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Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 6

mousethief 14 Sep 10 - 01:08 AM
Georgiansilver 14 Sep 10 - 01:45 AM
mousethief 14 Sep 10 - 02:51 AM
Georgiansilver 14 Sep 10 - 04:23 AM
GUEST,Ceto 14 Sep 10 - 04:50 PM
Matthew Edwards 15 Sep 10 - 02:13 PM
mousethief 17 Sep 10 - 02:58 AM
Amos 17 Sep 10 - 10:54 AM
Matthew Edwards 17 Sep 10 - 12:17 PM
Amos 17 Sep 10 - 12:48 PM
McGrath of Harlow 17 Sep 10 - 08:14 PM
mousethief 17 Sep 10 - 11:07 PM
McGrath of Harlow 19 Sep 10 - 03:54 PM
Matthew Edwards 19 Sep 10 - 04:24 PM
McGrath of Harlow 21 Sep 10 - 01:32 PM
Nigel Parsons 21 Sep 10 - 02:03 PM
Amos 21 Sep 10 - 02:08 PM
Arthur_itus 21 Sep 10 - 02:42 PM
mousethief 24 Sep 10 - 10:29 PM
mousethief 24 Sep 10 - 10:57 PM
Trapper 27 Oct 10 - 11:07 AM
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Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 6
From: mousethief
Date: 14 Sep 10 - 01:08 AM

SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 6


Here we go with week 6 of Song Challenge! 2.0, brought to you by your friendly friends at Mousethief Manors. This week's story:

Pa. students shown X-rated photos in assembly

PITTSBURGH — Officials in a western Pennsylvania school district are apologizing after they say students at a local high school were accidentally shown pornographic pictures during a school assembly. More than 400 seniors at Norwin High School, about 25 miles east of Pittsburgh, were watching a presentation Friday on the importance of donating blood. School officials say "a few pornographic pictures" on a personal flash drive of a Central Blood Bank representative appeared on the screen.

The Central Blood Bank apologized and said the unnamed employee was suspended indefinitely. School officials apologized and said the police department and prosecutor were notified. A blood-donation presentation for the junior class was canceled.


Sadly they don't show us the photos so we can judge for ourselves whether we think they're really pornographic. We'll just have to take their word for it. But anyway, there it is! Can we write a funny song or two about this little mishap?


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 6
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 14 Sep 10 - 01:45 AM

All my senior mates and me, went in to assemb...ly.
Thinking we would see a film,bout givin' blood today.
Didn't know we'd also see, snapshots of pornography,
Would have seen some more if only I had had my way.

It was just a sad mistake, such a silly one to make,
By some guy who worked his day, down at the blood bank.

I couldn't finish this as I could not think of a last line that would rhyme with 'bank'.........


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 6
From: mousethief
Date: 14 Sep 10 - 02:51 AM

You're kidding, right? Teenage boys, pornography, rhymes with 'bank'?


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 6
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 14 Sep 10 - 04:23 AM

Of course I was kidding... that was the idea!!!! Did it make you laugh???? I guess it did.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 6
From: GUEST,Ceto
Date: 14 Sep 10 - 04:50 PM

The presenter tunes his guitar, presses a key on his notebook computer (connected to a beamer), and starts to sing towards the audience:

To common good conduces
who never fails to give
his body fluids and juices
that someone else may live!

It doesn't hurt (or little)
and it won't make you sick.
You'll be surprized, but it'll
take just a little prick!

The act is recommended
to all and everyone.
A few will feel offended,
but most will find it fun!

When done, you may feel weary,
exhausted by the chore,
but once you've grasped the theory,
you'll like it more and more!

For best re-alization
use our laborat'ry
with closest observation
and test for HIV!

Now if your zeal is ample,
and you come without fear,
you'll find for good example
your photos shown up h-

... uh, uh, sorry, wrong slide show. I'll start again ...


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 6
From: Matthew Edwards
Date: 15 Sep 10 - 02:13 PM

Another well crafted song from Ceto; well done!

Over here in the UK we understand that all American high schools are plagued with vampires; trying to encourage students to give blood could surely lead to unintended consequences. Much healthier to get them interested in normal teenage pursuits like (thinking about) sex!

While on the subject of mistakes here is this little effort:-

My Error, or; I Must Have Come Here By Mistake

You may think me a heartless old cynic,
For attending a Sperm Donor Clinic,
But being paid for a wank
Into the sperm bank,
Its like money for jam, well innit?
So I was ready in less than a minute,
When I made my way down to the clinic,
But I felt rather sick,
When Nurse said 'just a small prick',
For I'd come to the Blood Donor Clinic.

