice, you spike a nice clean log and leave it on the top.

The stink-bomb idea would be even funnier if he split it up inside....
I like it!

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Alice
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 10:34 PM

But "being on top" does not mean that is the log a thief will take! LOL

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: katlaughing
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 10:52 PM

BDL...***BSEG*** Good one!

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Joe Offer
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 11:13 PM

It's a problem. Since we heat our house with wood, we have almost a thousand dollar's worth of wood in the yard. I suppose somebody could take it, but we're at the end of a private road and hard to find - and we put the wood in back of the house, so thieves would have to go past the house to get to it.
But yeah, firewood is expensive, and reasonably portable - so if somebody wants to steal it, it can be a real problem for the owner.
Good luck.
-Joe-

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: EBarnacle
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 11:37 PM

By the way, mark the log inconspicuously so you don't use it yourself.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Suegorgeous
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 07:01 AM

Lol Alice! :)

Sorry, but there's something I don't get here. How can the stink bomb thing be funny if you're not there to witness it?!! :)

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 08:33 AM

Do what the feller in Custy's music shop did and with a bit of luck your thief will pee on them
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 09:17 AM

I agree... negotiation with a thief is pointless.

How about a sign that says..

Thanks for visiting. FYI my lodger is a community officer and you are probably now on camera because I have enlisted my neighbors to watch my house and follow you if you steal from me again.

...this assumes the little prick can read.

I like the chili powder idea packed inside and soaked in paste on the outside as well, so it gets on his hands.

I like the electric netting idea as well.

just had a thought... What if this person is living rough and using that wood to keep warm?

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 09:20 AM

Devil's Coach Horse - which on a wild winter night chilling with a nice bit grass appear to be about ten inches long... but at knocking on 3cm they're still pretty formidable! The cats always ran upstairs at the sight of them.

Other names include Devil's footman, Devil's coachman and Devil's steed. In Ireland the beetle is known as a deargadaol (literally Devil's beast) and it is said that the Devil assumes the form of this beetle to eat sinners. As with many supposed bringers of ill-luck superstition holds that people can turn the creature's powers to their own advantage and it is said that reapers used to enclose the body of a Devil's coach horse beetle in the handle of their scythes to improve their skill

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 12:08 PM

Where I live, we put unwanted items in the front of the house when we hope that a person who can use it will take it away. Your 'thief' may have thought you were doing that. When challenged, he lied and then got aggressive.

Much obnoxious behavior is rooted in fear. (Read that in a book somewhere.)

If you want to keep your logs, move them to the back.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: olddude
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 08:57 PM

Paddy Fitzgerald had worked in a timber yard for five years and all that time he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent.

He told the priest. "Father, it's five years since my last confession, and I've been stealing wood from the timber yard all that time."

"I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?"

Fitzgerald said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the timber!"

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 09:20 PM

Give them to the man.

Reflect upon your blessings and "The Bishop's Candlesticks."

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Are you so cold? Are you so poor? Is your condition so wretched that you would trade places?

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Suegorgeous
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 09:36 PM

Jim - ummm, where is Custy's and what happened in it?

VT - I know, I had that same thought......*sigh*

Gargoyle - give them ALL to the man if he decides to take them? would you not have a limit?


Big Devil beastie beetle! I wanna see one now! never come across one in years of log-stacking/burning (though I'd probably run a mile like SOP's cats)