Matthew


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 6
From: mousethief
Date: 17 Sep 10 - 02:58 AM

And here are three well-deserved Silver BLOBs!
  • An abbreviated BLOB to Georgiansilver for the as-yet-unwritten line that rhymes with "bank"
  • A punniful BLOB to Ceto for the indisputable:
    but once you've grasped the theory,
    you'll like it more and more!
  • And an embarrassed BLOB to Matthew Edwards for the painfulky introspective:
    But I felt rather sick,
    When Nurse said 'just a small prick'
We hope to hear from more Challengees! about this most unfortunate yet unmistakeably educational experience!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 6
From: Amos
Date: 17 Sep 10 - 10:54 AM

This song is meant to be sung by Modern Campfire Girls, who were the sponsors of the original blood drive wherethis confusion occurred, less by accident than you might think. On their long weekend camping expeditions, the inner circle of said Campfire Girls pull up a log to the old camp fire in the moonlit pines, and clap their hands in cheerful rhythm while they sing:

CHO: There's more than one way to skin a cat,
Swing a bat or tip your hat!
There's more than one way to make sheets flat,
For a Mormon or a Druid!
There's more than one way to milk a cow,
Steer a dhow or drive a plow,
There's more than one way to donate now,
Your precious bodily fluids!

Some folks can't stand the sight of blood
THey reel at the thought of donation!
So for them we have another bank
A different door, and a different tank
Instead of doughnuts, you get a wank
And a different celebration!


There's more than one way to skin a cat,
Swing a bat or tip your hat!
There's more than one way to make sheets flat,
For a Mormon or a Druid!
There's more than one way to milk a cow,
Steer a dhow or drive a plow,
There's more than one way to donate now,
Your precious bodily fluids!

If you think you'd like to give us blood
We know just how to do ya!!
But men who fear the venous pin
We'll show you skin, and make you sin,
With a rubadub-dub in your private tub
ANd a glory, hallelujah!

CHO: There's more than one way to skin a cat,
Swing a bat or tip your hat!
There's more than one way to make sheets flat,
For a Mormon or a Druid!
There's more than one way to milk a cow,
Steer a dhow or drive a plow,
There's more than one way to donate now,
Your precious bodily fluids!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 6
From: Matthew Edwards
Date: 17 Sep 10 - 12:17 PM

I had wondered whether Amos was going to turn up here, but I gather he may have been delayed by some birthday related activities. So I'm pleased to dedicate the following verses as a belated birthday tribute to Mudcat's Premier Laureate.

An Exhortation to Improve Community Relationships and to Raise Civic Standards

You Seniors of Norwin High,
All gathered here before me;
I'm going to show you how and why,
Your blood is needed sorely.

Rise up! Rise up!
And with me say;
I'm going to save
A life today!


In hospitals the surgical ward
And field medevac stations;
Urgently all need your blood
For life-saving operations.

Rise up! Rise up!
And with me say;
I'm going to save
A life today!


So give your blood, don't stand alone,
Follow this next demonstration;
The life you save could be your own,
You will not need much persuasion.

Rise up! Rise up!
And with me say;
I'm going to save
A life today!


In your hands lies a gift today,
You hold the future therein;
So grasp it firmly while you may,
Do your civic duty for Norwin!

Rise up! Rise up!
And with me say;
I'm going to save make
A life today!


Matthew Edwards

I am sure that nobody who is pure in heart and thought could possibly find anything at all offensive in this.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 6
From: Amos
Date: 17 Sep 10 - 12:48 PM

Ah, Sir Matthew, a noble paean, a hymn genteel, both Subtile and Tender, while at the same time Fervente, and Arousing the Highest Passions of the Harte!!


A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 6
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 17 Sep 10 - 08:14 PM

I went to school and sat and stared,
And on the screen this stuff appeared,
That teacher, she's a real cuty,
I feel impelled to do my duty.

I didn't know that was how it's done,
Seems giving blood is lots of fun -
That film has surely helped me learn,
Now I just can't wait to have my turn.

So I took my turn and joined the queue,
"   We need more blood and it's up to you"
But though that nurse had ample charms
She just stuck a needle in my arms.

That film it took me for a ride,
I thought that I would find inside
Bare naked ladies playing around -
These adverts surely let you down.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 6
From: mousethief
Date: 17 Sep 10 - 11:07 PM

And three more Silver BLOBS for our homegrown balladeers!
  • A wink-wink-nudge-nudge Silver BLOB goes to Amos for the domestic-minded:
    There's more than one way to make sheets flat,
    For a Mormon or a Druid!
  • A civic-minded Silver BLOB goes to Matthew Edwards for the stirring:
    So grasp it firmly while you may,
    Do your civic duty for Norwin!
  • And a consolatory Silver BLOB goes to McGrath of Harlow for the sorrowful:
    These adverts surely let you down.
Way to go, Challengees! Keep it up, keep it up, the song drive needs a shot in the arm!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 6
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 19 Sep 10 - 03:54 PM

In Pittsburgh Pennsylvania,
Perhaps I should explain here,
This is not quite the kind of thing for which we are prepared

A foolish Blood Bank tutor,
Had porn on his computer
He showed it to the students, and the students sat and stared.

"No History Maths or Geography,
Today we had pornography
They sat us in the school hall, and they showed it on the screen."

The principal was frantic
At this unseemly antic,
"When I said let's come together" - that is not what I mean!

The Blood Bank has apologised
The prosecutor's notified,
The blood bank presentation for the Junior School's been scrubbed.

We've had some angry mailing
A teabag sent by Palin,
The White House has been on the phone with threats from high above.

Take heed from this debacle,
All you heads who wish to sparkle,
You would wish that it was only egg you had upon your face.

Technology's the traitor,
It will get you soon or later,
With chalk and with a blackboard this would not have taken place.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 6
From: Matthew Edwards
Date: 19 Sep 10 - 04:24 PM

@McGrath of Harlow. Five stars for that *****. Superb!!!!

Matthew


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 6
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 21 Sep 10 - 01:32 PM

"...The employee was suspended indefinitely pending an internal investigation...

Ouch!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 6
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 21 Sep 10 - 02:03 PM

Daddy died when I was young,
Mom raised me all alone
She said if I had carnal thoughts
My limbs would turn to stone.

While sitting in the lecture room
My cheeks were set to burning
That teacher surely sealed my doom.
I felt myself ... start turning.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 6
From: Amos
Date: 21 Sep 10 - 02:08 PM

LOL, Nigel!!!! Brief and, er, pointed!


A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 6
From: Arthur_itus
Date: 21 Sep 10 - 02:42 PM

The Central Blood Bank were here today
Asking for us to donate our blood their way
The man on the laptop who's name was Frank
Did a PowerPoint presentation about the Bank

Then up popped this picture a bit pornographic
Everybody screamed and started to panic
There was this man, I think it was Frank
With Sister Mary giving him a wank

Enough, enough, cried the headteacher in shock
I think weve seen enough of Frank and his cock


can't think of anymore


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 6
From: mousethief
Date: 24 Sep 10 - 10:29 PM

Okay a quick round of BLOBs here, then on to the Cow Chips.
  • A sniggery BLOB to McGrath of Harlow for the slightly naughty:
    "When I said let's come together" - that is not what I mean!
  • A scientific BLOB to Nigel Parsons for the observant:
    I felt myself ... start turning.
  • And finally a red-faced BLOB to Arthur_itis for the embarrassing:
    There was this man, I think it was Frank
    With Sister Mary giving him a wank
See you in a few!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 6
From: mousethief
Date: 24 Sep 10 - 10:57 PM

Cow Chip awards! Again I apologize for taking so long. This is my last weekend at The Fair and after that I should have a bit more energy.

The Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (for making the Judges fall on the floor laughing OR make them short out their keyboard with tears) is hereby awarded to:
  • Georgiansilver for "All my senior mates and me"
  • Matthew Edwards for "My Error, or; I Must Have Come Here By Mistake"
  • Matthew Edwards for "An Exhortation to Improve Community Relationships and to Raise Civic Standards"
  • McGrath of Harlow for "In Pittsburgh Pennsylvania"
  • Athur_itis for "The Central Blood Bank were here today"

The Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest (for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song) is hereby awarded to:
  • Amos for "There's more than one way to skin a cat"
  • McGrath of Harlow for "I went to school and sat and stared"

The Golden Cow Chip Award with Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (for evoking an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Judges and onto their monitor screen) is hereby awarded to:
  • Nigel Parsons for "Daddy died when I was young"

The Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster (for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song) is hereby awarded to:
  • Ceto for "To common good conduces"


Great going everybody! I see we've already got some great entries for SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 7 -- keep up the good work!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 6
From: Trapper
Date: 27 Oct 10 - 11:07 AM

A shorty...

- Al

NURSERY RHYME FOR A PERVERTED BLOOD DRIVE
Tune: Twinkle,Twinkle Little Star (A,B,C,D...) - Traditional
New Words: Trapper (Al Boyce)

A slide show we did watch at school
Where we learned the Golden Rule
First 'bout giving blood of mine
Then something called "Sixty Nine..."

The line to bleed held EVERYONE!
Who knew giving blood was fun?!


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